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Dealing With Emotional Pain

Jan 6, 2005
Metro-Vancouver, B.C., Canada
Dealing With Emotional Pain

By: Robert Najemy

(Hurt - Bitterness - Injustice - Abused – Pain)

We feel emotional pain when we do not get what we want, need, or expect. We might feel hurt, rejection, bitterness, abuse, injustice or simply emotional pain.

In such cases, we have not received the behavior or outcomes we expected or believed we deserved.

We feel this kind of feel pain in cases when * people * do not behave to us in the ways that we had expected as well as in situations where * life * does not give us what we feel we need or deserve.

We believe, "I cannot feel happy unless I get that which I believe I need."

We have associated our security, satisfaction, self-worth or freedom with something that we are not getting from persons, society, God, or life as a whole.

Some examples might be when:

1. Others lie to or deceive us.
2. They do not support us when we need them.
3. They reject or criticize us.
4. We fail at some task, which we feel that we should have succeeded at.
5. We loose a loved one.
6. Our loved one shows preference to another.
7. People important to us do not show us the respect we expect.
8. Others do harm to us or our loved ones.
9. We are accused of doing or saying something we did not do.
10. When are falsely suspected of having ulterior motives.
11. "Friends" gossip about us behind our backs.
12. We are not given the raise of promotion we believe we deserve at work.
13. Others do not keep their agreements with us.
14. We are robbed.
15. We lose our fortune in some way.

You can add many more situations in which we feel hurt because we have not received the respect, love, affection, loyalty, truth, kindness and justice that we were expecting.

*** Positive Alternatives to Feeling Hurt ***

Positive alternatives to feeling hurt, bitterness and injustice could be:

1. * We can have Faith * in divine wisdom and justice.

We are all in a process of evolution and nothing can happen to us, which is not exactly what we need in order to learn our next lesson. So rather than be overwhelmed by negative feelings, we can seek to discover what we can learn through this experience.

Our lessons usually have to do with discovering the strength, security and self-worth, which are within us. As souls in the process of evolution, we are constantly being directed to contact and bring to the surface our spiritual self.

This means realizing that we are whole within and can feel safe, worthy and fulfilled regardless of what is happening around us.

Thus, every event which might cause us to feel pain is also a great opportunity to contact our inner spiritual self and move on and beyond this pain.

2. We are the sole creators of our reality.

We as souls create our reality through:

a. Our past choices, thoughts, words and actions.
b. Our present conscious and subconscious beliefs, feelings and needs.
c. The lessons we have chosen to learn at this stage of our evolutionary process.
d. How we subjectively interpret what is happening.

Thus others are simply actors in the scenarios of our life the script of which we have written. We can create a happier reality by:

a. Transforming our conscious and subconscious beliefs.
b. Learning our life lessons.
c. Interpreting events in a different way – as opportunities for growth rather than as injustices.

3. Forgiving and forgetting the past.

In light of what we have said above, others are not responsible for our reality and thus can easily be forgiven. Such forgiveness frees us from negative feelings and allows us to transcend pain.

Thus we can overcome emotional pain by:

1. Realizing that every event is exactly what we need for our evolutionary process.
2. Learn the lessons involved.
3. Forgive others and ourselves.

( from the "The Psychology of Happiness" by Robert Najemy )


Mar 12, 2006
London Uk
Im 19 years of age, bhai ji, and my depression is sooo weird whenever i do get it..i feel so empty inside...as if there is a void that needs to be filled...

As with every teenager, i would admit that I have bad habbits...whether it be sexual, drinking etc... I am such a humble person, and i often become depressed...although i try my best to be good..i avoid my bad habbits, but once i go over the habbits, i feel so depressed, as if i have lost myself, and everything is over...i feel that i have messed up so badly...

It feels so dark...you think to yourself which thought is the rea lthought...what to think...there's to many to think about...whats going on...

Bhai ji... im not a amrit-sikh..i have short hair, and i am not very religious..but what makes me happy again...my family... and then, i go the place where i can be alone...and think silently with my eyes closed..

'god why have you made me liek this...why have you made me depressed, why does it always happen to me'

I will be trying that...and i have learnt...that just thankgod for everything... stay strong... dont stress too much...try doing something which you want to do...go to sleep..watch tv...play a game..do something you enjoy bhai ji...you'll be ok...it comes and goes...comes and goes...i know...it might be worse or less worse...but stay strong...listen to shabad for a while
Jan 6, 2005
Metro-Vancouver, B.C., Canada
SOURCE: Depression: You Don't Have to Feel This Way -- familydoctor.org

You Don't Have to Feel This Way -- familydoctor.org

Depression: You Don't Have to Feel This Way

What is depression?

When doctors talk about depression, they mean the medical illness called major depression. Someone with major depression has symptoms like those listed in the box below nearly every day, all day, for 2 weeks or longer.

If you're depressed, you may also have headaches, other aches and pains, digestive problems and problems with sex. An older person with depression may feel confused or have trouble understanding simple requests.


Symptoms of depression
  • No interest or pleasure in things you used to enjoy
  • Feeling sad or empty
  • Crying easily or crying for no reason
  • Feeling slowed down or feeling restless and unable to sit still
  • Feeling worthless or guilty
  • Weight gain or loss
  • Thoughts about death or suicide
  • Trouble thinking, recalling things or focusing on what you're doing
  • Trouble making everyday decisions
  • Problems sleeping, especially in the early morning, or wanting to sleep all of the time
  • Feeling tired all of the time
  • Feeling numb emotionally, perhaps even to the point of not being able to cry

What causes depression?

Depression seems to be related to a chemical imbalance in the brain that makes it hard for the cells to communicate with one another. Depression also seems to be genetic (to run in families).

Depression can be linked to events in your life, such as the death of someone you love, a divorce or job loss. Taking certain medicines, abusing drugs or alcohol, or having other illnesses can also lead to depression. Depression isn't caused by personal weakness, laziness or lack of willpower.

How is depression diagnosed?

If you're having symptoms of depression, be sure to tell your doctor so you can get help. Don't expect your doctor to be able to guess that you're depressed just by looking at you. The sooner you seek treatment, the sooner the depression will lift.

Once you tell your doctor how you're feeling, he or she may ask you some questions about your symptoms, about your health and about your family history of health problems. Your doctor may also give you a physical exam and do some tests.

How is depression treated?

Depression can be treated with medicines, or a special type of counseling called psychotherapy, or with both.

What about medicines?

Many medicines can be used to treat depression. These medicines are called antidepressants. They correct the chemical imbalance in the brain that causes depression.

Antidepressants work differently for different people. They also have different side effects. So, even if one medicine bothers you or doesn't work for you, another may help. You may notice improvement as soon as 1 week after you start taking the medicine. But you probably won't see the full effects for about 6 to 8 weeks. You may have side effects at first but they tend to lessen after a couple of weeks.

How long will I need medicine?

How long you'll need to take the medicine depends on your depression. Your doctor may want you to take medicine for 4 to 6 months or longer. You need to take the medicine long enough to reduce the chance that the depression will come back. Talk with your doctor about any questions you have about your medicine

What is psychotherapy?

In psychotherapy, you talk with your family doctor, a psychiatrist or a therapist about things that are going on in your life. The focus may be on your thoughts and beliefs or on your relationships. Or the focus may be on your behavior, how it's affecting you and what you can do differently. Psychotherapy often lasts for a limited time, such as 8 to 20 visits.

Will I need to go to the hospital?

Depression can usually be treated through visits to your doctor. Treatment in the hospital may be needed if you have other medical conditions that could affect your treatment or if you're at high risk of suicide.

How long will the depression last?

This depends on how soon you get help. Left untreated, depression can last for weeks, months or even years. The main risk in not getting treatment is suicide. Treatment can help depression lift in 6 to 8 weeks, or less.


Getting through depression
  • Pace yourself. Don't expect to do everything you normally can. Set a realistic schedule.
  • Don't believe all of your negative thinking, such as blaming yourself or expecting to fail. This thinking is part of depression. These thoughts will go away as your depression lifts.
  • Get involved in activities that make you feel good or feel like you've achieved something.
  • Avoid making big life decisions when you're depressed. If you must make a big decision, ask someone you trust to help you.
  • Avoid drugs and alcohol. Both make depression worse. Both can cause dangerous side effects with your antidepressants.
  • Physical activity seems to cause a chemical reaction in the body that may improve your mood. Exercising 4 to 6 times a week for at least 30 minutes each time is a good goal. But even less activity can be helpful.
  • Try not to get discouraged. It will take time for your depression to lift fully.


People with depression sometimes think about suicide. This thinking is part of the depression. If you have thoughts about hurting yourself, tell your doctor, friends or family, or call your local suicide hot line, such as the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255.

Get help right away. The good news is that there are people who can help you, and depression can be treated.


Reasons to get help for depression
  • Early treatment helps keep depression from getting worse or lasting a long time.
  • Thoughts of suicide are common in people with depression. The risk of suicide is higher if you don't get treatment for your depression. When depression is successfully treated, the thoughts of suicide will go away.
  • Treatment can help you return to your "normal" self, enjoying life.
  • Treatment can help prevent depression from coming back.

In light of the above, I highly recommend and urge both of you to seek professional help - please consult your family physican.

Additionly remember Sikh Way = SEVA + SIMRAN + SANGAT !

Harbhajan S. Sangha

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