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Cutting My Hair?

dalsingh

SPNer
Jun 12, 2006
1,064
233
London
I thought you'd went to the Bahai faith on us. Must be my mistake. Glad your still around.

BTW I agree that too much Panjabi culture is often tied to Sikhi. As a Panjabi, I look forward to the time that non Panjabis contribute to the movement.

Fateh
 
Feb 14, 2006
512
31
So much suffering that makes absolutely no sense that religions identify as a "karma" and other nonsense. "Previous life". I never had the guts to tell a 3 year old kid that he is suffering from cancer because of something he did in his past life.
Would it be your place to tell a 3 year old suffering from cancer that it's some fault of his from past life? How does the innappropriateness of this analogy invalidate the reality of karma and past lives? It would be a cruelty to say such things to a child. But the reality may be different from human notions of cruelty. Perhaps, there really is truth that hidden causes bring about particular events, not for destruction, but for the advancement of the soul. How can a child suffering from cancer be an advancement? Well, for one thing, it teaches the atma, that dying doesn't extinguish who you are. And because life is inherently filled with suffering scenarios, it does cause people to want to find ways to be free.

Let's look for a moment at circumstantial evidence, because theres a lot of it.

image004.gif

Jeffrey Keene, a Fire Chief was visiting a Civil War memorial Park when he had the sudden memory of fighting in a war there. He even remembered the exact phrase he used. Later, he found a booklet about the battle fought in the park during the Civil War. General General John B. Gordon had uttered the exact phrase he had used. And something else....they even looked like twins.

photos1.htm_txt_Patton.gif
photos1.htm_txt_Hannibal.gif


Patton often claimed to behold visions of his ancestors. He was a staunch believer in reincarnation, and anecdotal evidence indicates that he held himself to be the reincarnation of the Carthaginian general Hannibal, or a Roman legionnaire, or a Napoleonic field marshal, etc.

George S. Patton - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
Some of the greatest research was conducted by a medical doctor named Ian Stevenson. He spent decades carefully collecting evidence, thousands of cases all over the world, on reincarnation. Some of his most interesting work was on birth marks on children which corresponded to death injuries and other traumatic identifiers of the deceased personalities who the children claimed to be.

Dr. Ian Stevenson -- Birthmarks and Birth Defects



Another doctor who has had remarkable cures using past-life hypnotic regression is psychiatrist Dr. Brian Weiss. While scientific proof of reincarnation remains elusive, the cures are another interesting anecdote in the reincarnation research field. His first exposure to past lives came from his own hypnotized patients. At first he dismissed it all as delusional mumbo jumbo until one day he was confronted by facts. A hypnotized patient told him about his 3 week old son who had died in infancy many years before. She described his rare birth defect and medical condition and said he was an advanced soul who had agreed to be born in these conditions in order to reach the heart of his father, and change his life for the betterment of his patients. There was no possible way she could have this knowledge.
Much to his surprise, Weiss's work has been taken seriously by many in the medical community. Shortly after his first book was published, the former president of the Dade County Psychological Association said: "Those of us who do hypnosis are not all that shocked by Dr Weiss's book. Many have had patients who have gone back to something-I'm not prepared to say it was a previous life. I think we are very interested and very afraid to talk about it…"

Weiss says his work on past life therapy has helped not only his patients and readers, it has also helped him. It has led him to explore a great body of knowledge, and to look inward as well. The following has been excerpted from Nina Diamond's Voices of Truth-Conversations with Scientists, Thinkers and Healers. [FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]Are we just vessels that hold the soul? [/FONT]

[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]Dr Brian Weiss: Yes, exactly. We are vessels, and we contain this eternal and immortal, much more knowledgeable part of ourselves. Now, probably as you get more mystical you find out that these souls, as well as the bodies, are connected to everyone else's, because really everything is of the same substance...[/FONT]
[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]Physicists are now researching how one subatomic particle/wave in one location senses instantaneously what's happening to another one. Is it similar to psychic phenomena?[/FONT]

[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]Yes, and physicists have proof that these particles exist, that they travel at the speed of light, and time is relative, and can stop. It's just that we have difficulty in letting go (of our old concepts). [/FONT]

[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]If I told you that you're really, physically, a mass of electrons, protons and neutrons and energy, and wave/particle phenomena, you would say, "but I'm solid", and I would say, "yes, but that's not really true, because at a deeper level you're energy". [/FONT]

[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]Brian Weiss Speaks On Past-Life Therapy[/FONT]
 

skeptik

SPNer
Sep 6, 2006
81
1
Some great posts here. I forgot to thank you who took your time to reply. Thanks. As as update, the more things change, the more they stay the same. If I didnt care what others thought, it would be much simpler -- but alas what I do reflects on my loved ones. In the meantime, I've had to deal with the heartbreak of finding that my younger brother has cut his hair -- that leaves just this one unlikely Singh amongst us "kids." I look at my brothers and cousins and envy them for having such normal lives.

Why oh why did I choose this life? How could I have been short sighted? Why did grown men and women encourage me to pick this path when I was so naive and unfit to make such a choice? It was all me -- but all along I craved their love. I had looked around and realised that so few of us cared about Sikhi -- what would happen tomorrow when we in turn had children? I had seen it as my duty to carry that flame forward. Was I the right person for the role? I had plenty of heart but heart is not enough.

I wake up and feel like a failure -- I wanted to live up to this great ideal and I've fallen so short. Part of wanting to cut my hair and giving it all up is because I feel that i do not do justice to the Sikh myth. I had thought that in this day and age, I could live a different way -- be special the way you imagine the Sikhs from yesterday. God I wish I had pulled it off, but what if you can't? What if you're just plain ordinary and you're struggling with just getting by? I have too much respect for the Sikh ideal -- and do not feel worthy. Humbleness is fine, but ordinariness is not. Not to me.

I will go to sleep tonight and think, What if? Maybe tomorrow everything will be ok, and I will have thought it a mistake to ever doubt this thing. In the meantime I struggle to attain even a fraction of the promise I had shown in my youth.
 

dalsingh

SPNer
Jun 12, 2006
1,064
233
London
Skeptic

Life will have its ups and downs. We will never know if we are in the mould of our great forefathers unless we are facing extinction and trials they did. This we ALL share.

You talk of the promise of your youth, you still have a full life ahead of you to achieve it. These are your trials now, that will forge and strengthen you.

There is no Sikh myth, our ancestors were great in their ambitions and fortitude against all odds. They broke moulds that plagued India and the skulls of the cruellest adversaries and made history without knowing it. It is we who are in amazement of their achievements.

We all face turbulent times, even when they stem from within and are not the result of external forces. Any decision you make should be made in equipoise not when in emotional turbulence. Wait and see....I think you know that.
 

kds1980

SPNer
Apr 3, 2005
4,502
2,743
44
INDIA
I've had to deal with the heartbreak of finding that my younger brother has cut his hair -- that leaves just this one unlikely Singh amongst us "kids." I look at my brothers and cousins and envy them for having such normal lives.

skeptik If you are envy of people who cut their hair then its better if you also cut your hair
Nowhere in sikhism guru told us that we should keep hair and cry for rest of lives for being abnormal.
 

Sherab

SPNer
Mar 26, 2007
441
20
USA
Some great posts here. I forgot to thank you who took your time to reply. Thanks. As as update, the more things change, the more they stay the same. If I didnt care what others thought, it would be much simpler -- but alas what I do reflects on my loved ones. In the meantime, I've had to deal with the heartbreak of finding that my younger brother has cut his hair -- that leaves just this one unlikely Singh amongst us "kids." I look at my brothers and cousins and envy them for having such normal lives.

Why oh why did I choose this life? How could I have been short sighted? Why did grown men and women encourage me to pick this path when I was so naive and unfit to make such a choice? It was all me -- but all along I craved their love. I had looked around and realised that so few of us cared about Sikhi -- what would happen tomorrow when we in turn had children? I had seen it as my duty to carry that flame forward. Was I the right person for the role? I had plenty of heart but heart is not enough.

I wake up and feel like a failure -- I wanted to live up to this great ideal and I've fallen so short. Part of wanting to cut my hair and giving it all up is because I feel that i do not do justice to the Sikh myth. I had thought that in this day and age, I could live a different way -- be special the way you imagine the Sikhs from yesterday. God I wish I had pulled it off, but what if you can't? What if you're just plain ordinary and you're struggling with just getting by? I have too much respect for the Sikh ideal -- and do not feel worthy. Humbleness is fine, but ordinariness is not. Not to me.

I will go to sleep tonight and think, What if? Maybe tomorrow everything will be ok, and I will have thought it a mistake to ever doubt this thing. In the meantime I struggle to attain even a fraction of the promise I had shown in my youth.
I turned out just like you, but as a Buddhist.

Now I am Sikh.

I gave up as a Buddhist, and I WAS a failure.

But now i have learned from my mistakes... Time to move forward...
 

skeptik

SPNer
Sep 6, 2006
81
1
Life will have its ups and downs. We will never know if we are in the mould of our great forefathers unless we are facing extinction and trials they did. This we ALL share.

Indeed. I would like to correct a mistake. I do not wish to lend credence to the notion that Singhs are unjustly discriminated against in the working world. This might be true for some people -- but I would be lying if I claimed it is true for me. If anything, being a Singh has opened doors for me, or at least kept them open once i've turned the door knob.

You talk of the promise of your youth, you still have a full life ahead of you to achieve it. These are your trials now, that will forge and strengthen you.
Perhaps you are right.

There is no Sikh myth, our ancestors were great in their ambitions and fortitude against all odds. They broke moulds that plagued India and the skulls of the cruellest adversaries and made history without knowing it. It is we who are in amazement of their achievements.
I did not mean myth as a pejorative. It doesn't have to have negative connotations. It was all real.

We all face turbulent times, even when they stem from within and are not the result of external forces. Any decision you make should be made in equipoise not when in emotional turbulence. Wait and see....I think you know that.
I am glad I waited -- for after all that unhappiness things have brightened up for me. Thanks dalsingh and the others who posted on the first page of this discussion.
 

clarkejoey

SPNer
Oct 3, 2007
83
2
61
Belize City, Belize
As a person who is no longer young – except in cosmic terms – I can imagine the agony of senior Sikhs as they watch younger ones casually tossing away their sacred ID… and as someone who still remembers being young, I can understand the yearning to feel that one is not singled out from ones peers… yearning to fit in.

It is sometimes easier for a convert (like myself) to keep traditions than it is for one born in a given tradition. The reason is simply this: if you’re born to it, you probably take it for granted.

I, for instance, used to take it for granted that I eat fish on a Friday, fast during Lent, receive Eucharist etc, etc… it was only in my adulthood I came to understand that people died so I could enjoy those privileges. Others suffered the insults of their neighbours. Many were tortured in ways we can barely imagine.

Similarly, I am sure it is easier to see 5k’s as a burden when you know nothing else, and perhaps have not considered what they are really worth. The lives of the martyrs, the struggles against the Mughals, even the events at Amritsar in 1984. And then there’s the idea of "privilege".

To me, my hair (when it’s grown out) and my distinct garb (when I earn the right to wear it) will be a privilege to me, something I will have to earn. So when I look at kara I will remember what I had to do to be worthy of it… I’ll remember these bareheaded months, and (hopefully) the effort and prayer – and Guru’s Grace – that will have carried me forward.

I suspect, reading these posts, that when they see kara, some young Sikhs remember Ma enforcing obedience, or Papa being conventional. In the face of peer pressure, those memories won’t help the young Sikh to keep tradition against friends’ acceptance. I wish I had some advice for traditional Sikhs sad at the way things are going, something to say to the young Sikh who considers a haircut – or his/her parents.

All I can really say is: “Look at me!”

I am planning to defy my 2.9 million neighbours – who are famous for resisting new things – to challenge my personal friends, put myself at professional risk, and open myself to all kinds of abuse, just so I can be a member of your society. I have no idea if all this big talk will take me anywhere, or if I’ll crumple under the pressure.

But I am going for it. I want it. The holy hair, the turban… these are goals I mean to work for. I see these things as sacred, holy objectives worthy of my full attention, and any sacrifice. I am neither insane nor romantic; I am not a zealot nor an obsessive, neither stupid nor irrational (most of the time, ;)).

If and when I earn the privilege to be fully among you, perhaps I’ll have more to say!
 

Neet84

SPNer
Jun 16, 2007
10
0
Skeptic
We all have times when we question our commitment to faith and whether we are living the ideals as we should be. Although I guess I'm in no position to be giving advice as I am a shajdheri but was until fairly recently a keshadhari (things changed a bit at uni). Although I have and do cut my hair I can only describe my visits to the hairdresser as a mixture of feelings; vanity yes but also guilt and almost a sense of shame. Think long and hard before making any rash decisions based on peer-pressure or the need for acceptance from others. It's a lot harder to get yourself out of the cycle once you start.

On the whole girl thing, me and a couple of friends were talking about this recently and came to the conclusion that attraction (for girls at least) is so much more than physical appearence. I have heard so many stories along the line of "when I saw him I thought he ok, but when I start talking to him I became more attracted to him". Why? Well charisma and confidence are always a winner plus team that with being able to have an intelligent conversation. However I don't mean to say that by being a proper Sikh you comprise on the girl-front. As I think there is a common misperception that girls don't like Sardars Many of my friends on nights out, even the Hindu and Muslim ones, will comment on how good-lucking some of them are. You just got to be comfortable in your own skin; stop trying to be the same and be proud that your different from the regular Joe.

Kudos for such a honest post. Hope it all goes well for you.

Neet
 
Mar 27, 2007
25
0
The world is illusion, entrenched in Maya. So intructs our guru, Guru Granth Sahib Ji.

Although I am nowhere near comprehending the meaning of these words (I am striving hard), I will offer my opinion and story on the subject.

Through the confluence of many events in my life, a few months ago, I cut my hair. Part of it came from this society we live in, part of it came from my depths of doubt, part from my supposed need to further my spirituality (I have many similarities with your story). I had taken on the atheist path because my reverence for God was returning to me in the form of a society that rejected me and partook in the very actions which I refrained. So what was religion doing for me?

Only too late did i discover the answer to that question. Even when all the people around me looked down on me or disregarded me, God shared his love with me. By walking on his path, living by his will, I am not separating myself from society, but I am showing my appreciation for God's love, thus in return I am offering him my love. The doubt in my life came from the period when I stopped opening myself to God's love. I had forgotten what faith means (I am still struggling to bring this back) thus I had become very cynical.

So in the end, I guess what I am trying to say is that often, some of us, who are born into a religion are not able to truly grasp what we have. I wasn't able to until I cut my hair (Yes, I am going to grow my kesh, and proudly wear a turban in the future some day). We often get lost in this society. But think of it this way. Forty years down the road, you might not even have the friends you have now. But you will still have that one friend who has always been there with you, God.

You are a spiritual person, or you wouldn't have such a tough time with the issues you face. Have faith in God (yea, i know it sounds easy when i say it), and you will meet a woman just as spiritual as you. Or, maybe, you yourself are looking towards the women who do not have spirituality as you do? And secondly ask yourself, is a women who judges you by your appearance really a fitting partner ( marriage i have read is supposed to be a spiritual partnership- M. Scott Peck)?

Remember, youth does not last long and most of us young do not see this.

Sorry for the incoherency of the thoughts I have written. Its kind of late and my brain is a bit fried. But my message is that: your situation, as you first said, is not unique. I am sure there are many other people like us. Keep you kesh. Do not forget the one friend, God, who will be with you always. In his remembrance keep your sikhi saroop. The rest is just minute details.
 
Mar 27, 2007
25
0
Oh and Clarkejoey, power to you, my brother. I feel I find myself in the same position as you and wish you the strength to fulfill your objective.
 

JustMEAgain

SPNer
Sep 27, 2007
2
1
Feteh to the origional poster...........aaaaaaaw veer jee i proper feel for u...........im not gonna make this too long............but the world u see all around does an excellent job in making us feel, accepted, wanted and seduces us into a false sense of security until the enevitable time comes where we have to depart from this world............the crisp clean images, the socialising, the people, the family, everything remains here veer.............

We a person comes into sikhia nd wishes to follow the path of the double edge sword..............there are tests, tests of courage, strength, endurance, and self acceptace............too truly find the inner peace and TRUE happiness and contentment we all crave ones must be tested time and time..................we doubt and question and argue wot we know is right but it is a phase we all go through...............veer G isincerly hope u find ur way and ur eyes open to what a beatiful gift God has placed in ur soul.....

Gur Rakha
 

prabhsmart

SPNer
Jan 22, 2009
53
62
Mumbai
yes i agree its difficult to lead a different life, but if u remeber Guru Gobind Singhji's life, he lost his father in childhood, his mother, childrens and many singhs, just for one cause.

U have to find that cause, no one will tell u that.
U have to reason with urself, no one will tell u that.
U have to make a decision, no one can make it for u.
But understand one thing, ur descision will affect 'n' number of individuals who can easily get miss guided.

If i cut my hairs today, for once forget about my promise to Guruji and my parents, but all those brothers and sisters to who i used to give lectures about sikhee will follow me, they will do the same. sometimes if i see my cousins who have shaved, even i feel like becoming that but one thing that comes to my mind is that like them i have to tell evry one - i am a sikh, was born as sikh. but today they see me and knows who am I.

Waheguruji ka khalsa, Waheguruji Ki Fateh.
 

Malvinder

SPNer
Apr 20, 2009
2
2
I usually read rather than post but this is an honest and articulate post and i really can appreciate what you have experienced.

Growing up i went through similar tings, trying to fit in and not being the one standing out of a crowd. London in the 80's was tough, not like it is now.

I think the thing is finding what makes you happy, its not easy keeping a turban and beard and feeling like you fit in. I had similar thoughts of cutting my hair and trimming my beard but if i'm to be honest i just toughed it out and it became normal to me normal to everyone i met and came in contact with. Its hard to do this especially in today's society but i feel it can be done. In my family everyone else has eiter trimmd beard or one person has cut their hair fully...i sort of stand out but i like it. I am married, i met soem girls before that wanted a guy that trimmed their beard so i moved on and figured that shouldnt stop me or make me question myself. My wife now is happy with the way i am, she cuts her hair, more so out of habit than anything else if i'm honest, but overall the fact that i wore or a turban or didnt trim my beard wasn't a problem, because i remmeber she telling me once that more ad more guys are NOT trimming their beards and that she didnt want to stereo type anyone (i think stereotype is a big thing, if you see a proper singh, as opposed to a a singh who trims his beard to cuts his hair then there is an automatic stereotype, but that is far from the truth, everyone is different, i'm not as religious as i'd like to be but i look the way i am because of identity)

Anyway just my two pence worth...dont doubt yourself and be true to what you are comfortable with, but nothing is that hard that it can't be achieved....just be happy in what you do.

Cheers
 

Randip Singh

Writer
Historian
SPNer
May 25, 2005
2,935
2,950
56
United Kingdom
Ok I agree pretty much with all the comments:

If you do want to cut your hair

1) Don't do it for the opposite sex.
2)Don't do it for popularity
3)Don't do it for to fit in
4)Don't do it because you face discrimination

If you are going to do it then do it because you feel genuinely that you do not need to keep long hair and a beard. I know many good Sikhs who do not drink or smoke and are cut haired, but they either had cut hair from birth of had cut their hair because they did not view it as essential for their belief in Sikhism (let's not argue about this point).

Either way I can respect this last bit, but not the former.

Cutting your beard is just as bad as cutting hair in my view.
 

kawalnain

SPNer
Mar 27, 2009
1
1
ok....... first of alllllll...... v don accept r religion to be sumthin in d eyes of others.......acceptin religion means ...1.reading gurbani.
2. doin simran 3. khalsa image as an amritdhari sikh 4. fight against wrong and at last bt nt the least kirat kamai.. for ur bread n livin...... nw d question arises wt do v get by doin all this.... we get peace of mind... n v r being washed off of wrong deeds.. due to which v mite save r selves frm 84lakh june n rebirth cycle.......
secondly.. cumin to ur point... plz be proud of urself n ur religion.... going for intertviews with long beards is just amazing... wats wrong in it.... v r more cleaner den clean shaved coz v accept everythin god has given to us.... i am an architect ... working with architectural firm in chandigarh.... n i tie keski...... i go for presentations in front of chief ministers at times.... n i don sit back n hide my face coz m a sikh lady with keski...... i confidently stand in front of dem for presentations... coz i am proud to be a sikh.... bein an architect is secondary thing for me coz i ll leave all my architecture here in dis world after death... bt will surely take naam simran with me.. ................. n plz don demoralize urself.... don run behind others... make dem run after u....
thank u
 
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