- Jan 31, 2011
- 5,769
- 8,194
- 54
I have decided in the spirit of all or nothingness, of which I am quite fond of, to kill my lust monster completely, although I cannot do this completely in thought, and to do so would be pointless and time consuming, I can certainly do it in action.
I informed my wife that my interaction with her would be non lustful for a while, she had a look that was a mixture of relief and worry, we lay in bed with all the animals just talking, I explained that I felt the whole lust issue had shaken me up so much that I realised I had nothing to fall back on, or certainly very little, and I needed to spread myself around a bit more and not be as concentrated in one area, she agreed, but still looked worried, after a while the following analogy emerged.
If our life was a slice of bread, and my focus was the butter, then I had deposited a huge gloop of butter in the corner of my slice of bread, spread a little here and there, but predominantly in the corner. Over the course of the last uhmm <counting fingers> 30 years, this big gloop of butter has sat there, saturating the bread, so the solution as I saw it, was to spread that gloop everywhere on the slice of bread, apart from the corner that was saturated, and wait till the corner dried out, before even thinking of spreading anything there.
In real terms, I suppose my life of work, sleep, food and lust, (yes it is that shallow), with a minor interaction with the dogs, my parents, my stepson, my brother, and even non lustful interaction with my wife exists, but at a minimum, is about to come to an end, and to be honest, I feel a huge sense of relief, like I have been on a treadmill, like a mouse, obviously not a dead mouse, but then I don't make a habit of keeping pets that eat each other in adjoining cages
I am working harder, showing more interest in my family, feeling less stressed, and anytime I feel lustful, I just think of my old big blue Range Rover.
Now why would Creator gift me this thief, if it were not for a purpose, and why would I seek to control it after letting it run wild for near on 30 years, well I say run wild, certainly since I have been married, it has not run wild, it has run, but within confines of marriage, but I always thought it was part of me, that I would not be the same without it, I am finding I am better, more free, I am starting to cringe at the importance I gave it,
So with the absence of lust, and with no huge desire to feel it take control of me again, how do I use lust to work for me, that is a question I will dwell on, I have certainly noticed I am slightly more irritated than normal, and I do not have as much time for people as I did have, but I put that down to the lust behaving as a reward for doing all the things I did not want to do, having said sometimes I can spend all day getting bogged down in things for people round the shop, getting bread for the butcher, fixing the travel agents phone, talking to customers who have heart conditions and trying to reassure them, I don't mind, but sometimes when its busy, you really feel like locking the door, but it must be better to do things out of love, rather than reward, so my first theory of using the thieves as a carrot , I think is misplaced.
Funny really, a month ago, a real man was someone who succumbed to lust and enjoyed it, now a real man is someone that is not owned by lust, and is aware of everything that is going on around him, let me just check that corner, uhmm, no, still saturated, its going to be a while till I can spread some butter on that corner I think
I informed my wife that my interaction with her would be non lustful for a while, she had a look that was a mixture of relief and worry, we lay in bed with all the animals just talking, I explained that I felt the whole lust issue had shaken me up so much that I realised I had nothing to fall back on, or certainly very little, and I needed to spread myself around a bit more and not be as concentrated in one area, she agreed, but still looked worried, after a while the following analogy emerged.
If our life was a slice of bread, and my focus was the butter, then I had deposited a huge gloop of butter in the corner of my slice of bread, spread a little here and there, but predominantly in the corner. Over the course of the last uhmm <counting fingers> 30 years, this big gloop of butter has sat there, saturating the bread, so the solution as I saw it, was to spread that gloop everywhere on the slice of bread, apart from the corner that was saturated, and wait till the corner dried out, before even thinking of spreading anything there.
In real terms, I suppose my life of work, sleep, food and lust, (yes it is that shallow), with a minor interaction with the dogs, my parents, my stepson, my brother, and even non lustful interaction with my wife exists, but at a minimum, is about to come to an end, and to be honest, I feel a huge sense of relief, like I have been on a treadmill, like a mouse, obviously not a dead mouse, but then I don't make a habit of keeping pets that eat each other in adjoining cages
I am working harder, showing more interest in my family, feeling less stressed, and anytime I feel lustful, I just think of my old big blue Range Rover.
Now why would Creator gift me this thief, if it were not for a purpose, and why would I seek to control it after letting it run wild for near on 30 years, well I say run wild, certainly since I have been married, it has not run wild, it has run, but within confines of marriage, but I always thought it was part of me, that I would not be the same without it, I am finding I am better, more free, I am starting to cringe at the importance I gave it,
So with the absence of lust, and with no huge desire to feel it take control of me again, how do I use lust to work for me, that is a question I will dwell on, I have certainly noticed I am slightly more irritated than normal, and I do not have as much time for people as I did have, but I put that down to the lust behaving as a reward for doing all the things I did not want to do, having said sometimes I can spend all day getting bogged down in things for people round the shop, getting bread for the butcher, fixing the travel agents phone, talking to customers who have heart conditions and trying to reassure them, I don't mind, but sometimes when its busy, you really feel like locking the door, but it must be better to do things out of love, rather than reward, so my first theory of using the thieves as a carrot , I think is misplaced.
Funny really, a month ago, a real man was someone who succumbed to lust and enjoyed it, now a real man is someone that is not owned by lust, and is aware of everything that is going on around him, let me just check that corner, uhmm, no, still saturated, its going to be a while till I can spread some butter on that corner I think
