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Anand Karaj Ceremony For Non-Sikhs?

NavKaur

SPNer
Jun 18, 2014
10
20
Hello everyone!

I wanted to ask this question as there is an intermarriage marriage coming up in our family. I don't know why, but somehow I feel it is not right for Non-Sikhs to get married with the Anand Karaj ceremony.

Guru Ram Das Ji Maharaj made the wedding hymns so unique, I believe using these in his own wedding ceremony (please correct me if I am wrong.) Not only that, but unlike other ceremonies where a couple comes in front of God to proclaim each other married, the Sikh Lavan go way beyond that. It is about a couple coming together to meet God, to commit to connecting to God, to commit to following the path of Sikhi.

It's so beautiful to read the Lavan, like a bride waiting for her groom, the Sikh Lavan is about two people whose soul has come together as a bride, marrying (spirtually) to the one True God through the blessings of the Guru.

It is so sad that many of our youth do not take the time to read the Lavan before getting married, and may tell someone "oh it's just us becoming husband and wife in front of God" when in actuality that is not what it is. I love reading the Wedding Lavan.

Would it not then be deceit to pass off the wedding Lavan to a non-Sikh partner as just simply "coming together in front of God as man and wife." Even the circling of the Sri Guru Granth Sahib Ji Maharaj is such a profound act, it is done because Guru is Bani and Bani is Guru, AND CORRECT ME IF I AM WRONG, but do we not by circling also seek the blessings of Guruji? (Gurprasaad?)

If someone is not Sikh, and we allow them to remain willfully ignorant of what our Wedding Lavan are saying, is that not wrong? Especially if they don't plan to ever be Sikh. eg. my friend who is Catholic told me that at many Catholic ceremonies there is a part in the ceremony in which you agree to raise your kids as Catholic, would it not be wrong to just keep someone in the dark about that.

Would not doing Sukhman Sahib da Paat and having a random reading of Shabd (Hukamnaama) not be enough?

PLEASE excuse if I have used poor Gurmukhi as I am learning.

Bhul Chuk Maaf.

Please your thoughts.
 

NavKaur

SPNer
Jun 18, 2014
10
20
ALSO please understand that I am speaking about keeping non-sikhs in the dark about what the ceremony says, not necessarily not getting married altogether. I am still this and that way on the issue and would love your opinion
 

aristotle

SPNer
May 11, 2010
1,156
2,649
Ancient Greece
ALSO please understand that I am speaking about keeping non-sikhs in the dark about what the ceremony says, not necessarily not getting married altogether. I am still this and that way on the issue and would love your opinion
The issue of a Sikh marrying with a Non Sikh through a secular marriage ceremony or Court marriage is a separate issue, but what I feel is even if one of the partners does not believe in the authority of Guru Granth Sahib, the Anand Karaj ceremony becomes pointless in that case. That most people make this an ego-issue is unfortunate.

Would not doing Sukhman Sahib da Paat and having a random reading of Shabd (Hukamnaama) not be enough?
Well, whatever portion of the Gurbani be recited, Laavan or the Sukhmani Sahib, what difference does it make, unless the person listrening it does not believe in the teachings Guru Granth Sahib, if at all he/she understands what the Gurbani says. I mean, there is no discrimination on basis of belief in Gurbani, but once a person is including Guru Granth Sahib's presence in a personal ceremony like Anand Karaj, it should imply that they are willing to conduct their living according to the teachings of Guru Granth Sahib from then on, otherwise doesn't it become a meaningless ritual entirely? :interestedmunda:
 

NavKaur

SPNer
Jun 18, 2014
10
20
The issue of a Sikh marrying with a Non Sikh through a secular marriage ceremony or Court marriage is a separate issue, but what I feel is even if one of the partners does not believe in the authority of Guru Granth Sahib, the Anand Karaj ceremony becomes pointless in that case. That most people make this an ego-issue is unfortunate.



Well, whatever portion of the Gurbani be recited, Laavan or the Sukhmani Sahib, what difference does it make, unless the person listrening it does not believe in the teachings Guru Granth Sahib, if at all he/she understands what the Gurbani says. I mean, there is no discrimination on basis of belief in Gurbani, but once a person is including Guru Granth Sahib's presence in a personal ceremony like Anand Karaj, it should imply that they are willing to conduct their living according to the teachings of Guru Granth Sahib from then on, otherwise doesn't it become a meaningless ritual entirely? :interestedmunda:
I agree with you brother Aristotle! I should clarify I meant the Sikh partner for his/her family (not necessarily with their non sikh partner or partners family even there) can get Sukhmani Sahib done at Gurdwara to listen to and receive blessing of the Shabd, taking in to account that we should all study Shabd in order to connect and understand Gurbani. It's why is there a need to legitimize it with Anand Karaj and making a non-sikh partner make that commitment when not Sikh. There needs to be education from our community to youth about what Anand Karaj means. And realize that just to fulfil our own dikhava to other sikhs and doing Anand Karaj is not good, it's using Gurbani for a show. Don't know if I made sense.
 

Abneet

SPNer
Apr 8, 2013
281
312
I agree with you brother Aristotle! I should clarify I meant the Sikh partner for his/her family (not necessarily with their non sikh partner or partners family even there) can get Sukhmani Sahib done at Gurdwara to listen to and receive blessing of the Shabd, taking in to account that we should all study Shabd in order to connect and understand Gurbani. It's why is there a need to legitimize it with Anand Karaj and making a non-sikh partner make that commitment when not Sikh. There needs to be education from our community to youth about what Anand Karaj means. And realize that just to fulfil our own dikhava to other sikhs and doing Anand Karaj is not good, it's using Gurbani for a show. Don't know if I made sense.
Well as a youngster I don't know much about how the Anand Kaaraj ceremony works but I can tell you that its supposed to be only for Sikh couples only. The reason behind that and you already mentioned is to devote yourself with your partner towards a spiritual life from the teachings of GGS. Of course there are even Sikh couples that don't understand what a Sikh marriage means in front of the GGS.

Now in this case doing paat for the sake of the couple wouldn't have no effect at all. Even though Akal Takht passed a hukamnama about it being only restricted for Sikhs only, the couple is digging themselves a deeper hole in that part. But in the end, I can suggest you can do ardaas for the couple and ask to guide them in the future. WJKK WJKF
 
Jul 18, 2007
147
455
London
Think there is a lot of emphasis on Sikh-Non Sikh weddings, seems to be a lot of "beadbi" cries when this happens.

When in reality if you look at most weddings the couples don't really understand Sikhi themselves or pledge to live by the faith etc and do it mainly because its the done thing (elders wanted it to happen or its expected) or that its a chance to dress up traditional and then party hard afterwards.

I've been to a mix wedding where my cousin got married to a non-Sikh, yet when I look at him as a person, he's an outstanding personality, he's a great husband, father, friend, cousin etc, he has respect for the faith even if he doesn't follow it per se.

Which would you call wrong two Sikhs (ie who belong to a Sikh family) who don't live Sikhi or a mixed marriage who actually live Sikhi?

Life/expectations are not always black and white as most want to make it.
 

NavKaur

SPNer
Jun 18, 2014
10
20
Of course it's not black and white hence I asked the question, i didn't mean offense, and I have nothing against mixed marriage. I pointed out that many sikhs don't take time out to read what they are committing to, now I can't say it's wrong/right as I think it's grey to get them married according to the Anand Karaj. It's a shame and upsetting to know they won't care about Sikhi later and treat the ceremony as a cultural function.

Nor did I say it's wrong for non sikhs to be a part of Anand Karaj, my concern which I contextualized was keeping someone who is marrying a sikh but practicing another religion in the dark about what the ceremony means. Or simple saying "yea it's just us saying yea to each other in front of God." Same way as a vegan, whose strong in my belief, I would be upset if someone slipped some animal by product in my food or forget to tell me it was there. If someone else has chosen a separate path to truth, it's fine, but as Sikhs we should let them know what Anand Karaj is saying, cause maybe for them it may jeopardize it.
 
Jul 18, 2007
147
455
London
No offence taken sister :kaurkhalsaflagblue:

I think the key might be our Gurdwara's introducing similar sessions with the couple as Church's do, where it is taught about basics of Sikhi, the Anand karaj, the commitment etc, this should be made mandatory before marriage.

But in reality the way typical Punjabi's work is to avoid excess red tape, the challenge would be to get all Gurdwara's committed to something like this.
 

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