• Welcome to all New Sikh Philosophy Network Forums!
    Explore Sikh Sikhi Sikhism...
    Sign up Log in

General Advise Please - Dealing With Hurdles

Navdeep88

Writer
SPNer
Dec 22, 2009
442
655
Thank you Mai Ji.

Though my hurdles are nowhere near the ones you have faced, thank you for telling your story. There really is no escaping it, is there? There's only one way, and its uphill. Its probably best for me to cultivate that attitude now....its really really hard though.

I am so glad that even after all that, you found your way back, its amazing. animatedkhanda1
 

Mai Harinder Kaur

Mentor
Writer
SPNer
Oct 5, 2006
1,755
2,735
71
British Columbia, Canada
Thank you Mai Ji.

Though my hurdles are nowhere near the ones you have faced, thank you for telling your story. There really is no escaping it, is there? There's only one way, and its uphill. Its probably best for me to cultivate that attitude now....its really really hard though.

I am so glad that even after all that, you found your way back, its amazing. animatedkhanda1

Navdeep 88 ji,

lol, I didn't find my way back. Guru ji picked me up and dumped me at the gurudwara door. My only role was a tiny bit of cooperation.wahkaur

Escape? Back in the 1970s, a very popular saying was "The way out is through." I have found that to be true. If there are shortcuts, I haven't found them, and, believe me, I have looked. Very few things worth doing are easy. After all, if life were easy, what would be the point?

Two things have helped me a lot. Neither is easy to accept.


  1. Hurt feelings (mine) are always ego and need to be treated as such.
  2. Everything that happens is the hukam of Vaheguru and needs to be accepted as such.
Not everyone accepts those two, which is fine. I do, and have found them helpful.

BTW, it is overbearing ego to tell someone else that their hurt feelings, especially when hurt by me, are ego. "Be kind, for everyone you meeting is fighting some kind of battle - and their wounds may not be visible."animatedkhanda1
 

Adi Nanaki

SPNer
Apr 17, 2008
32
43
New Mexico
The Flip Side of My Life Test
The most seeming impossible challenge in my life was what my teacher, Yogi Bhajan, called my "Life Test"--losing custody of my three year old daughter, Adi Shakti Kaur, to an abusive, manmukh husband. He sought the help of my mother, promising to raise our daughter as a Christian. My Christian mother testified against me in court. This was after the mass suicides in Jonestown. A cult expert claimed that American Sikhs also belonged to a cult and were not true Sikhs.

Yogi Bhajan called this my life test and told me that the pain would be with me for the rest of my life. I thought the worst was forgiven and behind me until Summer Solstice, 2008. On the last day of the Solstice celebration in New Mexico, God threw the full pain of that life test back at me.

The following excerpt from my memoirs describes the sublime reality hidden by endless turmoil:


July 27, 2008
I huddled in my quilt cocoon in warrior pose, chanting "Wahe Guru, Wahe Guru, Wahe Guru, Wahe Jio"--the twenty-two minuted mantra praising God chanted every morning during our sadhana meditation. Today it sounded like a dirge, evoking deaths of dreams. Was it so sad for others? I could not see.

My life test, losing custody of my daughter, Guru's daughter, to a man blinded by intellect and ego, with parents and family members supporting him and God and Guru seeming far, far away, was being thrust into my awareness by Wahe Guru, full in my face. I asked God, "Why now? Why during our last full day of Solstice? It should be blissful. Why won't you take away my tears?

The more I resisted the cruel confrontation, the more I cried. To soothe the pain, I drank from a water bottle as though drinking Amrit nectar from the Cosmic Mother. Still, I left the Tantric shelter to go to the lady's room and splash my face, blaming my mood on the chanting, calling it a dirge under my breath. Bhai Kultar and Jatha had arrived to play kirtan and saw me, a tearful mess.

On my way back I approached Bhai Kultar Singh and noted how sad the Wahe Gurus sounded this morning. He answered, "We are just now going to join the chanting."

"Perhaps we can chant to uplift it," I suggested, before returning to my sheepskin. Instead, my depth of grief only intensified. Sweeping from behind me, a yard-wide, gloomy snake-like river appeared in my mind's eye, winding around along my left side towards the front of the sadhana stage, twisting in S-curves across the Tantric Shelter floor. Greater was the darkness that wrapped itself around me. I wiped away tears with my hands, trying to be brave, tears that flowed hopelessly from depths beyond control.

During the last five minutes of sadhana following Wahe Gurus we call upon Guru Ram Das to soothe the transmutation of karmas. The only relief I found with these wondrous blessings was a serene face, enabling me to calmly set my sheepskin down near the Gurdwara stage and step into the line forming to bow before the Siri Guru Granth Sahib, a holy scripture that is our living Guru.

On approaching the Guru, I noticed a roll of toilet paper on my sheepskin along the aisle and mentioned to the woman sitting behind it that toilet paper does not belong in Gurdwara. She said, "It isn't mine." Reaching down I tucked it out of sight beneath my sheepskin.

I bowed before the Guru to empty my bottomless grief, to be filled with bliss, and sat upon my sheepskin in front of the Ragis in tears. Bhai Kultar and Jatha played a Wahe Guru Shabad that felt as mournful to me as the sadhana chanting, further evoking life-test pain.

The roll of toilet paper was God's gift to me, soaking up my tears.

I kept questioning Wahe Guru, with a stuffy nose, my lower lip trembling-- "Why, why, why are you doing this to me???

Now, as if in answer, I saw the same snake-like river winding around right before me, only this time it was luminous and pure white. I gazed towards the Siri Guru Granth Sahib through closed eyes and saw a shimmering white waterfall falling from the top Ramala cloths gracing the Guru, down the steps of the stage towards the devotees gathered below.

I thanked Guruji, opened my palms and poured my grief into this river of God. Mercifully, it felt as though all my sorrows were swept away. I knew that the Siri Guru Granth Sahib, with all the Gurus graces, was the divine origin of the gloomy, sorrow-filled river I had seen earlier, winding through the Tantric shelter during sadhana, absorbing everyone's turmoil and anguish.

"Why," I asked, begging to understand, "Why was I made to go through this hugely painful life-long test?"

Abruptly, a black, monstrous wall of pain towered within me more powerfully than ever before, and just as suddenly vanished. In its place I saw all my beloveds, all ten Gurus emerge from the Siri Guru Granth Sahib on the same river of white light and flow into my heart, imbuing my being with sublime understanding, courage and heavenly love.

Tears of gratitude and awe welled up in my eyes, humbled by the sacred responsibility of the Gurus' presence within me, knowing that my life is no longer mine. My sole purpose on earth is to share God and Guru's message of peace and subtle living with the world.

The full understanding of my life test as seen through the Guru's eyes came minutes later in the random reading from the Siri Guru Granth Sahib, the Hukam, which made reference to my husband's cultivation of love for another women, being self-willed and telling lies. Yet the Hukam concluded, "She who has such a pre-ordained destiny obtains the True Guru as her Husband...she is enjoyed by her Creator Lord and stands out; she does not blend with the crowd"..."O Nanak, the Gurmukh is the happy soul bride forever; she has the imperishable Lord God as her Husband."

The flip side of my life test revealed through its dark gauntlet the Gurus' profound life blessing--God and Gurus' realm of light and healing, wherein I shall dwell forever in Divine Union in prayers for the world.
 
Last edited:

a.mother

SPNer
Jun 12, 2010
127
287
Canada
Thank you Mai Ji.

Though my hurdles are nowhere near the ones you have faced, thank you for telling your story. There really is no escaping it, is there? There's only one way, and its uphill. Its probably best for me to cultivate that attitude now....its really really hard though.

I am so glad that even after all that, you found your way back, its amazing. animatedkhanda1

Navdeep88 ji
I have felt that you carrying a lot of pain inside of you. As we all knows there is no place to escape this. What I personally experience and do that You can share with someone I mean your good friend, family member or may be if you are able to do with SPN members, may be that way you 'll feel bit lighter from heart.Some times we don't know the solution is at our own door but we didn't realize.
 

a.mother

SPNer
Jun 12, 2010
127
287
Canada
Giyani ji I am agree with you ,and Mai ji you made me cry, each word of yours describing pain and 20 yearsssssssss its hard to emagine,that long . After happening all this, you are still in KARWAN .I am proud to be with your kind of very brave people.
 

Gyani Jarnail Singh

Sawa lakh se EK larraoan
Mentor
Writer
SPNer
Jul 4, 2004
7,706
14,381
75
KUALA LUMPUR MALAYSIA
Gyani ji, Have you heard something from that young man who you met at Harmandir Sahib Ji yet or not?

Guru Piayario Jios,
I am in constant touch with him via phone. He seems to be getting slightly better - slowly. It may be illusion..or real..only Guru Ji knows but he sounds more confident, more settled and calmer than before....
I am trying to get an internet connection nearby to where he lives so we cna better communicate via gmail/skype etc. Also he needs some organic food items like cold pressed Virgin coconut oil which is difficult to source in Punjab ( here too in Malaysia ). Hope to get a bottle or two to post to him.
On the whole I am genuinely happy for his recovery even though slight. Guur Ji Bless. Thank you for asking Jios..our combined prayers very vital.
 

Mai Harinder Kaur

Mentor
Writer
SPNer
Oct 5, 2006
1,755
2,735
71
British Columbia, Canada
Guru Piayario Jios,
I am in constant touch with him via phone. He seems to be getting slightly better - slowly. It may be illusion..or real..only Guru Ji knows but he sounds more confident, more settled and calmer than before....
I am trying to get an internet connection nearby to where he lives so we cna better communicate via gmail/skype etc. Also he needs some organic food items like cold pressed Virgin coconut oil which is difficult to source in Punjab ( here too in Malaysia ). Hope to get a bottle or two to post to him.
On the whole I am genuinely happy for his recovery even though slight. Guru Ji Bless. Thank you for asking Jios..our combined prayers very vital.

He is most blessed to have been befriended by you.

More important than his physical state (although that is important, of course) are his spiritual and emotional states. I am happy to hear that those are improving.
 

Ambarsaria

ੴ / Ik▫oaʼnkār
Writer
SPNer
Dec 21, 2010
3,384
5,689
He is most blessed to have been befriended by you.

More important than his physical state (although that is important, of course) are his spiritual and emotional states. I am happy to hear that those are improving.
Mai Harinder Kaur ji, Navdeep88ji and adi Nanaki ji sorry I have not paid attention to this thread.

Gyani ji thanks for the update on the young man in India. As mai ji said and I can paraphrase it as,


  • Mind before matter
    • If the young man is in Chardhi Kla his own body is more likely to right itself as I said before, "what ails the body, the body can prevail"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_detailpage&v=jkfvNRnYehk

May God bless all and happiness and bliss prevail.

Sat Sri Akal.
 

kajal123

SPNer
Feb 8, 2011
2
2
Re: Advise please

Navdeep88 ji one has to look at the situation.

At work few years back, I saw a weird sticker on the back of a car. I had known the woman and knew she was very beautiful but was heart broken from some relationship issues.

The sticker read,
"I have been Happy, ever since I gave up hope."

It took me a mighty long time to figure it out. One has to do their best rather than create hope and let the outcome follow. I am reading your "faith" word in more liberal interpretation of hope, wish, sense of certainty.

So out of all this one has to say to themselves,

  • Did I do all I could?
  • Is it the past?
If you answer yes to the above two then you have to do the following,


  • Do I want to live in the future or past?
  • What are my options to go forward?
If you decide to live into the future then select an option from hereon (get advice, help, dialog with who you feel comfortable with).

As happens so often, there will come a day when you will not even think about such an issue in the future.

My object is to not give just advice but hopefully share something I have learnt. I do realize sometimes it is easier said than done but one has to persevere.

Sat Sri Akal.peacesign


Nice post.........He is most blessed to have been befriended by you.

More important than his physical state......thanks for share with all....
 

manj kr

SPNer
Feb 4, 2011
5
11
48
Navdeepji,

I have dealt with many hurdles in my life...and to be honest they have all happened for a reason. At the time things seem bad and you feel that nothing will go right...but after dark there is always sunshine. Someone once said to me that bad times never last and you may be suffering now but the ppl that may have caused the hurt will also get there day.
Jaisa karo vaisa baro -- I always believe that waheguru will do whats right for me...even if it hurts...trust and have faith in him and give him the steering wheel of your life and even if things do not go to plan...just remember that they have for a reason..maybe to teach you something or to make u a better person
I know now that hurdles in my life have bought me closer to waheguru and my whole thinking is so different now...i cant explain but all i know that whatever happens in my life i will accept - good or bad.....but when you have faith we can deal with things in a better and wiser way..
i hope this helps and hope you sort out ur hurdles and if you ever need to talk then inbox me..
take care
 

spnadmin

1947-2014 (Archived)
SPNer
Jun 17, 2004
14,500
19,219
avtarkaint ji,

Today I have been very lenient with spamming. Please re-read TOS and do not repeat. Thanks, spnadmin
 

❤️ CLICK HERE TO JOIN SPN MOBILE PLATFORM

Top