Well, life as a man seems far different to life as a wolf/man. My wife has asked me over the years to see further than 'the book', I never managed to fully comprehend how the book ends, I know Harry manages to resolve his identity by accepting that between man and wolf lie a million other different personalities, and by also accepting that life was nothing more than a magic theater in which we wear our personalities as costumes to play whichever character we wish to on a particular day. This ties in with dear Bhagatji's thoughts on life being a film.., I would say again, if I knew of the existence of the knowledge contained in the Sri Guru Granth Sahib Ji, I would have read and mastered that instead, but better late than never.
I feel more at peace, and a little less glamorous, which is probably the last few scraps that my ego is hanging on to.
Having seen things from a different angle for a few days now, I would like to make a few observations.
I think all religions should have ended up in the same place, but some are thousands of years old, and some of the core manuscripts have been translated from the original to a different language and then translated again. Given the loss incurred in translation, and the input of the translator, could explain why some religious manuscripts seem to contradict themselves. The logical thing to do therefore would be to find one of the youngest religions, so that you are reading as close as possible to the original, who knows what the Sri Guru Granth Sahib Ji will look like in 1500 years in your average gurdwara.
Is it a responsible thing to do for a person to find the creator if the wordly side of life is not correct. By that I mean, before you can merge with the creator, one must ensure that you can make a living, have a roof over your head, and provide for your family,. If there is no food on the table, what is the point of knowledge. I have spent much time of late reading books and thinking, and although We are not destitute, I know in different circumstances I could easily be an ascetic, luckily, so could my wife, but there is a responsibility to provide for your family, that I think is greater than the responsibility to find god. Luckily, if you live modestly, it is not hard to earn enough to free yourself from this, but harder if you need to drive the right car, live in the right house.
Ambersariaji once talked of animals eyes, and I never forgot that. Animals are fascinating to watch, we have in total 2 dogs (Dan/Alfie), 3 cats (Virgil, Bailey, Layla) and 4 ferrets (charlie, lowla, spot, and no name), and all of them have one thing in common, they absolutely worship my wife. Im not sure why they worship her, I feed them every other day, normally its me that feeds the cats at 4am! But in bed last night, I watched dan, my youngest dog. As he looked at my wife, I looked into his eyes, and saw the sort of love you rarely see in humans, he looked at my wife like he was looking at a god, and given humans are born with the ability to find god, but animals are not, one must assume animals look at some owners like gods, my wife was lying on her side with dan in the middle of us, he kissed her face, licked it, and then just sat and looked at her, although dan has every much lust, ego and pride as any human, in his eyes I only saw contentment.Alfie was licking my wifes feet at the foot of the bed, he was also contented, but a tiny amount of fear, I looked at him closely, the fear was that someone, namely me, would probably stop him licking my wifes feet, and convince him to get on the floor. I then looked at my wife, she never stops talking to the dogs, praising and encouraging. When dan was younger, I slapped his bottom because he would not get out of the car, I had never had a dog before, I thought they needed discipline, 10 mins later I passed the living room to see my wife lying on the floor facing dan, she was talking to him, all i could make out was, daddy isnt angry with you, he didnt mean to hit you, but this murmuring went on for some time, until, comforted, dan came to find me, and i give him a huge cuddle, I never ever raised my hand against an animal after that, regardless how naughty they were. Dan was lucky, Dan had a god.
I find it difficult to let go with the dogs, my wife is constantly talking to them , checking them, to me, I suppose they are a bit of a tie, I love them, but not like my wife does. For some reason, I feel that I will be unable to love the part of me that is pure until I can really love my dogs. Sounds corny, probably is, but there is something so innocent and pure about my wifes love for them, that I feel it will be a lesson to love something that has the lust taken out of it, maybe this is what I have been struggling with for so long, I find it easy to love my wife, if I am honest, I find it difficult to love anyone else as much, I have never had children, and before my wife, no pets. At the start, when she first brought Dan home, i saw him as a huge infringement on our time, and after a couple of months, I actually said 'Im not sure I can do this, he is doing his business everywhere and whines outside the bedroom', my wife replied very cheerily, 'ok, no problem, just go get him put down', she knew I could never do that, she also knew that after that point, it became my decision, not hers, so dan stayed, and I taught him to do all the things you teach your dog, other than discipline, he has none, he just knows love, he sits next to me when I eat, he puts his paw round my back when I drive, and no one ever raises a hand to him or shouts at him. I would add that both the dogs look at me with love mixed with disappointment as if they know my love has its limits, to them I am not a god, Im just Dad. The quicker that disappointment look fades, for some reason ties in with my own search for the truth within,
thank you for reading