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10 Deadly Sins Of Negative Thinking

Discussion in 'Inspirational' started by Aman Singh, Jul 22, 2009.

  1. Aman Singh

    Aman Singh
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    Jun 1, 2004
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    Life could be so much better for many people, if they would just spot their negative thinking habits and replace them with positive ones.

    Negative thinking, in all its many-splendored forms, has a way of creeping into conversations and our thinking without our noticing them. The key to success, in my humble opinion, is learning to spot these thoughts and squash them like little bugs. Then replace them with positive ones. Youll notice a huge difference in everything you do.

    Lets take a look at 10 common ways that negative thinking emerges” get good at spotting these patterns, and practice replacing them with positive thinking patterns. It has made all the difference in the world for me.

    10 Deadly Sins of Negative Thinking

    1. I will be happy once I have _____ (or once I earn X).

    Problem: If you think you can be happy until you reach a certain point, or until you reach a certain income, or have a certain type of house or car or computer setup, youll never be happy. That elusive goal is always just out of reach. Once we reach those goals, we are not satisfied” we want more.

    Solution: Learn to be happy with what you have, where you are, and who you are, right at this moment. Happiness doesn have to be some state that we want to get to eventually” it can be found right now. Learn to count your blessings, and see the positive in your situation. This might sound simplistic, but it works.

    2. I wish I were as ____ as (a celebrity, friend, co-worker).

    Problem: Well never be as pretty, as talented, as rich, as sculpted, as cool, as everyone else. There will always be someone better, if you look hard enough. Therefore, if we compare ourselves to others like this, we will always pale, and will always fail, and will always feel bad about ourselves. This is no way to be happy.

    Solution: Stop comparing yourself to others, and look instead at yourself” what are your strengths, your accomplishments, your successes, however small? What do you love about yourself? Learn to love who you are, right now, not who you want to become. There is good in each of us, love in each of us, and a wonderful human spirit in every one of us.

    3. Seeing others becoming successful makes me jealous and resentful.

    Problem: First, this assumes that only a small number of people can be successful. In truth, many, many people can be successful” in different ways.

    Solution: Learn to admire the success of others, and learn from it, and be happy for them, by empathizing with them and understanding what it must be like to be them. And then turn away from them, and look at yourself” you can be successful too, in whatever you choose to do. And even more, you already are successful. Look not at those above you in the social ladder, but those below you” there are always millions of people worse off than you, people who couldn even read this article or afford a computer. In that light, you are a huge success.

    4. I am a miserable failure” I can seem to do anything right.

    Problem: Everyone is a failure, if you look at it in certain ways. Everyone has failed, many times, at different things. I have certainly failed so many times I cannot count them” and I continue to fail, daily. However, looking at your failures as failures only makes you feel bad about yourself. By thinking in this way, we will have a negative self-image and never move on from here.

    Solution: See your successes and ignore your failures. Look back on your life, in the last month, or year, or 5 years. And try to remember your successes. If you have trouble with this, start documenting them” keep a success journal, either in a notebook or online. Document your success each day, or each week. When you look back at what youve accomplished, over a year, you will be amazed. Its an incredibly positive feeling.

    5. Im going to beat so-and-so no matter what” Im better than him. And theres no way Ill help him succeed” he might beat me.

    Problem: Competitiveness assumes that there is a small amount of gold to be had, and I need to get it before he does. It makes us into greedy, back-stabbing, hurtful people. We try to claw our way over people to get to success, because of our competitive feelings. For example, if a blogger wants to have more subscribers than another blogger, he may never link to or mention that other blogger. However, who is to say that my subscribers can also be yours? People can read and subscribe to more than one blog.

    Solution: Learn to see success as something that can be shared, and learn that if we help each other out, we can each have a better chance to be successful. Two people working towards a common goal are better than two people trying to beat each other up to get to that goal. There is more than enough success to go around. Learn to think in terms of abundance rather than scarcity.

    6. Dammit! Why do these bad things always happen to me?

    Problem: Bad things happen to everybody. If we dwell on them, they will frustrate us and bring us down.

    Solution: See bad things as a part of the ebb and flow of life. Suffering is a part of the human condition” but it passes. All pain goes away, eventually. Meanwhile, don let it hold you back. Don dwell on bad things, but look forward towards something good in your future. And learn to take the bad things in stride, and learn from them. Bad things are actually opportunities to grow and learn and get stronger, in disguise.

    7. You can do anything right.! Why can you be like ____ ?

    Problem: This can be said to your child or your subordinate or your sibling. The problem? Comparing two people, first of all, is always a fallacy. People are different, with different ways of doing things, different strengths and weaknesses, different human characteristics. If we were all the same, wed be robots. Second, saying negative things like this to another person never helps the situation. It might make you feel better, and more powerful, but in truth, it hurts your relationship, it will actually make you feel negative, and it will certainly make the other person feel negative and more likely to continue negative behavior. Everyone loses.

    Solution: Take the mistakes or bad behavior of others as an opportunity to teach. Show them how to do something. Second, praise them for their positive behavior, and encourage their success. Last, and most important, love them for who they are, and celebrate their differences.

    8. Your work sucks. Its super lame. You are a moron and I hope you never reproduce.

    Problem: Ive actually gotten this comment before. It feels wonderful. However, lets look at it not from the perspective of the person receiving this kind of comment but from the perspective of the person giving it. How does saying something negative like this help you? I guess it might feel good to vent if you feel like your time has been wasted. But really, how much of your time has been wasted? A few minutes? And whose fault is that? The bloggers or yours? In truth, making negative comments just keeps you in a negative mindset. Its also not a good way to make friends.

    Solution: Learn to offer constructive solutions, first of all. Instead of telling someone their blog sucks, or that a post is lame, offer some specific suggestions for improvement. Help them get better. If you are going to take the time to make a comment, make it worth your time. Second, learn to interact with people in a more positive way” it makes others feel good and it makes you feel better about yourself. And you can make some great friends this way. Thats a good thing.

    9. Insulting People Back

    Problem: If someone insults you or angers you in some way, insulting them back and continuing your anger only transfers their problem to you. This person was probably having a bad day (or a bad year) and took it out on you for some reason. If you reciprocate, you are now having a bad day too. His problem has become yours. Not only that, but the cycle of insults can get worse and worse until it results in violence or other negative consequences” for both of you.

    Solution: Let the insults or negative comments of others slide off you like Teflon. Don let their problem become yours. In fact, try to understand their problem more” why would someone say something like that? What problems are they going through? Having a little empathy for someone not only makes you understand that their comment is not about you, but it can make you feel and act in a positive manner towards them” and make you feel better about yourself in the process.

    10. I don think I can do this” I don have enough discipline. Maybe some other time.

    Problem: If you don think you can do something, you probably won. Especially for the big stuff. Discipline has nothing to do with it” motivation and focus has everything to do with it. And if you put stuff off forœsome other time, youll never get it done. Negative thinking like this inhibits us from accomplishing anything.

    Solution: Turn your thinking around: you can do this! You don need discipline. Find ways to make yourself a success at your goal. If you fail, learn from your mistakes, and try again. Instead of putting a goal off for later, start now. And focus on one goal at a time, putting all of your energy into it, and getting as much help from others as you can. You can really move mountains if you start with positive thinking.

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  3. susan

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    Jan 8, 2009
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    This is a great list. It's true that we don't listen to ourselves more than half the time. Reading this list I have realised that I relate to a few of the mentioned negatives.
    Time for self reflection.:shutup:
  4. vsgrewal48895

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    Mar 12, 2009
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    Dear All

    We can add the following to the list provided by Aman Ji, since character is the foundation stone to progress in spiritual endeavor. It is important to make an honest attempt to remove these before one thinks to grow along spiritual path.


    There are 20 + character defects to ask about -- the individual wrongs are not necessary to go over, just the defects that caused them. The inventory is of our defects, not our incidents.

    Going over the listing, we ask ourselves have we honestly admitted our defects to ourselves as we write out on paper how they have manifested in our lives and created the unmanageability due to the veiling Higher Self by our inborn Hauomai?.

    ਜੇ ਕੋ ਅਪੁਨੀ ਸੋਭਾ ਲੋਰੈ ॥ ਸਾਧ ਸੰਗਿ ਇਹ ਹਉਮੈ ਛੋਰੈ॥

    Jė ko apunī sobẖā lorai. Sāḏẖsang ih ha¬umai cẖẖorai.

    If you long for honor for yourself, then renounce your ego in the Sadh Sangat, the Company of the Holy. -----Guru Arjan, Raag Gauri, AGGS, Page, 266- 5

    ਆਪੁ ਗਵਾਏ ਆਪਿ ਹੈ ਗੁਣ ਗੁਣੀ ਪਰੋਈ ॥

    Aap Gava-ay Aap Hai Gun Guni Paro-ee.

    Losing ego and merging into the qualities of the Akal Purkh, one himself becomes full of qualities -----Bhai Gur Das, Var 13, Pauri 2-6

    ਇੰਦ੍ਰੀ ਪੰਚ ਪੰਚੇ ਵਸਿ ਆਣੈ ਖਿਮਾ ਸੰਤੋਖੁ ਗੁਰਮਤਿ ਪਾਵੈ॥ਸੋ ਧਨੁ ਧਨੁ ਹਰਿ ਜਨੁ ਵਡ ਪੂਰਾ ਜੋ ਭੈ ਬੈਰਾਗਿ ਹਰਿ ਗੁਣ ਗਾਵੈ ॥ Indree Panch Panchay Vas Aanai Khima Santokh Gurmat Pavai, So Dhan Dhan Har Jan Vad Pooraa Jo Bhai Bairaag Har Gun Gaavai.

    Those who have controlled the five senses and the five vices have realized forgiveness, patience, and contentment through Guru’s guidance. Blessed is the person who sings the praises of the Akal Purkh and rids himself of the fear and becomes a perfect man with a detachment of heart. -----Guru Amardas, Raag Parbhati, AGGS, Page, 1334-16

    Here is a list of our character defects and more can be added:

    1. Harshness, Resentment, Anger
    2. Fear, Cowardice
    3. Self pity
    4. Self justification
    5. Self importance, Egotism
    6. Self condemnation, Guilt
    7. Lying, Evasiveness, Dishonesty
    8. Impatience
    9. Hate
    10. False pride, Phoniness, Denial
    11. Jealousy
    12. Envy
    13. Laziness
    14. Procrastination
    15. Insincerity
    16. Negative Thinking
    17. Immoral thinking
    18. Perfectionism, Intolerance
    19. Criticizing, Loose Talk, Gossip
    20. Greed

    Having admitted these defects to ourselves, are we willing to share them with another and with God? We must ask our self if we are willing to go to any length to get rid of these defects that caused our life to be miserable and we are unable to get mental serenity.

    Do we want to get rid of them, even those that were "fun"?


    Virinder S. Grewal
  5. bawaj

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    Oct 23, 2006
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    I am happy to see this post. It is very important to continue to remind people that the ego is cause of much misery. We tend to hold on to hold onto many things in order to give meaning to out lives. Let go of it all, stop holding on. One must realize that only by letting go of worldly attachments can we start to humble our ego. It has on occasions been argued that a simple man can never be cheated, duped or hurt because he has nothing to lose. you cant lose what you never have.

    Sorry for my rant, but i appreciated your post.
  6. susan

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    Jan 8, 2009
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    We can add the following to the list provided by Aman Ji, since character is the foundation stone to progress in spiritual endeavor. It is important to make an honest attempt to remove these before one thinks to grow along spiritual path.

    I agree 100%
    Last year I was reading an amazing book called "A new Earth" by Eckhart Tolle, and I realised how full of ego I was. Becoming conscious of this I decided to make a change within me.The most important step to removing these negatives was awareness. Once I became aware of exactly what this "Ego" was and how it was controlling not only my mind but my life I had to make a change.
    I don't believe I have conquered this evil completely yet,but I definetly possess less of it,and I am a much happier soul. With Guru Ji by my side I can conquer

    ਧਨਾਸਰੀ ਮਹਲਾ ੫ ॥
    dhhanasaree mehala 5 ||
    Dhanaasaree, Fifth Mehl:
    19 Dhanaasree Guru Arjan Dev Shabad:363

    ਚਤੁਰ ਦਿਸਾ ਕੀਨੋ ਬਲੁ ਅਪਨਾ ਸਿਰ ਊਪਰਿ ਕਰੁ ਧਾਰਿਓ ॥
    chathur dhisa keeno bal apana sir oopar kar dhhariou ||
    He has extended His power in all four directions, and placed His hand upon my head.
    20 Dhanaasree Guru Arjan Dev Shabad:363

    ਕ੍ਰਿਪਾ ਕਟਾਖ੍ਹ ਅਵਲੋਕਨੁ ਕੀਨੋ ਦਾਸ ਕਾ ਦੂਖੁ ਬਿਦਾਰਿਓ ॥੧॥
    kirapa kattakhy avalokan keeno dhas ka dhookh bidhariou ||1||
    Gazing upon me with his Eye of Mercy, He has dispelled the pains of His slave. ||1||
    21 Dhanaasree Guru Arjan Dev Shabad:363

    ਹਰਿ ਜਨ ਰਾਖੇ ਗੁਰ ਗੋਵਿੰਦ ॥
    har jan rakhae gur govindh ||
    The Guru, the Lord of the Universe, has saved the Lord's humble servant.
    22 Dhanaasree Guru Arjan Dev Shabad:363

    ਕੰਠਿ ਲਾਇ ਅਵਗੁਣ ਸਭਿ ਮੇਟੇ ਦਇਆਲ ਪੁਰਖ ਬਖਸੰਦ ॥ ਰਹਾਉ ॥
    kanth lae avagun sabh maettae dhaeial purakh bakhasandh || rehao ||
    Hugging me close in His embrace, the merciful, forgiving Lord has erased all my sins. ||Pause||
    23 Dhanaasree Guru Arjan Dev Shabad:363

    ਜੋ ਮਾਗਹਿ ਠਾਕੁਰ ਅਪੁਨੇ ਤੇ ਸੋਈ ਸੋਈ ਦੇਵੈ ॥
    jo magehi thakur apunae thae soee soee dhaevai ||
    Whatever I ask for from my Lord and Master, he gives that to me.
    24 Dhanaasree Guru Arjan Dev Shabad:363

    ਨਾਨਕ ਦਾਸੁ ਮੁਖ ਤੇ ਜੋ ਬੋਲੈ ਈਹਾ ਊਹਾ ਸਚੁ ਹੋਵੈ ॥੨॥੧੪॥੪੫॥
    naanak dhas mukh thae jo bolai eeha ooha sach hovai ||2||14||45||
    Whatever the Lord's slave Nanak utters with his mouth, proves to be true, here and hereafter. ||2||14||45||
    25 Dhanaasree Guru Arjan Dev Shabad:363
    #5 susan, Jul 22, 2009
    Last edited: Jul 22, 2009
  7. vsgrewal48895

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    Mar 12, 2009
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    Dear Bajwa Ji,
    I have posted some where on this forum the subjectes of ego & humility-may be moderators can help you to find. I had requested that to post my over 100+ threads at one place. To post these again duplicates every thing. Aman Ji & Naryanjot Ji knows about it.
    Thanks for your comments.
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