☀️ JOIN SPN MOBILE
Forums
New posts
Guru Granth Sahib
Composition, Arrangement & Layout
ਜਪੁ | Jup
ਸੋ ਦਰੁ | So Dar
ਸੋਹਿਲਾ | Sohilaa
ਰਾਗੁ ਸਿਰੀਰਾਗੁ | Raag Siree-Raag
Gurbani (14-53)
Ashtpadiyan (53-71)
Gurbani (71-74)
Pahre (74-78)
Chhant (78-81)
Vanjara (81-82)
Vaar Siri Raag (83-91)
Bhagat Bani (91-93)
ਰਾਗੁ ਮਾਝ | Raag Maajh
Gurbani (94-109)
Ashtpadi (109)
Ashtpadiyan (110-129)
Ashtpadi (129-130)
Ashtpadiyan (130-133)
Bara Maha (133-136)
Din Raen (136-137)
Vaar Maajh Ki (137-150)
ਰਾਗੁ ਗਉੜੀ | Raag Gauree
Gurbani (151-185)
Quartets/Couplets (185-220)
Ashtpadiyan (220-234)
Karhalei (234-235)
Ashtpadiyan (235-242)
Chhant (242-249)
Baavan Akhari (250-262)
Sukhmani (262-296)
Thittee (296-300)
Gauree kii Vaar (300-323)
Gurbani (323-330)
Ashtpadiyan (330-340)
Baavan Akhari (340-343)
Thintteen (343-344)
Vaar Kabir (344-345)
Bhagat Bani (345-346)
ਰਾਗੁ ਆਸਾ | Raag Aasaa
Gurbani (347-348)
Chaupaday (348-364)
Panchpadde (364-365)
Kaafee (365-409)
Aasaavaree (409-411)
Ashtpadiyan (411-432)
Patee (432-435)
Chhant (435-462)
Vaar Aasaa (462-475)
Bhagat Bani (475-488)
ਰਾਗੁ ਗੂਜਰੀ | Raag Goojaree
Gurbani (489-503)
Ashtpadiyan (503-508)
Vaar Gujari (508-517)
Vaar Gujari (517-526)
ਰਾਗੁ ਦੇਵਗੰਧਾਰੀ | Raag Dayv-Gandhaaree
Gurbani (527-536)
ਰਾਗੁ ਬਿਹਾਗੜਾ | Raag Bihaagraa
Gurbani (537-556)
Chhant (538-548)
Vaar Bihaagraa (548-556)
ਰਾਗੁ ਵਡਹੰਸ | Raag Wadhans
Gurbani (557-564)
Ashtpadiyan (564-565)
Chhant (565-575)
Ghoriaan (575-578)
Alaahaniiaa (578-582)
Vaar Wadhans (582-594)
ਰਾਗੁ ਸੋਰਠਿ | Raag Sorath
Gurbani (595-634)
Asatpadhiya (634-642)
Vaar Sorath (642-659)
ਰਾਗੁ ਧਨਾਸਰੀ | Raag Dhanasaree
Gurbani (660-685)
Astpadhiya (685-687)
Chhant (687-691)
Bhagat Bani (691-695)
ਰਾਗੁ ਜੈਤਸਰੀ | Raag Jaitsree
Gurbani (696-703)
Chhant (703-705)
Vaar Jaitsaree (705-710)
Bhagat Bani (710)
ਰਾਗੁ ਟੋਡੀ | Raag Todee
ਰਾਗੁ ਬੈਰਾੜੀ | Raag Bairaaree
ਰਾਗੁ ਤਿਲੰਗ | Raag Tilang
Gurbani (721-727)
Bhagat Bani (727)
ਰਾਗੁ ਸੂਹੀ | Raag Suhi
Gurbani (728-750)
Ashtpadiyan (750-761)
Kaafee (761-762)
Suchajee (762)
Gunvantee (763)
Chhant (763-785)
Vaar Soohee (785-792)
Bhagat Bani (792-794)
ਰਾਗੁ ਬਿਲਾਵਲੁ | Raag Bilaaval
Gurbani (795-831)
Ashtpadiyan (831-838)
Thitteen (838-840)
Vaar Sat (841-843)
Chhant (843-848)
Vaar Bilaaval (849-855)
Bhagat Bani (855-858)
ਰਾਗੁ ਗੋਂਡ | Raag Gond
Gurbani (859-869)
Ashtpadiyan (869)
Bhagat Bani (870-875)
ਰਾਗੁ ਰਾਮਕਲੀ | Raag Ramkalee
Ashtpadiyan (902-916)
Gurbani (876-902)
Anand (917-922)
Sadd (923-924)
Chhant (924-929)
Dakhnee (929-938)
Sidh Gosat (938-946)
Vaar Ramkalee (947-968)
ਰਾਗੁ ਨਟ ਨਾਰਾਇਨ | Raag Nat Narayan
Gurbani (975-980)
Ashtpadiyan (980-983)
ਰਾਗੁ ਮਾਲੀ ਗਉੜਾ | Raag Maalee Gauraa
Gurbani (984-988)
Bhagat Bani (988)
ਰਾਗੁ ਮਾਰੂ | Raag Maaroo
Gurbani (889-1008)
Ashtpadiyan (1008-1014)
Kaafee (1014-1016)
Ashtpadiyan (1016-1019)
Anjulian (1019-1020)
Solhe (1020-1033)
Dakhni (1033-1043)
ਰਾਗੁ ਤੁਖਾਰੀ | Raag Tukhaari
Bara Maha (1107-1110)
Chhant (1110-1117)
ਰਾਗੁ ਕੇਦਾਰਾ | Raag Kedara
Gurbani (1118-1123)
Bhagat Bani (1123-1124)
ਰਾਗੁ ਭੈਰਉ | Raag Bhairo
Gurbani (1125-1152)
Partaal (1153)
Ashtpadiyan (1153-1167)
ਰਾਗੁ ਬਸੰਤੁ | Raag Basant
Gurbani (1168-1187)
Ashtpadiyan (1187-1193)
Vaar Basant (1193-1196)
ਰਾਗੁ ਸਾਰਗ | Raag Saarag
Gurbani (1197-1200)
Partaal (1200-1231)
Ashtpadiyan (1232-1236)
Chhant (1236-1237)
Vaar Saarang (1237-1253)
ਰਾਗੁ ਮਲਾਰ | Raag Malaar
Gurbani (1254-1293)
Partaal (1265-1273)
Ashtpadiyan (1273-1278)
Chhant (1278)
Vaar Malaar (1278-91)
Bhagat Bani (1292-93)
ਰਾਗੁ ਕਾਨੜਾ | Raag Kaanraa
Gurbani (1294-96)
Partaal (1296-1318)
Ashtpadiyan (1308-1312)
Chhant (1312)
Vaar Kaanraa
Bhagat Bani (1318)
ਰਾਗੁ ਕਲਿਆਨ | Raag Kalyaan
Gurbani (1319-23)
Ashtpadiyan (1323-26)
ਰਾਗੁ ਪ੍ਰਭਾਤੀ | Raag Prabhaatee
Gurbani (1327-1341)
Ashtpadiyan (1342-51)
ਰਾਗੁ ਜੈਜਾਵੰਤੀ | Raag Jaijaiwanti
Gurbani (1352-53)
Salok | Gatha | Phunahe | Chaubole | Swayiye
Sehskritee Mahala 1
Sehskritee Mahala 5
Gaathaa Mahala 5
Phunhay Mahala 5
Chaubolae Mahala 5
Shaloks Bhagat Kabir
Shaloks Sheikh Farid
Swaiyyae Mahala 5
Swaiyyae in Praise of Gurus
Shaloks in Addition To Vaars
Shalok Ninth Mehl
Mundavanee Mehl 5
ਰਾਗ ਮਾਲਾ, Raag Maalaa
What's new
New posts
New media
New media comments
New resources
Latest activity
Videos
New media
New comments
Library
Latest reviews
Donate
Log in
Register
What's new
New posts
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Welcome to all New Sikh Philosophy Network Forums!
Explore Sikh Sikhi Sikhism...
Sign up
Log in
Discussions
Member Blogs
Typical, Im The Fat Kid At The Party Again
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="Harry Haller" data-source="post: 202662" data-attributes="member: 14641"><p>The medication is kicking in, or lack of it, I have just realised I have been on a thoroughly nasty drug for 3 months, it has made me tired, lethargic, unmotivated, I guess the shortness of breathe affected my brain! I feel more awake than I have felt since the heart attack in May.</p><p></p><p>I don't feel much like howling, there seems to be a constant feeling of watching a party but not being allowed to join it, I watch people live, do things, I cannot understand for the life of me why they do these things, or live in a fashion that makes no sense to me, but I am on the outside, hands on the window, looking in, I don't wish to join in, but today I get this feeling that even if I did, it would be hard for me, so, I am either a failed socialiser, or a successful sociopath, all I know that is when I have tried to break the window and join in, it has always felt false, logic gives way to tradition, to doing things because that is the way, yet, I can walk into any restaurant round here, shop, newsagent, and no one bats an eyelid, just the local weirdo, but we love him, I personally feel quite a pride in my ascent to local weirdo, I do it quite well, I know in some American towns they have to have an election!</p><p></p><p>All I ever wanted when I was a kid was to be Chevy Chase, I loved the guy, and now, I have achieved my childhood dream, no one talks to me if they want a serious conversation, people tend to start giggling when they see me, sometimes I say the most personal dark painful things, or recount some of the most soul destroying stories that have happened to me, but because its me, its funny, and not just funny, hilarious, and it makes me smile, that such pain, such misery could bring forward laughter, but then gallows humour has always been the way of the wolf.</p><p></p><p>I parked my car earlier, I saw a reflection of us in the window of the shop I parked outside, I have aged since the heart attack, hair a bit whiter, large grey patches in my beard, as I do not cut my hair regularly, it grows in clumps around my bald spot, well I say clumps, one clump on my forehead, which I have to acknowledge as I look in the window, looks quite ridiculous, the Mercedes has rust on every single panel, I look at the fat bald indian man in the reflection, standing next to his wreck of a car, the price of freedom I muse, it worries me that one day, I am going to look at that reflection and feel shame, or the desire to 'better myself', a new X5 drives by, I note a look of pity on the drivers face, mixed with that slightly smug look that X5 drivers have, Mind you, maybe a soulless existence is preferable to running into the fire, screaming, and then running to god, still screaming, (yes the screaming is a common theme!), who knows, is it better to feel the freezing ice, followed by the flames of hell, than it is to feel nothing?, in any case, maybe he is one of us, maybe he is just delivering the car,</p><p></p><p>The sun is rising, there is a fair on the park, it comes every year, I watch the trees in the wind, its 6.45am, I think of Chazji sitting in his room, a peaceful look on his face, as he reaches inside himself, connecting, I hope he is happy, in fact thinking of him all snug, getting ready for the day, the words gently being exhaled, his entire being just one huge meditating machine, so here I am now, listening to Radiohead, meditating on Chazji,</p><p></p><p>One thing I do know, there is no going back, information cannot be unlearned, experiences cannot be forgotten, I can never see the world as anything different to how I see it now, I have sat in the movie theatre for days now, and I am sick of it, the movies do not make me happy, they never will again, Chazji, I hope you find something worth watching, maybe video it for me!</p><p></p><p>[MEDIA=youtube]IBH97ma9YiI[/MEDIA]</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Harry Haller, post: 202662, member: 14641"] The medication is kicking in, or lack of it, I have just realised I have been on a thoroughly nasty drug for 3 months, it has made me tired, lethargic, unmotivated, I guess the shortness of breathe affected my brain! I feel more awake than I have felt since the heart attack in May. I don't feel much like howling, there seems to be a constant feeling of watching a party but not being allowed to join it, I watch people live, do things, I cannot understand for the life of me why they do these things, or live in a fashion that makes no sense to me, but I am on the outside, hands on the window, looking in, I don't wish to join in, but today I get this feeling that even if I did, it would be hard for me, so, I am either a failed socialiser, or a successful sociopath, all I know that is when I have tried to break the window and join in, it has always felt false, logic gives way to tradition, to doing things because that is the way, yet, I can walk into any restaurant round here, shop, newsagent, and no one bats an eyelid, just the local weirdo, but we love him, I personally feel quite a pride in my ascent to local weirdo, I do it quite well, I know in some American towns they have to have an election! All I ever wanted when I was a kid was to be Chevy Chase, I loved the guy, and now, I have achieved my childhood dream, no one talks to me if they want a serious conversation, people tend to start giggling when they see me, sometimes I say the most personal dark painful things, or recount some of the most soul destroying stories that have happened to me, but because its me, its funny, and not just funny, hilarious, and it makes me smile, that such pain, such misery could bring forward laughter, but then gallows humour has always been the way of the wolf. I parked my car earlier, I saw a reflection of us in the window of the shop I parked outside, I have aged since the heart attack, hair a bit whiter, large grey patches in my beard, as I do not cut my hair regularly, it grows in clumps around my bald spot, well I say clumps, one clump on my forehead, which I have to acknowledge as I look in the window, looks quite ridiculous, the Mercedes has rust on every single panel, I look at the fat bald indian man in the reflection, standing next to his wreck of a car, the price of freedom I muse, it worries me that one day, I am going to look at that reflection and feel shame, or the desire to 'better myself', a new X5 drives by, I note a look of pity on the drivers face, mixed with that slightly smug look that X5 drivers have, Mind you, maybe a soulless existence is preferable to running into the fire, screaming, and then running to god, still screaming, (yes the screaming is a common theme!), who knows, is it better to feel the freezing ice, followed by the flames of hell, than it is to feel nothing?, in any case, maybe he is one of us, maybe he is just delivering the car, The sun is rising, there is a fair on the park, it comes every year, I watch the trees in the wind, its 6.45am, I think of Chazji sitting in his room, a peaceful look on his face, as he reaches inside himself, connecting, I hope he is happy, in fact thinking of him all snug, getting ready for the day, the words gently being exhaled, his entire being just one huge meditating machine, so here I am now, listening to Radiohead, meditating on Chazji, One thing I do know, there is no going back, information cannot be unlearned, experiences cannot be forgotten, I can never see the world as anything different to how I see it now, I have sat in the movie theatre for days now, and I am sick of it, the movies do not make me happy, they never will again, Chazji, I hope you find something worth watching, maybe video it for me! [MEDIA=youtube]IBH97ma9YiI[/MEDIA] [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Discussions
Member Blogs
Typical, Im The Fat Kid At The Party Again
This site uses cookies to help personalise content, tailor your experience and to keep you logged in if you register.
By continuing to use this site, you are consenting to our use of cookies.
Accept
Learn more…
Top