☀️ JOIN SPN MOBILE
Forums
New posts
Guru Granth Sahib
Composition, Arrangement & Layout
ਜਪੁ | Jup
ਸੋ ਦਰੁ | So Dar
ਸੋਹਿਲਾ | Sohilaa
ਰਾਗੁ ਸਿਰੀਰਾਗੁ | Raag Siree-Raag
Gurbani (14-53)
Ashtpadiyan (53-71)
Gurbani (71-74)
Pahre (74-78)
Chhant (78-81)
Vanjara (81-82)
Vaar Siri Raag (83-91)
Bhagat Bani (91-93)
ਰਾਗੁ ਮਾਝ | Raag Maajh
Gurbani (94-109)
Ashtpadi (109)
Ashtpadiyan (110-129)
Ashtpadi (129-130)
Ashtpadiyan (130-133)
Bara Maha (133-136)
Din Raen (136-137)
Vaar Maajh Ki (137-150)
ਰਾਗੁ ਗਉੜੀ | Raag Gauree
Gurbani (151-185)
Quartets/Couplets (185-220)
Ashtpadiyan (220-234)
Karhalei (234-235)
Ashtpadiyan (235-242)
Chhant (242-249)
Baavan Akhari (250-262)
Sukhmani (262-296)
Thittee (296-300)
Gauree kii Vaar (300-323)
Gurbani (323-330)
Ashtpadiyan (330-340)
Baavan Akhari (340-343)
Thintteen (343-344)
Vaar Kabir (344-345)
Bhagat Bani (345-346)
ਰਾਗੁ ਆਸਾ | Raag Aasaa
Gurbani (347-348)
Chaupaday (348-364)
Panchpadde (364-365)
Kaafee (365-409)
Aasaavaree (409-411)
Ashtpadiyan (411-432)
Patee (432-435)
Chhant (435-462)
Vaar Aasaa (462-475)
Bhagat Bani (475-488)
ਰਾਗੁ ਗੂਜਰੀ | Raag Goojaree
Gurbani (489-503)
Ashtpadiyan (503-508)
Vaar Gujari (508-517)
Vaar Gujari (517-526)
ਰਾਗੁ ਦੇਵਗੰਧਾਰੀ | Raag Dayv-Gandhaaree
Gurbani (527-536)
ਰਾਗੁ ਬਿਹਾਗੜਾ | Raag Bihaagraa
Gurbani (537-556)
Chhant (538-548)
Vaar Bihaagraa (548-556)
ਰਾਗੁ ਵਡਹੰਸ | Raag Wadhans
Gurbani (557-564)
Ashtpadiyan (564-565)
Chhant (565-575)
Ghoriaan (575-578)
Alaahaniiaa (578-582)
Vaar Wadhans (582-594)
ਰਾਗੁ ਸੋਰਠਿ | Raag Sorath
Gurbani (595-634)
Asatpadhiya (634-642)
Vaar Sorath (642-659)
ਰਾਗੁ ਧਨਾਸਰੀ | Raag Dhanasaree
Gurbani (660-685)
Astpadhiya (685-687)
Chhant (687-691)
Bhagat Bani (691-695)
ਰਾਗੁ ਜੈਤਸਰੀ | Raag Jaitsree
Gurbani (696-703)
Chhant (703-705)
Vaar Jaitsaree (705-710)
Bhagat Bani (710)
ਰਾਗੁ ਟੋਡੀ | Raag Todee
ਰਾਗੁ ਬੈਰਾੜੀ | Raag Bairaaree
ਰਾਗੁ ਤਿਲੰਗ | Raag Tilang
Gurbani (721-727)
Bhagat Bani (727)
ਰਾਗੁ ਸੂਹੀ | Raag Suhi
Gurbani (728-750)
Ashtpadiyan (750-761)
Kaafee (761-762)
Suchajee (762)
Gunvantee (763)
Chhant (763-785)
Vaar Soohee (785-792)
Bhagat Bani (792-794)
ਰਾਗੁ ਬਿਲਾਵਲੁ | Raag Bilaaval
Gurbani (795-831)
Ashtpadiyan (831-838)
Thitteen (838-840)
Vaar Sat (841-843)
Chhant (843-848)
Vaar Bilaaval (849-855)
Bhagat Bani (855-858)
ਰਾਗੁ ਗੋਂਡ | Raag Gond
Gurbani (859-869)
Ashtpadiyan (869)
Bhagat Bani (870-875)
ਰਾਗੁ ਰਾਮਕਲੀ | Raag Ramkalee
Ashtpadiyan (902-916)
Gurbani (876-902)
Anand (917-922)
Sadd (923-924)
Chhant (924-929)
Dakhnee (929-938)
Sidh Gosat (938-946)
Vaar Ramkalee (947-968)
ਰਾਗੁ ਨਟ ਨਾਰਾਇਨ | Raag Nat Narayan
Gurbani (975-980)
Ashtpadiyan (980-983)
ਰਾਗੁ ਮਾਲੀ ਗਉੜਾ | Raag Maalee Gauraa
Gurbani (984-988)
Bhagat Bani (988)
ਰਾਗੁ ਮਾਰੂ | Raag Maaroo
Gurbani (889-1008)
Ashtpadiyan (1008-1014)
Kaafee (1014-1016)
Ashtpadiyan (1016-1019)
Anjulian (1019-1020)
Solhe (1020-1033)
Dakhni (1033-1043)
ਰਾਗੁ ਤੁਖਾਰੀ | Raag Tukhaari
Bara Maha (1107-1110)
Chhant (1110-1117)
ਰਾਗੁ ਕੇਦਾਰਾ | Raag Kedara
Gurbani (1118-1123)
Bhagat Bani (1123-1124)
ਰਾਗੁ ਭੈਰਉ | Raag Bhairo
Gurbani (1125-1152)
Partaal (1153)
Ashtpadiyan (1153-1167)
ਰਾਗੁ ਬਸੰਤੁ | Raag Basant
Gurbani (1168-1187)
Ashtpadiyan (1187-1193)
Vaar Basant (1193-1196)
ਰਾਗੁ ਸਾਰਗ | Raag Saarag
Gurbani (1197-1200)
Partaal (1200-1231)
Ashtpadiyan (1232-1236)
Chhant (1236-1237)
Vaar Saarang (1237-1253)
ਰਾਗੁ ਮਲਾਰ | Raag Malaar
Gurbani (1254-1293)
Partaal (1265-1273)
Ashtpadiyan (1273-1278)
Chhant (1278)
Vaar Malaar (1278-91)
Bhagat Bani (1292-93)
ਰਾਗੁ ਕਾਨੜਾ | Raag Kaanraa
Gurbani (1294-96)
Partaal (1296-1318)
Ashtpadiyan (1308-1312)
Chhant (1312)
Vaar Kaanraa
Bhagat Bani (1318)
ਰਾਗੁ ਕਲਿਆਨ | Raag Kalyaan
Gurbani (1319-23)
Ashtpadiyan (1323-26)
ਰਾਗੁ ਪ੍ਰਭਾਤੀ | Raag Prabhaatee
Gurbani (1327-1341)
Ashtpadiyan (1342-51)
ਰਾਗੁ ਜੈਜਾਵੰਤੀ | Raag Jaijaiwanti
Gurbani (1352-53)
Salok | Gatha | Phunahe | Chaubole | Swayiye
Sehskritee Mahala 1
Sehskritee Mahala 5
Gaathaa Mahala 5
Phunhay Mahala 5
Chaubolae Mahala 5
Shaloks Bhagat Kabir
Shaloks Sheikh Farid
Swaiyyae Mahala 5
Swaiyyae in Praise of Gurus
Shaloks in Addition To Vaars
Shalok Ninth Mehl
Mundavanee Mehl 5
ਰਾਗ ਮਾਲਾ, Raag Maalaa
What's new
New posts
New media
New media comments
New resources
Latest activity
Videos
New media
New comments
Library
Latest reviews
Donate
Log in
Register
What's new
New posts
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Welcome to all New Sikh Philosophy Network Forums!
Explore Sikh Sikhi Sikhism...
Sign up
Log in
Discussions
Member Blogs
Tonight, Tonight, Tonight
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="Harry Haller" data-source="post: 207629" data-attributes="member: 14641"><p>Oh well its here, the final night, the house is clean, there is an air of extreme sadness in the house, in the end, I had to get out and come here to the shop, Sian has shed a tear or two, me, I have no more tears left to shed, I have actually got the point where I can't really feel anything, or even care about anything, the thought of getting excited about say a holiday, or a new car, clothes, seems alien to me, strange, the park opposite is dark now, there is a wind, it makes the trees sway so, james blunt plays, no goodbyes, you'll always be Miss America, was it so hard to breathe?</p><p></p><p>[ATTACH=full]19900[/ATTACH] </p><p></p><p>I guess I should feel sad, I don't, happy, nope, I see everything it its celestial glory, and I see nothing, in its inky darkness, duality, always the duality, I would say I feel complete, but something is missing, not a broken heart, I have gone way beyond that, maybe the sudden realisation that I have to be alone, not out of choice, or because of bitterness, but due to the plain fact I am unable to interact with people without putting them before me, oh it sounds noble, and good, but its not, all you do is strip people of the ability to fend for themselves, to take responsibility for themselves, to think for themselves, as I look back at the last 20 years, so many people, so many minds, so much giving, yet it was not me giving, something inside drove me to do it, something inside me enslaved me, and I do not know why, and to be honest, I don't really care anymore, everyone has gone now, I sit back in my chair, the ghosts of the past dance before me, so many ghosts, so many loves, and yet, here, at 23.09 the day after my 47th birthday, I have finally become the person I wanted to be when I was younger, alone, solitary, able to find happiness in my own soul, whatever happiness is, certainly, there is no point in the pursuit of temporary happiness, and long term happiness would probably get boring, no, its not happiness I yearn for, its not even love anymore, no, what I yearn for, what I have always yearned for, thought of, through the last 20 years is to be liberated, to be free, and now finally I am.</p><p></p><p>The ghosts of the dogs float in the air, rory, bran, dan, a solitary tear falls down my cheek, I have tried not to think about the dogs, tried to avoid them for the last year, but truth be told, pah, what can a man write about truth through tears, tears are not a foundation for truth, I wave goodbye to the ghosts of the dogs, wave goodbye to the tear, now is not a time for wallowing, no, it is not, maybe this is what I will do now and then, just find a quiet evening now and then and get all the ghosts out, I have no photos, in fact everything I own is here in this shop, 46 years, and a few black bags, I allow myself a wry smile, everything they said don't do, I did, every scent of every hair, I chased it, I threw myself into love with careless abandon, I ignored all the danger signs, and I never, ever, gave up my innocence. My innocence, my ability to be as honest as I could, to have no agenda, to see every pain and feel it for my own, my innocence, its getting late, I am getting tired, the theme to Braveheart plays, it reminds me of 20 years ago, of Lynne, of my two unborn children, Nikki and Ash, my house, pipe dreams, ahh to be normal once more, to hanker after material objects, holidays, possessions, if I was younger and fitter, I would go and fight a war somewhere, to fight for the truth, to die a truth seekers death, but I am not young, or fit, and I am too tired to fight, I keep seeing her face, it will probably haunt me for some years to come, I don't want to go home, I don't want to count the hours before the morning, before I wake up the face for the last time, before the face becomes one of the ghosts, it is only a matter of time before it does, but not now, not tonight, not now, tomorrow night, we'll do it tomorrow night, don't let this be the night of the ghost, but time waits for no man, tonight is the night when the ghosts welcome a new member, acceptance would be a good facet at this present time, all men die, but not all men truly live, I have achieved nothing, have no qualifications to speak of, have amassed no huge wealth, or even any wealth, but I have achieved what I set out to achieve, solitude and freedom, I have lived and died a thousand times, tonight, the night of the final ghost, I die again, to be reborn, but as what? I don't know, I never do,</p><p></p><p>A car pulls up at the traffic lights outside, I can see a couple, some kids in the back, I smile, its not for everyone, especially not for madmen, in any case, everything is as it should be, everything, is, as, it, should be.</p><p></p><p>The ghosts wave goodbye, they are excited, they are about to welcome someone new, I leave them to it, they will come and visit me again, maybe on another night like tonight, but for the moment, they go.</p><p></p><p>but do you know what the truly maddening thing is, I would not change any of it for the world, none of it, not even tonight, its time to go home, for one last kiss, one last hug, its time..</p><p></p><p>[MEDIA=youtube]xMEUKYaUCiY[/MEDIA]</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>[MEDIA=youtube]ZfW4-nP2G1Q[/MEDIA]</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Harry Haller, post: 207629, member: 14641"] Oh well its here, the final night, the house is clean, there is an air of extreme sadness in the house, in the end, I had to get out and come here to the shop, Sian has shed a tear or two, me, I have no more tears left to shed, I have actually got the point where I can't really feel anything, or even care about anything, the thought of getting excited about say a holiday, or a new car, clothes, seems alien to me, strange, the park opposite is dark now, there is a wind, it makes the trees sway so, james blunt plays, no goodbyes, you'll always be Miss America, was it so hard to breathe? [ATTACH=full]19900[/ATTACH] I guess I should feel sad, I don't, happy, nope, I see everything it its celestial glory, and I see nothing, in its inky darkness, duality, always the duality, I would say I feel complete, but something is missing, not a broken heart, I have gone way beyond that, maybe the sudden realisation that I have to be alone, not out of choice, or because of bitterness, but due to the plain fact I am unable to interact with people without putting them before me, oh it sounds noble, and good, but its not, all you do is strip people of the ability to fend for themselves, to take responsibility for themselves, to think for themselves, as I look back at the last 20 years, so many people, so many minds, so much giving, yet it was not me giving, something inside drove me to do it, something inside me enslaved me, and I do not know why, and to be honest, I don't really care anymore, everyone has gone now, I sit back in my chair, the ghosts of the past dance before me, so many ghosts, so many loves, and yet, here, at 23.09 the day after my 47th birthday, I have finally become the person I wanted to be when I was younger, alone, solitary, able to find happiness in my own soul, whatever happiness is, certainly, there is no point in the pursuit of temporary happiness, and long term happiness would probably get boring, no, its not happiness I yearn for, its not even love anymore, no, what I yearn for, what I have always yearned for, thought of, through the last 20 years is to be liberated, to be free, and now finally I am. The ghosts of the dogs float in the air, rory, bran, dan, a solitary tear falls down my cheek, I have tried not to think about the dogs, tried to avoid them for the last year, but truth be told, pah, what can a man write about truth through tears, tears are not a foundation for truth, I wave goodbye to the ghosts of the dogs, wave goodbye to the tear, now is not a time for wallowing, no, it is not, maybe this is what I will do now and then, just find a quiet evening now and then and get all the ghosts out, I have no photos, in fact everything I own is here in this shop, 46 years, and a few black bags, I allow myself a wry smile, everything they said don't do, I did, every scent of every hair, I chased it, I threw myself into love with careless abandon, I ignored all the danger signs, and I never, ever, gave up my innocence. My innocence, my ability to be as honest as I could, to have no agenda, to see every pain and feel it for my own, my innocence, its getting late, I am getting tired, the theme to Braveheart plays, it reminds me of 20 years ago, of Lynne, of my two unborn children, Nikki and Ash, my house, pipe dreams, ahh to be normal once more, to hanker after material objects, holidays, possessions, if I was younger and fitter, I would go and fight a war somewhere, to fight for the truth, to die a truth seekers death, but I am not young, or fit, and I am too tired to fight, I keep seeing her face, it will probably haunt me for some years to come, I don't want to go home, I don't want to count the hours before the morning, before I wake up the face for the last time, before the face becomes one of the ghosts, it is only a matter of time before it does, but not now, not tonight, not now, tomorrow night, we'll do it tomorrow night, don't let this be the night of the ghost, but time waits for no man, tonight is the night when the ghosts welcome a new member, acceptance would be a good facet at this present time, all men die, but not all men truly live, I have achieved nothing, have no qualifications to speak of, have amassed no huge wealth, or even any wealth, but I have achieved what I set out to achieve, solitude and freedom, I have lived and died a thousand times, tonight, the night of the final ghost, I die again, to be reborn, but as what? I don't know, I never do, A car pulls up at the traffic lights outside, I can see a couple, some kids in the back, I smile, its not for everyone, especially not for madmen, in any case, everything is as it should be, everything, is, as, it, should be. The ghosts wave goodbye, they are excited, they are about to welcome someone new, I leave them to it, they will come and visit me again, maybe on another night like tonight, but for the moment, they go. but do you know what the truly maddening thing is, I would not change any of it for the world, none of it, not even tonight, its time to go home, for one last kiss, one last hug, its time.. [MEDIA=youtube]xMEUKYaUCiY[/MEDIA] [MEDIA=youtube]ZfW4-nP2G1Q[/MEDIA] [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Discussions
Member Blogs
Tonight, Tonight, Tonight
This site uses cookies to help personalise content, tailor your experience and to keep you logged in if you register.
By continuing to use this site, you are consenting to our use of cookies.
Accept
Learn more…
Top