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Do Sikhs Fall in Love with Somebody?

Discussion in 'Love & Marriage' started by aman1234, Nov 10, 2009.

  1. aman1234

    aman1234
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    So many people including so called sikhs do refer to the phrase "falling in love".
    I can't really imagine how can somebody fall in love with somebody living on earth and if they feel any sort of attraction can label it as Love.
    love is not such a small thing . it is a state wherein the lover forgets who is he/she himself is. he/she cannot resist the feeling to meet his beloved. As in Guru Granth Sahib
    ਮੈ ਬਉਰੀ ਮੇਰਾ ਰਾਮੁ ਭਤਾਰੁ (i have become mad without lord and lord is my only releiver . he is my husband.)
    ਰਚਿ ਰਚਿ ਤਾ ਕਉ ਕਰਉ ਸਿੰਗਾਰੁ ॥੧॥ ( Ang 1164, GGS)
    ( i decorate and adorn myself for him).

    Now is there anybody in this world that can match this feeling.
    So why have belief in love marriage. I know everybody says they love their family.freinds,etc. but that is just an attraction. They r just a part of ur life cycle.
    ur aim does not end on them.
    Everybody has a choice, either make ur family and freinds as classmates to reach with them to the final destination of God or just forget urself with them and spoil their lives too .
    i do not say that u don't care about them . Taking care is a responsibility u have towards ur family but do not attach so closely to them so as to forget the real path.
    NEVER PRACTICE RENEUNCIATION. IT IS THE ART OF THE WEAK AND THE FOOLS. SIKHS REMIAN IN GRAHISTH BUT STILL TRY TO ACHIEVE THE REAL PATH.
     
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    #1 aman1234, Nov 10, 2009
    Last edited by a moderator: Jan 5, 2016
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  3. Mai Harinder Kaur

    Mai Harinder Kaur
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    Falling in love, being in love is a most powerful experience. It is unlike any other. It is heady and intoxicating. When in love, nothing else matters. Being in love encompasses the whole being, physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual. It is a taste of our ultimate union with Akaal Purakh. It is no accidence or coincidence that we are called the bride and he is called our husband.

    It is also a trap. Romantic love is always based on attachment, often with a strong element of kaam, as well. It is usually both obsessive and fleeting. And when it ends - by betrayal or disappointment or death - we are left bereft and disillusioned. To recover is a long and difficult process.

    My first marriage was a love match with the love of my life, a Khalsa beyond compare, a great and loving man. After he died, for many long years, I sleep-walked through life, betraying most of what we had lived together and all that he had embodied. I purposely broke almost all my Khalsa vows. I stepped off a cliff and I fell hard. By the kirpaa of Vaheguru, my Guru ji caught me in his arms. I was badly injured, but still alive and able to work toward recovery.

    Today, my life is difficult, but full and rewarding. My Guru Papaji and the Saadh Sangat have welcomed me back with love and compassion. (OK, there are some not so generous. There are always some, eh?)

    Was the joy of that kind of love worth the fall and pain it caused? It was all the Hukam of Vaheguru. The person I am today bears little resemblance to that giddy young girl of 18 who married her beloved. I am deeper, stronger, more compassionate, by Guru ji's kirpaa, an altogether more grown up person.

    I will be honest. I like the person I am today. I am far from perfect, I still have a long, long way to go, but Guru ji has carried me a step or two in the right direction.

    My advice on romantic love? I have none. I can only share my own experience and hope someone can learn something from it.
     
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  4. Satyaban

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    Mai ji

    I am a romantic of sorts. I was already deeply in love when I married. I could not imagine marrying without love, arranged marriage?, hell no. Marry because of family pressure or accommodation?, not a snowballs chance in hell!

    I was with my wife for 20 years and married for 16 before she died of cancer. The pain and despair were severe but would I rather have not had the time with her to avoid the loss?, never.

    I often think that people who speak of love in blase or negative terms have not experienced love, have not known love and love has not known them.

    Peace
    Satyaban
     
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  5. Hardip Singh

    Hardip Singh India
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    Respected Mai jee / Satyben jee,

    How you define LOVE ??????????

    Pl elebrote.
     
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  6. aman1234

    aman1234
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    why don't we all understand.
    our aim in this world is not to be attached to human beings. we need to find the way to god as soon as possible and try to reach God.
    we and our fellow human beings are there to support each of us as we all are on the same mission.
    we are like classmates in a school. Clearing exams( reaching to god) should be our utmost priority. in the way we can give help or take help from our fellow classmates.
     
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  7. Lee

    Lee
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    My dearest Aman ji,

    Whilst what you say seems to make sense, we are warned about the 5 theives and attachment is of course one of them, however we are also warn not to live the asthetic life, to live instead the life of a house holder, have a family, raise children.

    How can we do thios without feeling attachement to our spouse? Further more 'Ik onkar'. God is 1.

    What does this say to you?

    It tells me that there is not one iota of existance that is not God, how can I love God without loving all?

    When I look around me, when I notice the wounderfull veriaty of life we have here, all the differant people, all the differant ideas, it fills my head with astoundment. I'm in love with life, I love this earth, I love my family my freinds, even thoses I have yet to meet, I guess you can say without fear of contridiction, 'But Lee, you are attached to life here'

    And I would say yes I am, how can I not love all that I see and claim I love God?
     
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  8. Satyaban

    Satyaban
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    Hardip ji

    You asked "How you define LOVE ?????????? "

    Now isn't that one of the hardest questions to answer?

    I assume you are asking about romantic love between two people.

    Love is a deeply felt emotion between to people where each fills what is missing in the other therefore making each feel complete.

    I think it is better described than defined. Love is not lust although it may be a part of it and thus remain when lust is gone. Love is putting someone ahead of you because making them happy makes the other happy. I could go on but will not.

    Peace
    Satyaban
     
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  9. Mai Harinder Kaur

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    Do Sikhs fall in love? Of course, Sikhs fall in love. We are not immune from any of the common experiences of humanity. I was deeply in love with Mani and we had a wonderful, romantic marriage. If it happens, it happens.

    But I repeat what I said before. Romantic love is based on attachment and has its own dangers. If it is used to bring the woman and man closer to Guru ji, it is a good thing.

    Also, most of being "in love" is short-lived. It can grow into a long-term, loving relationship, if the people involved have sufficient maturity and determination. I know that in the West, the only accepted reason for marriage is being "in love." I also know that the divorce rate for such marriages is very high, as so many have unrealistic ideas of what marriage will be. I am not against love matches at all. I just think it is important for the two people to be prepared. Love may be a necessary condition; it is not sufficient.

    Do the couple agree on children and child-rearing, finances, division of labour and the like? Are their values very similar? Especially among Punjabis, do the families get along? There are many considerations besides being in love.

    Also, if they have an attitude, common in the West, that "if it doesn't work out, we can get a divorce," I can almost guarantee that they will get a divorce because, even in the best marriages, there will almost certainly be times when it isn't working out. These times pass if the two are determined, but many give up and opt out.

    I am not cold or hard-hearted and I don't want to dampen anyone's joy; I just think this needs to be looked at reasonably.
     
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  10. Hardip Singh

    Hardip Singh India
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    Yes, Satyaben jee
    It is the hardest thing to explain. It could vary from your love to your wife or beloved one to kids to your parrents.......... to your friends......to your countrymen......................last but not least towards the Almighty which could be defined as the true love which as Mai jee has said in her post could not be broken as all other forms of love could be divorced.
     
  11. Satyaban

    Satyaban
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    Mai ji
    So what are the alternatives? The biologic imperative can not be denied. We can be in love which helps keep the mates together along with women being available for sex year round rather than seasonally. The mates staying together produced family cohesion which helped warrant survival.

    Where does this leave us today. We can have arranged marriages which is beyond my consideration and can lead to mistresses or because their is no emotional commitment outside sex is of no consequence or to avoid attachment we could have sex like the animal kingdom where many of the males simply move on.

    Finally there is celibacy proscribed by many. However if too many continue that practice where does it leave the human race or does it matter.

    No, until I choose or am destined to renunciation give me love and the sex that results from it.

    Peace
    Satyaban
     
  12. Rightaboutnow

    Rightaboutnow
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    Hello, i am a muslim and i really respect your religion.
    but reading about "sikh falling in love" there are many things i do not understand
    First of all the message of GURU NANAK DEV JI was that there is ONLY ONE GOD. Sikh call it waheguru muslim call it allah and christian call it jesus. His message was simple and clear we all trying to get to one god whatever your belief is. And Guru nanak best friend was a muslim Baba Fareed and there was a hindu aswell. And In the guru granth sahib there is not even one sentance that say marrying someone from another religion is a sin or wrong. So how come in todays world a sikh is not allowed to marry a muslim. there is nothing in the guru granth sahib that says that. many sikh take muslim at enemies. i dont blame them for this because of the history. but guru nanak is one of the biggest guru and we have to follow him so how come today sikh go agaisnt it when some one want to marry a muslim.

    VAAR IN MAAJH, AND SHALOKS OF THE FIRST MEHL:
    || 7 || SHALOK, FIRST MEHL: It is difficult to be called a Muslim; if one is truly a Muslim, then he may be called one. First, let him savor the religion of the Prophet as sweet; then, let his pride of his possessions be scraped away. Becoming a true Muslim, a disciple of the faith of Mohammed, let him put aside the delusion of death and life. As he submits to God's Will (Islam) and surrenders to the Creator, he is rid of selfishness and conceit. And when, O Nanak, he is merciful to all beings, only then shall he be called a Muslim.
    || 2 || FIRST MEHL: There are five prayers and five times of day for prayer; the five have five names. Let the first be truthfulness, the second honest living, and the third charity in the Name of God. Let the fourth be good will to all, and the fifth the praise of the Lord. Repeat the prayer of good deeds, and then, you may call yourself a Muslim. O Nanak, the false obtain falsehood, and only falsehood.
    <TABLE cellSpacing=0 cellPadding=3 width="100%" bgColor=#ffffcc border=0><TBODY><TR><TD width="100%">
    Quran 98:5 And they have been commanded no more than this: To worship Allah, offering Him sincere devotion, being true (in faith); to establish regular prayer; and to practice regular charity; and that is the Religion Right and Straight.
    <?XML:NAMESPACE PREFIX = O /><O:p></O:p>Quran 4:36 Serve Allah, and join not any partners with Him; and do good- to parents, kinsfolk, orphans, those in need, neighbors who are near, neighbors who are strangers, the companion by your side, the wayfarer (ye meet), and what your right hands possess: For Allah loves not the arrogant, the vainglorious.<O:p> </O:p>
    </TD></TR></TBODY></TABLE>
    || 6 || SHALOK, FIRST MEHL: Let mercy be your mosque, faith your prayer-mat, and honest living your Koran. Make modesty your circumcision, and good conduct your fast. In this way, you shall be a true Muslim. Let good conduct be your Kaabaa, Truth your spiritual guide, and the karma of good deeds your prayer and chant. Let your rosary be that which is pleasing to His Will.
    In RAAG GAUREE MAALAA, FIFTH MEHL:
    || 2 || Reciting the four Vedas from memory, they do not obtain the Mansion of the Lords Presence hereafter. Those who do not understand the One Pure Word, utter total nonsense.

    WITH NO ARGUEMENT OR DISCRIMINATION I WOULD LIKE AN ANSWER
    WE ARE ALL EQUAL WHATEVER OUR CAST CULTURE RELIGION IS
    WE ALL SHARE RED BLOOD
    :yes:
    thank you
    i hope to hear some ones answer or debate soon
     
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  13. spnadmin

    spnadmin United States
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    rightaboutnow ji

    Thanks for your questions. If people are able to maintain a mature stance when answering it then your question will have provoked good discussion.

    I have one tiny correction. Please do not be offended. And then one reply only. Sant Fareed ji was not Guru Nanak's friend as he lived and died before Guru Nanak Dev ji. The Muslim friend that you are thinking of is Bhagat Mardana.

    In response to your question. Sikhs marry Sikhs according to the Sikh Rehat Marayada which is a set of principles for living as a Sikh in one's personal and corporate life. So this is really more a matter of being required to marry a Sikh. It follows that a Sikh would not marry someone of another faith. This mandate of the SRM is based on differences in the way Sikhs and others "practice" their faith.

    For many of the same reasons, the practice of Islam puts pressure on Muslims to marry within their faith or convert the non Muslim partner.

    You will probably get many other answers that pertain to cultural differences and the difficulties that go along with that. All of these views should be considered seriously. But the provision against Sikh/Muslim marriages is given by the Sikh Rehat Maryada. By reading that document, you can see how difficult such a marriage would be for a Sikh.

    Have a read as you will probably understand the differences better. :)
    Sikh Reht Maryada, The Definition of Sikh, Sikh Conduct & Conventions, Sikh Religion Living, India
     
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    #12 spnadmin, Nov 14, 2009
    Last edited by a moderator: Nov 15, 2009
  14. aman1234

    aman1234
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    the topic is been taken in an entirely different direction from where i started.

    love love love. guruji asked us to be in family, be attached to fulfill yours and their needs and to carry out your responsibilities.

    and i think nobody can define love except what guru ji in Guru Granth Sahib have done.
    so how can u call that u r in love .
    only becauz u r hearing this word since ur childhood or watching it in films and comparing it with ur present life.
     
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  15. spnadmin

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    aman1234 ji

    We will keep an eye on things. I felt that an answer based on SRM should be given up front so that the discussion does not go to far off track. Thank you.
     
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  16. Rightaboutnow

    Rightaboutnow
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    Narayanjot Kaur
    If there was people like you in this world. we could sit and ask question and answer every second. i talked to many sikh but trust me i end up in hospital. and i didnt offend them they nearly killed me just because i asked a few question that i wanted to know. The thing is Ji if a sikh really loves someone from another religion. And say if it was to a muslim. and the muslim would'nt make the sikh girl convert. and if they live alright even thought a muslim and a sikh. is this ok then. because today as where i see sikh and muslim they be enmity dont know why. and sorry about baba fareed. yer it was bhagat mardana.

    We are all equal. Still cant understand why muslims and sikh cant get married.

    thank you Ji
     
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  17. Tejwant Singh

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    Rightaboutnow,

    Guru Fateh.

    I know my question has nothing to do with the topic being discussed, but I am just curious to know and no offense intended at all that if you were born a Muslim or a convert?

    Thanks

    Tejwant Singh
     
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  18. spnadmin

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    rightaboutnow ji

    Thank you for your reply. I am in no position to know how the majority of Muslim/Sikh marriages fare for better or for worse.

    In my humble opinion, romantic love can be a powerful force. It can be destructive. It can be constructive. But most people who are married find that romantic love suffers over time because of the trials and challenges of marriage. The romance becomes a victim of truth because of these trials - based on money problems, health, work, family duties and children. This is true for the most mature couples. Imagine then what it is like for couples who do not have the needed emotional maturity. Who simply don't have the emotional maturity to carry on bravely. Romantic love in any marriage ceases to be the magical force it once was. Couples have to depend on family ties, close friends, their religion, their culture and values to keep marriage going over the long distance of adulthood.

    Religious differences add in a serious way to problems that young couples have early in marriage. And religious differences can make all the other challenges of staying married even more difficult.

    There has to be more than romance if a marriage is to endure. If not then what results is divorce, bitter custody battles over children, more battles over homes, bank accounts, possessions and salaries. Both husband and wife are left after a divorce more cynical about marriage, and badly demoralized about their own ability to love or even to be happy in marriage. They find that family ties and friendships are a tattered mess because the people around them feel they have to take sides. It's sad but true.

    Since Sikhism is a way of life then Sikhism cannot fare well if the basic unit of the panth - "the householder" man and wife - is threatened in this way. So Sikhs marry Sikhs so that the support of family, culture and religion will be there for their children and grandchildren. Sometimes people carry it too far, and are entirely too inflexible. Sometimes issues like caste are introduced and that should not be. However, the Sikh Marayada has these problems covered as well.

    It is unfortunate that some Sikhs, like members of other groups, resort to unethical means -- or even put you in the hospital. But this is the best answer I can give you. I also hope that my answer is redirecting the discussion back to the question of romantic love. I have nothing against it. But marriage is a contract. And at the end of the day our way of loving one another in marriage will be stretched to levels we never thought existed in order to live up to our part of that contract.
     
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  19. Rightaboutnow

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    Tejwant Singh i am a convert to islam. 5 years ago.

    the thing is that me and a sikh girl have been in love for 5 years. and we have only seen each other 3 time in 5 years. And now i asked for her rishta but her family is refusing because i am a muslim. i was thinking maybe it was a sin or wrong for a sikh to marry a muslim. even one of my muslim has married a sikh girl for 3 years now and they are living ok. But in my situation i wont go back to the girl or her house. if her family dont want her to marry a muslim then maybe love is fake because 5 years and we are really in love. but you see maybe its all not written in our destiny. THANK YOU NARAYANJOT KAUR. MAY WAHEGURU BLESS YOU. and may you always be happy. respect to sikhism.

    i thought love was the strongest power in this world but its not religion or cultures its human who divide people
     
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  20. Satyaban

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    My position on the "love" issue has already been stated but I have been speaking on a human level not a spiritual one. One does not place their love for another above God because their love is a blessing from God. The love of God is unconditional perfect love.

    It is my understanding and position that the Muslim rule for marrying outside the faith requiring the non Muslim to convert started as a numbers game to increase Islam. The Muslims conquered many lands at the tip of the sword and married to coerced converts with the hope that the offspring would be Muslim.

    I also believe the making of masturbation a "sin" was to promote intercourse also to increase numbers.

    Sorry for running off topic.

    Peace
    Satyaban
     
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  21. Hardip Singh

    Hardip Singh India
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