Why Don't Sikh Girls Want To Marry Sikh Guys? Solution!

Discussion in 'Sikh Youth' started by richachhaba, Jun 18, 2008.


  1. richachhaba

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    WAHEGURU JI KA KHALSA WAHEGURU JI KI FATEH...
    First of all... let us recognize the root cause. Most of the SIKH guys dont have an answer to the question "What is the importance of hair on our body?" to find an answer....


    I'll give u a situation... suppose a person saved ur life but instead he had to lose his arm... will u ever be able to thank that person in words??? the answer is.. "No". u will take care of the person throughout his life and will do the deeds that he likes. and u'll always be greatfull of him. because he sacrificed his important arm to save ur life.

    Think abt OUR GURUS... they sacrificed their families..... not to save our lives... but to save our honour. and how greatfull we r to our GURUS??? how r we thanking them??? how r we making them happy??? by cutting our hair and getting clean shaved?? by replacing the turban which is considered the crown with some cheap branded caps? guys often give an excuse that they were forced by their friends to do so... cudnt these guys force their friends to keep hair?? and if their friends cudn't obey them then r these guys inferior to them that they have to obey them???

    We feel great honour in accepting the latest thing in the market. Be it a mobile, car, pc etc etc... but y dont we feel honour in accepting the latest religion i.e SIKHISM? i m not telling anyone to convert into a sikh... but just requesting the cut surds to remain proper SAABAT SURAT SIKHS.identity. With GURU JI's GRACE I have every answer to every question posed to me. Their's nobody who is equipped with better logics than my GURUS. so, y rn't we following a logical life??? today everybody feels proud to say "i m a practical girl/guy." r u leading ur life practically??? ask urself​
     
  2. richachhaba

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    re: Why Don't Sikh Girls Want To Marry Sikh Guys? Solution.

    dont know that u will agree with me or not but i will say what i felll i m not a sikh by birth but i maried to a sikh boy he is clean shave one but whn i come close to this culture i found it so gr8 and i m really proud to be sikh
    I think u r the BEST coz :-

    "when uwas born, u was Sikh!"
    "When u grew up, u was Sikh "
    "When u r sick, u r Sikh "
    "When u go in the sun, u r Sikh "
    "When u r cold, ur Sikh "
    "When u die, u'll be Sikh

    u love SIKHI, my CULTURE, my COMMUNITY, my PAGRI and everything which i got frm my GURU's...

    and u hate today's sikh girls & boys who dont wear pagri, trim thair beards n cut their hairs, i hate them a LOoooooot..
    i tod my husband to put turban but he said big no to it what i felllt
    PAGG NAAL TERI SARDARI KHALSA
    RAKH EHNU JAAN TON PIYARI KHALSA.

    EH PARTEEK KHALSAEE SHAAN DA,
    JAG VICH TERI VAKHRI PEHCHAN DA,
    DIKH TERI ES NE SHINGARI KHALSA,
    PAGG NAAL TERI...

    JADON TU SAJAVE DASTAAR SIR TE,
    BAJJAN WALA DINDA YE PIYAR SIR TE,
    CHARH JANDI PIYAR DI KHUMARI KHALSA,
    PAGG NAAL TERI....
    so i willl say love your culture i which u r born u alll r so lucky that u born in a sikh family i regret that i m not
    i just want to say that for girls dont loose your skkism bec pagg naal tari sardari kahalsa
    thx
    if i said any thing wrong i m sorry
    Waheguru ji ka Khalsa
    Waheguru ji ki Fateh
     
  3. Gyani Jarnail Singh

    Gyani Jarnail Singh Sawa lakh se EK larraoan
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    Re: Why Don't Sikh Girls Want To Marry Sikh Guys? Solution.

    Just as a loving parent grieves silently when he sees his child going on a wayward path...no amount of arrguing..anger..lectures..etc etc will change the teen's mind.... we Sikhs shed silent tears when we see other sikhs abandoning this beautiful wonderful religion that is the latest and the fastest way to Akal Purakh to play with toys along the way.
    Gurbani tells us that although there are older religions, holy books, ways to God, Names of God etc etc and they are perfectly all right if practised genuinely....GURMATT and its Formula of Kirt Karo, Waand Chhako and Naam jappo is the FASTEST way to merger with Akal Purakh. According to gurmatt we get only ONE CHANCE...as Humans to do this Merger exercise...and thus being given the opportunity to be BORN into a Sikh family is like being BORN with a Golden Spoon ( SPIRITUAL ) in the mouth. You are being given a HEAD START and this must be the result of Akal Purakhs Mercy on you. He gave others birth in Christian home/muslim hone/buddhist home/hindu home..etc...and that is according to His Divine Will. We are Born Sikhs and have an early start...why abandon this !!
    2. The FAULT of why our young ones are leaving is...also with the Parents and the Religious Institutions. BOTH these have failed us. The Parents who never guide their children on the Sikhi path and the Gurdwaras etc that operate like Commercial Institutions and not imparting religion are also to blame...no opportunity is given to a Born Sikh to realy learn about Sikhi..
    Religiuous Education like "charity" begins at HOME. That is why the Sikh rehat Maryada makes it MANDATORY upon Sikh Parents to teach their children Punjabi, Gurbani and Gurmatt. A SIKH is in breach of the SRM if he fails to do that..sadly about 90% of Sikh parents today are in breach of the SRM if based on thsi one para alone....many are in breach of many many paras of the SRM...
    4. IF Non-Punjabi SIKHS can proudly wear the dastaar for Men as well as Women..and follow the Gurmatt Way so BOLDLY..while Punajbi Born sikhs feel shame in keeping long hair/beards/ dastaar and their women counterparts express the desire to marry only cleanshaven men...the circle is self extending.... Whenever I see the American/Western Sikhs in full banna , speaking Punjabi, reading Gurbani in Original Gurmukhi..I feel very Glad at heart....they are showing us the way towards the GURU while we fiddle with wayward games/Maya !! These Western Sikhs ahve abandoned their previous baggage..and adopted the GURUS WAY so well....they dont feel any shame in dastaar..the banna..the kakaars....they wear these so PROUDLY and with DIGNITY... while youth from Punjab migrating overseas seem to be in a hurry to cut their hair and shave as soon as they reach Delhi airport...if not already that way earlier...what a huge waste...they have no knowledge of the Pio daddeh da Khazanh Guru nanak ji left them..the pricelss inheritance !!!
    Gyani jarnail Singh

    Gyani jarnail Singh
     
  4. richachhaba

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    Re: Why Don't Sikh Girls Want To Marry Sikh Guys? Solution.

    Hi Friends

    These days we have seen that more and more young children are getting trimmed day-by-day. Many of them are getting hair cut and rest are getting the beard trimmed. Thus the turban is disappearing from Punjab.

    I have come across many reasons for this. I am sharing some of these reasons with you.

    1. The major reason behind this is the rejection of Sikh boys by the Sikh girls.The Sikh boys which are not trimmed and wearing turban are facing lot of rejections and humiliation of Sikh girls which prefer the clean shaven boys only. Please pick up the matrimonial section of any news paper. You can find many advertisements in which it would be clearly mentioned "Clean Shaven Preferred". This thing is very common in Punjab and Delhi side.Can't a Sikh guy in turban and untrimmed beard be smart?

    What steps are taken by the parents of the girls to improve this thing? All the times parents accept the decision of their daughters not to get married to the Sikh turbaned guy. This is the major reason among the young guys.

    In metro cities where friendships among boys and girls have become very common, you will see only countable examples where a Sikh girl is and Sikh boy are going around each other. Maximum number of times you will find the Sikh girls with the non-sikh boy only. This is because the non-sikh guys don’t have beard and turban which makes them good looking(as said by girls.). So how can you expect the younger generation having the beard and turban.

    2. In Punjab , we are divided into many castes like Jatts, Khatri, Ramgarias etc. Each caste has its +ve and -ve points. Jatt caste is considered as a dominant caste in punjab. A small child getting born in this caste starts considering himself superior to the other castes. Getting a hair cut is considered as a prestige issue in this society "Jattaan da munda ho ke vaal nahi katwaye". You will hardly find any Jatt boy who is a Gursikh. So getting married in Jat caste is preffered in this caste.

    Now comes the Khatri caste. They can be easily recognized with their Gursikh look. They have long beard and always wear turban. They go to gurdwara daily and are gursikhs ( amrit chakhya hoya hai) but they have a bigger misunderstanding that the load of whole of the Sikhism is carried on their shoulders only and they are the only who are true sikhs. Hence they considers themselves as superiors to the other castes of sikhs. Their selection criterion of a boy is that he must have a untrimmed beard and turban. As they considers themselves as superiors, they never get ready to marry their daughters in the other castes of the sikhs. They can marry their daughters with the boys of their relatives like "bua da munda", "mame da munda" etc.

    Similarly Ramgarias want to get married to Ramgarias only.

    Now as we have divided ourselves into different castes, we already have shortened our choices. Ultimately the boys and girls don't get their compatible matches and have to get married by doing compromises. This kind of compromise marriage ultimately breaks in the future. That is why the young girls are taking their own decisions to get married to the non-sikh boys because they don’t get compatible matches.

    I know in writing all these rude things I have hurt the feelings of many people. I am extremely sorry for that but my main aim to is request all the Sikhs of India to get together and fight collectively against this problem. First of all we should get united, by leaving our egos and superiority feeling, then we should think of fighting against this kind of problem. We should start making the marriage relations in all castes of sikhs. Guru Gobind Singh Jee ne amrit dee daat panj piyareya nu ditti c, oh panj piyare different castes nu belong kerde c.

    If we want to save and flourish our religion, the elders will have to improve themselves so that they can teach the youngers sikhism.

    Regards

    richa
     
  5. lotus lion

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    Re: Why Don't Sikh Girls Want To Marry Sikh Guys? Solution.

    Hi,

    I thinking practically almost every single Turban wearing Sikh has had to face this issue at some point in their lives.

    Intreging as this is, I as an individual have no problems when interacting with non-Sikh women on a non-plutonic level, be they Muslim, Hindu, Black, White, Chinese etc....

    It does quite naturally beg the question, what exactly am i doing wrong when i am interacting with Sikh Women?
    In all honesty,and after alot of soul searching, I do not believe it is me, as 'my game' is pretty solid all round and i have pretty good dating success with Muslim, Hindu etc... women.
    Perhaps the fact that i have been turned down soo many times has had an adverse effect on me? Who knows, Just need to move one really.

    One thing that must be understood is that, and i must stress that this is my own personal experience, that men and women look for different things.

    Men generally look for Beauty, to sum it up frankly, followed by character traits. Pretty sure guys can fill in this section.

    Women on the other hand look for qualities such as Leadership, Dominance, Commanding Respect in all spheres of life, Good sense of Humor, intelligence, ambition, Sexual Awareness (Note Not Someone who sleeps around, though some do like it, but then i am advocating it) and so forth.

    In my experience, women do not place as much emphasise on looks as men do. It is ofcourse a factor, but not the deciding one.

    Perception due to Bollywood films and Bhangra Videos is that we do not have these qualities. We are normaly figures of ridicule and no one wants to be associated with that.
    On top of that, we being to accept the negative perceptions that are force fed to us and it ultimately becomes a case of 'Life imitating art'.

    Ironically, Sikhs have been the ones who have defended India/Dharma and we could not have done this had we not have the above 'Skill set' as an absolute minimum.

    Moving forward, all i have to say is one should develop himself Physically, Mentally and Emotionally.

    Physically - Dress well, Tie a neat turban, Tone yourself, become fit.
    Mentally - Study how to 'get' (no other word comes to mind) a woman. Google how to become a player to find a 'dating guru.'
    Emotionally -Study the Scriptures, will have a powerful effect on you. Become receptive to what a woman needs, Note not wants.

    Reduce the amount of drivel that is being force fed to you through the TV i.e. Bollywood and Bhangra Videos.

    Also, and this is very un-PC, so get ready, Flirt with *all* women, irrespective of Colour, Religion, size and you will eventually develop your own style of flirting so you will know what you need to do when the time comes.

    Finally Studying the Japji Sahib as well as Benti Chaupai as an absolute minimum. It will have an incredible effect on you. This i strongly recommend.

    Ironincally, Sikh women will begin talking to you too after they see the 'competition'.
    If you can be bothered, follow up. Personally, I do not, but then there is a lot of venom in my heart ;)
    Prefer women of other religions anyway. Think my preference is pretty obvious, lol.

    Hope that helps in some way,

    My best regards,

    Lotus
     
  6. drkhalsa

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    Re: Why Don't Sikh Girls Want To Marry Sikh Guys? Solution.

    Dear Lotus

    Thanks for very well written post and it was kind of heart felt one for me

    I have been living at different places and I can relate to your conclusins well.
    If we remove the MEDIA effect from Sikh male personality . the first reaction could be confusing from female but eventually your sikh appearance is bound to become + point on your personality card ( if you carry your self well)

    When male associate so strongly with something and wear turban and hair on body than it might be considered as mental toghness, and resonsible trait so say the least BUT this only happens when everything else is also fine like you are Physically , Fit and Smart ( in how to talk ) and Intelligent ( how to flirt)

    Reading Dassam Guru ji's bani also help in very strong way to increase your focus on what you do.

    So cheers for the good post and keep up the good work

    Jatinder Singh
     
  7. singhbj

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    Re: Why Don't Sikh Girls Want To Marry Sikh Guys? Solution.

    Waheguru ji ka khalsa
    Waheguru ji ki fateh

    The girls you are talking about aren't Sikhs, they don't have the essence of Sikhi !
    They might be born in Sardar or punjabi families but if you don't practice the Sikh principles you are not a Sikh !

    In general most of these girls have no moral values which in any case disqualifies them for marriage (irrespective of who with). There mindset and outlook lack the character, responsibility and adjustability which is vital in married life. These sort of girls pretty much end up, divorced, seperated, if at all they get married.

    Now who want's or get's married to these types ?
    deleted.

    Character, trust and adjustability are key aspects in a sucessful marriage other things like love, looks, sex, sense of humour, intelligence etc are only good for short term they tend to change in the long term. Then you end up frustrated and marriage ends !

    Please learn and observe the lives of elders, you will learn a lot.

    Waheguru ji ka khalsa
    Waheguru ji ki fateh
     
    #7 singhbj, Jun 19, 2008
    Last edited by a moderator: May 30, 2010
  8. Sikh80

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    Re: Why Don't Sikh Girls Want To Marry Sikh Guys? Solution.

    Nicely authored and a touching post. Kindly keep up your nice job friend. Thanks for this diamond cut post.
     
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  9. Dhimaan

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    Re: Why Don't Sikh Girls Want To Marry Sikh Guys? Solution.

    Hi everybody

    Almost all my friends have been sikhs and I have been very proud of them. And, then almost each one of them got their hair sheared. I cannot say about other friends of mine, but I expressed my displeasure with them and asked them what made them do it. The stock reply (Alwaysthe same reply, it amazes me to a great extent why all had same answers) was that some infection had taken place in the scalp. Now, I also know that was never the real reason, because even after 10 years they have not put turbans back and hair is still cut short.

    Turban has been a part of not only sikh, but also muslim and hindu culture in Punjab. It is a mark of great respect. I do not know about muslims, but the hindus stopped this practice long ago. My own grandfather stopped it when he got married. But in sikh culture, pagri is an inalienable part and that is a saving grace. But nowadays, many sikhs are doing kesh katals and not taking enough pride in the pagri. And, as I read on the forum some where here, that, one reason for this exterme step (which causes one to lose the best sign of one's identity) is that a sikh is normally presented as a clown in Indian movies. That may be some reason ..but the real reason is different. I do not know it, probably it is something like making a statement. To what effect, is again beyond me.

    Sorry, if this post does not entirely fits the topic under which it appears.

    Regards everybody.

    Prashant Dhiman.
     
    #9 Dhimaan, Jun 19, 2008
    Last edited: Jun 19, 2008
  10. Saint Soldier

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    Re: Why Don't Sikh Girls Want To Marry Sikh Guys? Solution.

    SAT SRI AKAL

    DEAR Prashant,
    sikhs r not always presented as a clown in Indian movies.there are a number of movies showing sikhs in the main role . BORDER and GADAR being a good example .both earned good money and were hit movies border being a real story of a sikh soldier.

    NOW, when it comes to the sikh girls geting married to non-sikhs. u cannot consider sikh girls as a whole every person has his/her own views abt life and marriage .there isnt any problem with me bcz such girls who dont even want to
    marry sikhs how can they bring up their childrens as sikhs even if they marry sikhs so better they marry non-sikhs . another things is that there r non-sikh girls who marry sikh boys not a big deal at all.sikhs r smart good looking and most of them earn good and thats all u need .

    richa kaur ji,ur requested not to consider jatts and khatris as different we r sikhs first and in sikhism there isnt any place for casteism.

    guru ka sikh
    simranjeet singh
     
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  11. lotus lion

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    Re: Why Don't Sikh Girls Want To Marry Sikh Guys? Solution.

    Hi Jatinder Singh /Dr Khalsa,

    Thank you for the kind words, much appreciated.

    I would like to add that for the record, i am not some 6 foot 5 body building guy who is incredibly good looking. Rather, a 5 foot 7 guy who looks after himself and developed his 'game' to a good level. And i am still learning.

    I say this as i want all my brothers out there to know that it is simply about applying some basic principles, and if i can learn it, then there is no reason that anyone else cannot.

    It literally is about improving the way that you present yourself.

    Re the Dasam Granth aspect, I truely say that this is essential. It gives you 'Raas' - Powerful Aura, strength, verility, courage, cannot describe it exactly, but all i know it really does change you.

    For the record, i am not advocating that by merely reading the Dasam Granth will become a success overnight, far from it, but when read and understood and working in conjuction with a good diet, good workout regieme, working on your 'Game' in all aspects, it does give one an edge.

    I would like to add that no offence was intended by associating the Dasam Granth with helping one get a 'partner'. This is merely my experiences and i wanted to share this with my brothers.
    If anybody has taken offence, please accept my sincerest of apologies.

    My best regards,

    Kamal Singh/Lotus Lion
     
  12. svea00

    svea00 SPN Sewadaar
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    Re: Why Don't Sikh Girls Want To Marry Sikh Guys? Solution.

    So hairy men have a problem finding a suitible match... what about (sikh-) women who´re not shaving legs or trimming bikinizones?
    Your talking about what women want about men is mostly about character and admit guys want a hot girl. How do kesdhari girls get along with this? They´re beautiful the way they are but trust me, there´s a lot of pressure from media and surroundings to keep the hair off certain bodyparts which is widely seen to be rather disgusting (at least in the west)... and people make you feel this!

    I totally agree with you on the point that if you´re a sikh minding rehat you don´t want to raise kids with someone who is not sikh enough to deal with a bit of hair. In a way keeping hair is one aspect of reflecting inner sprituality or religiosity on the outside.

    Even as a new member of sikhi, I have to admit, that I find kesdhari men quite good-looking. They look confident, graceful and proud. Maybe this is why so many western sikhs go for it at no time.

    Let me share some thoughts about this issue with me, some maybe quite hypothetic.
    Some of us in the "western" world became rather sick of this superficial approach to relationship and sexuality. At lest I am. This has been going on for at least the last fifty years no and I can´t say that I proud of it.
    I don´t want anyone to see me as a sexobject ,.... I want to be respected the way I am just as any of you guys surely wants to be respected to.
    (Please lotus lion, don´t use the term `game´ for women!)
    Dressing in graceful and decent clothes and keeping your natural beauty is one way to achieve that. I think that´s a reason why a lot gora sikh women wear turbans and bana.

    Another question that was bothering me, why the hell have men beards? Whats the use of it? Have you ever thought about this? I mean other body hair´s got some use, cooling or protecting function. But why a beard.
    So please, don´t get me wrong now. Most males in nature have certain attributes apart from mating behavoir, fights,... to attract their females. Male birds have more colourful plumage, lions got their mane and stags got their huge horns. So think about what you´ve got to impress us. Let it grow, let i flow and be proud of it. :)
     
  13. lotus lion

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    Re: Why Don't Sikh Girls Want To Marry Sikh Guys? Solution.

    Hi Svea00,

    First off thanks for joining this discussion, much appreciated.

    Now re the 'Game' aspect of my posts, i think i need to clarify that by that i mean my general level of success with women on a non-plutonic level. Perhaps i should have written that, but seemed a little too long and everyone seemed to understand what i meant. I will bear this in mind going forward though.

    As strange as this may actually sound when my previous posts are read, i do find Keshdhari women really attractive. Something quite pure and whole about it. Looks so nice to me, i just cannot cannot explain it. Corny i know, but thats my take on it.

    The only problem is, is that i hardly see any about at all. I would say that out of all the Sikh women i know, over 99.9% cut their Kesh and baal.
    This is of course my perception because of my immediate environment (East and Central London), but in all honesty i believe it to be the norm today, which is pretty sad really.

    I remember a long time ago when i was 'drawing up' what my ideal woman would be, it would start off a Sikh woman who has full length hair... amongst other things and yes it did include her characteristic traits so do not worry about that part.

    But then life with its experiences kicked in and roll in the continual rejections from Sikh women because i wear a Pugh. I once had a Sikh women tell me that she really enjoyed my company and that if i did not wear a Pugh she would love to go out with me. On top of that she was strongly hinting that i should cut my Kesh to 'improve' my chances. What does one say to that? How does one handle it?

    After a lot of soul searching and rejection from Sikh women, I decided to go for women of other Dharma's and quite surprisingly, after slight adjustments with my approach, I hardly have *any* problems whatsoever.

    Re the superfical relationship aspect of the post, I would have to say that i agree with yourself. I think everyone wants a deep relationship. But what does one do when the very women who you want to understand and build a future with 'Reject' you, for want of a better word?

    I personally feel that the conditions have been set in such a way that it makes it very difficult to have a deep meaningful relationship (Read: Eastern and Western Media). This does not mean that one should not strive for it, Far from it, I beleive that I do and it fulfils me in every aspect and i am very glad that i made the decison to 'jump over the boundary' because i would not be half the man i am today because of it.

    I personally feel that Sikhs as a whole are not the sharpest cookies in the box when it comes to explaining their Dharma to themselves, forget other people, which is one of the major reasons why we are in this situation.

    The Beard aspect of your post is an interesting one. Yes I too believe that the beard is there for a reason, Basically for me it is to make one into a man. It commands respect from others and creates a positve cycle which ultimately shapes your very core so that not only do you carry yourself with dignity and courage, but makes you into a 'powerful' person.

    BUT The media has presented it to mean someone who is out-of-touch, unkempt and not clean, putting it politely.

    Reading my previous posts on this topic does provide a partial solution to this issue.

    My best regards,

    Lotus "Improving my game" Lion
     
  14. svea00

    svea00 SPN Sewadaar
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    Re: Why Don't Sikh Girls Want To Marry Sikh Guys? Solution.

    Lotus Lion Ji!

    I didn´t want to offend you by any means and I see you have got this part right.
    Actually, I think you´re doing a great job trying to find YOUR type of soulmate and not giving in to the form other want you to be (meaning shaving and cutting your kesh). One day you´ll succeed in this quest and I wish you all the best for it. I know it is hard and the choices get quite thin when you feel attached to a certain mental and moral level. But nevermind we´ll all find the one by preordained destiny or don´t. Which way it goes you never know.
    ...Sorry, don´t let me drag you down, this is my own struggle.
     
  15. KulwantK

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    Re: Why Don't Sikh Girls Want To Marry Sikh Guys? Solution.

    Sat Nam, everyone, I am trusting this finds you well! It is excellent you are keeping your kesh and beard! The one who will be wanting to be with you is the one who realizes the importance of them- and you will both be happy!
    Keep us posted, be well, and many Blessings to you!
    Wahe Guru,
    KulwantK
     
  16. Archived_Member4

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    Re: Why Don't Sikh Girls Want To Marry Sikh Guys? Solution.

    Svea00 ji

    Here is a video that explains one of the reason’s why men have a beard. Also in the beginning of the video Guruka Singh talks about men cutting beards.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b-ZT_97auIY&feature=PlayList&p=EF9085E9C47F1538&index=14

    What has happened here in the western countries is that some people forgot their roots, some do not want to accept Sikhism, or some are just followers and they do as the popular youth or have been mislead by Hollywood and/or bollywood. I live in Canada and majority (by majority I mean 99.99%) of the kids I grow up with have cut there hair and adapted the western look. This goes for men and women. There are so many bad influences in the western counties that the weak people have fallen victim to this materialist life style. For a man to find a woman who is amritdhari is extremely low and the same goes for the women to find a man. One of the major reasons why Sikh women do not want to marry men with beards is because they will not fit into society and be looked as backward couple in the western countries.

    The solution, to why don’t Sikh girls want to marry Sikh guys, is be yourself. Have self confidents live by the Sikh lifestyle and be positive everyday. A Sikh that has full faith in the Guru does not have to search for a life partner or anything else; the Guru will present one for you when the time is right. So in a sense it is a silly question to ask, but I understand where the person who asked this question was coming from.
     
  17. lotus lion

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    Re: Why Don't Sikh Girls Want To Marry Sikh Guys? Solution.

    Hi Svea00 Ji,

    I would just like to say that no offence has been taken at all, in any way shape or form and infact i thank you for you insightful post.

    "Some of us in the "western" world became rather sick of this superficial approach to relationship and sexuality"

    Not to say that i am knocking 'the West' but the above was really food for thought.
    For me, Sikhs, as well as the Hindus and Muslims, are being 'westernised', and as well as all the 'good' stuff that we are exposed to, we are also subject to the 'bad' stuff as well, such as our approach to relationships, which we are also unfortunately and perhaps inevitably adopting.

    Maybe we will get through this. Who knows.
    I remember as a child, if i heard that an Auntie and Uncle were getting divorced, It was such a shock. All the relatives would get together to try and get to the root of the problem and do what ever they could to help keep it together.
    Today, in my generation, it is said almost in passing, "So and So are getting divorced" and i do not think it is going to get better in a hurry.

    Re the fact that i may be having difficulty in finding women who have a similar Ethical and Moral outlook in life, I do not believe that i do. There are loads of women out there who not only match me, but surpass me. Just find it difficult to approach Sikh Women because of my experiences.

    As said in previous posts, i have/had wonderful fulfilling relationships with non-Sikh women in every aspect and it has shaped me incredibly.
    I strongly urge all my brothers out there to do the same thing. It really is about applying basic principles. When you do it, you will not believe how simple it really is.
    Sisters.... well lets just say that I am learning from yourselves.

    Also, Svea00 Ji, You did not drag me down, infact you have brought me up. As a Sikh, your struggle is mine and i if i can help in anyway please say.

    My best regards,

    Lotus
     
  18. svea00

    svea00 SPN Sewadaar
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    Re: Why Don't Sikh Girls Want To Marry Sikh Guys? Solution.

    Lotus Lion Ji!

    Thank you for your warm words.
    The thing with draging you down was refering to my own mood in the moment. It´s got a) something to do with all my friends around me getting married, pregnant and having kids, b) my own disasterously failed attempts to settle down, c) my inner struggle of what do i want anyway, how can i get it and how can i adjust it to my life and finally d) turning 30 this year :(
    Don´t worry it´s not as bad as i sounds, I´m as happy as i´ve never been before in my life, with my life, thus i feel that i reached a turningpoint.

    As i said, i lay my life and my luck in finding the one in guru ji´s hands, there´s not much more i can do and i want to do.
    Honestly, in Europe you only find someone through dating and with dating i´m definetly through.
    Lotus Lion Ji, your experiences with sikhwomen may be even helpful finding the right one. As i always say, at least you know now what you don´t want at all.
    But seriously, somewhere out there, there is someone thinking just as you and waiting to meet you. As i understood through other discussions on SPN, the gursikh girls who´d love to have a turbaned, bearded sikh are not dating or seeing anyone before getting married. So maybe you should think about your strategy.

    @ Singh Ji!
    I love the Guruka Singh videos. They´re both educating and entertaining. He´s always giving nice views from a whole other direction. I´m not that familiar with the yogic aspects of life at all. Honestly some sound rather strange to me. But nevermind, i´m trying to overcome my deadend-mindedness (6 years med-school, sorry). It´s actually working quite well.
    Secondly, i don´t think ´traditional` sikh couples in the west don´t look backwarded at all. Just look at all these nice western sikh families f ex. in the us. I think they´re doing a good job connecting western modern lifestyle with religious and spiritual richness. Personally i think the new modern way is to overcome your sensationhungry fast-food lifestyle, which i don´t consider to be the end of wisdom so far.
    It might be hip at the time to be as free as you can imagine but your soul is not. People aren´t happy that way, believe me, i hear it every day with my patients. They´re tired, scared of life and totally insecure. And i think the sikh lifestyle and attitude to life provides this security and joyfullness.

    Me and my flatmate were lately talking about a spiritual awakening that´s said to be coming soon. Hopefully. (I think that was meant by the aquarius age to be come, or so).
    Sorry, i´m off topic now.

    Sat Nam!
     
  19. lotus lion

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    Hi Svea00 Ji,

    I know what you mean:

    a) So are my friends, some with children, and i would like to add, that i am truely happy for them.

    b) Not having problems with non-Sikh Women, just the Sikh ones, so having issues settling down too. Perhaps i will settle with a non-Sikh? who Knows.

    c) Am considering a career change, dispite having a respectable well paying job.

    d) I wil be 3 0 Soon also, but it will take me just a little longer to get there.

    So you are not alone Svea00 Ji!

    If you think about, it practically everyone will have to cross these bridges at some point. Who has not been worried about settling down? who is not scared of the big 3 0? You will be hard pressed to find them.

    I think you are right in respects to finding the right person. Experiences will guide me to find the right person.

    My best regards,

    Lotus
     
  20. Flower2

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    Re: Why Don't Sikh Girls Want To Marry Sikh Guys? Solution.

    Hi

    I think its quite sad if its true as some people say that some sikh women dont wanna date/marry sikh men with beard cus they dont want to be seen as backward...:( Having a beard is a part of being a sikh,so shouldnt they rather be proud of the men who choose to grow a beard:confused:

    My boyfriend has a long beard and I dont have a problem with it at all.I fell in love with him for who he was as a person, not his facial hair. Him having a long beard is a part of his identity as a sikh and something he likes to have and if you love your partner you should accept them and let them be who they wanna be...unless it harms anyone...It shouldnt matter that much what other people think as long as you are doing what is right according to you/your way of life/God etc:happy:

    Your the one who has to go to bed with yourself at night and be happy with how you live your life, not all the people on the street:rolleyes:
     
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