What wonderful reading, so many points of view, in my personal opinion, everyone is correct,
Sikhism, again in my view, is not a hard and fast rule book of things you should and should not do, I think we will find the answer in the centre.
There is one line of thought that believes that certain things are bad in excess, and that one thing will lead to another, and before you know it, we are responsible for blessing young people having sex outside of marriage
There is another line of thought that believes we are all intelligent human beings and WE are responsible for our decisions, not society, it is the balance between a nanny state and anarchy. Both are clearly not desirable for the continued development of a person, the nanny state brings control through fear and guilt, anarchy puts too much on an individual, rather like a lucid dream, some people need fear and guilt, some need others to make the decision for them, some will always make the right decision regardless of personal feelings, some will submit themselves to their thoughts without even thinking, so we are all of us different, and we all approach life in different ways.
Now, lets us take religion out of this for a moment, as, having read Gyanijis post, and Ambersariaji's post, I would take the gluttony to be the issue, not the sex.
Let us take a look at the question again, and I am really sorry Amanji, I promise I will learn how to do this properly very soon,
WJKK WJKF,
I am a 22 year old sardar, with a dari and phug. I have never drank or smoked. The reason I do not engage in these things, is because they are harmful to the user and to others.
However, my question is about pre-marital sex. I have not engaged in it, however I do not see the problem in doing so if it is a) done smartly/safely b) does not become an obsession.
WHY it is considered "wrong" ? Alcohol, drugs, and treating others poorly - all are against Sikhi, because they do do harm to either the user or others.
But what does sex do?
Thank you.
Note this young man does not say, I do not drink or do drugs or cut my hair because I am forbidden by sikhi, he says he does not do it because they harm the user or others, very well done for getting the message of sikhi, not to blindly follow without understanding, but to take actions because you have completely understood the message, being in consonance, so I would take it that this is quite an intelligent young man, who wants to know why sex is bad, who it affects, why should he not do it
I do not think the question actually has anything to do with sikhi, it is a young man following the ideals of sikhi asking whether premarital sex harms the user or others, if you are in a loving relationship with someone, you care for each other, your feelings are pure, and forgetting the social problems of young sikhs having sex for a moment, then there is nothing in my view wrong with that, if however you wish to go clubbing, internet dating, whoring, and end up in bed with someone you hardly know, and have no feelings for, other than basic animal lust, then , yes you can harm yourself and others, either through an STD, emotionally, unwanted pregnancy, or feelings of shame
The social factors bring into play many many more issues, the way your parents would feel, how it could affect your future marriage prospects, how it could affect not only your family but your own standing in the community, it is for you to make an informed decision to as to what path you wish to proceed down, what seeds you wish to plant, whether those seeds are being true to you, and to which part of you, you wish to push forward as the true you, if 'you' is a man in balance who feels he can have sex before marriage and still feel completely sikhi, no problem, if 'you' is a man who feels he would be more in consonance and more true to himself by waiting, no problem, I think this is a very individual issue, clearly by the many different views on the subject.
However, we must be very careful of using fear and guilt as control, let us make the facts clear and hope the young make the correct decisions that will subject them neither to a life of Gluttony, nor a life of abstinence and frustration
