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Black Girl in Love with a Sikh Boy

Discussion in 'Love & Marriage' started by Leon, Jul 12, 2006.

  1. Leon

    Leon
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    I've know this guy for 2 years and have fallen in love with him. We go out do things together and have even spoken about marriage. The thing is I've never meet none of his friend nor family member. What I would like to ask.. Is it even possible for him to marry a black girl?? Would his family even accept me. Or I'm i setting myself up for serious disappointment.

    Any advice appreciated....
     
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  3. drkhalsa

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    Dear Leon


    As I think you are from Canada and it always depend on individual family ,

    Most of families have Migrated from India and might have rigid rules for marriage but as for sikhism as you might already know , there is nothing that can stop you from marrying anybody regardless of race .


    But the most important is your boyfriend , if he is Ok then I dont think there willbe problem

    I hope everything turn up to be nice for you ,

    JAtinder Singh
     
  4. max314

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    Well, I do believe that congratulations are in order (everyone seems to be falling in love today...woohoo!:}{}{}:).

    I really do hope things work out for you, but I'd be lying if I said that it will be a free and clean ride. Maybe his family will be cool with it. You'll just have to ask and find out.

    Best of luck :up:
     
  5. hps62

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  6. vijaydeep Singh

    vijaydeep Singh
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    Gurfateh

    It is encourageable,just try to bring whole family in Sikh fold but if they do not want then also it is OK.Matches are made by Akal and who are we to interfere.It is OK is she is pagan,jew or Chrisitan,as er old code of Sanatan Sikhs there could be some difficulty if she is muslim but at resent that is also not a big issue.

    sgce code may be not at er with it.
     
  7. BhagatSingh

    BhagatSingh Canada
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    i mean with respect.. that it will cause problems unless u sort them out before marriage
    like will ur kids be sikhs or wt?
    if yes u will have to learn the basics of sikhism urself so u can teach the kids if not then in my point this endangers sikhi .. remember every little bit of damage can lead sikhi to extinction
    try thinking outsidde the box
    dont take this as sumting against you
    i really like this muslin girl in my school and if we ever get married (very unlikely this is hischool were talking about) then i will make it clear for her that she has to learn the basics and kids will be pure sikhs etc like i mentioned
    just my point of view! :) i hope it helps
    discussing this with his family and him will really help :)
     
  8. AFRICAN SINGH

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    SAT SURI AHKAL JI !!!
    Hello everyone...I am new here,and I do have a lot of quandaries that I hope this forum can help with. I have been married for 6 years to a Sikh man,and we have 4 children.When I met my husband, I became so in love with him and as well as his culture. All of his family are in Canada,London, and India. Both of his parents are passed away. For the first few years I didn't even know much about his other family members,just his older sister who would talk to me by phone(to this day i still have not met face to face,but still speak by phone).After 1 and a half years of marriage,one day one of my husbands friends had got into an argument over money,and came secretly to tell me "all about my husbands dirty laundry"...such as been married twice before to a white lady here in the states,and one before in London...all didn't "work" out...and so on and so on...Of course this hit me bad..and cause a lot of problems a little while...of which my husband said that he didn't want to lose me with his "past" and didn't want to tarnish his present and future,or be judged by his past. I let that go,and we moved on.O.K.....fast forward 6 years,and 4 kids later...my husbands past catches up with him,and to make a long story short,he is deported back to India,based upon a past of aliases, and paperwork that we couldn't process fast enough due to some financial hardships.So...here I sit with 4 kids no husband,and even though my whole family adores him(and of course met him by now) I've yet to see face to face any 1 family member.Even his family in India,his aunts ,uncles,cousins,Nani, all want me and the kids to come to India to have a Punjabi wedding,when things get better.His family on his mothers side in Canada even offered for me and the children to come to Canada to "take care" of us,until my husband comes home.In my family all I have left is my mom,2 older sister's,1 distant uncle,and a niece. My dad died back in 2005,and all my grandparents are passed away.

    And yes I am African -American.So...why do I feel that maybe I'm not respected? Sometimes I feel that I'm not good enough, in that,every time someone gets married in India...all kinds of family members up and run to India for who-evers marriage?Because of this situation,I feel alone,hurt and that maybe I'm wasting my life and my children's life?This all started because my husband never 'legitimately" took care of his paperwork to begin with,but I look over that because I thought it was the right thing to do,and I wanted our marriage to work.Now that I am suffering very,very badly financially,emotionally,spiritually....out of all my husbands family members,I don't understand why 1 person each with $10.00 , $5.00, or whatever couldn't pool together some financial support for me and the kids? I am looking for any and all kinds of work...with the threat of losing my home in a rural country area in Texas going on,losing my car,the only means of transportation here(no buses,shopping et al).

    Even when my husband had sat in the Immigration jail from Jan 9Th-May 11Th...I still did all that I could to looking for work,seek help from welfare for food,half of rent utilities,personal items and so forth, and still ON MY OWN start a legal battle with the federal government to hold his deportation,to no avail.I even helped him win a delay in deportation for 3 weeks...but again to no avail. So...I'm pouring my heart out to you guys,because I want to know the top opinion....AM I BEING TAKEN FOR A RIDE HERE? SHOULD I MOVE ON IN LIFE,WHEN I HAVE A FEW GOOD YEARS LEFT?IS IT POSSIBLE THAT I CAN FIND A REAL GOOD GUY OF MAYBE EASTERN/WESTERN MIX THAT WOULD LOVE ME AND MY KIDS FOR US?that is my concern that my children are also Punjabi/Sikh...I don't want them to lose this part of their culture that belongs to them.I appreciate all comments or advise...as I am sick and tired of this....and I want a traditional marriage with someone that respects me and my children,honest,and have the love of God...is this still possible for me after this past/current history?

    BLESSINGS TO ALL,
    Victoria Singh
     
  9. dalsingh

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    Hi Victoria

    From my perspective, the fact that the guy has children with you means he should exercise responsibility on his part. But sadly many men do not for various reasons.

    However, based on what you posted I must say that it does seem like he was there for the long haul before his immigration "issues" caught up with him. If you are under severe hardships consider taking his Canadian relatives offer up. It will also give you an opportunity to meet his wider family.

    The ultimate truth is that only you know the true ins and outs of the relationship, and you will ultimately be in the best position to judge his sincerity compared to ANYONE else.

    I think it is important to make sure the children have contact with the wider family. Regarding acceptance, The Panjabi Sikh community is notoriously conservative, but fromwhat I have seen they will soon accept the children if they do not do so immediately. It is important that you overcome any ignorance you encounter and meet with the family in a confident and friendly manner. What you feel about yourself is more important than what they may feel about you!

    Hope this helps.
     
  10. AFRICAN SINGH

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    Hi Dalsingh!

    Thanks for the quick reply! You have brought up 2 very positive points, about my in-laws in Canada~ and yes,for the most part he was in for the long haul. So, I would say that is 2 positive things against a whole lot of others things I have to consider. You know when you just intuitively feel somethings not "right"?. That's the staggering feeling or residue that lingers. Maybe I'm just emotional right now, but time will tell,and again thanks for your positive 2 cents, Yaar!


    Blessings,

    Victoria
     
  11. SuperGal

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    Ok, hold the phone people. Lets not get carried away here.

    If a black girl marries a Sikh boy its ok? But if a Sikh girl marries a black guy its a disgrace?

    Get your frikin priorities straight
     
  12. Randip Singh

    Randip Singh
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    Who is saying that?

    Any relationship based on "Kaam" is a disgrace.
     
  13. kds1980

    kds1980 India
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    Who is saying that it is disgrace if Punjabi sikh girl marries a Black sikh Guy?

    The reason people Don't like sikh Girls marrying non sikh guys because a very large majority of them end up converting to their husbands faith and raise non sikh children.Now you cannot expect sikhs to appreciate this
     
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  14. Randip Singh

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    Exactly.

    The question is not one of colour, but one of faith.
     
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  15. Atheist

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    I know I will be chastised, but in response to the concern that inter-faith marriages may result in children not being raised Sikh...shouldn't human beings choose what faith they believe in? Also, shouldn't human beings choose who to marry? And if you have two Sikh parents, there is no guarantee the children will end up Sikh.

    I was raised by very strict, traditional, Indian Sikh parents. Religion was shoved down my throat and I was almost kicked out of the house for cutting my beard. With that much Sikh exposure, I ended up an atheist. On the other hand, my brother is an extremely devout Sikh (took Amrit, does Sewa, no alcohol, does not tie his beard).

    So, I would argue that children should be taught morals and exposed to a variety of different viewpoints (so they're not sheltered) and not be forced to be a particular religion (guided yes, forced no). Besides, is it really possible to force someone to believe something? Children may "agree" to it out of fear but that's not truly believing.

    Your criticisms please.
     
  16. kds1980

    kds1980 India
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    No criticism.

    You already answered your question.Our of 2 you 1 is devout sikh.Tell me if your father wouldn't have been sikh would your brother have been a devout sikh.?

    The type of liberal logic you people give does not work in real world.Do you know there were 1,20000 parsis in the begining of 21st century in India now only 70,000 .Tell me what is so wrong in Parsi religion?The reality is parsis never cared about raising their children as Parsis and many of their children intermarried with Hindu's and muslims as a Result Parsis are now on the verge of extinction.
     
  17. Tejwant Singh

    Tejwant Singh United States
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    Atheist ji,

    Guru Fateh.

    You write:

    Somehow, it seems from your post that you tend to jump to conclusions about what others may think about you for the reasons only known to you.Rather than giving people the benefit of the doubt, you start doubting them. I am not a psychologist but I know you are a physician in training as you mentioned but I have no idea where this insecurity or lack of trust in others come from.

    I agree with you. That is why Sikhi is not an external imposition ( too bad it was demonstrated in your own household), but an internal manifestation.

    As mentioned in my earlier posts, Sikhi is about pragmatism, not about any dogma. SGGS is the proof of that which has beautiful poetry from people who had the similar thought process but belonged to different religions.

    I wrote a small piece about it which can be found in this forum" Dogmas versus the Science of Guru Nanak". Let me know your views on that.

    Sikhi breeds open mindedness. So when you say you were raised by very strict , traditional, Indian Sikh parents, it baffles me a bit because I was also raised in a devout Sikh family but nothing was shoved down our throats. Goodness, helping the needy was instilled in us since we were very young. We were not forced to memorise any paath. We, as kids waited for the days of the Gurpurab so we could do seva for 3 days. It was a blast.I am sorry to know that in your own household it seems there were more man made dogmas enforced than the the true value of Sikhi but who am I to judge!

    I totally agree with you. If you go through some of my own threads and posts in this forum, you will find out that for me a Sikh can also be an Atheist because Ik Ong Kaar is not the deity God that the Atheists have the disbelief in.

    My kids, Jaskeerat who is 19 is a Sophomore at LMU, a Catholic Univeristy in Los Angeles and is doing double major- International Business, European History and minor in Theology. In fact she is one of the very few who was chosen to present her studies:

    "March 01, 2010

    Dear Jaskeerat Malik,

    Congratulations! You have been selected to present your work, Roman Apology: Non-Christian Romans vs. Christian Romans in the first three centuries of the Roman Empire, at the second LMU Undergraduate Research Symposium on Saturday, March 20 in University Hall. Your research project was chosen by a faculty committee in recognition of the project’s clarity and as a contribution of significant work in your field."

    She was offered the Book of Mormons by one of her class mates in high school to read and she read part of it and gave up because she decided it was not her cup of tea.

    My son, Trimaan who is 14 and a freshman in a magnet program wrote an essay in which he mentioned about studying Islam. He posted it here in the forum. In fact he has been the only visible Sikh in all his schools since the age of 3 when we moved to Henderson from California

    http://www.sikhphilosophy.net/inspirational-stories/28767-unfair-discrimination.html

    No criticisms, just lively interaction which is the best way to learn.:)

    Regards

    Tejwant Singh
     
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  18. Atheist

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    Dear Tejwant Singh Ji,

    Thank you for your response. Well, it is certainly not an insecurity...I am a minority in more than one way (living in a white christian community) so I have had to learn to not be insecure (otherwise I'd have too much anxiety). I am totally secure knowing that there are people that would crucify me for my "beliefs," and am totally comfortable with the opinions people have of my lack of christian belief (no sense in hiding what I am and being fearful). Lack of trust? One of most important lessons I've learned in medicine is not to trust anyone. Some of the profoundly tragic things I've seen in medicine has seriously diminished my trust in humans. Sounds bad I know, but I've been burned trusting people I thought I could easily trust. At the same time, I see what you are saying. Perhaps I should have said, "I hope I am not chastised" instead, yes? After all, this forum is not a random sample of people like medicine is, it is a forum of people pursuing the truth and being open-minded.

    Anyway, I liked your response and how you say that Sikhi is an "internal manifestation" - a term I had not heard before. Sikhi definitely should be not about dogma as you have alluded. I have seen on a couple occasions where people get so entrenched in things like cutting hair and keeping the other K's and outwardly criticize me for not keeping them, yet they failed to ever say "Sikhi also teaches that we should be good people." So yes it should not be about dogma, but sometimes people fall into the trap of putting dogma over the real message. At least that's been my observation, again I'm so isolated that I haven't really interacted with many Sikhs in person.

    Sikhi does breed open-mindedness. Of the world religions, it is arguably the one that MOST breeds open-mindedness (the 9th Guru sacrificed his life simply so that people had the ability to choose). You know what's ironic is that I am baffled that you are baffled at my childhood experiences. Was it just our family?? With no other Sikhs growing up, I had no basis for comparison. We were told that Sikhi breeds open-mindedness, yet my parents were anything but open-minded. Like I mentioned before, I was almost literally dragged out of our house from my ear because I cut my beard. It did not strike me as open-minded, however I quickly learned not to talk back.

    You make a very interesting point: "a Sikh can also be an Atheist because Ik Ong Kaar is not the deity God that Atheists have the disbelief in." The god that I have a disbelief in is a "hands-on" god that cares about human affairs, answers prayers, and performs miracles at his/her/its discretion. If however god means a one-ness with the universe and nature, and is more concerned with the natural laws of the universe we are bound by then yes that type of god is totally consistent with Atheism (this is what Einstein believed).

    I offer my congratulations to your two children who have no doubt excelled academically but also in their personal lives. It is my hope that they set lofty goals for themselves only to end up exceeding them by miles. I too was given a book of mormon in my teen years (I had a few close mormon friends growing up) but quickly decided it was not my cup of tea. Of course, my parents were quite upset that I even read it.

    Yes, lively interaction sounds good :)

    Kanwardeep Singh Ji, yes I totally see what you're saying. Although there is nothing wrong with the Parsi religion, childhood indoctrination can be dangerous too. Isn't it more rewarding to see a Sikh who chose to be a Sikh rather than one who just by accident happened to be born into a Sikh family? If Sikhism is a great religion (it is) then it will not go extinct. If people are guided toward Sikhism but are also exposed to other thought processes, then their choice in Sikhism is that much stronger, isn't it?

    If I had kids I would not raise them as atheist. I would teach them morals and teach them about Sikhism so they knew what it is (and would encourage them to read these forums). They would be free to attend Sikh youth camps but not forced to. But I would also tell them that other religions and belief systems exist. If they then chose to be Sikh I would know they are doing it because it makes most sense to them; same thing if they chose atheism or jainism or buddhism. Granted, when children are too young it might be confusing to expose them to lots of different and possibly contradicting beliefs. Everything should be done at the appropriate age.
     
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  19. kds1980

    kds1980 India
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    Dear Atheist

    You have to understand that we sikhs are minroty everywhere except rural Punjab.There is
    difference between minority and majority religion.In India sikh kids watch hindi films and serials in which Hindu characters are shown.They have hindu friends and are totally surrounded by Hindu environment.So indirect brainwashing of sikh children happen.If Sikh parents don't try to make their children as sikhs then 99% of younger generation of sikhs will assimilate in Hinduism
     
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  20. Tejwant Singh

    Tejwant Singh United States
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    Athiest ji,

    You write:

    Well, then Einstein, Bertrand Russell and others of the same ilk were subliminally Sikhs. Guru Nanak explains the above in the Mool Mantar and in the Jap very well. I call Mool Mantar the blueprint of Sikhi, Jap its foundation and the rest of the SGGS is full of sketches based on the above blue print and foundation to help us erect our own spiritual buildings depending on our quest.

    Regards

    Tejwant Singh
     
  21. Randip Singh

    Randip Singh
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    No chastisement or criticism here.

    I for one was brought up in a strict Sikh family and rebelled, with no belief in God for many years (sorry to shock the forum).

    I then realised my families concept of Sikhism was skewed (Sant/Baba) and someone explained the first lines of MulMatra to me.

    When God was described a Sat or Truth and Akaal Moorat, beyond Time and Space, that blew my mind.

    The idea that it was a very personal concept and not big beardy man in the Sky was great. For me, the concept of God is not the Semetic concept, but definitely the elusive Sikh one......something along the lines of The Force in the Star Wars films. :veryhappymunda:
     
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