Why Don't Sikh Girls Want To Marry Sikh Guys? Solution!

richachhaba · #1 (**permalink**) 18-Jun-2008, 19:37 PM

WAHEGURU JI KA KHALSA WAHEGURU JI KI FATEH...
First of all... let us recognize the root cause. Most of the SIKH guys dont have an answer to the question "What is the importance of hair on our body?" to find an answer....

I'll give u a situation... suppose a person saved ur life but instead he had to lose his arm... will u ever be able to thank that person in words??? the answer is.. "No". u will take care of the person throughout his life and will do the deeds that he likes. and u'll always be greatfull of him. because he sacrificed his important arm to save ur life.

Think abt OUR GURUS... they sacrificed their families..... not to save our lives... but to save our honour. and how greatfull we r to our GURUS??? how r we thanking them??? how r we making them happy??? by cutting our hair and getting clean shaved?? by replacing the turban which is considered the crown with some cheap branded caps? guys often give an excuse that they were forced by their friends to do so... cudnt these guys force their friends to keep hair?? and if their friends cudn't obey them then r these guys inferior to them that they have to obey them???

We feel great honour in accepting the latest thing in the market. Be it a mobile, car, pc etc etc... but y dont we feel honour in accepting the latest religion i.e SIKHISM? i m not telling anyone to convert into a sikh... but just requesting the cut surds to remain proper SAABAT SURAT SIKHS.identity. With GURU JI's GRACE I have every answer to every question posed to me. Their's nobody who is equipped with better logics than my GURUS. so, y rn't we following a logical life??? today everybody feels proud to say "i m a practical girl/guy." r u leading ur life practically??? ask urself

richachhaba · #2 (**permalink**) 18-Jun-2008, 19:42 PM

dont know that u will agree with me or not but i will say what i felll i m not a sikh by birth but i maried to a sikh boy he is clean shave one but whn i come close to this culture i found it so gr8 and i m really proud to be sikh
I think u r the BEST coz :-

"when uwas born, u was Sikh!"
"When u grew up, u was Sikh "
"When u r sick, u r Sikh "
"When u go in the sun, u r Sikh "
"When u r cold, ur Sikh "
"When u die, u'll be Sikh

u love SIKHI, my CULTURE, my COMMUNITY, my PAGRI and everything which i got frm my GURU's...

and u hate today's sikh girls & boys who dont wear pagri, trim thair beards n cut their hairs, i hate them a LOoooooot..
Reference:: Sikh Philosophy Network http://www.sikhphilosophy.net/sikh-youth/22130-why-dont-sikh-girls-want-marry.html
i tod my husband to put turban but he said big no to it what i felllt
PAGG NAAL TERI SARDARI KHALSA
RAKH EHNU JAAN TON PIYARI KHALSA.

EH PARTEEK KHALSAEE SHAAN DA,
JAG VICH TERI VAKHRI PEHCHAN DA,
DIKH TERI ES NE SHINGARI KHALSA,
PAGG NAAL TERI...

JADON TU SAJAVE DASTAAR SIR TE,
BAJJAN WALA DINDA YE PIYAR SIR TE,
Reference:: Sikh Philosophy Network http://www.sikhphilosophy.net/showthread.php?t=22130
CHARH JANDI PIYAR DI KHUMARI KHALSA,
PAGG NAAL TERI....
so i willl say love your culture i which u r born u alll r so lucky that u born in a sikh family i regret that i m not
i just want to say that for girls dont loose your skkism bec pagg naal tari sardari kahalsa
thx
if i said any thing wrong i m sorry
Waheguru ji ka Khalsa
Waheguru ji ki Fateh

Gyani Jarnail Singh · #3 (**permalink**) 19-Jun-2008, 10:57 AM

Just as a loving parent grieves silently when he sees his child going on a wayward path...no amount of arrguing..anger..lectures..etc etc will change the teen's mind.... we Sikhs shed silent tears when we see other sikhs abandoning this beautiful wonderful religion that is the latest and the fastest way to Akal Purakh to play with toys along the way.
Gurbani tells us that although there are older religions, holy books, ways to God, Names of God etc etc and they are perfectly all right if practised genuinely....GURMATT and its Formula of Kirt Karo, Waand Chhako and Naam jappo is the FASTEST way to merger with Akal Purakh. According to gurmatt we get only ONE CHANCE...as Humans to do this Merger exercise...and thus being given the opportunity to be BORN into a Sikh family is like being BORN with a Golden Spoon ( SPIRITUAL ) in the mouth. You are being given a HEAD START and this must be the result of Akal Purakhs Mercy on you. He gave others birth in Christian home/muslim hone/buddhist home/hindu home..etc...and that is according to His Divine Will. We are Born Sikhs and have an early start...why abandon this !!
Reference:: Sikh Philosophy Network http://www.sikhphilosophy.net/showthread.php?t=22130
2. The FAULT of why our young ones are leaving is...also with the Parents and the Religious Institutions. BOTH these have failed us. The Parents who never guide their children on the Sikhi path and the Gurdwaras etc that operate like Commercial Institutions and not imparting religion are also to blame...no opportunity is given to a Born Sikh to realy learn about Sikhi..
Reference:: Sikh Philosophy Network http://www.sikhphilosophy.net/showthread.php?t=22130
Religiuous Education like "charity" begins at HOME. That is why the Sikh rehat Maryada makes it MANDATORY upon Sikh Parents to teach their children Punjabi, Gurbani and Gurmatt. A SIKH is in breach of the SRM if he fails to do that..sadly about 90% of Sikh parents today are in breach of the SRM if based on thsi one para alone....many are in breach of many many paras of the SRM...
4. IF Non-Punjabi SIKHS can proudly wear the dastaar for Men as well as Women..and follow the Gurmatt Way so BOLDLY..while Punajbi Born sikhs feel shame in keeping long hair/beards/ dastaar and their women counterparts express the desire to marry only cleanshaven men...the circle is self extending.... Whenever I see the American/Western Sikhs in full banna , speaking Punjabi, reading Gurbani in Original Gurmukhi..I feel very Glad at heart....they are showing us the way towards the GURU while we fiddle with wayward games/Maya !! These Western Sikhs ahve abandoned their previous baggage..and adopted the GURUS WAY so well....they dont feel any shame in dastaar..the banna..the kakaars....they wear these so PROUDLY and with DIGNITY... while youth from Punjab migrating overseas seem to be in a hurry to cut their hair and shave as soon as they reach Delhi airport...if not already that way earlier...what a huge waste...they have no knowledge of the Pio daddeh da Khazanh Guru nanak ji left them..the pricelss inheritance !!!
Gyani jarnail Singh

Gyani jarnail Singh

richachhaba · #4 (**permalink**) 19-Jun-2008, 13:10 PM

Hi Friends

These days we have seen that more and more young children are getting trimmed day-by-day. Many of them are getting hair cut and rest are getting the beard trimmed. Thus the turban is disappearing from Punjab.

I have come across many reasons for this. I am sharing some of these reasons with you.

1. The major reason behind this is the rejection of Sikh boys by the Sikh girls.The Sikh boys which are not trimmed and wearing turban are facing lot of rejections and humiliation of Sikh girls which prefer the clean shaven boys only. Please pick up the matrimonial section of any news paper. You can find many advertisements in which it would be clearly mentioned "Clean Shaven Preferred". This thing is very common in Punjab and Delhi side.Can't a Sikh guy in turban and untrimmed beard be smart?

What steps are taken by the parents of the girls to improve this thing? All the times parents accept the decision of their daughters not to get married to the Sikh turbaned guy. This is the major reason among the young guys.

In metro cities where friendships among boys and girls have become very common, you will see only countable examples where a Sikh girl is and Sikh boy are going around each other. Maximum number of times you will find the Sikh girls with the non-sikh boy only. This is because the non-sikh guys don’t have beard and turban which makes them good looking(as said by girls.). So how can you expect the younger generation having the beard and turban.
Reference:: Sikh Philosophy Network http://www.sikhphilosophy.net/showthread.php?t=22130

2. In Punjab , we are divided into many castes like Jatts, Khatri, Ramgarias etc. Each caste has its +ve and -ve points. Jatt caste is considered as a dominant caste in punjab. A small child getting born in this caste starts considering himself superior to the other castes. Getting a hair cut is considered as a prestige issue in this society "Jattaan da munda ho ke vaal nahi katwaye". You will hardly find any Jatt boy who is a Gursikh. So getting married in Jat caste is preffered in this caste.

Now comes the Khatri caste. They can be easily recognized with their Gursikh look. They have long beard and always wear turban. They go to gurdwara daily and are gursikhs ( amrit chakhya hoya hai) but they have a bigger misunderstanding that the load of whole of the Sikhism is carried on their shoulders only and they are the only who are true sikhs. Hence they considers themselves as superiors to the other castes of sikhs. Their selection criterion of a boy is that he must have a untrimmed beard and turban. As they considers themselves as superiors, they never get ready to marry their daughters in the other castes of the sikhs. They can marry their daughters with the boys of their relatives like "bua da munda", "mame da munda" etc.
Reference:: Sikh Philosophy Network http://www.sikhphilosophy.net/showthread.php?t=22130

Similarly Ramgarias want to get married to Ramgarias only.

Now as we have divided ourselves into different castes, we already have shortened our choices. Ultimately the boys and girls don't get their compatible matches and have to get married by doing compromises. This kind of compromise marriage ultimately breaks in the future. That is why the young girls are taking their own decisions to get married to the non-sikh boys because they don’t get compatible matches.

I know in writing all these rude things I have hurt the feelings of many people. I am extremely sorry for that but my main aim to is request all the Sikhs of India to get together and fight collectively against this problem. First of all we should get united, by leaving our egos and superiority feeling, then we should think of fighting against this kind of problem. We should start making the marriage relations in all castes of sikhs. Guru Gobind Singh Jee ne amrit dee daat panj piyareya nu ditti c, oh panj piyare different castes nu belong kerde c.

If we want to save and flourish our religion, the elders will have to improve themselves so that they can teach the youngers sikhism.

Regards
richa

lotus lion · #5 (**permalink**) 19-Jun-2008, 16:04 PM

Hi,

I thinking practically almost every single Turban wearing Sikh has had to face this issue at some point in their lives.

Intreging as this is, I as an individual have no problems when interacting with non-Sikh women on a non-plutonic level, be they Muslim, Hindu, Black, White, Chinese etc....

It does quite naturally beg the question, what exactly am i doing wrong when i am interacting with Sikh Women?
In all honesty,and after alot of soul searching, I do not believe it is me, as 'my game' is pretty solid all round and i have pretty good dating success with Muslim, Hindu etc... women.
Reference:: Sikh Philosophy Network http://www.sikhphilosophy.net/showthread.php?t=22130
Perhaps the fact that i have been turned down soo many times has had an adverse effect on me? Who knows, Just need to move one really.

One thing that must be understood is that, and i must stress that this is my own personal experience, that men and women look for different things.

Men generally look for Beauty, to sum it up frankly, followed by character traits. Pretty sure guys can fill in this section.

Women on the other hand look for qualities such as Leadership, Dominance, Commanding Respect in all spheres of life, Good sense of Humor, intelligence, ambition, Sexual Awareness (Note Not Someone who sleeps around, though some do like it, but then i am advocating it) and so forth.
Reference:: Sikh Philosophy Network http://www.sikhphilosophy.net/showthread.php?t=22130

In my experience, women do not place as much emphasise on looks as men do. It is ofcourse a factor, but not the deciding one.

Perception due to Bollywood films and Bhangra Videos is that we do not have these qualities. We are normaly figures of ridicule and no one wants to be associated with that.
On top of that, we being to accept the negative perceptions that are force fed to us and it ultimately becomes a case of 'Life imitating art'.

Ironically, Sikhs have been the ones who have defended India/Dharma and we could not have done this had we not have the above 'Skill set' as an absolute minimum.

Moving forward, all i have to say is one should develop himself Physically, Mentally and Emotionally.

Physically - Dress well, Tie a neat turban, Tone yourself, become fit.
Mentally - Study how to 'get' (no other word comes to mind) a woman. Google how to become a player to find a 'dating guru.'
Emotionally -Study the Scriptures, will have a powerful effect on you. Become receptive to what a woman needs, Note not wants.

Reduce the amount of drivel that is being force fed to you through the TV i.e. Bollywood and Bhangra Videos.

Also, and this is very un-PC, so get ready, Flirt with *all* women, irrespective of Colour, Religion, size and you will eventually develop your own style of flirting so you will know what you need to do when the time comes.

Finally Studying the Japji Sahib as well as Benti Chaupai as an absolute minimum. It will have an incredible effect on you. This i strongly recommend.

Ironincally, Sikh women will begin talking to you too after they see the 'competition'.
If you can be bothered, follow up. Personally, I do not, but then there is a lot of venom in my heart

Prefer women of other religions anyway. Think my preference is pretty obvious,

.

Hope that helps in some way,

My best regards,

Lotus

drkhalsa · #6 (**permalink**) 19-Jun-2008, 17:29 PM

Dear Lotus

Thanks for very well written post and it was kind of heart felt one for me

I have been living at different places and I can relate to your conclusins well.
If we remove the MEDIA effect from Sikh male personality . the first reaction could be confusing from female but eventually your sikh appearance is bound to become + point on your personality card ( if you carry your self well)

When male associate so strongly with something and wear turban and hair on body than it might be considered as mental toghness, and resonsible trait so say the least BUT this only happens when everything else is also fine like you are Physically , Fit and Smart ( in how to talk ) and Intelligent ( how to flirt)
Reference:: Sikh Philosophy Network http://www.sikhphilosophy.net/showthread.php?t=22130

Reading Dassam Guru ji's bani also help in very strong way to increase your focus on what you do.
Reference:: Sikh Philosophy Network http://www.sikhphilosophy.net/showthread.php?t=22130

So cheers for the good post and keep up the good work

Jatinder Singh

singhbj · #7 (**permalink**) 19-Jun-2008, 17:55 PM

Waheguru ji ka khalsa
Waheguru ji ki fateh

The girls you are talking about aren't Sikhs, they don't have the essence of Sikhi !
They might be born in Sardar or punjabi families but if you don't practice the Sikh principles you are not a Sikh !
Reference:: Sikh Philosophy Network http://www.sikhphilosophy.net/showthread.php?t=22130

In general most of these girls have no moral values which in any case disqualifies them for marriage (irrespective of who with). There mindset and outlook lack the character, responsibility and adjustability which is vital in married life. These sort of girls pretty much end up, divorced, seperated, if at all they get married.

Now who want's or get's married to these types ?
deleted.

Character, trust and adjustability are key aspects in a sucessful marriage other things like love, looks, sex, sense of humour, intelligence etc are only good for short term they tend to change in the long term. Then you end up frustrated and marriage ends !
Reference:: Sikh Philosophy Network http://www.sikhphilosophy.net/showthread.php?t=22130

Please learn and observe the lives of elders, you will learn a lot.

Waheguru ji ka khalsa
Waheguru ji ki fateh

Sikh80 · #8 (**permalink**) 19-Jun-2008, 22:19 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by richachhaba

dont know that u will agree with me or not but i will say what i felll i m not a sikh by birth but i maried to a sikh boy he is clean shave one but whn i come close to this culture i found it so gr8 and i m really proud to be sikh
I think u r the BEST coz :-

"when uwas born, u was Sikh!"
"When u grew up, u was Sikh "
"When u r sick, u r Sikh "
"When u go in the sun, u r Sikh "
"When u r cold, ur Sikh "
"When u die, u'll be Sikh

u love SIKHI, my CULTURE, my COMMUNITY, my PAGRI and everything which i got frm my GURU's...

and u hate today's sikh girls & boys who dont wear pagri, trim thair beards n cut their hairs, i hate them a LOoooooot..
i tod my husband to put turban but he said big no to it what i felllt
PAGG NAAL TERI SARDARI KHALSA
RAKH EHNU JAAN TON PIYARI KHALSA.

EH PARTEEK KHALSAEE SHAAN DA,
JAG VICH TERI VAKHRI PEHCHAN DA,
DIKH TERI ES NE SHINGARI KHALSA,
PAGG NAAL TERI...

JADON TU SAJAVE DASTAAR SIR TE,
BAJJAN WALA DINDA YE PIYAR SIR TE,
CHARH JANDI PIYAR DI KHUMARI KHALSA,
PAGG NAAL TERI....
so i willl say love your culture i which u r born u alll r so lucky that u born in a sikh family i regret that i m not
i just want to say that for girls dont loose your skkism bec pagg naal tari sardari kahalsa
thx
if i said any thing wrong i m sorry
Waheguru ji ka Khalsa
Waheguru ji ki Fateh

Nicely authored and a touching post. Kindly keep up your nice job friend. Thanks for this diamond cut post.

Dhimaan · #9 (**permalink**) 20-Jun-2008, 00:47 AM

Hi everybody

Almost all my friends have been sikhs and I have been very proud of them. And, then almost each one of them got their hair sheared. I cannot say about other friends of mine, but I expressed my displeasure with them and asked them what made them do it. The stock reply (Alwaysthe same reply, it amazes me to a great extent why all had same answers) was that some infection had taken place in the scalp. Now, I also know that was never the real reason, because even after 10 years they have not put turbans back and hair is still cut short.
Reference:: Sikh Philosophy Network http://www.sikhphilosophy.net/showthread.php?t=22130
Reference:: Sikh Philosophy Network http://www.sikhphilosophy.net/showthread.php?t=22130

Turban has been a part of not only sikh, but also muslim and hindu culture in Punjab. It is a mark of great respect. I do not know about muslims, but the hindus stopped this practice long ago. My own grandfather stopped it when he got married. But in sikh culture, pagri is an inalienable part and that is a saving grace. But nowadays, many sikhs are doing kesh katals and not taking enough pride in the pagri. And, as I read on the forum some where here, that, one reason for this exterme step (which causes one to lose the best sign of one's identity) is that a sikh is normally presented as a clown in Indian movies. That may be some reason ..but the real reason is different. I do not know it, probably it is something like making a statement. To what effect, is again beyond me.

Sorry, if this post does not entirely fits the topic under which it appears.

Regards everybody.

Prashant Dhiman.