Lots of things are queer about me , but I am queer literally , ever since I could remember. Even as a small boy, I was different from other boys from other boys from a very young age. I would prefer playing softer games with girls rather than go in the playground and play cricket or football. Boyish sports made me uncomfortable. They seemed tough and I was never interested in the first place. To this day , I don't watch cricket or football matches. They seem boring, while the world around me goes crazy with each IPL season. I don't know why waheguru made me this way. What was the reason . Why make a person of male gender , but make a part of their inner being feminine . By feminine, I mean feeling physical / romantic / sexual attraction only to men and not to women. It wouldn't be such an issue if we lived in an ideal world. But unfortunately world is not ideal, atleast not where I live - India. It was a painful realization that most men don't feel like the way I do and therefore cannot empathize with what I go through. And since most men are not like me , I would have a terribly small pool of people to choose a potential partner from . And since I find myself belong (unfortunately) to one of the most disenfranchised community, self-loathing is common among us . And when you don't love yourself fully, how can you love other , how can you love your partner who is also gay ? I don't know if you reading this can exactly understand my thoughts here, but I hope you're atleast getting some idea of what I have said so far.... But the thing is , I feel there's no future with my orientation and my country - india. Like what kind of future awaits me . All I see is dimness . If I remain single for life, its still a lonely and miserable feeling. If I marry a woman, how can I be happy ? How terrible that we only give people the option of only marrying someone they don't and CAN'T LOVE ! It is emotionally painful to see couples everywhere around you and realize that this is something that waheguru didn't write in your fate ! It is emotionally painful to watch a daily soap or movie revolving around romantic love only to be painfully made realized what you lack in life. It is emotionally painful when elders jokingly say "munda jawaan ho gaya, ehda byaah kar do hunn (the young man has grown old enough, lets marrying him now)" I don't know what should someone in my shoes do ! the best I know of doing right now is going to gurudwara and do ardas to the only guru I know - shri guru granth sahib to bless me and show me the way . Did god make me gay so that I can focus on bhagti and achieve mukti ?