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Sikh Girls: A Confused Lot. Are Parents To Blame?

Discussion in 'Sikh Youth' started by Neutral Singh, Jul 12, 2005.

  1. Neutral Singh

    Neutral Singh
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    Recently i have come to realise that many sikh girls like myself face too many personal battles.

    I believe i have been bought up in quite a tradtional family. Tradtional being the operative word. I am talking generally now, but so many of the third generation have no clue about Sikhism.

    I have many muslim and hindu friends, and they have been taught about their religion by their parents. In any predicament or situation, my muslim friends know what is right and wrong. This is not simply what their parent have told them is right and wrong but because they know from a religious standpoint.

    Take for example the case of alcohol. Muslims know that they should not drink, it is wrong in their religion. Wheras myself and many of my Sikh friends and family are simply told girls don't drink. But our brothers and fathers go out drinking and come back drunk. What does this show us.

    In Sikh families tradtion meanS that girls have so many more pressures than boys. Take again for example drinking alcohol, boys will go out with their friends and have a good time.If girls do the same thing they are more likely to be ridden with guilt. The words of their parents will echoin their heads. But shouldn't it be the words of Sikhism, that drinking is wrong. Many of hindu friends are know that they shouldn't drink, this is because their parents have taught them it is wrong and have led by example. Some of my hindu frinds do drink, but in each case their parents are aware, and they are encouraged to move away from the habit. Muslim girls are aware that their religion teaches not to drink and they don't.

    Think about sikh weddings, it is a religious ceremony. But straight after everybody heads off to the party where there is alcohol galore. So what does that teach us? I simply do not get it. Isn't alcohol against sikhism..why have it on a wedding... a religious union? I understand why Christains have alchocol at weddings.. because it isn't againt Christianity. Mulisms don't need alcohol to celebrate.... so many Sikh men just drink, and show themselves up.

    How many Sikh children know what the five K's mean?? I bet less than half the UK population of Sikh Children are aware. How many children know what Vaishaki means? To many it means a fun trip to the mela, and a fun walk with free food. Yes but ask muslim childen about ramadan or why they are fasting and they will tell you.

    Many of the Sikhs of my generation are louts. They like the glory of their religion. You will see so many young people supporting khanda but not because they are proud of their relgion but because they look cool!!!

    The gurdwara is another thing that grates me. How many young people actually listen. There are mobiles going off, children running around, old ladies bantering and gossiping. Pleas for money. Its like a playground. You don't get that in a mosque or church. People know what they are there for.

    I mean why do we have to place money and then bow down when we go to the gurdwara? I don't undertstand. It is a silly concept with no meaning (money not bowing). When we go to the gurdwara to pray, that is what should matter. There is no place for a money box in the gurdwara... i resent bowing infront of it. What is the significace??People should make a contribution elsewhere.

    Also in Sikhism thier should be no idols. But why are there so many picturs, and statues? How do we know what Guru Nanak Dev Ji looked like or any of the other gurus. Why do we have picturs of them in the gurdwara? Isn't it against the teachings????

    On many occassions Sikh parents let thier sons cut their hair.... but their daughters are expected to keep it long. At a young age, i thought that the only rason girls didn't cut thier hair was becasue it would make them look like ummm 'bad girls!' We wern't actually told that Sikhs aren't supposed to tamper with thier bodies. Even if we were told this i guess we still would have been confused because we would question why does my father or brother have short hair?!!!

    Sikhs in this country are confused. I forsee many of my generation moving away from a this religion because we just don't get it!!
     
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  3. gagan

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    I do agree with you, i raised an issue similiar to this before with family and i was told that i was more confused about sikhism!! Anyway, it is surprising..alot i would say comes down to parents, as if they dont know nothing then what will they teach because they havent themselves been shown the right path or taken the initiative to find out about sikhism. For example, why do the younger generation jump at the chance of going to the cinemas, clubbin, family dos..most of the time with their parents or with their consent but when it comes to going to the gurudwara or doing seva etc they remember they have loads of homework to do??! then the parents dont seem to do anything bout it, because they are not encouraging them. I mean who teaches us to go to the cinema, keep upto date with whats happening in town...what shows and events are on...WE DO. So basically, part of it does come to down to the individuals and them being aware of this and some due to parents. Like they say in panjabi 'seva kise de kain teh nahin kithi jaandi' So i reckon the younger generation should show bit more interest in their roots and religion and parents should also encourage their kids on this side. Mostly nowadays in most gurudaware they are promoting the sikh culture, learn panjabi, harmonium, tabla ..sikh history even internet websites..but how many people actually go ..or how many parents say to their kids to go. I mean they have time to go gym, summer school etc etc so they should involve this too...so the younger lot shouldnt complain that nothing is being done for them!
     
  4. Sher Singh

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    wjkk wjkf

    i think the parents are to blame. How can the youth know what's going on when the ones that are supposed to teach them (parents) aren't doing they're job and telling them to shut up. It's wrong and parents need to understand this. It's their right to teach us about Sikhi. The examples you have given are all true. Parents, i.e dads say not to drink yet they come home drunk is completely wrong. 100% wrong. No wonder the youth of today is so confused parents aren't teaching the youth anything. This should be stopped. Parent's need to understand this.

    WJKK WJKF
     
  5. Lionchild

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    I think both the adults and youth dropepd the ball on this issue. At some point in a persons lifetime, you have to take charge of your direction and seek your religion. Of course, the some parents don't help by not setting a good example by doing the wrong things themselves and not teaching their children more about sikhi.

    just a little add in.
     
  6. BaljeetSingh

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    Ok...my take on this problem is as follows:

    Sikhism is a relatively young religion (compared to Chirtianity, Islam and Hinduism). All religions have to go through litmus test. Christianity and Islam have gone through this test. Hinduism was in danger for more than 1000 years (Since 1000 AD till 1800s), when India was attacked and ruled by Moghuls. With each test, each of these religions have become more mature, with the followers taking their religion more seriously.

    Sikhism has also gone through many tests in its relatively shorter history. The Moghul rulers of India tried to eliminate Sikhism. Sikhi passed that test in flying colors but at the cost of countless Sikh lives. Only those Sikhs passed the test who were strong enough to carry Sikhi forward. Weak sikhs either just disappeared or mingled with the rest of the population. Call it the "Survival of the fittest"

    Sikhism today is again passing through a test. It must pass again with flying colors. All those whom you see around are weak Sikhs. They will and should just disappear from the Sikh community. Ironically, it is better for the Sikhi future. Only those who have the courage will remain "true" Sikhs.

    So, instead of becoming "confused", be "strong". Instead of "blaming" parents or your relatives, "pity" them, as they are going to miss the train of Sikhi of the future.

    Regards,
     
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  7. drkhalsa

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    Excelent piece of writing Baljjet Singh ji!!!!

    Chardi Kala for all

    Jatinder Singh
     
  8. anand101

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    live by example

    hi,

    i did not have to face the same problem with my kids, i left drinking 4 years ago, and keep long hair, the point is you have to be an example for your kids to follow, how can i ask my daughter not to drink when i am drinking, how can i ask my kids to have hair when i have cut it.

    in gurudwara i do not socialize during kirtan and all prayers and make sure the kids sit next to me and be there.

    Most of the parents now i see or my friends are too scared to be parents and are not willing to put foot down, they expect a kid of 17 years to have enough sense to be a parent, what i suggest be a model for your kids.

    Thanks
     
    #7 anand101, Jul 19, 2005
    Last edited by a moderator: Jul 22, 2005
  9. rooh

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    Re: Sikh Girls - Sikh men practice one thing, and preach another

    The article on why girls are confused - when so called sikh men practice one thing and preach another. Does the Bani sanction the different treatment of men and women??

    This is symptomatic of a kind of hyporcrisy on the part of many Sikhs. Many parents themselves do not understand the essence of Sikhism, how are they going to teach their children. Most Sikhs have reduced Sikhism to the level of symbolism and outward show. Essentially, this means that you do not become a Sikh just by wearing a turban or a Khanda. The true essence of Sikhism is accessed by very few individuals.

    We cannot ascend to the heights of the Gurus and the Granth Sahib, and we have therefore reduced their teachings to our lower understanding, thereby distorting Sikhism altogether. Read the Bani - God and spirituality is not related to our physcial body or flesh, but to our soul. To be a Sikh is not as easy as just wearing a piece of cloth. Look at the history of the Gurus and saints. It is a path of much sacrifice. The Gurus sacrificed their own lives and their families. Contemprary so called Sikhs cannot even sacrifice their alcohol!!
     
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    #8 rooh, Jul 19, 2005
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  10. Admin Singh

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    Originally Posted by: Khalsa_Starr
    (some posts could not be ported over, so had to be appended manually. Apologies)

    Yes, that is so true rooh, have you ever seen any recent bhangra videos? Some of then are very disgusting - big khandas for "bling-bling" (like sikhi is now a glamour item), always a benz and big house (all sikhs must live up to this standard?), and alchahol and girls? Is this what sikh youth think waht sikhi is about? No, but these so-called idols are trying to teach others that that is the case [​IMG]

    Back to topic, the youth and how the act often reflects the parents. The parents and youth all together can refelct the state of the religion. The picture isnt very good right now. And unless change is achieved in one form or another, sikhi is in for some dark days.

    But waheguru will guide the true sikhs and the sikhs who desire to learn more, who said the situation is hopeess?
     
  11. Admin Singh

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    Originally Posted by: Kiran Sidhu
    (some posts could not be ported over to new version, so had to be appended manually. accept our apologies)

    Aman Singh,

    I didn't really like you putting down the western Sikh Community to be honest. I know children of this generation are confused, no doubt in that. But seems to me, I sense that the only reason you are all wound up is that due to the fact that ur a Sikh woman who isn't maybe allowed "to party" or "to drink", so your parents may say, but the males in your family are? That's just the way it is! And as goes for not being allowed to drink alcohol, yep that's true but what you are not understanding is the fact that our religion doesn't allow us but it's our punjabi culture! I think most of the Sikh population around the world, in this day and age, are more "Punjabi" then a "Sikh". I, myself believe that I haven't reached that level yet where as I can call myself a true Sikh. I am a Punjabi who follows the Religion Sikhism but aim to be a true Sikh/ Singhni one day. It takes a lot to reach that goal, and when I do... It will be the most beautiful thing in this entire universe...
     
  12. Admin Singh

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    Originally Posted by: Arvind
    (some posts could not be ported over to new version, so had to be appended manually. accept our apologies)

    Dear Kiran,

    When a social issue is raised, it is not due to Aman/our 'Holier than Thou' attitude. We all are here to share our views. After carefully scrutinizing root cause, work out solutions in our own family. Ultimately we all families make a bigger society.

    Bhull Chukk Maaf ji.
     
  13. Admin Singh

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    Originally Posted by: luthra_sumeet
    (some posts could not be ported over to new version, so had to be appended manually. accept our apologies)

    To just add to what has been said uptill now , its true that many sikhs today are doing what as per sikhi is not correct . in india sikhs are characterised to be very heavy Drinkers of alcohol. trimming of hair/beard is also common, many people doesnt understand gurbani and are merely saying stories to cover their ignorance . there was a time when all this disturbed me a lot but not now. Kind of , take it like a parcel of life.

    when i think about i dont think that just some sikhs born outside india are alone confused as has been said, many sikhs born and brought up in india are also very confused/ignorant of what their religion has to offer them. but then we have to understand that sikhi itself is not very easy to follow.(bhikam marag chalana). also i believe ( though i dont have any statistical evidence here ) that all the religions in world today are witnessing this over and its not just is sikhi.I am not saying about population of religion here , mind u ,but the believe in one's religion and fully adhering to it. In sikhi its very palpable as its evident from a sikh/sikhni's saroop (which is the first step to sikhi but some have made it the last) itself but in many others no one can say if they are true christian/muslim/hindu.

    its convenient to point a finger at our parents , but do remmber they too can come back and say same to us that there parents did the same to them. Guru sadka, i firmly believe we would tide over the diificult time.Just each one of us have to keep faith in Guru and God and try to be ambassadors of sikhi in ur own place.

    -Sumeet
     
  14. Admin Singh

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    Originally Posted by: Khalsa_Starr
    (some posts could not be ported over to new version, so had to be appended manually. accept our apologies)


    Quoted Post by Kiran Sidhu
    Aman Singh,

    ...I didn't really like you putting down the western Sikh Community to be honest. I know children of this generation are confused, no doubt in that. But seems to me, I sense that the only reason you are all wound up is that due to the fact that ur a Sikh woman who isn't maybe allowed "to party" or "to drink"...



    [​IMG] [​IMG] ?? What are you saying? Aman should be jealous because he is missing out on the so called "pleasures of the world"? Why not try throw in a idea instead of "pointing a finger" or passing the blame.

    I think a good place to start is the gurdwara and teaching the parents about sikhi.
     
  15. Admin Singh

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    Originally Posted by: truthseeker
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    waheguru ji ka khalsa waheguru ji ki fateh!!

    I have been quiet reluctant to say anything about this issue.. because my thoughts are all over the place. Yes... like many have already said, i think it is partially at the fault of the parents for not teaching the fundimental roots and history of sikhism to their children. But then it is at the responsibility of the children to make that effort as well. This is where i use my own personal example. Like i have said b4... my father was a catholic and my mother a Sikh.. soo as a child i went to a Catholic school-still do- and i would attend the gurdwara once in a while with my mother. but for the most part i really didnt kno anything about any religion. I never ever really cared about the whole thing, and i dont even think that my parents really even cared as to whether i learnt either religion. they just used to say " she can choose when she is older" and soo then about 5 years later.. i decided that i would learn about sikhism on my own... and see where it takes me. and now we are here in the present and im Amritdharee... but definalty still learning everyday..

    Anyways the point... i think that if it is in Guru Ji's hukam.. then that child will find there way to Him.. no matter what the odds may be, with Guru Ji's Kirpa.. anything and everything can happen.

    just my 2 cents
    Waheguru ji ka khalsa waheguru ji ki fateh!!!
     
  16. Lionchild

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    re:

    In many cultures, the female has a double set of standards to live by, and it makes it difficult to move around in. Why do males have an easier time? Cause they are often the ones running everything.

    little off topic, however it is something i notice.
     
  17. drkhalsa

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    Dear Truth seeker ji

    The is exactly what i can belive and understand about the issue , very well said


    Jatinder Singh
     
  18. truthseeker

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    Re:


    I too have realized this too Khalsa starr ji, in many other cultures, women are the ones expected to stay home, take care of the kids, clean the house and cook food. And due to traditions or steriotypes or what ever... it has been very hard for women to break free from it was well. But many women have taen a stand against this and thankfully things are changing... at least in some places.

    Waheguru ji ka khalsa waheguru ji ki fateh!!
     
  19. Lionchild

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    The parents are not always the bad ones - the gurdwara is also a place were some bad habits can be picked up. Something to think about, the leaders also fit into this picutre.
     
  20. Learning_Sikhi

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    New to Forum

    Sat Sri Akal Everybody,

    I am new to Sikh Philosophy and this is my first post. I am curious to learn Sikhism, I have been to this site quite often and found most of the post very informative and interesting to read.

    I hope to learn more from all of you.

    Thank you all for sharing your knowledge

    Wahe Guru Ji ka Khalsa, Wahe Guru ji ki Fateh
     
  21. S|kH

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    Although you bring an interesting view of the "litmus test". I use this same theory, except in a different way. The Litmus test (Same thing I call it too :D) works the other way around in my views. For everytime a religion or group of people have to go through a hard phase, its the strong ones, the believers that stand up and die, while the cowards remain alive and run. Some of these cowards run and change thier lifestyle (convert) and others just run away, but try to keep their weak viewpoint of their religion. Hence, when a hard phase comes about, its the ACTUAL religious people that die, and the weak ones that live on and reproduce. Look at all the Sikh wars, its the Khalsay that actually knew about Sikhi were the ones that died...and its the monay who ran and cut their hair to blend in, that survived yet tried to keep the title of "a Sikh". Hence, the litmus test works in reverse for all religions and wipes out the ones who are more staunch and strong about their views.

    This applies to race also, for when slavery was around, the strong blacks fought against and died, the weaker ones being the ones who never fought and just obeyed, and told their children that the white man will always rule them. These were the people that reproduced and told their children the white man will always rule and you will never win, so just obey. Litmus test excluded the strong ones, and the weak ones continued the legacy.

    The state of Christianity is almost a joke now, for Christians lost the battle to secularization. Like the Sikhs, the Christians won and fought many battles and persecution, but are losing to secularization. Islam, one of the strongest religoins, that people say many convert too...is also on the verge of starting to lose to secularization.

    Sikhs can win many battles...but I fear, that no religion will ever win the battle against secularization to the dominant culture.
     

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