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Sikh Converts and Marriage

Discussion in 'New to Sikhism' started by born2wonder, Jul 26, 2010.

  1. born2wonder

    born2wonder
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    Although I am not a sikh (right now) one does ponder questions that I cannot answer myself so I hope people can help.

    As a ethnically gaidheal (irish/scottish) the colour of my skin and the accent of my speech would be a novelty in the sikh community-could I ever be regarded as a true sikh by enthically punjabi sikhs.

    When I wish to marry will I able to able find a woman that accepts I am not ethnically indian and moreover will her parents be okay with that.
    Because of the cutural differences would we have a sikh ceremony for the sikhs and a registrar marriage for my side.

    If we have children can we give them both sikh and gaelic names.

    Thanks folks
     
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  3. spnadmin

    spnadmin United States
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    born2wonder ji

    In the thread title you mentioned sikh converts. In your statement you do not say whether you plan to convert or not. Would you clear that discrepancy up because it could change how individuals reply to your question.

    In general, sometimes Sikh women marry non Sikhs but it is rare. Sometimes Punjabi Sikh women marry men who are not Punjabi, but it is rare. Sometimes Punjabi Sikh women marry men who are neither Sikh nor Punjabi but it is rare. Sometimes Punjabi Sikh women marry men who are not Punjabi but who have converted to Sikhism, again it is rare.

    I wonder myself whether women who have converted to Sikhism would marry a non Sikh after conversion. Divorce may or may not be true of women who were married before they converted. There are anecdotes but no statistics that I am aware of.

    The reasons for the above are cultural in nature and not so much determined by either race or ethnicity -- as not Sikh/not Punjabi does not have to refer to Westerners.
     
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  4. born2wonder

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    Yes I plan to become a sikh currently nothing religion wise however the above is important.
    when I convert and I cannot find a wife because I am not punjabi I potentially leave my birth family for a culture and people who might reject me and I would die a lonely life?then what does that say about punjabi sikhs? that is rhetorical of course
     
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  5. spnadmin

    spnadmin United States
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    born2wonder ji

    The statistics work against you. The future does not have to work against you. Face this in a positive way - I am one of those people who believes that pessimism and worry brings only more pessimism and worry. You have time. Don't write the future off. All the time that you are planning to convert to Sikhism is also a corridor in time when you can mix with people, explore, get to know new people, get to know people who will introduce you to even more new people, join organizations that do seva like United Sikhs, and basically increase the odds that you will meet someone for whom there are no concerns. There are always exceptions to the rule. And the world is changing. Think of it as helping to create your future without a feeling of desperation. :happykaur:
     
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  6. anj

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    Dear Born to Wonder,

    I have just seen your blog, here's my take on it...
    With all due respect to Naryanjot Kaur I beg to differ with her opinion. I think I am right in assuming that you are in the UK? Its significant because I think the Sikhs here have moved and are contiuing to move from the strong cultural hold that Naryanjot mentions. Indeed in the UK over the past 5yrs or so I personally know of many punjabi sikhs(both men and women) who have married people from different races, religions and backgrounds, this is a continuing trend. I know of 'White Sikhs' that have converted and although the community first thought it novel they have been welcomed in with open arms. I also know of 'punjabi sikh women who have married 'white sikhs' and hold true to the idea of 'sikh' being important not the colour of his/her skin or creed orgins.
    I truely believe that we should be welcoming people like yourself into our faith and I think there are many others like me. I would like to also add that as generational change occurs so does acceptance of other sikhs who do not necessarily have brown skin, my husband and I would have no hesitation if our daughter wanted to marry a white sikh. One final thought... the point is that you would probably make a better sikh than a lot of the so called practising punjabi sikhs out there, so please dont be put off visit your local gurdwara and get talking to some of the sikhs there, may Wahaguru help you along your journey.
     
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  7. spnadmin

    spnadmin United States
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    anj ji

    I am in the US, not UK. And I am not sure that we disagree at all. I in fact agree that it is important to be engaged in sangat and hopeful when it comes to finding a marriage partner.

    :happykaur:
     
  8. Ubhiwankenobi

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    Dear born2wonder,

    For a Sikh there is only humanity. You have a male and a female. Everybody born on this planet is born without prior knowledge from where their soul has come, what life form the soul made up.

    It is when you begin to be educated by your parents, your enviroment around you that you learn and make decisions about right, wrong, how to live, what to be, how to be it, you are learning. In that sense you are a Sikh for Sikh means to learn.

    Guru Nanak Dev Ji was born into a Hindu family but never followed through on the intiation ceremony to call himself a Hindu.

    Therefore being born into a Sikh family doesn't make you a Sikh. Your actions determine what you are. To be a Gursikh you must become Amritdhari you must choose a specific path many talk of it but very few walk it. The Guru's did not ask for quantity in followers they asked for quality. That is why the Akal Purkh Ki Fauj could fight 1 against 250.

    The fact is that you will be racially jugded by Punjabi people who could well be worse Sikhs than either of us exists. It is not for us to judge each other but for us to channel our souls in this life form to join WaheGuru upon the death of this physical body.

    You are accepted as a child of god if your fellow human believes himself/herself to be a better judge than god then your better of not marrying into such family as they will only pollute your mind.

    Having a Registrar marry you is a legal obligation in the UK and is not an issue. I would always advise that you get this done just so you are seen to be legally married.

    The naming process would be interesting as the Sikh way of naming a child is done with blessing from our 11th Guru. When Maharaj is opened for the first time the first letter of the first shabad is used as the first letter for the childs name. If you were to choose a name in this manner you could therefore translate the name's meaning into English and then Gaelic therefore having the same name in Gurmukhi and Gaelic in meaning anyway. E.G. Rafferty Irish Gaelic means Prosperous in Gurmukhi would be Sukh

    These are my thoughts based on my understanding of the SIkh religion as a person born into the faith yet not following it as I should even though I know right from wrong.

     
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  9. badshah

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