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Self On Being, Broken

Discussion in 'Blogs' started by broken, Mar 9, 2016.

  1. broken

    broken United States
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    Living has been rather uneventful for the most part. Got married at 25. Worked a career for 30+ years, bought a house, sold a house, bought another house ... the whole American catastrophe really.

    We raised two really cool kids. They were so much fun as kids. They still are now as adults. They are doing exactly what they want to be doing and are seeing what I would describe as success within their fields. I'm very happy for them and proud of them too.

    About five years ago I was minding my own business running my business when bad things happened. That morning I was doing fine. That afternoon I had no idea of who I was, where I was or how to speak. Stroke. Everything I had planned, everything I had in motion, everything I hoped. Gone. Just like that. Just that fast.

    I can speak now. I can walk again. I can drive a car. But the future is not so exciting.

    The damage caused at that moment is permanent, and revealed a much larger problem already at hand.

    I don't have time to be "right". I don't have time to prove that you are "wrong". I don't want to spend a minute trying to convert you, persuade you or enter into a debate on much of anything really.

    All that I am about is giving away that which is most precious to me, time, in hope that in doing such you (anyone, everyone) can catch a glimpse of the creator in me. It is my belief that if someone can see that of god in me that they will seek that of god within them.

    What else can we hope to achieve?

    Financially I am ruined. Health wise I am crippled. As for my future, it's a short road to a dark tunnel. In all of this I have found love, hope, peace, joy and freedom.

    However, in order to find the greater purpose in living, first I had to be ... broken.
     
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  3. Harry Haller

    Harry Haller United Kingdom
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    ahhh yes, the greater purpose in living, share what you have, show no fear, be a friend to everyone, accept what happens that you cannot change, and fight to change what you can,

    we both belong to an exclusive club, the club of the broken, the club of the reassembled, the phoenix club, nothing scares us, nothing draws us, our lives have no consequence, our lives exist for others.

    welcome
     
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  4. Joginder Singh Foley

    Joginder Singh Foley United Kingdom
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    WGKK-WGKF

    Ex alcoholic here with a long history of chronic alcohol abuse and Yes it was discovering Sikhi that helped of the alcohol, Yes I to was broken and thanks to Guruji I was now unbroken
     
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  5. Inderjeet Kaur

    Inderjeet Kaur
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    I had a massive, near fatal stroke almost ten years ago. It actually was fatal - I died twice - but the paramedic and doctors brought me back. I had gone to bed perfectly healthy. I woke up over a week later in a hospital bed, unable to feel or move anything on my left side. I couldn't talk, only make grunts and gurgling sounds. I couldn't eat or drink except for a bit of plain yogurt.

    Long story short. I was taught to walk a few steps with a quad cane, then I was sent home far before I was ready and given no physical therapy at all.

    My memory was all fouled up, my language sketchy, my judgement badly impaired. My body was a stranger and my enemy. The doctors expected that I would basically spend the rest of my life in bed, getting up to walk a few steps now and then maybe. My intelligence and ambition were supposedly gone. My husband was to look after me for the rest of my life. This was the prognosis of my doctors.

    My doctors had never worked with a Sikh before.

    I was soon walking, not perfectly, but better than they expected I ever would, writing online - typing with one hand, and talking so I was easily understood. I was clearly not retarded as they expected. In fact, they were dumbfounded. I tried to explain to them about charhdi kala and the philosophy behind it. They were still dumbfounded.

    Over the last 10 years, life has been challenging. I still have virtually no feeling in my left side and severe arthritis in both knees makes walking unaided impossible, my husband died of alcoholism, leaving me virtually penniless, and I got kicked out of my apartment. Still most mornings I wake up, looking forward to the challenges of the day. I work hard to remain in charhdi kala.

    It isn't easy, but I do it. And if I can, so can you. It takes a lot of work, of course, but the alternative is deep depression and eventual death. It's all attitude. I am a Sikh. I refuse to live that way.
     
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  6. Seeker2013

    Seeker2013 India
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    "Nanak dukhia sab sansaar" (O Nanak ! the whole world is sorrowed)

    "Fareeda, main jaaneya dukh mujh ko, dukh sawaaya jagg, khote chad ke dekhya ta ghar ghar eha aag" (O Fareed ! I thought only I was in pain and sorrow but when I climbed the rooftop, [metaphor for higher consciousness] , I realized everyone is suffering from the same)

    I wish you well JI .

    You are broken but atleast you have kids to look after you. You have had married, perhaps a loving husband/wife.

    For me, my life has ended before even beginning. Me unfortunate and cursed, an object of contempt, is snatched of even the privilege of love and marriage and thus kids simply because I was born with a minority sexual orientation.

    Back when I was 13 and used to look at handsome men and feel the butterflies in my stomach , I never thought that just 10 years down the line, this precise thing about me will become my constant anxiety , a constant headache, a constant depression for me, a tape running in the back of my head continuous non-stop, a never ending pain and sorrow, a loss of something I never had . And ofcourse the future seems like a dark tunnel and a big questionmark

    While others my age are enjoying their youth , the year 2016 where in india its no bigdeal if you love someone of other caste , where love marriage is becoming the norm, the disparity between heterosexual privilege and homosexual plight has never been as great .
    I only get asked at times "Do you have a girlfriend? you ever had?" as a indirect way of asking if I am gay.

    I don't even have the privilege of answering that lest I get outcasted even more.
     
  7. kds1980

    kds1980 India
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    You should ask your children to help you financially , hardly any human can live illness free life , for some their serious health trouble start in 40s for some in 50s and very few lucky ones remain healthy upto 90s .
     
  8. Sikhilove

    Sikhilove United Kingdom
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    A classic case of pain is the medicine, pleasure is the disease because in pleasure, we don't usually remember God. Good for you- silence the mind and apply Gurbani to your life. Speak Truth, Serve Truth, Deliver Truth
     
  9. Harry Haller

    Harry Haller United Kingdom
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    Are you suggesting we should all be in pain, as pleasure is clearly a bad place to be?
     
  10. Sikhilove

    Sikhilove United Kingdom
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    No, rather, that Gurbani recognises that dukh is the medicine when we forget God because in Dukhi, we tend to turn to Him.

    If you don't need the medicine, then even better.
     

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