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My Unimpressive Story

Discussion in 'Convert's Corner' started by Ishna, Oct 20, 2015.

  1. Ishna

    Ishna
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    I've explored a variety of religions: Wicca and other Neo-Pagan paths, Christianity and even peeked behind the veil of Islam. But none of them come anywhere close to the beauty and simplicity of Sikhi.

    I started learning about Sikhi when I was 18. I am now 31. For me, my introduction to Sikhi was downloading an English translation of Sri Guru Granth Sahib Ji and starting to read it. I can still feel today the sensation that reading those pages generated in me. An inner warmth, like someone lit the candle right in the centre of my being. It keeps bringing me back. I will be linked to Sikhi for the rest of my life. Thereafter I learned about the rehat maryada and got in touch with the community online and in real life.

    A highlight of the journey for me was attending Sikh camp on the other side of my country in 2010. It was 5 days of 5am japna, daily darshan and lectures about Sikhi. It showed me a glimpse of the clarity that can come with consistent practice and focus.

    Sadly, through it all, my high levels of anxiety and shyness have prevented me from really connecting with the community in real life. My inability to pronounce Punjabi words makes it difficult for me to get into conversations about Sikhi, although every moment of my time spent with Sikhs I desperately want to discuss it.

    One uncle I met at Sikh camp took me under his wing a little bit. I've seen him and his wife once since then, in 2013, and it was a most enjoyable afternoon. I was at ease, I apologised in advance for my awful pronunciation, and we spent upwards of four hours in a cafe talking about everything Sikh related. It was such an awesome feeling to connect with them so intimately. I desperately wish there was more of that in my life. A sense of community and people to encourage each other, it would be awesome.

    But I've lost touch with not only Uncle Ji, but with what little connection I had with the local community. Things changed, I lost my way for quite a while. Now I'm coming back with more self awareness. I'll never be a stand-out, remarkable gori Sikh. I leave that to more worthy people like @Harkiran Kaur and my dear friend Inderjot Kaur who is not on this forum. I can only thank them for paving the way and try to contribute as best I can, quietly in the background, with Guru Ji's kirpa.
     
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    #1 Ishna, Oct 20, 2015
    Last edited: Oct 20, 2015
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  3. Harkiran Kaur

    Harkiran Kaur Canada
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    Ishna Ji, never underestimate yourself. And please do NOT worry (or care perhaps) about what others think etc... what I mean is dont worry about joining sangat in person. Just go, sit in darbar, enjoy the kirtan. people will come to you... the way to make friends quickly is volunteer in langar seva. Help make rotis!! If you need help ask someone to show you how to make them round... or help butter them etc. The ladies will start to talk. I did it... I was scared to death. Now I know, I was scared for absolutely nothing. They are all my good friends now and if I dont make it some week, all the aunties are worried about me. Please don't miss out on your chances to be with sangat!!!
     
  4. Ishna

    Ishna
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    I tried. :( I've made salad, I've buttered rotis, I've rolled out little maps of Australia instead of circles, I've washed dishes, dried dishes, served langar. I just can't make friends. Don't get me wrong, aunties hug me when they see me, I've been given salwar kameez, I am not shunned, but I'm not the personality to join in to conversations, and I'm rarely invited into them, and they are primarily speaking in Punjabi. I don't know any people well enough to just join them.. I try to stick with an auntie or two who I kinda know, but they move around so much.

    You are so lucky with your experience. You really are blessed.
     
  5. Harkiran Kaur

    Harkiran Kaur Canada
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    I'm just a normal girl....
    Believe me I have had my share of awkward lol but I stuck it out because Sikhi was why I was there...I wasn't there for a social gathering. And trust me the first time I actually went to the gurdwara wearing a dastar I thought I'd be the laughing stock!!! To make it easier I did it during Gurmat samagam at like 4 am when I went there for nam simran at Amrit vela. We had others from out of town and mostly there were there instead of our own sangat. It was even more difficult because only one girl here tied a dastar!!! Imagine how hard that was for me!!!! It was extreme! But I did it... My inner drive to tie dastar was more than my drive to care about what others thought. I did it for me, I did it for my Guru.... It was after that when sangat really started to interact with me. Now I have many close friends and I am actually serving on the management committee this year as treasurer!
     
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  6. chazSingh

    chazSingh Ireland
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    in a kind of strange yet magnificent way...i think life \ waheguru will bring you to the right people at the right time... :)

    the rest is just our minds playing with us, telling us that we need to fit in, make friends...feel part of the group etc etc...

    you just keep prodding that mind and contemplating life and what could be behind the whole show...the universe will conspire to change your life accordingly..

    i don;t recognise myself from seeing videos of me partying just only 5-6 years ago...i am such a different person because of life experiences, and how my friends and social circle changed when something inside started to pull me into this direction.

    everything is alive and it wants us to unravel its secrets :)
     
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