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General My Journey and struggle

Discussion in 'Hard Talk' started by Parrup, Jun 29, 2013.

  1. Parrup

    Parrup
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    Gyani ji! I am a nimani and have very little knolwedge of sikhism! I call myself a sikh only because of my love and faith in Guru Granth Sahib!! So if i make a mistake..please be kind enough to forgive me!!

    I am struggling to find my way through sikhi too! I have been blessed by waheguru ji with Tough times in last couple of years!! During these times i started praying just to get what I wanted from Guruji! Got frusted when things did not happen the way i wanted when i prayed! I even wrote a post on SPN about this!! With Guruji's kirpa I got lot of advice!! Thank you for that!!

    I have been trying to do Sahej path! When ever I am doing paath I am going through one or more of the following feelings

    1) feeling that i am just reading loud: Sometimes i will go through 20 angs and not register a thing and my mind goes to all worldy stuff. I feel like I am just doing a lip service as some owuld say. Without registering or understanding. This is lets say 80% of the time!
    2) Sometimes i while doing paath i get these phases where i am still doing paath, but my mind is focused on Guruji! How i would love to more seva! Or do paath more regularly!! Get up amrit vela and do simran!! Here i will some time really grasp a tuk and while i tounge still continues to do paath! My mind stops at a tuk and i keep thinking i how could or should do that! This is another 10%
    3) 5% is when i am not just reading baani, but i actually register what it says. I get the feeling! Wow this is so true! Or babaji ur so cool :)
    4) and the last 5% are the times when i can't stop srying! I will come across a tuk! And i get so choked up doing paath that i can't even read it!

    I am still struggling to get up at amritvela and do Simran! I decide ecah night and fail every morning! I was doing raag Assa day before yesterday and my heart and mind could not wait for Amritvela to come so that I could do Simran! And i still could not get up next day!!

    Babaji is every where and specially in his Sangat! So here I am writing to Saache pathsha!!

    Babaji! Thank you for allowing to sit on your Vedi and touch you and do paath! Thank you for allowing me to come in your room and do your darshan evyday! Thank you for giving me to fight through these tough times. Right now i am like a obese person getting his butt to gym everyday!! I might not being doing my crunches right or working out enough! But i know its a start!!! All i want is to be with you and keep praying and change the quality of time i spend with you.

    This is not a brag or a drag post!! I am like a 5 year old who wanted to talk to God and just chat!! So here i am writing to him in the only way i know!!!

    I would love any advice on how to progress on this journey!!!what i could to make my exeperience and connection better

    Parrup
     
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  3. spnadmin

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    Parrup ji

    You are trying to do too much at one time! Pick one thing and do it until it comes naturally to you. Even if it is one shabad a day. You make the choice and ignore all the complicated and over-worked advice that the teachers and preachers have to say. It all adds up to a lot of racket and noise in your head which gets in the way of spirituality.

    Find some of those kind and gentle Sikhs and hang out with them. Sikhi is an attitude toward life. Don't worry if they don't do it all perfectly. Don't worry if they don't do all the nitnem or don't know the stories of all of the martyrs. Let their kindness become your kindness. The important thing is to find the goodness that Guruji is teaching.

    You know, Sikhi is about a lot of things. Love of nature, care of old people, favors to sick people who cannot get around. helping kids with their lessons, weekend seva to clean up a polluted stream, smiling at everyone you meet, having something good to say to someone who is always beaten down. These are the accompaniments to the paath. Without them the paath is empty. Without them Sikhi is paath said by a lot of frustrated human beings.

    One step at a time. All comes with gurprasad. And you don't want to discourage yourself and give up on that. It is always there for you.
     
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  4. spnadmin

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  5. Parrup

    Parrup
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    Thanks Spa admin!!! I am focusing on doing on my Sahej paath right now!! I do it because i want to do it!!! The desire to grt up and simran has started and could be the by product my doing paath!! I don't know!! But if Waheguru ji is giving me this desire, with his will i am sure i will get to do it one day too!!

    I agree with the 'Sewa' and 'kindness' part!! Thanks to my mom that is the way of life for me!! Do i do it everyday! No! Do i do i do it every chance i get! Yes!!!

    I am happy to be on this path to know my guru!! It might not be easy!! But it has for sure made me more happy and strong than i was 6 months ago!!!
     
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  6. Parrup

    Parrup
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    I do what you suggested! But i do it with my two year old! When he learns his tuk of the day! I tell him a sakhi associated with it! Its meaning! We were doing mool mantar for almost a week and still end up doing for most bed time story time:)

    I don't know if he understands what all i say, but it gives me a moment o revisit and rejoice some of my fav shabads and tuks!!
     
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  7. spnadmin

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    Ok -- So now just be patient. Lighten up on yourself.
     

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