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Self Memoirs Of Illusions

Discussion in 'Blogs' started by Pathfinder, Mar 15, 2017.

  1. Pathfinder

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    Writer SPNer Contributor

    Sep 5, 2016
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    I was sitting in the midst of a dense forest beside a cold stream on a moonless night..

    I walked into a dream or did I walk out of a dream?

    " Are you willing to break free?. Have you conquered the fear of finally embracing freedom?. Are you ready to finally start undeceiving yourself?
    What do you yearn for? - a slap by the truth or a kiss by the lie?. Which appeals more - an uncomfortable truth or the soothing lie?.
    What do you trust will cushion your fall each time the emptiness envolps you - the hard truth or the soft lies?. "

    I was on the ledge - at the edge, I was tired and I sat down, tired, broken, lost, hopeless, empty and feeling invisible.
    My logbook entry for the night-watch would have read thus:
    Out to the sea I cry my heart
    Into the wind I weep my sorrows
    Below this soil I lay my thoughts
    Under the waves I drown my grief.

    Lol, but I scribbled - Rough seas, very heavy winds, no sight of land, very heavy swell and overcast skies - like any other, like every other night. The logbook entry remains the same. But I degrade, I disintegrate, I decay, I decompose with each night-watch, each day.

    "Sailing towards salvation or servitude?. Is the ship of your life on autopilot? - are your thoughts, actions your own?. Or are they planned for and by the herd, fear of isolation, fear of standing out in a bunch of slaves, fear of breaking the norms, fear of being branded a rebel, fear of being a mutineer?. Are they or are they not the reactions of a conditioned puppet?

    How did the rot set in? - a small fraction of the cells that I am - failed to communicate with the source of my energy, the consious signal of - the generator. This fraction got competitive and not cooperative. The rebel fraction began the revolution of denial, of isolation and slowly began to invade other cells in me untill they became a formidable force.
    Power leads to vanity, vanity leads to fear. Fear led to deceit and finally immortality. This immortality was the breeding ground in which the rot set in, thrived upon to become a monster. Just a few tainted cells turned me into a monster.

    I lost the ability to communicate with human beings. So all I did was live and learn from monsters just like myself. I lost the ability to communicate with nature.

    But I was in Gurudwara when I woke??

    Was the dream real? Was this life real?. Was I real - suddenly nothing mattered anymore. I was in the lap of the truth I did not even realise I longed for.

    I was lying down and opened my eyes - the cold, flowing stream caressed me in the dense forest as I lay back with a smile in my heart and began to count the stars.

    I was home - for the first time in my life. I felt complete. By some miracle my cancer was cured, the rotten cells had healed.
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    #1 Pathfinder, Mar 15, 2017
    Last edited: Mar 15, 2017
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  3. RD1

    RD1 Canada
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    Sep 26, 2016
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