☀️ JOIN SPN MOBILE
Forums
New posts
Guru Granth Sahib
Composition, Arrangement & Layout
ਜਪੁ | Jup
ਸੋ ਦਰੁ | So Dar
ਸੋਹਿਲਾ | Sohilaa
ਰਾਗੁ ਸਿਰੀਰਾਗੁ | Raag Siree-Raag
Gurbani (14-53)
Ashtpadiyan (53-71)
Gurbani (71-74)
Pahre (74-78)
Chhant (78-81)
Vanjara (81-82)
Vaar Siri Raag (83-91)
Bhagat Bani (91-93)
ਰਾਗੁ ਮਾਝ | Raag Maajh
Gurbani (94-109)
Ashtpadi (109)
Ashtpadiyan (110-129)
Ashtpadi (129-130)
Ashtpadiyan (130-133)
Bara Maha (133-136)
Din Raen (136-137)
Vaar Maajh Ki (137-150)
ਰਾਗੁ ਗਉੜੀ | Raag Gauree
Gurbani (151-185)
Quartets/Couplets (185-220)
Ashtpadiyan (220-234)
Karhalei (234-235)
Ashtpadiyan (235-242)
Chhant (242-249)
Baavan Akhari (250-262)
Sukhmani (262-296)
Thittee (296-300)
Gauree kii Vaar (300-323)
Gurbani (323-330)
Ashtpadiyan (330-340)
Baavan Akhari (340-343)
Thintteen (343-344)
Vaar Kabir (344-345)
Bhagat Bani (345-346)
ਰਾਗੁ ਆਸਾ | Raag Aasaa
Gurbani (347-348)
Chaupaday (348-364)
Panchpadde (364-365)
Kaafee (365-409)
Aasaavaree (409-411)
Ashtpadiyan (411-432)
Patee (432-435)
Chhant (435-462)
Vaar Aasaa (462-475)
Bhagat Bani (475-488)
ਰਾਗੁ ਗੂਜਰੀ | Raag Goojaree
Gurbani (489-503)
Ashtpadiyan (503-508)
Vaar Gujari (508-517)
Vaar Gujari (517-526)
ਰਾਗੁ ਦੇਵਗੰਧਾਰੀ | Raag Dayv-Gandhaaree
Gurbani (527-536)
ਰਾਗੁ ਬਿਹਾਗੜਾ | Raag Bihaagraa
Gurbani (537-556)
Chhant (538-548)
Vaar Bihaagraa (548-556)
ਰਾਗੁ ਵਡਹੰਸ | Raag Wadhans
Gurbani (557-564)
Ashtpadiyan (564-565)
Chhant (565-575)
Ghoriaan (575-578)
Alaahaniiaa (578-582)
Vaar Wadhans (582-594)
ਰਾਗੁ ਸੋਰਠਿ | Raag Sorath
Gurbani (595-634)
Asatpadhiya (634-642)
Vaar Sorath (642-659)
ਰਾਗੁ ਧਨਾਸਰੀ | Raag Dhanasaree
Gurbani (660-685)
Astpadhiya (685-687)
Chhant (687-691)
Bhagat Bani (691-695)
ਰਾਗੁ ਜੈਤਸਰੀ | Raag Jaitsree
Gurbani (696-703)
Chhant (703-705)
Vaar Jaitsaree (705-710)
Bhagat Bani (710)
ਰਾਗੁ ਟੋਡੀ | Raag Todee
ਰਾਗੁ ਬੈਰਾੜੀ | Raag Bairaaree
ਰਾਗੁ ਤਿਲੰਗ | Raag Tilang
Gurbani (721-727)
Bhagat Bani (727)
ਰਾਗੁ ਸੂਹੀ | Raag Suhi
Gurbani (728-750)
Ashtpadiyan (750-761)
Kaafee (761-762)
Suchajee (762)
Gunvantee (763)
Chhant (763-785)
Vaar Soohee (785-792)
Bhagat Bani (792-794)
ਰਾਗੁ ਬਿਲਾਵਲੁ | Raag Bilaaval
Gurbani (795-831)
Ashtpadiyan (831-838)
Thitteen (838-840)
Vaar Sat (841-843)
Chhant (843-848)
Vaar Bilaaval (849-855)
Bhagat Bani (855-858)
ਰਾਗੁ ਗੋਂਡ | Raag Gond
Gurbani (859-869)
Ashtpadiyan (869)
Bhagat Bani (870-875)
ਰਾਗੁ ਰਾਮਕਲੀ | Raag Ramkalee
Ashtpadiyan (902-916)
Gurbani (876-902)
Anand (917-922)
Sadd (923-924)
Chhant (924-929)
Dakhnee (929-938)
Sidh Gosat (938-946)
Vaar Ramkalee (947-968)
ਰਾਗੁ ਨਟ ਨਾਰਾਇਨ | Raag Nat Narayan
Gurbani (975-980)
Ashtpadiyan (980-983)
ਰਾਗੁ ਮਾਲੀ ਗਉੜਾ | Raag Maalee Gauraa
Gurbani (984-988)
Bhagat Bani (988)
ਰਾਗੁ ਮਾਰੂ | Raag Maaroo
Gurbani (889-1008)
Ashtpadiyan (1008-1014)
Kaafee (1014-1016)
Ashtpadiyan (1016-1019)
Anjulian (1019-1020)
Solhe (1020-1033)
Dakhni (1033-1043)
ਰਾਗੁ ਤੁਖਾਰੀ | Raag Tukhaari
Bara Maha (1107-1110)
Chhant (1110-1117)
ਰਾਗੁ ਕੇਦਾਰਾ | Raag Kedara
Gurbani (1118-1123)
Bhagat Bani (1123-1124)
ਰਾਗੁ ਭੈਰਉ | Raag Bhairo
Gurbani (1125-1152)
Partaal (1153)
Ashtpadiyan (1153-1167)
ਰਾਗੁ ਬਸੰਤੁ | Raag Basant
Gurbani (1168-1187)
Ashtpadiyan (1187-1193)
Vaar Basant (1193-1196)
ਰਾਗੁ ਸਾਰਗ | Raag Saarag
Gurbani (1197-1200)
Partaal (1200-1231)
Ashtpadiyan (1232-1236)
Chhant (1236-1237)
Vaar Saarang (1237-1253)
ਰਾਗੁ ਮਲਾਰ | Raag Malaar
Gurbani (1254-1293)
Partaal (1265-1273)
Ashtpadiyan (1273-1278)
Chhant (1278)
Vaar Malaar (1278-91)
Bhagat Bani (1292-93)
ਰਾਗੁ ਕਾਨੜਾ | Raag Kaanraa
Gurbani (1294-96)
Partaal (1296-1318)
Ashtpadiyan (1308-1312)
Chhant (1312)
Vaar Kaanraa
Bhagat Bani (1318)
ਰਾਗੁ ਕਲਿਆਨ | Raag Kalyaan
Gurbani (1319-23)
Ashtpadiyan (1323-26)
ਰਾਗੁ ਪ੍ਰਭਾਤੀ | Raag Prabhaatee
Gurbani (1327-1341)
Ashtpadiyan (1342-51)
ਰਾਗੁ ਜੈਜਾਵੰਤੀ | Raag Jaijaiwanti
Gurbani (1352-53)
Salok | Gatha | Phunahe | Chaubole | Swayiye
Sehskritee Mahala 1
Sehskritee Mahala 5
Gaathaa Mahala 5
Phunhay Mahala 5
Chaubolae Mahala 5
Shaloks Bhagat Kabir
Shaloks Sheikh Farid
Swaiyyae Mahala 5
Swaiyyae in Praise of Gurus
Shaloks in Addition To Vaars
Shalok Ninth Mehl
Mundavanee Mehl 5
ਰਾਗ ਮਾਲਾ, Raag Maalaa
What's new
New posts
New media
New media comments
New resources
Latest activity
Videos
New media
New comments
Library
Latest reviews
Donate
Log in
Register
What's new
New posts
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Welcome to all New Sikh Philosophy Network Forums!
Explore Sikh Sikhi Sikhism...
Sign up
Log in
Social Lounge
Health & Nutrition
Life, Relationships And Day-to-Day Coping - Critical People
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="spnadmin" data-source="post: 91637" data-attributes="member: 35"><p>Sat Nam ji</p><p></p><p>As the article below suggests, critical people have emotional gas-tanks that are frequently low. They need to hurt other people, and criticize in order to get a negative reaction from them. Why? Well for some life is based on the feeling of emotional pain. People who must criticize must give negativity in order to receive negativity. Staying in pain is a normal level of being for them, and without negativity things just don't seem right to people who are chronic criticizers. Their inner mantra: Criticize -- and then pain will come back to you -- and things will feel normal again. Once the person who is the target of criticism understands the emotional pain of the critic, the next steps are easy, and just a matter of learning how to respond without continuing the cycle of pain and anger.</p><p></p><p style="text-align: center"> <span style="color: Blue">Getting Along with Critical People</span></p> <p style="text-align: center"><span style="color: Blue"> By: Todd E. Linaman, Ph.D.</span></p> <p style="text-align: center"><span style="color: Blue"></span></p> <p style="text-align: center"><span style="color: Blue"></span></p><p> <span style="color: Blue">We all have to deal with critical people at times. You know the type - the person who can spot a flaw from across the room, gives unsolicited advice, frequently complains and passes judgment, is negative and seems impossible to please.</span></p><p><span style="color: Blue"></span></p><p><span style="color: Blue"></span></p><p> <span style="color: Blue">We can all be critical. Every day, we literally critique everything that goes on around us consciously and unconsciously. Unfortunately, some people tend to verbalize the thoughts many of us have learned to keep to ourselves. When things don't go our way or we're in a bad mood it is easy to become critical. It's true, miserable people prefer miserable company. Critical people actually feel better around others who share the same negative attitudes. Before we spend time learning how to cope with other people's critical traits let's make sure we have our own well under control.</span></p><p><span style="color: Blue"></span></p><p><span style="color: Blue"></span></p><p> <span style="color: Blue">It can be quite challenging to get along with a critic, especially when we live, work or attend church with them. Here are 10 tips to help you get along better with critical people.</span></p><p><span style="color: Blue"></span></p><p><span style="color: Blue"></span></p><p> <span style="color: Blue">1. Understand what motivates people to be critical</span></p><p> <span style="color: Blue">Hurting people hurt people. Most critics were criticized themselves as children and did not develop the sense of security and healthy identity that can come from positive nurturing. They tend to have a low opinion of themselves and consequently feel best (although often frustrated) when attempting to achieve the unrealistic standards they set for themselves and others. Critics are often motivated by the need to feel better about themselves by putting other people down. Understanding their motivation can help us to develop empathy and compassion - two qualities that will help you get along with critical people.</span></p><p><span style="color: Blue"></span></p><p><span style="color: Blue"></span></p><p> <span style="color: Blue">2. Don't throw the baby out with the bath water</span></p><p> <span style="color: Blue">Although critical people often lack diplomacy and tact, they also tend to be able to size up people and situations accurately. You may be tempted to discount what you hear, but listen carefully to what they say because there is often valuable information underneath the sharp edges of the message.</span></p><p><span style="color: Blue"></span></p><p><span style="color: Blue"></span></p><p> <span style="color: Blue">3. Be willing to confront your critic</span></p><p> <span style="color: Blue">It is not easy to confront interpersonal problems, but it is typically the best approach. Be willing to tell the critic in your life how you feel about the way they interact with you. This won't guarantee change, however, by expressing your thoughts and feelings you are in a better position to manage your own emotions and behaviors. Emotional expression will decrease your chances of growing embittered, and consequently, doing or saying something you'll regret.</span></p><p><span style="color: Blue"></span></p><p><span style="color: Blue"></span></p><p> <span style="color: Blue">4. Focus on the truth not on the criticism</span></p><p> <span style="color: Blue">If someone puts you down, fight the temptation to dwell on the criticism. If there is something you can learn from the message, do so, but then move on. Instead of dwelling on the negative comment focus on the gifts, talents and strengths that you possess.</span></p><p><span style="color: Blue"></span></p><p><span style="color: Blue"></span></p><p> <span style="color: Blue">5. Be careful about what you share with the critical person</span></p><p> <span style="color: Blue">It's not always wise to share personal or important information with a critic about yourself or anyone else. Providing such information is asking for trouble because critical people often take things out of context, misinterpret or exaggerate information and place a negative spin on ideas or opinions. Learn how to discern what you should and should not reveal. When in doubt, don't share.</span></p><p><span style="color: Blue"></span></p><p><span style="color: Blue"></span></p><p> <span style="color: Blue">6. Don't join in on criticizing others</span></p><p> <span style="color: Blue">It can be easy to fall into the trap of criticizing others when you're around a critical person. Joining in on the criticism only serves to legitimize the behavior in the mind of the critic, and the transition into gossip is close behind. Today the criticism is about someone else - tomorrow it could be directed toward you.</span></p><p><span style="color: Blue"></span></p><p><span style="color: Blue"></span></p><p> <span style="color: Blue">7. Limit the amount of time you spend with critical people</span></p><p> <span style="color: Blue">It may be very appropriate to limit the amount of time you spend with a critic. This, of course, can be difficult if they happen to be your spouse, parent or boss. However, it may be in your best interest to let the person know that your level of interaction with them will be based, in part, on their willingness to communicate with you in a constructive and appropriate manner. If the critic is your spouse you may benefit from consulting with a professional marriage counselor.</span></p><p><span style="color: Blue"></span></p><p><span style="color: Blue"></span></p><p> <span style="color: Blue">8. Control your response to critical people</span></p><p> <span style="color: Blue">Pay close attention to how you respond to criticism. If you tend to react with anger, hurt or intimidation, you will encourage the critical behavior. Critical people are often motivated to behave the way they do because of the response they trigger in others. When you learn to not overreact, the critic will likely move on to someone who will.</span></p><p><span style="color: Blue"></span></p><p><span style="color: Blue"></span></p><p> <span style="color: Blue">9. Try to understand the needs of the critical person</span></p><p> <span style="color: Blue">The emotional "gas tank" of a critical person is often very low. Criticism is sometimes an outward expression of an inward need - usually the need to feel worthwhile and significant. It is surprising how a sincere compliment, congratulations or demonstration of care and concern can improve your relationship. People with full emotional tanks are the least likely to mistreat others.</span></p><p><span style="color: Blue"></span></p><p><span style="color: Blue"></span></p><p> <span style="color: Blue">10. Maintain realistic expectations</span></p><p> <span style="color: Blue">Critical people don't change overnight. Even if they are making positive progress, they are likely to revert back to their old ways from time to time, especially under stress. Realistic expectations will help guide your interactions and will likely result in a healthier relationship.</span></p><p><span style="color: Blue"></span> </p><p> <span style="color: Blue"></span></p><p><span style="color: Blue"> About the Author</span></p><p> <span style="color: Blue">Dr. Todd E. Linaman is a licensed psychologist and the President of Relational Advantage, Inc. Dr. Linaman is also a conference speaker, published author and expert in the area of personal, professional and organizational development. RAI provides quality coaching, consulting and training for family owned businesses, executives, managers and other business professionals. </span></p><p><span style="color: Blue"></span></p><p><span style="color: Blue"><a href="http://www.relationaladvantage.com/" target="_blank">http://www.RelationalAdvantage.com</a> </span></p><p><span style="color: Blue"></span></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="spnadmin, post: 91637, member: 35"] Sat Nam ji As the article below suggests, critical people have emotional gas-tanks that are frequently low. They need to hurt other people, and criticize in order to get a negative reaction from them. Why? Well for some life is based on the feeling of emotional pain. People who must criticize must give negativity in order to receive negativity. Staying in pain is a normal level of being for them, and without negativity things just don't seem right to people who are chronic criticizers. Their inner mantra: Criticize -- and then pain will come back to you -- and things will feel normal again. Once the person who is the target of criticism understands the emotional pain of the critic, the next steps are easy, and just a matter of learning how to respond without continuing the cycle of pain and anger. [CENTER] [COLOR=Blue]Getting Along with Critical People By: Todd E. Linaman, Ph.D. [/COLOR][/CENTER] [COLOR=Blue]We all have to deal with critical people at times. You know the type - the person who can spot a flaw from across the room, gives unsolicited advice, frequently complains and passes judgment, is negative and seems impossible to please.[/COLOR] [COLOR=Blue] [/COLOR] [COLOR=Blue]We can all be critical. Every day, we literally critique everything that goes on around us consciously and unconsciously. Unfortunately, some people tend to verbalize the thoughts many of us have learned to keep to ourselves. When things don't go our way or we're in a bad mood it is easy to become critical. It's true, miserable people prefer miserable company. Critical people actually feel better around others who share the same negative attitudes. Before we spend time learning how to cope with other people's critical traits let's make sure we have our own well under control.[/COLOR] [COLOR=Blue] [/COLOR] [COLOR=Blue]It can be quite challenging to get along with a critic, especially when we live, work or attend church with them. Here are 10 tips to help you get along better with critical people.[/COLOR] [COLOR=Blue] [/COLOR] [COLOR=Blue]1. Understand what motivates people to be critical[/COLOR] [COLOR=Blue]Hurting people hurt people. Most critics were criticized themselves as children and did not develop the sense of security and healthy identity that can come from positive nurturing. They tend to have a low opinion of themselves and consequently feel best (although often frustrated) when attempting to achieve the unrealistic standards they set for themselves and others. Critics are often motivated by the need to feel better about themselves by putting other people down. Understanding their motivation can help us to develop empathy and compassion - two qualities that will help you get along with critical people.[/COLOR] [COLOR=Blue] [/COLOR] [COLOR=Blue]2. Don't throw the baby out with the bath water[/COLOR] [COLOR=Blue]Although critical people often lack diplomacy and tact, they also tend to be able to size up people and situations accurately. You may be tempted to discount what you hear, but listen carefully to what they say because there is often valuable information underneath the sharp edges of the message.[/COLOR] [COLOR=Blue] [/COLOR] [COLOR=Blue]3. Be willing to confront your critic[/COLOR] [COLOR=Blue]It is not easy to confront interpersonal problems, but it is typically the best approach. Be willing to tell the critic in your life how you feel about the way they interact with you. This won't guarantee change, however, by expressing your thoughts and feelings you are in a better position to manage your own emotions and behaviors. Emotional expression will decrease your chances of growing embittered, and consequently, doing or saying something you'll regret.[/COLOR] [COLOR=Blue] [/COLOR] [COLOR=Blue]4. Focus on the truth not on the criticism[/COLOR] [COLOR=Blue]If someone puts you down, fight the temptation to dwell on the criticism. If there is something you can learn from the message, do so, but then move on. Instead of dwelling on the negative comment focus on the gifts, talents and strengths that you possess.[/COLOR] [COLOR=Blue] [/COLOR] [COLOR=Blue]5. Be careful about what you share with the critical person[/COLOR] [COLOR=Blue]It's not always wise to share personal or important information with a critic about yourself or anyone else. Providing such information is asking for trouble because critical people often take things out of context, misinterpret or exaggerate information and place a negative spin on ideas or opinions. Learn how to discern what you should and should not reveal. When in doubt, don't share.[/COLOR] [COLOR=Blue] [/COLOR] [COLOR=Blue]6. Don't join in on criticizing others[/COLOR] [COLOR=Blue]It can be easy to fall into the trap of criticizing others when you're around a critical person. Joining in on the criticism only serves to legitimize the behavior in the mind of the critic, and the transition into gossip is close behind. Today the criticism is about someone else - tomorrow it could be directed toward you.[/COLOR] [COLOR=Blue] [/COLOR] [COLOR=Blue]7. Limit the amount of time you spend with critical people[/COLOR] [COLOR=Blue]It may be very appropriate to limit the amount of time you spend with a critic. This, of course, can be difficult if they happen to be your spouse, parent or boss. However, it may be in your best interest to let the person know that your level of interaction with them will be based, in part, on their willingness to communicate with you in a constructive and appropriate manner. If the critic is your spouse you may benefit from consulting with a professional marriage counselor.[/COLOR] [COLOR=Blue] [/COLOR] [COLOR=Blue]8. Control your response to critical people[/COLOR] [COLOR=Blue]Pay close attention to how you respond to criticism. If you tend to react with anger, hurt or intimidation, you will encourage the critical behavior. Critical people are often motivated to behave the way they do because of the response they trigger in others. When you learn to not overreact, the critic will likely move on to someone who will.[/COLOR] [COLOR=Blue] [/COLOR] [COLOR=Blue]9. Try to understand the needs of the critical person[/COLOR] [COLOR=Blue]The emotional "gas tank" of a critical person is often very low. Criticism is sometimes an outward expression of an inward need - usually the need to feel worthwhile and significant. It is surprising how a sincere compliment, congratulations or demonstration of care and concern can improve your relationship. People with full emotional tanks are the least likely to mistreat others.[/COLOR] [COLOR=Blue] [/COLOR] [COLOR=Blue]10. Maintain realistic expectations[/COLOR] [COLOR=Blue]Critical people don't change overnight. Even if they are making positive progress, they are likely to revert back to their old ways from time to time, especially under stress. Realistic expectations will help guide your interactions and will likely result in a healthier relationship. [/COLOR] [COLOR=Blue] About the Author[/COLOR] [COLOR=Blue]Dr. Todd E. Linaman is a licensed psychologist and the President of Relational Advantage, Inc. Dr. Linaman is also a conference speaker, published author and expert in the area of personal, professional and organizational development. RAI provides quality coaching, consulting and training for family owned businesses, executives, managers and other business professionals. [URL="http://www.relationaladvantage.com/"]http://www.RelationalAdvantage.com[/URL] [/COLOR] [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Social Lounge
Health & Nutrition
Life, Relationships And Day-to-Day Coping - Critical People
This site uses cookies to help personalise content, tailor your experience and to keep you logged in if you register.
By continuing to use this site, you are consenting to our use of cookies.
Accept
Learn more…
Top