Welcome to SPN

Register and Join the most happening forum of Sikh community & intellectuals from around the world.

Sign Up Now!

It Seems Like Almost Everybody Out There Hates Me For Something But I Don't Know What It Is

Discussion in 'Hard Talk' started by Seeker2013, Jun 2, 2016.

  1. Seeker2013

    Seeker2013 India
    Expand Collapse
    Writer SPNer Contributor

    Joined:
    Aug 29, 2013
    Messages:
    397
    Likes Received:
    170
    I have always have a hard time fitting in with people.
    Even in school days, and in college days people would feel annoyed by me often , but i didn't knew what it was.
    Now in work place, people often dislike me than like me and I don't know what it is .

    Why can't they atleast tell me stinking traits of my personality just so I can develop them , but bullying in canteen during lunch time in front of 20 odd people thinking that that would teach me the lesson isn't helping !
    or perhaps thats not their intention at all . Perhaps they just dislike me and don't care if their attitudes break me

    So what is it that is wrong with me that people dislike about ? :(
     
  2. Loading...

    Similar Threads Forum Date
    How Should We Interpret Brief Periods Of What Seems Like Divine Bliss Intellectual Articles Jul 31, 2016
    Kibosh on Kids' Kilts Seems a Wee Bit Daft General May 29, 2010
    SciTech Voyager 1 has left the solar system — almost Breaking News Mar 23, 2013
    India The Desi Cow - Almost Extinct Breaking News Jan 27, 2013
    Interview Harbhajan Singh - 'Almost left India for Sports & Fitness Feb 14, 2011

  3. Navdeep88

    Navdeep88 Canada
    Expand Collapse
    Writer SPNer Supporter

    Joined:
    Dec 23, 2009
    Messages:
    434
    Likes Received:
    651
    Maybe it's:

    -They sense your lower confidence
    -You need to work on becoming a more intestine individual (develop hobbies, read/share information)
    -They're close-minded mean people, that you don't want to be friends with anyway.

    Keep your chin up. You're clearly an articulate, intelligent person. *Don't forget to look around and recognize a lot of people have less than you, and don't fear taking a step to help them. It might distance you from your own troubles (which may not be bad.)
     
    • Like Like x 2
  4. Seeker2013

    Seeker2013 India
    Expand Collapse
    Writer SPNer Contributor

    Joined:
    Aug 29, 2013
    Messages:
    397
    Likes Received:
    170
    and it would help me make new friends :)
     
    • Like Like x 2
  5. broken

    broken United States
    Expand Collapse
    Writer SPNer

    Joined:
    Feb 26, 2016
    Messages:
    26
    Likes Received:
    39
    I'm not sure exactly what you are looking for here so I can only assist this way.

    When I am at a place with people, workplace, community event, celebration of some sort I talk to people ...... by asking them questions about themselves.

    Our favorite topic is ourselves.

    I ask them about them. Then I keep that ball rolling. Each chance I get I turn the conversation back to them. Their work, their kids, what they like, their interests. It isn't fake I truly want to know. Maybe they are interested in something I might enjoy also. Who knows?

    But, don't look for people to inquire about you. We're too busy thinking about "me".

    Lastly, maybe a smile once in a bit would help.

    Again, I'm not certain of your situation. I hope that if this is applicable for you that you give it go for at least one month and then see if the change you experience in others did, in fact, start within you.
     
    • Like Like x 2
  6. dalvindersingh grewal

    dalvindersingh grewal India
    Expand Collapse
    Writer Historian SPNer Contributor

    Joined:
    Jan 3, 2010
    Messages:
    199
    Likes Received:
    251
    You have realized that there is something wrong with you; that itself is a great achievement. There is no harm to take advice from your parents or near and dear ones who are in your contact. May be a psychologist may help. Unless someone observes your behavior closely no one else can tell you what is wrong with you, it will be only a mere guess.
     
  7. Sikhilove

    Sikhilove United Kingdom
    Expand Collapse
    Writer SPNer

    Joined:
    May 12, 2016
    Messages:
    189
    Likes Received:
    73
    Get rid of your ego, accept yourself as sh*t and that's it. Get stronger, try not to set yourself up to be bullied, make yourself a person who bullying can not affect and it will shine through, if people realise that it won't affect you, they will likely stop trying.

    But above all, put your head on the ground. Focus on your own life, better yourself, and live and enjoy your own life instead of worrying about other peoples rubbish.

    Remeber that we practice Unconditional Love as All is Him. So try smiling every so often and being nice to even someone you don't get along with- try and get along with them as that's part of sikhi, accepting All as His will, bullies are just people who are less evolved, they are primitive, so accept that and keep moving with your own life.

    Not everyone hates you, I don't so relax, i'm sure you will find people you are compatible with who will get along with you, and if not, then it's fine aswell, just relax.

    I went through something similar and realised it was just my own ego, if someone slanders you, just keep your head on the ground and accept yourself as Nothing- and nothing will stick to you. Trust in yourself and have faith in yourself, you don't need the approval of others, that's not trusting in Him, you need to discover yourself and approve of yourself- you are Truth and Truth is Him, so you are fine.
     
    • Like Like x 1
    #6 Sikhilove, Jun 5, 2016
    Last edited: Jun 5, 2016
  8. Navdeep88

    Navdeep88 Canada
    Expand Collapse
    Writer SPNer Supporter

    Joined:
    Dec 23, 2009
    Messages:
    434
    Likes Received:
    651
    I agree with this. A person has to LEARN to not take things as personally or it's just a process of growing up. Particularly in our culture, there's such a focus on relationships, but in Western culture (and there have been a few trends through different generations... Ie, baby boomers, millennials etc). There's MANY differences between the generations and how they relate to each other.

    THIS is one of the most popular books about relationships:


    I have yet to read it, but I 've heard about it's popularity and how it was such a landmark piece of literature and how people learned to relate to each other in big cities, after they had moved out of their small towns (ie, pind, where not a lot changes..) and could no longer rely on long standing family/community relationships. I think reading it will reveal a lot about how other people approach us as well.
     
  9. kds1980

    kds1980 India
    Expand Collapse
    SPNer

    Joined:
    Apr 4, 2005
    Messages:
    4,504
    Likes Received:
    2,738
    The problem is among men they search for weird guys and they make bunny of them. They become their laughing stock.My brother is expert in making people his bunny and laugh among, but he makes sure that he don't go overboard like making fun of religion and caste , but I guess not all are like this
     
  10. Harry Haller

    Harry Haller United Kingdom
    Expand Collapse

    Moderator

    Writer SPNer Contributor

    Joined:
    Jan 31, 2011
    Messages:
    5,120
    Likes Received:
    7,947
    whats a bunny?
     
  11. kds1980

    kds1980 India
    Expand Collapse
    SPNer

    Joined:
    Apr 4, 2005
    Messages:
    4,504
    Likes Received:
    2,738
    On whom you crack jokes laugh etc
     
  12. Harry Haller

    Harry Haller United Kingdom
    Expand Collapse

    Moderator

    Writer SPNer Contributor

    Joined:
    Jan 31, 2011
    Messages:
    5,120
    Likes Received:
    7,947
    how does the bunny feel about this?
     
  13. BhagatSingh

    BhagatSingh Canada
    Expand Collapse
    SPNer sikhiart.com

    Joined:
    Apr 25, 2006
    Messages:
    2,912
    Likes Received:
    1,640
     
    • Like Like x 1
  14. kds1980

    kds1980 India
    Expand Collapse
    SPNer

    Joined:
    Apr 4, 2005
    Messages:
    4,504
    Likes Received:
    2,738

    Do you think anybody like to become laughing stock ?
     
  15. Harry Haller

    Harry Haller United Kingdom
    Expand Collapse

    Moderator

    Writer SPNer Contributor

    Joined:
    Jan 31, 2011
    Messages:
    5,120
    Likes Received:
    7,947
    Some time ago, I decided that the opinions of others regarding how I dress, what car I drive, what I look like, what I talk about, was pretty meaningless, I also noted that people, on whole, needed to belong, and there was nothing worse for some than not belonging, its a bit like the current state of Sikhism to be honest, be on the outside, do your own thing, validate yourself through yourself and your actions, your thoughts, reject whatever political or social atmosphere is current, or follow the pack.

    For instance, let us talk about bottoms, currently, big bottoms are, in a woman, a sign of attractiveness, whereas go back 30 years, and it was a sign of a fat bottom, how things have changed, who changed them? beards are suddenly in, big long bushy beards, its hard to be current without losing yourself it seems,

    so you have all these people, all playing the game, all trying to belong, all petrified that they will fall short, all grateful beyond belief when they finally get to join those in the social know, all terrified that they are not driving the right car, living in the right house, mixing with the right people,

    I think I would rather people laughed at me, pointed at me, and avoided me, then be scared of not belonging to something that has no firm foundation or reason.,

    Any society that spawns scores of insecure, weak minded, bullying, sexist, racist and self absorbed people is in itself the laughing stock, one day those bunnies will rise my friend.
     
    • Like Like x 1
  16. kds1980

    kds1980 India
    Expand Collapse
    SPNer

    Joined:
    Apr 4, 2005
    Messages:
    4,504
    Likes Received:
    2,738
    Online world is exactly the opposite of what real world is , people just talk good , no rich poor , caste etc real world is not like this .Even the guys that are shy or don't speak much will like to joke or make fun if they get chance .

    let me tell you a minor incident. One of my cousin is quite shy and don't speak much. His real sisters , my cousins told me that he never dance in any party.Two years ago I was in assam with all my maternal cousins , my health was terrible and on the above that me and my brother have to go to lodge in neighbourhood at night and that too by stairs , I went from my mama's house to three storey down only to find that all doors are locked So again I have to go back to my mama's gouse three floor up with stairs and I was suffering terribly. I asked my cousin to get keys , but instead of that he started Joking , of no keys , I asked him again and again and the he said go to roof and climb, my brothers realised my condition and got the keys.

    Now the question how come a guy who is shy don't speak much suddenly became one who started cracking jokes? Because he saw a weak cousin in front of him who was even unable to answer , but in front of other strong men and women he don't see that chance. This is life my friend you see a weak guy you crack jokes laugh etc etc , but suddenly a stronger guy and he suddenly over power you. And by strong I don't mean physical strength , its all about your personality
     
  17. Sikhilove

    Sikhilove United Kingdom
    Expand Collapse
    Writer SPNer

    Joined:
    May 12, 2016
    Messages:
    189
    Likes Received:
    73
    On the same note, there is nothing wrong with being fashionable according to current trends, driving a nice car etc. Gurbani says remain pure within- that is the main focus. You know there are people wearing the full Amritdhari dress who do not even attempt to quieten the 5 thieves.
     
    • Like Like x 1
  18. Harry Haller

    Harry Haller United Kingdom
    Expand Collapse

    Moderator

    Writer SPNer Contributor

    Joined:
    Jan 31, 2011
    Messages:
    5,120
    Likes Received:
    7,947
    Why do people follow fashion, why is it so important to drive the latest mercedes benz? You say there is nothing wrong in this, but why do people bother? for the self? You could put me in a brand new s class with expensive clothes, it still would not change the way I feel, about myself, about life, and if it did, I think that would be worse, because those feelings would only be present because in my mind, I was better than anyone else. Why else would anyone make such great pains to have the latest anything unless others were present to witness? This is called ego and pride, and Gurbani does not validate such.

    If one were pure within, I do not think one would give one iota about fashion trends, gold, cars, houses, and the need to impress on others how rich and powerful they are. A pure person, in my mind, would certainly gain no pleasure from such,

    Yes, there are many people wearing the full Amritdhari dress who do not even attempt to quieten the 5 thieves, why should they? Their bana is enough for their commitment, and it also gives them the right to lecture others!

    brilliant!
     
    • Like Like x 1
  19. Sikhilove

    Sikhilove United Kingdom
    Expand Collapse
    Writer SPNer

    Joined:
    May 12, 2016
    Messages:
    189
    Likes Received:
    73

    Lol, you do realise that for many, wearing amritdhari has become nothing more than fashion.

    If you remain lowest of the low whilst having the merc, expensive clothing etc, then good, you haven't fallen for mayas illusory bullsh*t nd you know you've stayed pure.

    Giving dasvand is part of Sikhi, so working hard and making money isn't a bad thing.Presentation these days can be a part of doing this, dressing up for an interview or wearing nice clothes for a work night out networking etc is fine, God never said live in the mountains as a hermit.
     
    • Like Like x 1
  20. Harry Haller

    Harry Haller United Kingdom
    Expand Collapse

    Moderator

    Writer SPNer Contributor

    Joined:
    Jan 31, 2011
    Messages:
    5,120
    Likes Received:
    7,947
    nope that does not work, if you remain the lowest of the low, you find different things to achieve and aspire, you cannot drive a £80,000 S class and wear a £20,000 rolex and maintain you haven't fallen for mayas illusory bs any more than you can attend orgies and maintain that you are free of the thieves.
     
  21. Seeker2013

    Seeker2013 India
    Expand Collapse
    Writer SPNer Contributor

    Joined:
    Aug 29, 2013
    Messages:
    397
    Likes Received:
    170
    I think the key word is "attachment" (moh, one of the five thieves in us that rob us of our spiritual real side)
    Having and driving a mercede is fine , but being totally ok and realizing it was god's mercedes who lent u that for a while and took it away. This attitude is of spiritual person.

    Like the lotus that lives in mud but still unblemished by it . The mud doesn't touch lotus even though lotus spends it life in mud.
    Same way a spiritual person lives in world , but remains unaffected by ups and downs of it .

    That sort of mental state must be a blessing in itself.

    That sort of mental state is what enabled historical sikhs to sit calmly in a cauldron of boiling water, split into two with a saw, and many other tortures. The mind was at peace.
     
    • Like Like x 1
    #20 Seeker2013, Jun 15, 2016
    Last edited: Jun 15, 2016

Share This Page