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I am freaking out ! .......

Discussion in 'Love & Marriage' started by Seeker2013, Sep 30, 2013.

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  1. Seeker2013

    Seeker2013 India
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    I am sorry if any of you feel annoyed that I am starting a new thread based on an old topic , but this times its more about me being scared like never before !

    Incase this is my first post you are reading , I introduce myself . I am 23 yr old male living in india metro city . Ofcourse I come from a sikh background .
    A 23 yr old youth is usually joyous because of the future prospects and because of his age of romance but I feel ruined and thats because I am not having a convention sexuality . I am not at all attracted to women but to men . Thats the problem .

    But this problem doesn't end here . Because its not jst about sex . Its much more beyond that . Its about which gender I am naturally drawn to form better emotional relationships . I am jst like any other person in the sense I too desire a normal family life , happy with wife and kids but HOW ? how can I be happy with a woman when there is no love for her , no emotional bonding , no desire . It would be like living a prison ?

    Thinking about my future makes me depressed . Sometimes I try to cheer myself thinking I will marry a conservative , rural area girl (you know how they are , unlike the advanced women of urban) and live a faithful life with her , but the thought of spending rest of your life feels terrorizing . It feels you have been cheated , that this is a BLUNDER ! But thoughts of whether I will have to spend my life all alone is also terrorizing .

    But there's not much prospect even if u accept urself . gays are only 5% of population . And most of them are more into sex than relationships . Finding a gay partner is like finding a needle in a big haystack ! And the fear of Sexually transmitted diseases is also a valid one

    So , you can imagine now , how it feels , atleast thats how I feel
    There is no peace in rejecting urself , no peace in accepting urself .

    The tensions and depression is starting to affect my life because I really can't help but keep thinking about this and keep getting more depressed . Do you think there is any relief from this torment or is god punishing me for something ? :(
     
  2. spnadmin

    spnadmin United States
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    Seeker2013 ji

    You have posted on this topic not too far back and our normal procedure is to merge similar threads. That is what I need to do at this time. However that thread is closed and no one can reply to it.

    The thread was closed because it did not turn out to be a conversation. I won't say more.

    Would you please for the benefit of our readers tell me how you think they can help you? Are your seeking company who will just 'listen?' Are you seeking advice?

    Depending on your answer I will either delete this thread or give it a short time to shape up into something useful to you and to our readers. Thanks.
     
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  3. aristotle

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    The whole post is almost identical in substance to a thread you started earlier. The whole matter was discussed at length over there. I don't know if I'll be taking part in this discussion anymore, its just old wine in a new bottle.
    :peacesign:
     
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  4. Seeker2013

    Seeker2013 India
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    SPN Admin ji

    I have myself apologized at the beginning of this post incase if anyone feels irritated , but for one moment try to stand in my shoes and feel the helplessness of the situation :(

    I want people to read and suggest solutions . I am not here to gain sympathies but only to fix my life whether that means denying oneself or accepting . Both feels a lose-lose situation
     
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  5. Seeker2013

    Seeker2013 India
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    WELL , its NOT the same thing . Last time it was about 'is god punishing me?'

    this time its more about 'what the hell am I gonna do with my life ?'
    please try to understand
     
  6. Ishna

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    Move out of India into a western country where your sexuality will be a little bit more accepted and you might have the chance of adopting children.
     
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  7. Inderjeet Kaur

    Inderjeet Kaur
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    If you move to where I live, you can get married and live a normal life. Of course, not all Sikhs are accepting, but I am and I know other Sikhs who agree with me. I have been active in the LGBT rights movement since before its inception

    Perhaps the more meaningful question is, how do you qualify for immigration?

    BTW, I am not LGBT, just proof that many other people stand with you.
     
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  8. Seeker2013

    Seeker2013 India
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    Thank you Ishna !

    I am currently studying final year MSc in computer science from Mumbai Uni .
    My cousin migrated to canada a few months back . She says she own a house . So I am thinking of moving there , though her husband is rude ! Hell who knows ! Maybe its the way universe wanted . Her to go there as a provision for me
    And besides I really do hate india the way it is now ! not jst regarding the gays but the population too ! Its excessive and crowded !

    I will have to start thinking of something if I am to move out of here , via for study or for job in IT
     
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  9. Seeker2013

    Seeker2013 India
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    Thank you so much for the work too ! I know , or maybe whats better than US ? canada . I don't think everyone is accepting even in the most liberal countries .
    And I have made peace with the fact becoz not everyone tolerate our turbans too and the incidences this year . Just saying that no matter if you're gay or black or sikh or whichever minority , its challenging anyway .

    But what I've been having hard to make peace with is the 'cognitive dissonance' abt my sexuality . Its a tie between wanting to be mainstream (straight) v/s the reality

    Still , even if sounds a bit awkward , do you think it would be fair to marry a female ? I mean if I could imagine a life with her ! jst a possibility in my mind when I go in thinking mode
     
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  10. Inderjeet Kaur

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    No matter who or what or where you are, some fool is going to be prejudiced against you. That's life. There are those prejudiced against LGBT people. Some LGBT people are prejudiced against themselves. I think Canada is probably less prejudiced than USA. USA is quite puritanical in many ways. I would guess that Canada would be much more to your liking.

    The idea of marrying a woman is madness. Why make both of you miserable?

    A last thought. If you go looking for trouble, you'll find it . If you expect to find prejudiced, hateful people, they'll be there. But if you go expecting acceptance, you'll find that, too. Both kinds will be there. I often encounter people who hate me for being a Muslim. (I'm a Sikh, of course.) It's up to you which to focus on.

    A final, last thought. Whatever you encounter, remember you are a Sikh. Strong. Brave. Don't whine. Nobody likes a whiner.
     
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  11. Seeker2013

    Seeker2013 India
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    Truest !

    One reason people don't like me is I have a habit of whining too much and most people are not interested in listening to others woes
     
  12. spnadmin

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    Seeker2013 ji

    I don't know the immigration policies for Canada; however, it is hard t o immigrate to the US from India because of the population size of India.

    The US policy imposes a flexible cap of 675,000 immigration visas a year. And applies a 7.0 percent limit to family sponsored visas for immigrants based on the total population of any given country. However there is no limit on visas issued to immediate relatives. Immigration from Mexico, Philippines, China and India, however, is capped at a fixed number each year because of the size of the population in those countries. Even a small percentage of the population of India could amount to the total number of people in a small country. Think of 1 percent of 1.237 billion people in India (2010), to equal a possible 1.237 million immigrants from India arriving each year. At 7 percent it would be 8,659,000 possible immigrants from India. For comparison purposes: The total population of Germany is 81.89 million and the population of Kenya is 43.18 million. Caps are flexible because unused slots can be redistributed. Right now the US Congress and Senate are debating immigration reform, and there is strong sentiment to show more percentage equity to India. So things may change.
     
    #12 spnadmin, Sep 30, 2013
    Last edited: Sep 30, 2013
  13. Inderjeet Kaur

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    There is a big difference between being willing to listen to others' woes and listening to whining.

    Most of us, especially here at SPN - we really are a nice bunch - are more than willing to listen, to discuss, to engage, to encourage. Presenting and discussing one's problems is a good thing, assuming the asker is honestly looking for solutions.

    It becomes whining when every idea, every solution is met with a "Yahbbut, yahbutt, yahbutt." Then it starts to look like the asker is more interested in wallowing in self-pity than in obtaining solutions. At that point, it ceases to be fruitful discussion and becomes, dare I call it trolling?

    I am not suggesting that you are trolling. In fact, I am very encouraged with the direction this discussion has taken, working toward helping you find a real solution, possibly a more compatible place to live. Let us continue in this vein and see where it leads.
     
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    #13 Inderjeet Kaur, Sep 30, 2013
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  14. Seeker2013

    Seeker2013 India
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    So whats the number of visas issued each year for india ?
    So that means it mst be really hard to obtain an US visa from india , since so many ppl are competing for fixed slots !
    What if in the unlikely situation of 6,75,000 slots not filling each year ? how do they redistribute that ?

    "And applies a 7.0 percent limit to family sponsored visas for immigrants based on the total population of any given country"
    but 7% of indian population would be too much , no ? or is it 7% of already immigrated ?
     
    #14 Seeker2013, Sep 30, 2013
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  15. spnadmin

    spnadmin United States
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    You may have more luck than I did a few minutes ago googling the web pages that explain the caps and how the un-used slots are redistributed. That is a good question.

    Another way to work this out is to immigrate to Canada on a 3-year visa, and then from there seek citizenship in the US. It is tricky but some people do. The other thing you want to keep in mind is that you might not like the US; or you might not like Canada. Do some research on a number of factors like employment opportunities, geographical opportunities for jobs, concentrations of ethnic Indians in the US and Canada - unless you want to be the only person from India in town, political and religious attitudes toward minorities in different locations, how well established any minority group is in a Canadian or US region. And food! You might discover that you really dislike bread and rotis are few and far between.

    There are good reasons to consider British Columbia or the Toronto area better places for a newly arrived immigrant from India, than Dayton or Salt Lake City. Likewise, larger cities and university towns in the US, and of the northwest and southwestern US have been magnets for Indian migration historically. You have time. Do some research. Come up with a number of options so if one doesn't work out, you have other back-up plans.
     
    #15 spnadmin, Sep 30, 2013
    Last edited: Sep 30, 2013
  16. Seeker2013

    Seeker2013 India
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    Bread , roti ??!! are u kidding me :p
    This is the last thing I would ever think before immigrating to a country though yes as long as its not GMO food !
    Thats one reason why I dislike US ! Its such a corporate driven country . Corporations literally run govts and people eat GMO foods fully
    no wonder the increase in cancer , etc
     
  17. spnadmin

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    Then you have narrowed it down ....Canada is the answer! :) No point in leaving India, where you are unhappy, to the US which you hate. :) Or you can make your own roti with non-GMO flour.
     
  18. Seeker2013

    Seeker2013 India
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    Even Americans hate GMO ! who would like to eat something made artificially in lab than in the lap of experienced mother nature !?
     
  19. spnadmin

    spnadmin United States
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    I guess if you are hungry enough you would. The Montsanto/GMO issue? I am not on top of it. Will defer to Inderjeet Kaur on that one.
     
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  20. spnadmin

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    I still cannot find the page with the number cap on family-sponsored immigration visas for India, but this is interesting. It pertains to proposed employment visa changes for highly skilled workers in the science and technology sector. This just passed the Senate committee.

    http://redbus2us.com/news-h1b-visa-...5k-to-110k-passes-senate-judiciary-committee/

    p/s I just corrected an earlier comment to add Mexico and Phillippines to India and China for the list of countries with numerical caps on immigration, and then corrected places where you quoted me on your comments. Just discovered that they are also on that list.
     
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