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Help! Ugent! Bad Habits...

Discussion in 'Sikh Youth' started by hansol29, May 26, 2008.

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  1. hansol29

    hansol29
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    Hi, don't know if this is the right place to post this, and i don't want inconviniences and I respect the boards, i have nothing against it, but i thougt there might be some people who may be able to help. Basically, i haver this problem, and its really depressing. From the ages of 8 to 20, i have had a problem and addiction of self abuse...masturbation. Thats right, the 'M' word. Scientists says there is nothing wrong with this habbit, but let me tell you my story at the moment. From the age of 8 i had started this vice. Up to now (20 years of age), it has ruined my life, my self respect, my confidence, its jsut really really really depressing. I have got this spacey cold/warm feeling inside my head, i can't describe, i feel s empty, so dirty, so abused, i feel like killing myself. I felt like exploding it is like living in hell. My mind feels empty, as if i am trying to find myself, but i cant...

    Its so depressing, it ruins my life, i spend the whole day just looking on wrong websites (webcam sites) and just masturbating. I spend the whole night 12 am to atleast 3:30 am, looking and satisfying myself, i cant help it... i start to gforget about the after affects and just carry on this vice in the morning, when i should be sleeping like everyone else. I feel as if something is wrong with me. As soon as i am done doing this vice, i feel as if i have lost vital body substances, i feel as if i have shrunk to a 9 year old kid, this empty depressive sensation inside me, it kills me, pains me...really hard to describe, i have excessive mucus in my throat, and it smells bad, every day i am living with excessive mucus, i feel like killing myself, my legs feel weak, i feel as if i am not growing, my body fluids are getting wasted... i feelboiling hot every time, my heart is always beating fast...and sometimes i feel as if i can do anything, (OVER HAPPY), and its not norla, but more importatnly, i feel empty and if i have lost alot of important life energy that was inside me, being thrown away being wasted..Please give me advice, is there anyone here who has this problem, i am 20 years of age..

    Please dont take it wrong that i have posted this on this website, i am of the same religion, and i was hoping what it says in the guru granth sahib ji i feel like im being killed every day...its destroying me this bad habbit, i could have done so much throughout the age of 10 to 20, i could have gone to a better university, this habbit has destroyed me, the reason i carry on doing thids habit is because i know i wont find any cure to fix the current diseases illness i get after doing masturbation.

    Its too much to bare this depressive feeling, i feel as if a big load of weight has been taken of from my back...as if i am not growing.
     
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  3. dalbirk

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    Re: Help Urgent..bad habbits

    Dear Veerji,
    WJKK WJKF
    Masturbating is absolutely normal form of physical gratification as well as self realisation . It does not at all affects ur physical health , but only mental such as guilt 7 depression , just like the one maybe u r experencing now . It is absolutely normal no side effects on health
     
  4. Archived_Member16

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    source:http://www.sikhism101.com/node/139

    What is the Sikh attitude towards masturbation?


    Lust or uncontrolled sexual desire is one of the five evils that Sri Guru Granth Sahib Ji warns us about time and time again. Masturbation, also referred to as Self-Sex, involves lustful thoughts that inspires or encourages more sexual thoughts and acts, and is therefore not appropriate for a Sikh to engage in. This is mostly seen in adolescence period as they want to satisfy their sexual needs. It is for self pleasure (sexual pleasure using with own or others hands or objects).

    Guru Gobind Singh Ji says:
    ਖਾਲਸਾ ਸੋਇ ਕਰੇ ਨਿਤ ਜੰਗ ।
    "The Khalsa is the one who daily engages in battle (with their internal enemies, i.e. the five vices)"
    Sri Guru Granth Sahib Ji says:
    ਇਸੁ ਤਨ ਮਨ ਮਧੇ ਮਦਨ ਚੋਰ ॥ ਜਿਨਿ ਗਿਆਨ ਰਤਨੁ ਹਿਰਿ ਲੀਨ ਮੋਰ ॥
    ਮੈ ਅਨਾਥੁ ਪ੍ਰਭ ਕਹਉ ਕਾਹਿ ॥ ਕੋ ਕੋ ਨ ਬਿਗੂਤੋ ਮੈ ਕੋ ਆਹਿ ॥੧॥
    "(As a consequence of my fickle mind, now) within the body and mind are thieves like sexual desire, which has stolen my jewel of spiritual wisdom. I am a poor orphan, O God; unto whom should I complain? Who has not been ruined by sexual desire? What am I? ||1||"
    (Ang 1194)

    MEDICAL SIDE-EFFECTS
    According to science, practising masturbation makes one weak and can lead to both psychological and physiological imbalances. Frequent masturbation and ejaculation stimulate acetylcholine/ parasympathetic nervous functions excessively, resulting in the over production of sex hormones and neurotransmitters such as acetylcholine, dopamine and serotonin. Abundant and unusually amount of these hormones and neurotransmitters can cause the brain and adrenal glands to perform excessive dopamine-norepinephrine-epinephrine conversion and turn the brain and body functions to be extremely sympathetic. In other words, there is a big change of body chemistry when one excessively practices masturbation.

    The side effects of such changes to the body include:
    * Fatigue
    * Feeling tired all the time
    * Lower back pain
    * Stress / Anxiety
    * Thinning hair / Hair Loss
    * Soft / Weak Erection
    * Premature Ejaculation
    * Eye floaters or fuzzy vision
    * Groin / Testicular Pain
    * Peyronie's disease
    * Pain or cramp in the pelvic cavity or/and tail bone

    Through constant Ardaas (prayer) asking for God's help & blessings along with Japping Naam (meditating on God's Name) and keeping company of the Saadh Sangat (the company of the Holy) the five thieves (lust, anger, greed, attachment and ego) run away. In addition cold showers, heavy exercise, altering one's diet, and limiting the sources of your visual stimulation help to control Kaam (sexual desires).

    Gurbani says:
    ਗਉੜੀ ਮਹਲਾ ੫ ॥
    ਰਾਖੁ ਪਿਤਾ ਪ੍ਰਭ ਮੇਰੇ ॥
    ਮੋਹਿ ਨਿਰਗੁਨੁ ਸਭ ਗੁਨ ਤੇਰੇ ॥੧॥ ਰਹਾਉ ॥
    ਪੰਚ ਬਿਖਾਦੀ ਏਕੁ ਗਰੀਬਾ ਰਾਖਹੁ ਰਾਖਨਹਾਰੇ ॥
    ਖੇਦੁ ਕਰਹਿ ਅਰੁ ਬਹੁਤੁ ਸੰਤਾਵਹਿ ਆਇਓ ਸਰਨਿ ਤੁਹਾਰੇ ॥੧॥
    ਕਰਿ ਕਰਿ ਹਾਰਿਓ ਅਨਿਕ ਬਹੁ ਭਾਤੀ ਛੋਡਹਿ ਕਤਹੂੰ ਨਾਹੀ ॥
    ਏਕ ਬਾਤ ਸੁਨਿ ਤਾਕੀ ਓਟਾ ਸਾਧਸੰਗਿ ਮਿਟਿ ਜਾਹੀ ॥੨॥
    ਕਰਿ ਕਿਰਪਾ ਸੰਤ ਮਿਲੇ ਮੋਹਿ ਤਿਨ ਤੇ ਧੀਰਜੁ ਪਾਇਆ ॥
    ਸੰਤੀ ਮੰਤੁ ਦੀਓ ਮੋਹਿ ਨਿਰਭਉ ਗੁਰ ਕਾ ਸਬਦੁ ਕਮਾਇਆ ॥੩॥
    ਜੀਤਿ ਲਏ ਓਇ ਮਹਾ ਬਿਖਾਦੀ ਸਹਜ ਸੁਹੇਲੀ ਬਾਣੀ ॥
    ਕਹੁ ਨਾਨਕ ਮਨਿ ਭਇਆ ਪਰਗਾਸਾ ਪਾਇਆ ਪਦੁ ਨਿਰਬਾਣੀ ॥੪॥੪॥੧੨੫॥

    "Gauree, Fifth Mehl: Save me, O My Father God. I am worthless and without virtue; all virtues are Yours. ||1||Pause|| The five vicious thieves (lust, anger, greed, attachment and ego) are assaulting my poor being; save me, O Savior Lord! They are tormenting and torturing me. I have come, seeking Your Sanctuary. ||1|| Trying all sorts of things (to save myself from these five vicious thieves), I have grown weary, but still, they will not leave me alone. But I have heard that they can be rooted out, in the Saadh Sangat, the Company of the Holy; and so I seek their Shelter. ||2|| In their Mercy, I have met Your Saints, and from them I have obtained satisfaction. The Saints have given me the Mantra which makes one Fearless (against the five vicious thieves), and now I practice the Word of the Guru's Shabad in my life. ||3|| (As a result of the spiritual peace giving Bani) I have now conquered those terrible evil-doers, and my speech is now sweet and sublime. Says Nanak! (now) the Divine Light has dawned within my mind; I have obtained that state of Nirvaanaa where no desire can effect me. ||4||4||125||"
    (Ang 205)


    -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
    GENERAL SELF-CONTROL GUIDANCE FOR MASTURBATION

    1. Never touch the intimate parts of your body except during normal toilet processes. Avoid being alone as much as possible. Find good company and stay in this good company.

    2. If you are associated with other persons having this same problem, you must break off their friendship. Never associate with other people having the same weakness. Don't suppose that two of you will quit together, you never will. You must get away from people of that kind. Just to be in their presence will keep your problem foremost in your mind. The problem must be taken out of your mind for that is where it really exists. Your mind must be on other and more wholesome things.

    3. When you bathe, do not admire yourself in a mirror. Never stay in the bath more than five or six minutes -- just long enough to bathe and dry and dress and then get out of the bathroom into a room where you will have some member of your family present.

    4. When in bed, if that is where you have your problem for the most part, dress yourself for the night so securely that you cannot easily touch your vital parts, and so that it would be difficult and time consuming for you to remove those clothes. By the time you started to remove protective clothing you would have sufficiently controlled your thinking that the temptation would leave you.

    5. If the temptation seems overpowering while you are in bed, get out of bed and go into the kitchen and fix yourself a snack, even if it is in the middle of the night, and even if you are not hungry, and despite your fears of gaining weight. The purpose behind this suggestion is that you get your mind on something else. You are the subject of your thoughts, so to speak.

    6. Never read pornographic material. Never read about your problem. Keep it out of mind. Remember -- "First a thought, then an act." The thought pattern must be changed. You must not allow this problem to remain in your mind. When you accomplish that, you soon will be free of the act.

    7. Put wholesome thoughts into your mind at all times. Read Gurbani and translations, read good books about the life of good Gursikhs and read about Sikh history. Morning, evening and bedtime, make it a routine to read Nitnem, and also read or listen to Gurbani during the day to keep the mind uplifted and occupied with the divine sound.
    8. Pray. But when you pray, don't pray about this problem, for that will tend to keep it in your mind more than ever. Pray for faith, pray for understanding of Gurbani, pray for humanity etc, but keep the problem out of your mind by not mentioning it ever -- not in conversation with others, not in your prayers. Keep it out of your mind!

    The attitude of a person toward his problem has an effect on how easy it is to overcome. It is essential that a firm commitment be made to control the habit. As a person understands his reasons for the behaviour, and is sensitive to the conditions or situations that may trigger a desire for the act, he develops the power to control it.

    -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
    SUGGESTIONS
    1. Pray daily, ask for the gifts of Naam, that which will strengthen you against temptation. Pray fervently and out lout when the temptations are the strongest.

    2. Follow a program of vigorous daily exercise. The exercises reduce emotional tension and depression and are absolutely basic to the solution of this problem. Double your physical activity when you feel stress increasing.

    3. When the temptation to masturbate is strong, yell WAHEGURU to those thoughts as loudly as you can in your mind and then recite a pre-chosen Bani or Paath (Mool Mantar, Japji Sahib, Chaupai Sahib or Sukhmani Sahib etc) or sing a Shabad. It is important to turn your thoughts away from the selfish need to indulge.

    4. Set goals of abstinence, begin with a day, then a week, month, year and finally commit to never doing it again. Until you commit yourself to _never again_ you will always be open to temptation. Remember Guru Ji's words:

    ਨਿਮਖ ਕਾਮ ਸੁਆਦ ਕਾਰਣਿ ਕੋਟਿ ਦਿਨਸ ਦੁਖੁ ਪਾਵਹਿ ॥
    ਘਰੀ ਮੁਹਤ ਰੰਗ ਮਾਣਹਿ ਫਿਰਿ ਬਹੁਰਿ ਬਹੁਰਿ ਪਛੁਤਾਵਹਿ ॥੧॥
    "For a moment of sexual pleasure, you shall suffer in pain for millions of days. For an instant, you may savor pleasure, but afterwards, you shall regret it, again and again. ||1||
    (Ang 403)

    5. Change in behaviour and attitude is most easily achieved through a changed self-image. Spend time every day imagining yourself strong and in control, easily overcoming tempting situations. Maintain your Sikhi Saroop and wear the 5 Ks. Look and focus on your Kara, Kirpan or looking in the mirror at your Sikhi Saroop to remind you that you are the son or daughter of Guru Gobind Singh Ji and what character the Guru expects from us.

    6. Begin to work daily on a self-improvement program. Relate this plan to improving your seva, simran, sangat, to improving your relationships with your family, God and others. Strive to enhance your strengths and talents.

    7. Be outgoing and friendly. Force yourself to be in the company of good people and learn to enjoy working and talking to them. Avoid Sangat, company, with those who talk or act in ways that promote lust and sexual desires or stimulation.

    8. Be aware of situations that depress you or that cause you to feel lonely, bored, frustrated or discouraged. These emotional states can trigger the desire to masturbate as a way of escape. Plan in advance to counter these low periods through various activities, such as reading a Gurbani, reading a Sikhi book, going to the Gurdwara and doing seva, visiting a friend, doing something athletic, etc.

    9. Make a pocket calendar for a month on a small card. Carry it with you, but show it to no one. If you have a lapse of self control, colour the day black. Your goal will be to have no black days. The calendar becomes a strong visual reminder of self control and should be looked at when you are tempted to add another black day. Keep your calendar up until you have at least three clear months.

    10. A careful study will indicate you have had the problem at certain times and under certain conditions. Try and recall, in detail, what your particular times and conditions were. Now that you understand how it happens, plan to break the pattern through counter activities.

    11. In the field of psychotherapy there is a very effective technique called aversion therapy. When we associate or think of something very distasteful with something which has been pleasurable, but undesirable, the distasteful thought and feeling will begin to cancel out that which was pleasurable. If you associate something very distasteful with your loss of self-control it will help you to stop the act. For example, if you are tempted to masturbate, think of having to bathe in a tub of worms, and eating several of them as you do the act.

    12. Wear a Kachhera at all times including the shower. As per Gur Maryada, when putting on a fresh Kachhera, take one leg out and put the other leg in, etc. During your toileting and shower activities leave the bathroom door or shower curtain partly open, to discourage being alone in total privacy. Take cool or cold brief showers.

    13. Arise immediately in the mornings. Do not lie in bed awake, no matter what time of day it is. Get up and do something. Start each day with an enthusiastic activity.

    14. Keep your bladder empty. Refrain from drinking large amounts of fluids before retiring.

    15. Reduce the amount of spices and condiments in your food. Eat as lightly as possible at night.

    16. Wear pajamas that are difficult to open, yet loose and not binding.

    17. Avoid people, situations, television programmes or commercials, pictures or reading materials that might create sexual excitement.

    18. In very severe cases it may be necessary to tie a hand to the bed frame with a tie in order that the habit of masturbating in a semi-sleep condition can be broken. This can also be accomplished by wearing several layers of clothing which would be difficult to remove while half asleep.

    19. Set up a reward system for your successes. It does not have to be a big reward. A quarter in a receptacle each time you overcome or reach a goal. Spend it on something which delights you and will be a continuing reminder of your progress.

    20. Do not let yourself return to any past habit or attitude patterns which were part of your problem. Satan never gives up. Be calmly and confidently on guard. Keep a positive mental attitude. You can win this fight! The joy and strength you will feel when you do will give your whole life a radiant and spiritual glow of satisfaction and fulfillment.

    ESSENTIAL : YOU MUST ALSO SEEK PROFESSIONAL HELP, THOUGH YOUR PHYSICAN !
     
  5. spnadmin

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    Soul_jyot ji,

    Asking the forgiveness of all forum members if I sound like a prude - I have left my concerns on another thread - but your message below needs to be stated. This is no different from alcoholism, addiction to drugs, gambling, anger or pornography. Like any other compulsion, excessive masturbation is not a normal and healthy thing. IT INTERFERES WITH HAVING A BALANCED AND RELATIVELY PEACEFUL LIFE. You have reported all the important concerns, a service to the community. A person who suffers from this -- and it is a suffering -- should seek the help of professional medicine and therapy, and enlist the assistance of the Divine through prayer. Thank you.
     
  6. pk70

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    Quote "ਨਿਮਖ ਕਾਮ ਸੁਆਦ ਕਾਰਣਿ ਕੋਟਿ ਦਿਨਸ ਦੁਖੁ ਪਾਵਹਿ
    ਘਰੀ ਮੁਹਤ ਰੰਗ ਮਾਣਹਿ ਫਿਰਿ ਬਹੁਰਿ ਬਹੁਰਿ ਪਛੁਤਾਵਹਿ

    "For a moment of sexual pleasure, you shall suffer in pain for millions of days. For an instant, you may savor pleasure, but afterwards, you shall regret it, again and again. ||1||
    (Ang 403)

    Soul-jyot Ji

    First of all I applaud your views with vast application in context of masturbation,; however, I doubt the quote you gave from Gurbani is suitable in context of masturbation. In Punjabi, “suaad” is translated as “taste” but it has vast application as Guru ji is addressing about total fall of a character for so little period of taste. During masturbation, this application is totally reduced to tiny one, and I feel I should comment on it. Gurbani is totally silent on this issue save for advice to be in control of sexual desires to move forward on the path of union with HIM because due to them alone, person keeps falling some time never to get up. . Rest is very good and praise worthy. Thanks. Youth needs to indulge in creativity of his own choice so that slowly he can find that activity more strong and interesting( like sports, writing, studying Gurbani to know Guru message) than this urge eventually.

     
  7. Notay

    Notay
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    WJKK WJKF
    I am also new here and i actually just registered today to add the same thread but saw yours. i am too indulged in such disguest that i cannot bear it either. i always feel depressed when i commit such an act and wish that i was free from it. i have turned to gurbani to help me and it has slowed down my temptation but it is still there. i look upon gurbani to help me learn but i feel that when i commit such an act i forgot what the guru has told us. the above quote:

    Quote "ਨਿਮਖ ਕਾਮ ਸੁਆਦ ਕਾਰਣਿ ਕੋਟਿ ਦਿਨਸ ਦੁਖੁ ਪਾਵਹਿ
    ਘਰੀ ਮੁਹਤ ਰੰਗ ਮਾਣਹਿ ਫਿਰਿ ਬਹੁਰਿ ਬਹੁਰਿ ਪਛੁਤਾਵਹਿ

    "For a moment of sexual pleasure, you shall suffer in pain for millions of days. For an instant, you may savor pleasure, but afterwards, you shall regret it, again and again. ||1||

    is also true it happens to me, i hate it i want to get rid of it. i have been indulged in such an act from about 8/9 to current age of 21, and i feel that i have not yet grown up i still feel like a kid.

    this is the only thing which is stopping me from becoming an amritdhari, i would prefer to be pure in the heart before i step forward to the guru, i know that some people say that you can become an amritdhari at any time any age but i believe the way i am i cannot move forward yet, i believe the guru is looking down on me as an idoit so believe i need to correct myself first.

    but from the above suggestions i will try my hardest now and refrain from these acts. thank you for shedding some light.

    may waheguru shower you all with his blessings!

    WJKK WJKF
     
  8. spnadmin

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    Notay ji

    Living in a state of disgust and self-hate is not going to help you move forward. In fact, these emotions will keep you feeling trapped.

    If your habit, any habit, is invading every nook of your mind, heart, and attention -- and you cannot move away from it -- then you need to seek professional help from a therapist specializing in addictions. And you need the help of spiritual practice.

    Hatred of yourself is no different from hatred of others -- is separates you from the Divine. It separates you from the Divine within yourself. So assess! If you are unable to be a full human being because of this, get the help you need.

    If this is not the case, then please stop punishing yourself. It wastes energy that you need for life and growth. Please start by giving up self-hatred.
     

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