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Getting a grip on the howling Day 1

Discussion in 'Blogs' started by Harry Haller, Oct 16, 2015.

  1. Harry Haller

    Harry Haller United Kingdom
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    Writer SPNer Contributor

    Jan 31, 2011
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    people would use many words to desribe me, discipline is not one of them, I have never ever been disciplined, I just do whatever it is I want to do, and deal with the consequences, so, if I want to howl, I howl, as Sian is not, and has never been a nag, and as we both try and accept each other, we interfere as little as possible, so the only person to ever chastise me about my howling is myself.

    Sometime I wish she would nag, but, no, I can come in through the door in a stained t shirt, dirty shorts, having just eaten a fastfood burger, ignore dinner, peck her on the cheek and disappear into my office for the rest of the evening, and she does not say a word other than when I get into bed, and she will ask if I am ok, I will apologise about being on my own, and she will smile and say, as long as your ok, thats ok.

    The only time I get picked up on is if I say I will do something, and then forget, and even then its more ribbing than nagging,

    in return, I truly worship the ground she walks on, and would do anything for her, and our stepson, and the animals, but to be true, this is her life, her son, her animals, if I had not met her, my life would not be like this, so what makes me stay?

    the knowledge that if i did not, I would be dead within a year, i would burn myself out through howling, there would be no rules, no limits.On a good day, I would not wish to be anywhere else, on a howling day, now, I just hate myself for, in effect, being 13 again, I am not 13, I am 44, balding, fat, the perfect me that I see in my heart is married to Sian, sees his parents often, loves his dogs,his stepson, works hard, and is of clean heart and spirit, it is this relationship and environment that will not only save me, but give me the life I need and want,
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