- Jan 31, 2011
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Is there an age limit for being mad? I do not mean stark raving loony tunes, but just a bit mad, slightly mad, mad enough to see things differently, to reject what most people would accept as life, to want to know more, to embrace wisdom, enlightenment, but that isn't madness is it, no madness is behaving, acting in a way that does not conform, although, acting is not true madness, and if you think your mad, then by default you cannot be mad.
Wolves, elves, imps, the images we use to define ourselves, to encapsulate what we feel, it is everything, and it is nothing, it encapsulates perfectly, and it encapsulates nothing, oh the duality of it all.
Being ill has convinced me that I have done my howling, I am just too old to howl anymore, every man comes to a point where real howling is not to howl, just as the drug addict savours the high of being sober, when you have chased the dragon to the end, the only high is no high, I am done howling.
So what now, it cannot just be switched off, at will, I may be a bear confused about his sexuality (haha bi polar), or I could label myself manic depressive, I just don't know.
However, if I had a broken arm, I would go straight to the doctor, I would use logic, use my brain, I know only two well that praying or begging Creator for help is pointless, the way forward is to use wisdom to solve the problem, I spoke to a customer, he looked bemused, why dont you put your faith in your religion, pray, there must be some ritual you can carry out, or some chant when you feel a bit mad, I could not help giving him a withering look, 'the way I follow is not a religion', I replied. 'It is a way of life, there are no miracles, no short cuts, '
So I bit the bullet and made an appointment to see the doctor, who turned out to be a huge canadian, after spending 10 minutes describing my mental state, he nodded, grunted, I also mentioned that the medication he had prescribed for my wife when her mother had died, had completely killed her libido, and if he could do something about that too, that would be great,. he grunted again, paused, scratched his head, 'how would you like your drives to be in perfect harmony' he said 'yes brilliant that would be brilliant', I replied, brilliant......
10 mins later sat in the Range Rover, which is daily developing more and more faults, just to make my life complete, I pondered over what the good Doctor had advised, full blood tests for cholestorol and sugar, no more kebabs, take aways, thai green curry, burgers, crisps, energy drinks, chocolate, at least an hours walking with the dogs a day, the most potent antibiotics he could prescribe, as my ears were as red as a baboons ****, and if I was really serious about giving up howling, a mild anti depressant, in fact the same one the wife is on, (guaranteed impotency in 2 weeks or your money back), so its been a week, and yes, the howling has stopped, food has become fuel, to be chosen wisely for its value rather than its taste, cuddles and hugs have become a means of touching base with the wife, rather than a prelude to something else, and, I have become more shy, I am not the extrovert I used to be, normally I am constantly drawing attention to myself, silly voices, manic laughter, silly jokes, at the moment I just want to blend in the background, have I lost a part of me? hell, yes, I have lost all of me, everything that defined me was in the howling, the clown, the wolf, the man, thats who I was, I feel like superman after he has been exposed to kryptonite, Im just an average joe now, I have even stuck the Range Rover for sale,
Sian is unconcerned, other than being happy that I seem to have found some sort of peace, she faithfully believes that I have merely gone from one extreme to another, and in time, I will find the mid ground, the balance, these are interesting times for madmen, and ex madmen too.
Wolves, elves, imps, the images we use to define ourselves, to encapsulate what we feel, it is everything, and it is nothing, it encapsulates perfectly, and it encapsulates nothing, oh the duality of it all.
Being ill has convinced me that I have done my howling, I am just too old to howl anymore, every man comes to a point where real howling is not to howl, just as the drug addict savours the high of being sober, when you have chased the dragon to the end, the only high is no high, I am done howling.
So what now, it cannot just be switched off, at will, I may be a bear confused about his sexuality (haha bi polar), or I could label myself manic depressive, I just don't know.
However, if I had a broken arm, I would go straight to the doctor, I would use logic, use my brain, I know only two well that praying or begging Creator for help is pointless, the way forward is to use wisdom to solve the problem, I spoke to a customer, he looked bemused, why dont you put your faith in your religion, pray, there must be some ritual you can carry out, or some chant when you feel a bit mad, I could not help giving him a withering look, 'the way I follow is not a religion', I replied. 'It is a way of life, there are no miracles, no short cuts, '
So I bit the bullet and made an appointment to see the doctor, who turned out to be a huge canadian, after spending 10 minutes describing my mental state, he nodded, grunted, I also mentioned that the medication he had prescribed for my wife when her mother had died, had completely killed her libido, and if he could do something about that too, that would be great,. he grunted again, paused, scratched his head, 'how would you like your drives to be in perfect harmony' he said 'yes brilliant that would be brilliant', I replied, brilliant......
10 mins later sat in the Range Rover, which is daily developing more and more faults, just to make my life complete, I pondered over what the good Doctor had advised, full blood tests for cholestorol and sugar, no more kebabs, take aways, thai green curry, burgers, crisps, energy drinks, chocolate, at least an hours walking with the dogs a day, the most potent antibiotics he could prescribe, as my ears were as red as a baboons ****, and if I was really serious about giving up howling, a mild anti depressant, in fact the same one the wife is on, (guaranteed impotency in 2 weeks or your money back), so its been a week, and yes, the howling has stopped, food has become fuel, to be chosen wisely for its value rather than its taste, cuddles and hugs have become a means of touching base with the wife, rather than a prelude to something else, and, I have become more shy, I am not the extrovert I used to be, normally I am constantly drawing attention to myself, silly voices, manic laughter, silly jokes, at the moment I just want to blend in the background, have I lost a part of me? hell, yes, I have lost all of me, everything that defined me was in the howling, the clown, the wolf, the man, thats who I was, I feel like superman after he has been exposed to kryptonite, Im just an average joe now, I have even stuck the Range Rover for sale,
Sian is unconcerned, other than being happy that I seem to have found some sort of peace, she faithfully believes that I have merely gone from one extreme to another, and in time, I will find the mid ground, the balance, these are interesting times for madmen, and ex madmen too.
