Even The Dogs Won't Come Near Me

[Harry Haller]

I have the mood of the damned, I am determined not to howl, but the inner battle only forces me more and more inward, by the time I got home, my mood was so foul I felt it best to go into zombie mode, dead eyes, one word replies, Sian knows just to leave alone, but by the end of the evening, as we slept, me on my back, eyes open, staring at the ceiling, her, back to me, sad, frustrated, angry at my refusal either to give the meditation a chance, or go back to the doctor, it was a long night, I dreamt a lifetime of dreams, all painful, all negative,

I woke at 5am, Sian was looking at me, sad, stressed, we talked, her, angry at being shut out, me, angry at her being angry for me trying to protect her, I say angry, but in our house, angry means speaking in a slightly firmer voice, we have never got angry in the common sense of the word, just firmer, sadder, Harry she said, when you are like this, even the dogs dont want to come near you,

I feel ok today, yes, harry, you feel ok, she said, but you leave a trail of destruction in your wake

 

[Ishna]

One of the psychologists at my work was saying one day that you can't just stop a behaviour, you have to replace it with something. What are you replacing the howling with?

 

[Harry Haller]

absolutely correct sisji, the plan was to replace with the anti depressant, which I binned, and then with the meditation, which I have not done yet, but, its the meditation, that is the replacement, something is holding me back, I am thinking maybe go back on the anti depressant, which will stop the howling, and then try meditating and then stop the anti depressant, ahh self medicating, isnt it great!

 

[Ishna]

I'm not a doctor, but I would say, if you go back on the antidepressent you should probably stick with it and then when you're ready come off it gradually under your doctor's supervision - never just stop taking it bhaji. This comes from having a husband on the stuff for the last few years. It can be the life-preserver to keep you afloat so you can catch your breath and start swimming on your own again, but you've got to transition it. Also, if you think the dose it too high for you, ask if it can be halved. Sometimes they have to play with the medicine to find the one that works best for you. You don't have to be a numbed-up zombie if you find what works for you.

*hugs*

 

[Harry Haller]

to be honest, the only facet of the tablets I was interested in was the lack of sex drive, I am probably taking it for the wrong reasons, its a lazy way to deal with the problem!I will explain and big hugs and congratulations on your test

 

[chazSingh]

Hi Harry Ji,

"I am thinking maybe go back on the anti depressant, which will stop the howling, and then try meditating and then stop the anti depressant"

Sounds like a good plan. .. good luck

I don't know if you believe in prayer, but i'll send out a thought during amrit vela tonight. God bless

 

[Harry Haller]

Chazji

So far the vote for that plan is Sian, the travel agent next door (you were so reliable), my brother (you stopped talking rubbish), and your goodself

thank you Chazji, your a kind soul, if you are ever in deepest Essex, contact me and I will take you for a walk with the Dogs to return the favour