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Day 2

Harry Haller

Panga Master
SPNer
Jan 31, 2011
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Anti depressant day 2, the sound of the howling is still in my ears, either the placebo effect of the drug is not working, or Mr Wolf has found a way round it, yesterday went well, I won, today, we will see.

Still groggy, and cold, very cold, I feel like my heart has turned to stone, I can't seem to feel anything, the wolf watches my puny attempts to humanise myself, laughing gleefully one minute and grinning like an idiot the next, he is not scared of death, but every moment, should be spent chasing the dragon, I am not scared of death, but I wish to do more with my life than chase a dragon.

I have the air of a loner about me, it is not a welcome air, today the black dog sits firmly on my shoulder, its huge sad eyes dark as coal, the smell of death on its breath, of rotting flesh, of bodily fluids, stale blood,

But the complete mad facet of the whole situation is that this is not unpleasant to me, I will play the saddest songs I can find, I will think, of times gone by, my youth, my childhood, it is selfish, and it is pure indulgence, but then depression generally is, I stroke the black dog, and he looks at me with big open sad eyes, in his eyes, I see myself, it is not a pretty sight.

In this mood, there is no fighting to be done today, today is a tidying day, the shop looks like a complete bombsite, there is even a dead mouse in the window display, mind you, I say window display, but it is hardly harrods at christmas,

Im going out to buy a mop.
 

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