betterfutures43
SPNer
- Aug 23, 2022
- 32
- 2
- 22
WJKK WJKF,
Hope all are well. I am seeking guidance regarding my younger brother’s (27) search for a life partner.
We are quite a religious family, I am non-amritdhari but my father and younger brother are both strict amritdhari.
My brother is one of the most kind and honest people you will ever meet. However, unfortunately his search for a life partner has been very difficult. He is a mature person and was ready to start searching at age 24 and so we began this, we registered him across many gurdwaras across London and several others in major UK cities such as Birmingham, Wolverhampton, Coventry etc. Also using family network aswell.
From reading a lot of previous posts and other sikhi forums, it seems the most common issue for amritdhari men finding a partner is they feel rejected due to their appearance.
My brother hasn’t actually experienced this issue, we have met with many families but unfortunately the main reason that the girl rejects him ( or actually girl’s parents reject him as we all well know they are pulling the strings behind the scenes ) is they say some really awful things about his occupation, salary, financial stability, these things. Has anyone else experienced this when searching for a partner?
To provide some background, my brother is a detective in the met police in London. He earns average about £38k but with OT sometimes around £45k. I know it seems like the whole sikh community is somehow on a 6-figure salary and love to show off all their wealth and that his salary might not seem like anything to a lot of you but my brother works extremely hard for that money.
My parents are also very modest people, if they wanted to buy lavish things they could, but they would never do this as they were never like this. Whenever we meet the parents of these girls, the dads especially like to shove their net worth in the face of my father and it makes us very sad or they tell us how many houses they own.
Also they say some really rude things to my brother like ‘how can you support my daughter with this job?’ or ‘why are you not a doctor?’. Whatever happened to kirat karo, it appears to most of our community kirat karo only counts if you are a doctor or earning a huge salary.
Genuinely my brother is asking very little in terms of what he is seeking in a partner, he doesn’t care about her age, education level, profession, community, anything like that. He just wants someone from a modest family and ideally someone vegetarian since he is amritdhari.
However, it Is really hurting me to see him so down. He is a hard-working and honest person.
He has devoted his life to sikhi and helping others in his career aswell, yet the awful responses from these girls and their families have really make him doubt himself.
I would expect these types of interrogations for my brother when seeking a partner in india but not when both parties are born in the UK.
Also, I have seen many men have criteria for the girl such as appearance, or family background, education level etc but my brother doesn’t have any of this and yet still he is treated so badly and also these are mostly matches from the gurdwara matrimonial services which is equally shocking.
At this rate, I don’t feel sikhi will last for too long if every single person wants to married with the top 1%.
In the old days, couples used to struggle together, overcome challenges together which is what marriage is about and make their lives together. Nowadays people would like a partner already made.
I appreciate if anyone can guide on this, I am not sure how to help my brother on this one.
Very grateful
Hope all are well. I am seeking guidance regarding my younger brother’s (27) search for a life partner.
We are quite a religious family, I am non-amritdhari but my father and younger brother are both strict amritdhari.
My brother is one of the most kind and honest people you will ever meet. However, unfortunately his search for a life partner has been very difficult. He is a mature person and was ready to start searching at age 24 and so we began this, we registered him across many gurdwaras across London and several others in major UK cities such as Birmingham, Wolverhampton, Coventry etc. Also using family network aswell.
From reading a lot of previous posts and other sikhi forums, it seems the most common issue for amritdhari men finding a partner is they feel rejected due to their appearance.
My brother hasn’t actually experienced this issue, we have met with many families but unfortunately the main reason that the girl rejects him ( or actually girl’s parents reject him as we all well know they are pulling the strings behind the scenes ) is they say some really awful things about his occupation, salary, financial stability, these things. Has anyone else experienced this when searching for a partner?
To provide some background, my brother is a detective in the met police in London. He earns average about £38k but with OT sometimes around £45k. I know it seems like the whole sikh community is somehow on a 6-figure salary and love to show off all their wealth and that his salary might not seem like anything to a lot of you but my brother works extremely hard for that money.
My parents are also very modest people, if they wanted to buy lavish things they could, but they would never do this as they were never like this. Whenever we meet the parents of these girls, the dads especially like to shove their net worth in the face of my father and it makes us very sad or they tell us how many houses they own.
Also they say some really rude things to my brother like ‘how can you support my daughter with this job?’ or ‘why are you not a doctor?’. Whatever happened to kirat karo, it appears to most of our community kirat karo only counts if you are a doctor or earning a huge salary.
Genuinely my brother is asking very little in terms of what he is seeking in a partner, he doesn’t care about her age, education level, profession, community, anything like that. He just wants someone from a modest family and ideally someone vegetarian since he is amritdhari.
However, it Is really hurting me to see him so down. He is a hard-working and honest person.
He has devoted his life to sikhi and helping others in his career aswell, yet the awful responses from these girls and their families have really make him doubt himself.
I would expect these types of interrogations for my brother when seeking a partner in india but not when both parties are born in the UK.
Also, I have seen many men have criteria for the girl such as appearance, or family background, education level etc but my brother doesn’t have any of this and yet still he is treated so badly and also these are mostly matches from the gurdwara matrimonial services which is equally shocking.
At this rate, I don’t feel sikhi will last for too long if every single person wants to married with the top 1%.
In the old days, couples used to struggle together, overcome challenges together which is what marriage is about and make their lives together. Nowadays people would like a partner already made.
I appreciate if anyone can guide on this, I am not sure how to help my brother on this one.
Very grateful
