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Advice Required

Discussion in 'Love & Marriage' started by k12satnam, Oct 31, 2006.

  1. k12satnam

    k12satnam
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    SSA.
    I belong to a jatt family and would like to marry a Ramgarihan. We both are afraid to tell our parents. I would like to gather some information on both castes before bringing it up with our families. Can someone please advise if this is possible. My family is a hard core jatt who think that all rishtay must be done in Jatts.

    some one help please


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  3. kaur-1

    kaur-1
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    Waheguroo Ji Ka Khalsa Waheguroo Ji Ki Fateh

    Guru Nanak Ji abolished the caste system.

    "Guru Nanak Dev disparagingly condemned caste-prejudices. To do away with this social malady he set an example. He visited Bhai Lalo an 'out-caste', and both had their meals together, giving a shocking surprise to the village-folk. Moreover, Mardana, the life-long companion of Guru Sahib was minstrel, coming from 'low-caste'."

    A "practising" Sikh does NOT believe in or practise the caste system.

    p/s: If i were you, I would just go ahead and marry your Sikh lady. If your parents tell you otherwise as regards to the "caste", I would say to them are they Sikhs or Hindus.

    Question is, are you the son of Guru Gobind Singh ji Maharaj.
     
  4. k12satnam

    k12satnam
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    Yes, I understand that. However can you tell me if a Ramgarhia boy will be accepted in Jatt community
     
  5. kaur-1

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    I dont understand where your family or you are coming from.

    A true Sikh will not even ask this question.!!
     
  6. sekhon

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    The problem is my family does have these concerns. That's why I'm looking for help at this website. I need a logical answer to convince them. Though I agree with your opinion but it's not sufficient to satisfy them.
     
  7. kaur-1

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    Dear Sekhon,

    Have you even told them that in Sikhi, we dont believe in caste system!

    For goodness sake man!. They are the adults here and they dont even know what Guru Nanaks teachings all about.!!!!!!

    Convincing them!. Oh Dear!..:8-:)I give up.!
     
  8. Jaspal Singh

    Jaspal Singh
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    In the translation of verses, author confused social status with Caste.

    So whereever there is mention of social status ,in the following verses, the word in Guru Granth Sahib ji is Caste.


    Page:1127
    No one should be proud of his social class and status. He alone is a Brahmin, who knows God. || 1 || Do not be proud of your social class and status, you ignorant fool!

    Page 349:
    Recognize the Lord's Light within all, and do not consider social class or status; there are no classes or castes in the world hereafter. || 1 || Pause ||

    Page 369:
    Social status and beauty will not go with you hereafter. As are the deeds done here, so does one become.

    Page 469:
    In the world hereafter, social status and power mean nothing; hereafter, the soul is new.

    Page 1094:
    Hereafter, no one is questioned about social status; excellent and sublime is the practice of the Word of the Shabad.
     
  9. vijaydeep Singh

    vijaydeep Singh
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    Gurfateh

    Jatts may have some reason,they think that thier breed or Nasl shoul not be mixed with other blood so that in bulit gentical things reamin within them.

    Das has an aunt(Chachi),who wanted to marry off her girl to Mona but not Sirdar Bhapa.

    Das thinks thoss guys are less of Sikhs and more of jatts.

    so Sekhon Bhai,

    First let you and your girl freind tell both of you family about marrige.If any or both disagree,then you can make you own family.

    Ovrtly supporting caste can lead to Tankha from Sikh community.So if you Parents or Parents in Law do not behave.Matter can be Taken to Akal Takhat and thier Sikhi can stand Cancel.


    Such issues are more imporatan then say thrwoing Afghana Ji or Ghugga ji off the Panth.Forgive for being offensive.Das himslef has father with Virk/Solanki side.But this is Sikh only.
     
  10. Lionchild

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    I never heard of this before, and i'm quite shocked. In any case, all that can be done make the decision your self and don't worry about your family. Family can be some cumbersome... :unsure:
     
  11. Dimitri

    Dimitri
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    This is Pathetic!

    You should simply ask your parents why tehy belive in teachings of Guru Nanak. He wasn't a jat. why do they bow in front of Guru Granth - which contains teachings of Kaber - a low caste according to brahman system.

    There is no place in Sikhism for this. Its sad but people in punjab are so messed up in thi stuff.
     
  12. Veeru

    Veeru
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    Well folks, compatibility, in marriage, is really important.

    Nobody becomes a good Sikh just because s/he classifies her/himself as Sikh, nor could two people become compatible just because they are both Sikhs.

    When I refer to good Sikh, I am referring to Sikhs who actually have achieve state of mind where they think like Gurus and Saints did. So, since gurus and saints believed in equality of all mankind, a Sikh can only be a good Sikh if sees all as one. So, for good Sikh, there is no reason at all to discriminate based up religion, caste, color or race or anything else that puts us into different classifications.

    Since a good sikh is supposed to treat both Sikh and Muslim the same, does this mean he is required to marry a Muslim. Not at all, because in a marriage compatibility "should be" more important than anything else, religion, caste, race or color.

    But does religion, caste, race or color have effect on compatibility? Sometimes, it does but some other times, it doesn't.

    So does it really make sense for someone, whose behaviour and attitude is affected by his/her religion, caste or race, thus affecting his/her compatibility with someone else of different religion, caste or race, to marry someone of different religion, caste or race? I don't think so.

    So, I don't believe it's wrong for anyone to desire marry into his/her own religion, caste or race, especially if religion, race or caste determines compatibility.

    Now what's really ironing is that those who yelling their lungs out that Sikhi is about treating the whole humanity the same are the same people who are saying that they wouldn't even hire someone unless they were Amritdharis.

    ________________________________________________________________

    Now dear Sis,

    Like I said on Sikhnet, if you really wanna get married to this guy, first you need to make sure that relationship is all genuine. You should not go against your parents. Instead try talking to them first starting with your mom.

    Although our family's bad experience with inter-caste or inter-religious marriages does not mean that all inter-caste or inter-religious marriage are going to end up this way, it helps to understand that sometimes love alone isn't good enough in a marriage.

    One of my cousins married a Sikh of different caste and the other two married non-Sikhs of different races. Rest of us are married within caste and religion and had arranged marriages. Those who married to someone of different caste, religion and race are all divorced today and rest of us, who had arranged marriages within caste and religion, are happily married. The ones married to someone of different religions stayed married for ten years but the one who married a Sikh of different caste ended up in divorce only after two months. But like I said, of course it doesn't mean that all inter-caste and inter-religious love marriages are going to end up like this but this is something to think about whether or not, your relationship is really genuine...
     
  13. Hai_Bhi_Sach

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    Satnam ji,

    I agree with the PCJS in the quote above.
    Numerous marriages have taken place between Jatt boys and Ramgharia Girls and vice versa. There are always disagreements in the begining but it eventually fizzles out. However, you need to look at your mindset first, since the girl will be leaving her family to join yours.

    Will you be able to give her undivided support when she enters your family. Will you be able to protect her from the insinuating remarks she will be subjected to ?
    Will you be able to cope with family pressures and social pressures .
    Will you be able to take on insinuating remarks from the girls side and not respond to them without affecting your relationship.
    It all depends how tough you are and how strong your feelings are. Take a step back and look at this situation objectively. Put some one else in your shoes and with your family structure. Can you see any problems ? What problems can you forsee ? That is what you too could be facing.

    Do you have any thing else common with this girl other than just feelings for her, to stay together. "Love" fizzles out gradually in relationships. Circumstances change after marriage intercaste or not.

    Can you cope? Can you stay committed ? Remember you may have to choose between her and your family? These are tough questions. Be prepared. Do not ruin your lives if you cannot give this commitment to each other.

    Best of Luck.
     
  14. tehel singh

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    Gurfathe k12

    we all know that casteism is not allowed in sikhism, theoraticalythat is,
    in practise we hav,nt reached there yet, so i would suggest that you talk to your parents frankly. I think that all parents are worried about their children getting hurt ,if the marriage dos'nt work out, who will you blame ,yourself ,your wife, or the caste he/she is from.
    Now, truthfully if you can answer these few points
    then i think you should put your arguments to your parents.
    good luck and have faith in WAHEGURU ​
     
  15. tehel singh

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    should be discussed with the panth and throuhly erradicated
     
  16. dalsingh

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    "There is no place in Sikhism for this. Its sad but people in punjab are so messed up in thi stuff."

    The people in the U.K. are generally no better than those in the Punjab. I remember years ago me and my then girlfirend (a Sikh "Jat") wanted to get married.

    When she told her family, her father went bananas although he had met me and got on really well with me at a party. Although we really loved each other it never happened. They (her family) basically told her that if she married me she could not come back to her family.

    They quickly whisked her away and married her off to some jatt boy. Sad really...for me anyway.
     
  17. savesikhism

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    Satsrikaal,
    I think caste is not all important in marriage these days.The only factor I consider in getting married besides the normal requirements that you must belong to the same religion. I this case I am sure that you both are sikhs.so go ahead and get married and please remain faithful to Sikhism and the swaroop of Sikhism and trust each other.

    Guru Fateh
    Save Sikhism
     
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  18. savesikhism

    savesikhism
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    Inter religion marriages

    Satsrikaal,
    I want to share my thoughts on the topic of inter religion marriages. Sikhs boys and girls marrying in to other religions. Let us divide this topic into 2 categories
    1) When Sikh girl marry in to the other religions.
    2) When a turbaned Sikh boy marry the girl of another religion.
    Now in the first case there is no problem at all. The reason that in entire world 99% of the inter religion marriages between Hindus and Sikhs fall under this category because girl is from Sikh family and the neither the girl nor her family posts any precondition for marriage.
    Now I come to the second category where turbaned Sikh boys marry the girl of different religions. There is definitely a problem and always the sacrifice comes from the boy side.
    When Sikh girls marry Hindu boys majorly Punjabi Hindu boys there is no opposition at all. In this case the girls get converted to Hindu religion there by slowly destroying the Sikh numbers in demographic manner because the children she will produce will 100% Hindus and not Sikhs. My question to the so called liberals who permit or support these marriages is that when the Sikh girl marries the Punjabi Hindu boy there is no opposition so why is that when a turbaned Sikh boy marries a Hindu girl there is all sort of opposition such when will boy get a haircut???.Will the boy go the Mandir with girl?? Will girl keep the karvacahath vrath (a sheer pakhand).why so much hatred for turbaned boys? You can take the girls just because they tend to swayed by other factors besides her beauty being the major the factor in letting the Hindu boy getting her convinced in getting married.
    Why these double speak? Can anybody answer this question.Silkh girls continue to marry in the other religion thus falling in to the trap laid down by their so called by their so called handsome boy friends or the slow extinction of the Sikh religion. Why I am saying extinction because when a Sikh girl marries Hindu Bhatia or Pandit or khatri by she will produce Hindu children and not Sikh religion. So called liberals including my mom may contest that faith in guru granth sahib is supreme but it must also be considered that when demography is counted the form and belonging to the religion lays a big big role and in our country majority of the decisions are taken keeping in mind the numbers involved. Any thoughts will be highly appreciated. I am sure the so called liberals will respond in stiff opposition but I have stated the reality and yes………….THE REALITY BITES………..some time very much…..Thanks.

    Wahe Guru Ji Khalsa Wahe guruji fateh.
     
  19. spnadmin

    spnadmin United States
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    Re: Inter religion marriages

    Admin note: The comments above were merged from an earlier thread posted as "Inter religion Marriages."
     
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  20. mannii

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    The same thing happened with my cousin, she wanted to marry a guy of another caste. Her family didn't let her and said she had to marry a jatt, because other wise people would hate their family, look down at them and blame her mum.(she ended up running away and marring him anyway) this happens a lot and the parents never understand that we do not accept the caste system. Parents always tell their children to be religious and go to the gurdwara when they are the ones that always look down on other castes and believe in the caste system when its not even in our religion! I suggest you tell them what you believe and go ahead with the marriage.
     
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  21. Seeker9

    Seeker9 United Kingdom
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    The problem is cultural and generational and will hopefully die out soon as the current generation passes. This however is no help to you now.

    You know what your family is like better than any of us

    You need to talk it through with them
     
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