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forgiveness, request
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Old 10-Sep-2009, 20:50 PM
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Forgiveness is an act of imagination. It challenges one to give up his destructive thoughts about a situation and to believe in the possibility of a better future. Forgiveness is a gift you give to yourself. It is not something you do for someone else. Forgiveness has little or nothing to do with another person because forgiveness is an internal matter. You cannot undo any thing you have already done, but you can face up to it and tell the truth and seek forgiveness and then let God do the rest.

ਖਿਮਾ ਗਹੀ ਬ੍ਰਤੁ ਸੀਲ ਸੰਤੋਖੰ ॥ ਰੋਗੁ ਨ ਬਿਆਪੈ ਨਾ ਜਮ ਦੋਖੰ ॥

Khimaa Gahee Barat Seel SantokhaN, Rog Na Bi-aapai Naa Jam DokhaN.

To practice forgiveness is the true fast, good conduct and contentment. Disease does not afflict me, nor does the pain of death.-----Guru Nanak, Raag Gauri, AGGS, Page, 223-15


The Forgiveness Process is a freely made choice and decision to no longer continue to harm or punish oneself, or to continue to diminish his overflowing love and joy. Real or imagined wrongs or misconduct by the others can sap the vitality running through oneself. Outer circumstances too can have the same desultory effect. But forgiveness can set one free.

ਗੁਰਮੁਖਿ ਬਖਸਿ ਜਮਾਈਅਨੁ ਮਨਮੁਖੀ ਮੂਲੁ ਗਵਾਇਆ ॥

Gurmukh Bakhas Jamaa-ee-an Manmukhee Mool Gavaa-i-aa.

The Guru willed grows the crop of forgiveness, while the self-willed loses even his roots.-----Guru Ram Das, Raag Gauri, AGGS, Page, 304-7

There should not be any further expectations after the other person apologizes. One should not worry whether they finally understand you or not. You can love them and release them. Truth comes to people later in its own way and time.

ਕਬੀਰਾ ਜਹਾ ਗਿਆਨੁ ਤਹ ਧਰਮੁ ਹੈ ਜਹਾ ਝੂਠੁ ਤਹ ਪਾਪੁ ॥ਜਹਾ ਲੋਭੁ ਤਹ ਕਾਲੁ ਹੈ ਜਹਾ ਖਿਮਾ ਤਹ ਆਪਿ ॥

Kabira Jahaa Gi-aan Tah Dharam Hai Jahaa Jhooth Tah Paap, Jaha Lobh Teh Kaal Hai Jaha Khima Teh Aap.

Kabir, where there is spiritual wisdom, there is righteousness. Where there is falsehood, there is sin. Where there is greed, there is death. Where there is forgiveness, there is God It self.-----Kabir Sloke # 155, AGGS, Page, 1372-15

Forgiveness is one of the attributes of God:

ਪਾਰਬ੍ਰਹਮ ਪਰਮੇਸੁਰ ਗੋਬਿੰਦ ॥ਕ੍ਰਿਪਾ ਨਿਧਾਨ ਦਇਆਲ ਬਖਸੰਦ ॥

Paarbarahm Parmaysur Gobind, Kirpaa NiDhaan Da-i-aal Bakhsand.

Akal Purkh is Supreme, Transcendent, Treasure of mercy, Compassionate and Forgiving.-----Guru Arjan, Raag Gauri, AGGS, Page, 283-19

Forgiveness further is;

1. Moral: It is a response to an ethical injustice.

2. Goodwill: Merciful restraint from pursuing resentment or revenge. If we practice an eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth, soon the whole world will be blind and toothless.

3. Paradoxical: As we give the gift of forgiveness we ourselves are healed.

4. The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong.-----Gandhi
Reference:: Sikh Philosophy Network

5. Beyond duty: It is overcoming others’ wrongdoing with good.
He who forgives, and reaches reconciliation with his enemy, shall receive his reward from God. This is because God loves not unjust doers.-----Quran.

Forgiveness is not:

1. Forgetting or Denial.
2. Condoning what had happened or pretending that it happened only this time.
3. Excusing the wrong-doer believing that it was not really his responsibility.
4. Concluding that the guilty one deserves to know that we have been wronged.
5. Seeking Justice: It was not a quid pro quo deal -- it doesn't demand compensation.

Forgiveness should be distinguished from;

A. Forgiveness is one person's moral response to another's injustice.

B. Reconciliation is achieved when two parties come together in mutual respect.

If we really want to love, we must learn how to forgive. Forgiveness works! It is often difficult, BUT it works! To err is human, to forgive is Divine. Forgiveness is a gift you give to yourself. It is not something you do FOR someone else. It is not complicated. It is simple. Simply identify the situation to be forgiven and ask yourself: "Am I willing to waste my energy further on this matter?" If the answer is "No," then that's it!
Forgiveness is an act of imagination. It challenges one to give up his destructive thoughts about the situation. It urges him to believe in the possibility of a better future. It is not necessary for forgiveness to begin the process that heals the hurt. You do not have to forgive but there are consequences if you do not forgive. Holding on to anger, resentment and a sense of betrayal can make your own life miserable.

“To forgive is the highest, most beautiful form of love. In return, you will receive untold peace and happiness.” There is nothing so bad that cannot be forgiven. Nothing!

When you forgive you do it for yourself, not for the other. The person you have never forgiven owns you! The choice to forgive is always yours and yours only. The hurt won't heal until you forgive! Recovery from a wrongdoing that produces a genuine hurt takes time. For some, it may take years. Regardless of the situation, making peace with past love partners, your parents, children, your boss or anyone who you think may have "done you wrong" is the only way to improve your chances of a "healthy" relationship with yourself or anyone else for that matter! You can't undo anything you've already done, but you can face up to it. You can tell the truth. You can seek forgiveness. And then let God do the rest.

Non-forgiveness keeps you in the struggle. Being willing to forgive can bring a sense of peace and well being. It lifts anxiety and delivers you from depression. It can enhance your self-esteem and give you hope.
Forgive and forget is a myth. You may never forget, but you can choose to forgive. Forgiveness is a creative act that changes us from prisoners of the past to liberated people at peace with our memories. It is not forgetfulness, but it involves accepting the premise that the future can be more than dwelling on memories of past injury. You can never live in the present and create a new and exciting future for yourself if you always stay stuck in the past.

To attain a peace of mind, one must forgive. The amount of energy you use to hold on to a hurt by not forgiving is the same as you need to create a new and exciting relationship together. So, why not choose a relationship anchored in unconditional love instead? Forgiveness is not the same as surrender. Instead it is a conscious decision to cease to harbor resentment.

Forgiveness is the key to your own happiness. Forgiving someone else takes moral courage. But its power can change your misery into happiness in an instant. Forgiveness means choosing to let go. It allows you to move on, and favor the positive. The act of forgiveness constitutes a mental bath, letting go of something that can only poison us within.

Research has shown that people who are deeply and unjustly hurt by the others can heal themselves emotionally and in some cases, physically by forgiving their offenders.

Reinhold Niebuhr writes:
Reference:: Sikh Philosophy Network

Nothing worth doing is completed in one’s lifetime.
Therefore we are saved by hope.
Nothing true, beautiful or good makes complete sense in the immediate context of history.
Therefore we are saved by faith.
Nothing we do, however virtuous, can be accomplished alone.
Therefore we are saved by love.
No virtuous act is quite as virtuous from the standpoint of our friends or foe as our own.
Therefore, the final form of love saves us, which is forgiveness.

It is easier to forgive an enemy than a friend. The weaker ones can never forgive. It is an attribute of strength. The secret of forgiving is to understand nothing. There is no revenge as complete as forgiveness. No weapon is more potent than forgiveness. It is not an emotion but a decision. Nothing annoys an enemy as forgiveness. Forgiveness is giving up a right to hurt you for hurting me. Once rendered it should never be brought up. It warms the heart and cools the sting. He who cannot forgive breaks the bridge over which he himself must pass. Eventually there comes a time for forgiveness – a time for emotional resolution. Forgiveness is the only thing which can move us out of victim stance and free us to move on. It may require psychological and deep spiritual work. It will lead to a feeling of strength. It helps one to become a more loving person than would be possible if he were to cling to his hurt. Forgiveness leads to gratitude. Anger makes one smaller, while forgiveness forces one to grow beyond what one is. Forgiveness can be the means by which the mind is returned to humility.

ਨਿਵਣੁ ਸੁ ਅਖਰੁ ਖਵਣੁ ਗੁਣੁ ਜਿਹਬਾ ਮਣੀਆ ਮੰਤੁ ॥ਏ ਤ੍ਰੈ ਭੈਣੇ ਵੇਸ ਕਰਿ ਤਾਂ ਵਸਿ ਆਵੀ ਕੰਤੁ ॥

Nivan So Akhar Khavan Goun Jehba Mannee-aa Mant, Ay Trea Bhainay Vays Kar Tan Vas Aavee Kant.

Humility is the word, forgiveness is the virtue, and sweet speech is the magic mantra. Wear these three robes, O sister, and you will captivate your Husband Akal Purkh.-----Sloke of Sheikh Farid Ji # 127, AGGS Page, 1384-15 & 16


Forgiveness breaks the cycle of hatred and resentment. It means more than letting frustrations roll off one’s shoulders. It involves creating a habit of leaving the past in the past and moving forward with a clean slate and seeing well in the present. As a first step in forgiveness one should take out a self pitying victim mind set and people around are spared the anger and pain through his forgiveness. To exercise forgiveness is a great act and no other virtue comes close to forgiveness.

ਸਚੁ ਵਰਤੁ ਸੰਤੋਖੁ ਤੀਰਥੁ ਗਿਆਨੁ ਧਿਆਨੁ ਇਸਨਾਨੁ ॥ ਦਇਆ ਦੇਵਤਾ ਖਿਮਾ ਜਪਮਾਲੀ ਤੇ ਮਾਣਸ ਪਰਧਾਨ ॥

Such Varat Santokh Teerath Giaan Dhiaan Isnaan, Daya Dayvtaa Khimaa Jupmaalee Tay Manus Pardhaan.

Who have truth as their fast, contentment as their sacred shrine for pilgrimage is amongst the finest people. So are those who have spiritual wisdom and use meditation as their cleansing bath. Their deity is kindness, and forgiveness becomes their chanting beads.-----Guru Nanak, Raag Sarang, AGGS, Page, 1245-10


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Last edited by vsgrewal48895; 10-Sep-2009 at 20:52 PM. Reason: To align the hymns
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Old 12-Sep-2009, 00:00 AM
Archived_Member16's Avatar Archived_Member16 Archived_Member16 is offline
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Re: Forgiveness

Steps to Forgiveness

1.Confront your emotional pain - your shock, fear, anger, and grief. Recognize that the hurt that has occurred may have been very unfair and that these steps are not meant to minimize the hurt involved.

Realize that forgiveness can only be appropriate after you have processed out your fear, anger, and grief. However, also realize that you can set forgiveness as a goal in the future for your sake now! Recognize that to continue to dwell on the anger and resentment involved in the hurt will literally destroy your physical health, and cause you great mental suffering.

New studies clearly show that anger and resentment doubled the risk of myocardial heart attacks in women with previous coronary problems. Other studies indicate cancer and other deadly illnesses are also caused by anger and resentment. So be willing, for your sake, to begin to process out these deadly emotions as soon as possible.

Understand that love is what you ultimately want for yourself from yourself.

Understand that forgiveness does not condone or approve or forget the harmful acts; forgiveness does not allow yourself to be abused. We forgive the doer, not the doing. Remembering this helps us to break harmful cycles of behavior.

Realize that you are the only person responsible for your own feelings and for healing the hurt that is going on inside of you.
Reference:: Sikh Philosophy Network

Remember that you are so powerful that usually you had some part in what happened. Be willing to totally face up to that part and accept it without blame (to forgive and love that part).

See this situation as an opportunity for healing and for growth. See that the other person involved has revealed to you through his or her actions where there was a wounded spot in you which needed healing.

Start releasing anger, sadness, grief, and fear through the many processes, therapies and therapists available. Have a person to work with who can truly empathize with you, yet who can be objective and help you shift your perception from blame to healing.

Decide to forgive. Even if this decision is half-hearted at first, it will probably lessen your hurt and anger immediately.

Notice that this decision can be difficult because after you have processes out the anger, resentment and grief, you will have to give up the grudge - the being the "victim", the "being right" and making the other person "wrong". Notice that this is "superior" position which can be used to get a lot of self-righteous attention. Be willing,for your sake to have the courage to get off that "superior" position.

Be willing to find a new way to think about the person who wronged you. What was his or her life like growing up? What was his or her life like at the time of the offense? What were this person's good points up to the time of the hurt? Notice you may not be able to see much good within until you have processed out your anger and/or grief or fear.
Reference:: Sikh Philosophy Network

Be aware that being forgiving is a courageous act on your part. It has nothing to do with whether the other person can admit they are wrong. You are forgiving to liberate yourself no matter what the other person decides to do.

Be willing to do and learn whatever it takes to forgive. Commit to do processes, to read courageous stories of forgiveness, to write in journals, to see a therapist, to do training’s, or to do whatever it takes to heal the wounds involved. Remember these wounds may be deeply tied to past hurts going back to your interactions with your parents. Resolve to follow them through for your total healing, even if it involves years of effort to heal. Remember that you are determined to find the true happiness and joy that true forgiveness can bring to your life.

If you believe in a Higher Power, be willing to pray on this problem and to turn to this Higher Power for guidance and assistance in the forgiveness process.

Accept the lessons involved in this incident — our lives are laboratories for learning. What have you learned from this event that is invaluable to you? Has some form of attachment to a belief or beliefs a position has caused you the pain involved? What belief or beliefs were involved?

See that everything is okay; possibly perfect, as it is now.

If you have the willingness and it is appropriate, seek feedback from the other person by being willing to say "I'm sorry that I did..." (whatever it is that you feel contributed to the problem).

Regardless of what the other person does, work towards seeing them with love and goodness. Know that therefore love and goodness are thus flowing to you for your mental and physical health and well-being.

Soul-jyot: In certain cases, it is essential to seek professional intervention, even if the other person declines to do so. Keeping an open mind to seek long term solution is never easy. But to recover and maintain proper physical, mental, spiritual, emotional health and acceptable relatioships, there is no other choice in the end. We must not try to be our own physicans or try to hide the problem from friends, family & others. To them you are already a walking sign-board ! Get proper professional help, even though it might be a short term pain, for long term gain (benefits) !


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Old 12-Sep-2009, 10:00 AM
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Re: Forgiveness

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One more interesting essay on Forgiveness posted by Aman ji:

Reference:: Sikh Philosophy Network
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