Forgiveness Does Not Change The Past, But It Does Enlarge The Future

Our emotions are powerful motivators, and more than almost anything else in our lives they will drive our behavior. Sometimes our greatest challenge is to get inside our own heads to understand what makes us tick. Why do we feel and behave the way we do?
I know two family members who were best of friends, but several years ago, one reminded the other of something that had happened thirty years earlier. One thing led to another and, you know what, they haven't spoken since.


William Ward identified the cure when he said, "Forgiveness is the key that unlocks the handcuffs of hate."

Those are powerful words, and I know from personal experience...forgiveness works. A few times in my life I've been greatly wronged and taken advantage of. My first reaction, of course, was anger and resentment. I held it for awhile and felt my stomach tie up in knots, my appetite wane, and the joy slip out of my life.

The quote from Ward provided the wake-up call I needed to forgive the person who had wronged me. It was like I had been playing the first half of a basketball game with three-pound steel shoes, and in the locker room the coach said, "Mac, try these new Nikes in the second half." Multiply that by ten and you'll understand how great it feels to unload your "emotional baggage" through the power of forgiveness.

Life is too short to stay angry...even for a day. Just remember that, "this special Dash may only last a little while."

"Forgiveness does not change the past, but it does enlarge the future."

Aman Singh said:

Our emotions are powerful motivators, and more than almost anything else in our lives they will drive our behavior. Sometimes our greatest challenge is to get inside our own heads to understand what makes us tick. Why do we feel and behave the way we do?
I know two family members who were best of friends, but several years ago, one reminded the other of something that had happened thirty years earlier. One thing led to another and, you know what, they haven't spoken since.


William Ward identified the cure when he said, "Forgiveness is the key that unlocks the handcuffs of hate."

Those are powerful words, and I know from personal experience...forgiveness works. A few times in my life I've been greatly wronged and taken advantage of. My first reaction, of course, was anger and resentment. I held it for awhile and felt my stomach tie up in knots, my appetite wane, and the joy slip out of my life.

The quote from Ward provided the wake-up call I needed to forgive the person who had wronged me. It was like I had been playing the first half of a basketball game with three-pound steel shoes, and in the locker room the coach said, "Mac, try these new Nikes in the second half." Multiply that by ten and you'll understand how great it feels to unload your "emotional baggage" through the power of forgiveness.

Life is too short to stay angry...even for a day. Just remember that, "this special Dash may only last a little while."

"Forgiveness does not change the past, but it does enlarge the future."

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Forgiveness exists only in the mind of the forgiver, and therefore requires no "acceptance".

It is the one who is not able to forgive breeds prolonging of suffering within whereas the one to be forgiven carries on to his/her journey after having realised and asked for forgiveness once or several times. If the person is forgiven immediately then all by gones are by gones and the lesson is learnt by both and life moves on.Not being forgiven is not in his/her hands. It soley rests on the forgiver's laps.

Emotional cultures suffer more with this phenomena. That is why Indian TV channels are filled with all these melo dramas where not forgiving someone is the only plot that prolongs the series which rakes in more money for the respective TV stations. Cultural values laced with hierarchy and guilt factors play a lot in this roller coaster which can be named ," Emotional hell ride" . The age and the hierarchical ladder are vital components in this, especially in the Indian culture.

Thanks to our Gurus' vision,the remedy lies in SGGS. With the help of Gurmat values one is able to learn the tools to forgive and forget and move on.

Isn't that the true spirit of Chardi Kala?

Tejwant Singh

Ps: Note to the darling wife," Love, please forgive me for not having watched Zee TV with you for the past 20 years. Atleast this part of the marriage contract has gone well."

Forgiveness is an act of imagination. It challenges one to give up his destructive thoughts about a situation and to believe in the possibility of a better future. Forgiveness is a gift you give to yourself. It is not something you do for someone else. Forgiveness has little or nothing to do with another person because forgiveness is an internal matter. You cannot undo any thing you have already done, but you can face up to it and tell the truth and seek forgiveness and then let God do the rest.

ਖਿਮਾ ਗਹੀ ਬ੍ਰਤੁ ਸੀਲ ਸੰਤੋਖੰ ॥ ਰੋਗੁ ਨ ਬਿਆਪੈ ਨਾ ਜਮ ਦੋਖੰ ॥

Khimaa Gahee Barat Seel SantokhaN, Rog Na Bi-aapai Naa Jam DokhaN.

To practice forgiveness is the true fast, good conduct and contentment. Disease does not afflict me, nor does the pain of death. -----Guru Nanak, Raag Gauri, AGGS, Page, 223-15

The Forgiveness Process is a freely made choice and decision to no longer continue to harm or punish oneself, or to continue to diminish his overflowing love and joy. Real or imagined wrongs or misconduct by the others can sap the vitality running through oneself. Outer circumstances too can have the same desultory effect. But forgiveness can set one free.

ਗੁਰਮੁਖਿ ਬਖਸਿ ਜਮਾਈਅਨੁ ਮਨਮੁਖੀ ਮੂਲੁ ਗਵਾਇਆ ॥

Gurmukh Bakhas Jamaa-ee-an Manmukhee Mool Gavaa-i-aa.

The Guru willed grows the crop of forgiveness, while the self-willed loses even his roots. -----Guru Ram Das, Raag Gauri, AGGS, Page, 304-7

Forgiveness breaks the cycle of hatred and resentment. It means more than letting frustrations roll off one’s shoulders. It involves creating a habit of leaving the past in the past and moving forward with a clean slate and seeing well in the present. As a first step in forgiveness one should take out a self pitying victim mind set and people around are spared the anger and pain through his forgiveness. To exercise forgiveness is a great act and no other virtue comes close to forgiveness.

ਸਚੁ ਵਰਤੁ ਸੰਤੋਖੁ ਤੀਰਥੁ ਗਿਆਨੁ ਧਿਆਨੁ ਇਸਨਾਨੁ ॥ ਦਇਆ ਦੇਵਤਾ ਖਿਮਾ ਜਪਮਾਲੀ ਤੇ ਮਾਣਸ ਪਰਧਾਨ ॥

Such Varat Santokh Teerath Giaan Dhiaan Isnaan, Daya Dayvtaa Khimaa Jupmaalee Tay Manus Pardhaan.

Who have truth as their fast, contentment as their sacred shrine for pilgrimage is amongst the finest people. So are those who have spiritual wisdom and use meditation as their cleansing bath. Their deity is kindness, and forgiveness becomes their chanting beads.-----Guru Nanak, Raag Sarang, AGGS, Page, 1245-10

Virinder S Grewal