Problem, Your Thoughts are Welcome

Gurfatehji,

At 4am this morning, just as the cat was making himself comfortable on my head, I noticed my wife, Sian, was awake, this is not normal, although I am an insomniac, my wife is not. My legs were bent to avoid Dan who was asleep deep within the bed, and I could see Alfie's tail behind Sian's head, she looked at me, 'isnt this great, all of us in bed all cuddled up'. The familiar hissing noise meant that one animal, had just broken wind, depending on which animal it was, sanctuary lay either in hiding in the bed, or staying out, a wrong decision could be costly, I chose hiding under the bed, it was the wrong decision, but I digress
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The problem as my wife informed me was that an associate of hers was about to be made homeless, and she wished to offer a room in our house for a while, I would point out that We have made many such gestures in the past, both financially and in respect of other assistance, and it has left us both broke and tired, and having to borrow from my parents. My thoughts are an absolute 'no', no more helping people until we are both back on our feet again, and we are not working 60-70 hour weeks. However, she feels that we should do something, but I feel another drain coming on our already dwindling resources,

thoughts please thank you

 
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Harry Ji,

I don't have a solution to offer, but I do have a perspective, and its my mamas.

She always talks about "dhana pani"... uhhh... "grain water". How God pretty much plans out every meal you'll ever have before you even get here. And through this excuse or that, this convuluted plan or that, each person is fed the meal they're supposed to be fed, at the hands of the person they're supposed to be fed from.
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About two years ago, my older brother left abruptly for another province... we started to clear out his room b/c he'd gone for work (to get some sort of license)... and about two days later, through relatives a student showed up at my parent's door. and he lived in that room for two years. almost as if the room had been cleared for him without any of us really knowing.
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As for the money, I know the pressure of it sucks but if you're doing a good deed, surely there will be things arranged for you. the only thing: perhaps set up some ground rules so you don't get taken advantage of. you should offer help to the point where the person is able to help themself... there's no need to be breaking your back if the person receiving help is either 1)ungrateful 2)unwilling to stand up on their own feet.

Navdeep88ji,

Many thanks for your reply, I think there is another aspect to Seva though, firstly, not all good seva is good seva, you can encourage people to stop fighting by helping, that is human nature, and secondly, on an airplane do they not say, put the oxygen mask on yourself first before your children

for sure harry ji,
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your own well being comes first.

I agree with Navdeep. You need to think about your family.

Harry ji

Could you reach a compromise that you could offer a fixed period of accommodation, say 4 weeks, after which the associate is expected to leave? This is fraught with danger though, of not having the heart to kick someone out if they don't honour their end of the bargain.
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Alternatively, I'm sure the British Government has an emergency housing program? Could you do the legwork of making the calls and doing the research as to what needs to be done to get this associate into one of those programs? You could offer a halfway house until they get into something else (if required)?
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You shouldn't feel that you need to take this person in if doing so would be a burden to you / your family though.

What is Sian's point of view? Does she feel it is within her resources?

Sat Sri Akal

Hi Sis,

Sian would help everyone and anyone which is why she went through her mothers inheritance in 18 months, We have even cancelled going away in the past so that someone could use our going away money to buy food and pay rent, where do you draw the line between 'living' and living!
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I personally think the more you help people, the more you take away their ability to fend for themselves, and also what is the point of us helping people and then having to seek help from my parents to cover what we have done for others?

Ladies generally prefer it their way else they will show you the way.It is the same story all over, Harry..Let it be for the last time and let it be indirectly funded by your parents if it does make a big hole in your pocket. You can always repay them when you have the surplus.
I know it is easy to give an advice and the wearer knows where it would pinch.

Yes, But I have a limited choice; .. to go with Mrs Harry or Mr. Harry .I prefer Mrs Harry. She seems to be philanthropic and a kind lady.
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Convey my regards to Mrs Harry.



An instinctive response.!

Taranjeetji,

The one great thing about having a completely equal relationship, which is what we have, is that no one gets their own way. We both have scope to do pretty much what we want on a day to day basis, but big things, like having someone live with us requires both our agreement, to be fair to Mrs Harry, Sian, she is not suggesting we do it, per se, more, this is the situation, What do we do about it?

My response is to make a sad face and shrug my shoulders, and this would also mean lying to my parents, as they have made me promise not to go along with any more crazy ideas while we owe them money, and amazingly, since the crazy ideas stopped, we have been self sufficient!, Sian has no concept of money or reality, as far as she is concerned, she feels the pain of every animal and human being she comes into contact with, and finds it hard to live normally knowing someone or something is in need, I have my fingers crossed that the situations has resolved itself by the time I get home, believe me, if I did not try and be realistic, I would have a house full of animals and strangers!