Female Spirit In Male Bodies And Vice-versa. And The Genderless Brahman

So I was talking to one of my colleagues about a movie and which songs he liked in that . Coincidentally, atleast one of the songs was highly on the masculine side (showing the hero celebrating with his soldiers after a success in battle ) and on the other end was a feminized song (about a concubine dancing with her friends in front of king as an evening timepass)
So my colleague said he liked the former masculine one and when I said I liked the latter one, he was like "man , thats what girls like" . It struck me somewhere !

Self-analyzing I realized that feeling attraction towards men (and that too in a womanly way) was not the only thing feminine about me. There was more to it .
Perhaps my homosexuality was merely a shadow of a much larger thing , perhaps a female spirit in a wrong body ! I don't feel like transgender. I find comfortable in male clothing , I don't feel like I am in wrong body. I just feel like my spirit is not exactly male. Its feminine kind of.

they say opposites attract and I have at more times than once found myself attracted to masculine spirits (what we say handsome, masculine men) . Indeed its normal as is normal for opposite poles of a magnet to attract. this force of attraction is universal . But just because I have a male body, I am labeled immoral and criminal

After many years did I come to know that I had an elder sister who was still-born . She was born dead. There was some tumor like thing in her head . For all I know, I could be her ! Universe is a weird place.

And then there is brahm / allah / waheguru - the genderless spirit I cry to everytime I feel emotional pain. If indeed I am a part of you, then you must be feeling my pain and sorrow , isn't it lord?

even though the whole world might judge and hate me and refuse to understand, you do know since you made me, don't you ? So I pray to god

As I understand it, that part of us which is nonphysical, does not have gender. Even Gurbani describes us as all feminine and Waheguru as the only true male. In reality there is no gender, and this is just a way to describe our journey back to merging with Creator. But I have always understood that Sikhi teaches souls are genderless.

Harkiran Kaur said:

As I understand it, that part of us which is nonphysical, does not have gender. Even Gurbani describes us as all feminine and Waheguru as the only true male. In reality there is no gender, and this is just a way to describe our journey back to merging with Creator. But I have always understood that Sikhi teaches souls are genderless.

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yes but why does waheguru goofs up sometimes ? why he put square pegs in round holes ?
to make our life more difficult ?

Seeker2013 said:

yes but why does waheguru goofs up sometimes ? why he put square pegs in round holes ?
to make our life more difficult ?

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Waheguru doesn't goof up. Everything that happens is his hukam.

Instead of trying to figure out why (you think) that there is something wrong with the way you are, why not look at all the positives about yourself? All those positive things make you who you are, and your orientation is also a part of who you are. You can be a positive light in this world and to others, no matter who you are attracted to. Your orientation has nothing to do with whether or not you are a good person, a spiritual person etc.

The only time I think it might affect anything in Sikhi is that anand karaj, is between a male and female, and that is most likely because of nature / procreation as marriage is seen as means to have a family.

Outside of that, I think you should just stop focusing so much on what you think is negative and start thinking of all the positives YOU bring to this world.