Arts/Society Translating A Poem On 84 - Feedback From Sangat Please

[dalsingh]

Guys, many of you know I endeavour to improve my Panjabi language skills when I have a chance. The latest manifestation of this is an attempt to translate a poem by a Panjabi kavi. I know nothing about the background of the writer as of yet. When I find out I will let you know.

I think it is important that I clarify my own personal position as the subject of the poem is a very sensitive issue politically and culturally. I strongly believe it is important to allow people to express their views, especially when they have been denied the opportunity to do this. I also think it is a good idea to encourage creative writing in general. With the global spread of Panjabis and a growing interest in both Panjabi culture and Sikhism, our own body of literature must develop and reflect the internal feelings of members of the quom and our experiences for posterity. Like all good literature, this should be shared with the world.Only when we have tried to listen to people's innermost thoughts can we truly attempt to understand them. This does not mean that you have to agree with their views or perspectives.

The following regards the aftermath of 1984: I have tried to translate and am seeking your input. Please scrutinise and offer constructive criticisms. Gyani Ji, I am counting on you especially! I had, real difficulties with the opening line. I am no expert and I am sure the translation has many flaws.

All constructive criticisms are welcomed and I would like that, where possible, we use corresponding English equivalents for Panjabi words. Note: I have sparingly used square brackets to clarify in certain lines. Nooks kudho ve!!

s`pxI nzr


The serpant's gaze







​

ikMnI dUr q^q qyrw smyN idAw hwkmW vy​

aumr &irAwdIAW dI rwhW iv`c lµG geI​

s`pnI nzr qyry Sihr dy biSMidAW dI​

hwey ! swfy ichry idAW hwisAW ƒ fµg geI




​

O throne, how distant the governors of your era are

Whilst I pursued the path of a petitioner [for justice], my life has passed by

The serpent gaze of your city's enforcers

O, have struck our smiling faces with a venomous bite
​

vyKy sI jo AsIN auh kOmI Armwn swry​

B`KdI “curwsI” iv`c SISy vWg tu`t gey​

“idl vwlI” id`lI iv`c AwbrU d&n hoeI​

Gr, kwrobwr “dyS BgqW” ny lu`t gey



Those desires and wishes of our nation we witnessed


all shattered like mirrors in the inferno of "eighty-four"



"Her with a heart" Delhi was where our reputations were buried


"Patriots" robbed us of our homes and businesses





​

B`jy sI pMjwb mUhry bYTy sI iSkwrI ieQy​

^Un swfw pIx leI bVy hI auqwvly vy​

pu`C nw qUµ Pyr kI-kI h`fW qy hµFweI AsIN​

ikMnW icr huµdy rhy JUTy jy mukwbly vy



[Those] fleeing to Panjab, faced seated hunters before them here


You were in such a rush to spill our blood hey
​

Do not ask then of what we had to endure on our bones


How long those false encounters continued to take place

​

ds swl ieQy Pyr hoxI ny jo nwc kIqw​

pu`C nW qUµ swifAW BrwvW qy kI guzrI​

mry hoey pu`qW dIAW lwSW nw nsIb hoeIAW​

pu`C nw qUµ Pyr auhnW mwvW qy kI guzrI



In the ten years fate performed her dance here​

Ask not of what our brothers had to pass through


The bodies of my own begotten sons were not to be returned by destiny


Ask not what those mothers then had to live through





​

AxKI suBwA qy jwgdI zmIr vwlw​

hr ienswn ndI nwilAW ’c ruiVAw​

bxky ihqYSI ijhVw AwieAw sI “vkIl” swfw​

igAw l`Bx lwvwirsW ƒ auh vI nhIEN muiVAw​

Those with spirited, self-respecting demeanors and awakened consciences



all such people were swept away in the canals and gutters



Our "lawyer" who came presenting himself as a benefactor



left to find the unclaimed but failed to return himself





​

zulmI hnyrI Ju`lI kOm qy jo kihr bx​

q^qW idAW vwrsW dw qoV AMg-AMg geI​

vyK ky zulm qyry Sihr dy kirMidAW dy​

ijhVI AweI sI ivAwhux lwVI mOq vI auh sµg geI



The cruel dark storm which directed its ire towards our nation



broke the inheritors of our thrones limb by limb


Observing the brutality of the servants of your city​

Death, the bride who had come to marry, became coy herself




​

ikMnI dUr q^q qyrw smyN idAw hwkmW vy​

aumr &irAwdIAW dI rwhW iv`c lµG geI​

s`pnI nzr qyry Sihr dy biSMidAW dI​

hwey ! swfy ichry idAW hwisAW ƒ fµg geI




​

O throne, how distant the governors of your era are


Whilst I pursued the path of a petitioner [for justice], my life has passed by


The serpent gaze of your city's enforcers


O, have struck our smiling faces with a venomous bite
​

​

Sukhdeep Singh Barnala

 

[Gyani Jarnail Singh]

Dal Singh Jio, gurfateh.
Thanks for your vote of confidence in me...here goes...

1. The first line...the subject is NOT the "throne"..as in O Throne... the subject is..Ruler of the day...
....."O Ruler of the day..how distant is your throne ?

2. "stalking"... hunters would be better than "seated" hunters. Hunters either do "stillhunting" (hide and stay still) luk chhip ke jhaat lagayee baitheh shikaree..but "stalking" in hunting lingo is more common..

Rest of it looks good...maybe i will give it a second look when i am bit more free...

Regards
Gyani jarnail Singh

 

[bade_ustaad]

The serpent's gaze


s`pxI nzr
The serpent's gaze

ikMnI dUr q^q qyrw smyN idAw hwkmW vy
aumr &irAwdIAW dI rwhW iv`c lµG geI
s`pnI nzr qyry Sihr dy biSMidAW dI
hwey ! swfy ichry idAW hwisAW ƒ fµg geI

How distant is your throne, “O” monarch of the era
Life of the appeallants has passed by in transit
The serpent gaze of your city dwellers
uff it has spite the joys off our faces with its venomous bite


vyKy sI jo AsIN auh kOmI Armwn swry
B`KdI “curwsI” iv`c SISy vWg tu`t gey
“idl vwlI” id`lI iv`c AwbrU d&n hoeI
Gr, kwrobwr “dyS BgqW” ny lu`t gey

The aspirations for the nation that we held
were shattered like glass in the inferno of eighty-four
Aspirations of the Heart were decimated in Delhi
Homes and businesses were looted by the Patriots



B`jy sI pMjwb mUhry bYTy sI iSkwrI ieQy
^Un swfw pIx leI bVy hI auqwvly vy
pu`C nw qUµ Pyr kI-kI h`fW qy hµFweI AsIN
ikMnW icr huµdy rhy JUTy jy mukwbly vy

Fleeing to Punjab, faced the hunters in waiting
Eagerly awaiting to drink our Blood
Ask not what else these bones had to endure
How long false encounters continued to take place

ds swl ieQy Pyr hoxI ny jo nwc kIqw
pu`C nW qUµ swifAW BrwvW qy kI guzrI
mry hoey pu`qW dIAW lwSW nw nsIb hoeIAW
pu`C nw qUµ Pyr auhnW mwvW qy kI guzrI

For ten year that fate performed its dance
Ask not of what our brothers had to endure
Corpses of our sons were never to be recovered
Ask not what those mothers then had to endure

AxKI suBwA qy jwgdI zmIr vwlw
hr ienswn ndI nwilAW ’c ruiVAw
bxky ihqYSI ijhVw AwieAw sI “vkIl” swfw
igAw l`Bx lwvwirsW ƒ auh vI nhIEN muiVAw
Self-respecting demeanors and those with elevated consciences
all were washed away in the gutters and canals
As a benefactor came one to legally represent us
went away to find the orphans but failed to return back


zulmI hnyrI Ju`lI kOm qy jo kihr bx
q^qW idAW vwrsW dw qoV AMg-AMg geI
vyK ky zulm qyry Sihr dy kirMidAW dy
ijhVI AweI sI ivAwhux lwVI mOq vI auh sµg geI

The storm of brutality waved over our nation like calamity
broke limb by limb of the descendants of the thrones
Witnessing the calamity of the servants of your city
The virgin bride that come to marry, death turned bashful


ikMnI dUr q^q qyrw smyN idAw hwkmW vy
aumr &irAwdIAW dI rwhW iv`c lµG geI
s`pnI nzr qyry Sihr dy biSMidAW dI
hwey ! swfy ichry idAW hwisAW ƒ fµg geI

How distant is your throne, “O” monarch of the era
Life of the appeallants has passed by in transit
The serpents gaze of your city dwellers
uff it has spite the joys off our faces with its venomous bite



I am not a language Specialist in either English Language of Punjabi.
Please accept my humble translation of the Serpents Gaze. I feel I have not done full justice to the aspirations of the writer. Some one else may make further improvements.

Chotta muh Badi Baat

 

[dalsingh]

Thanks Bade Ustaad


If I were translating again, I would probably make some changes.

You can read the final version on the following site:


Sapni Naazar - The Serpent's Gaze


Gyani ji, thanks again for your help!


WJKK

WJKF

 

[Gyani Jarnail Singh]

badde ustaad ji,
excellent..enjoyed your piece. chardeekalla ji.
gyani jarnail singh