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Sardar Dating Hindu Girl

HGNIS

SPNer
Jan 27, 2012
11
21
I am a 23 year old Sardar and I am currently dating a Hindu girl. I was born and raised in America, and come from a Jatt family who is moderately religious (no drinking, keep kesh, go to Gurdwara on Sundays but my parents are not Amritdhari and have never pushed me to be Amritdhari either. They would be okay with me trimming and drinking moderately and let me find my own path as I grew up rather than forcing me to be religious).

Anyway, I noticed many people on this forum have been in or are in inter-faith relationships and was wondering how to ease my way into telling my parents about this. I do see myself marrying this girl because she is an amazing human being. She is a strong, intelligent, independent woman who loves her family and friends, has accepted me for who I am and loves me for being a Sardar. She appreciates me being a Sikh, loves that I wear a Pagg and I feel she makes me a better Sikh by supporting me and encouraging me to be a better human being by volunteering and pursuing my goals in a way I don't think I would have had I been single. We have been together for close to 2 years now and I am absolutely blessed to have her in my life.

So...any advice on how to make this work and how to move forward with this relationship? We have already begun discussing the future, and I have expressed to her that it is important to me that my kids be raised Sardar because that is incredibly important to me. She said she is more than fine with that and understands why it is important to me, as I have talked to her for hours about what kesh means to me coming from a Sikh family and the things my ancestors and family has been through, and how it has been a defining thing in my life that I want to pass on to my child.

I should clarify, her parents are Hindu and she is more agnostic than anything. She doesn't go to the Mandir very often (maybe 4 or 5 times a year for family events) and believes in a God but doesn't find resonance with many Hindu beliefs (caste system and treatment of women). She has expressed that she may go to Gurudwara with her friend (who is a Sikh) more often to learn more about Sikhi. I would never pressure or even hint for her to convert because I don't think that is in line with SIkhi. A person should want to be a Sikh and its not a matter of converting, but truly finding the Sikh philosophy applicable to your life. Still, she has hinted more than once that she finds Sikhi to be a beautiful path and that she might explore it further.

What are some things I should be aware of before we go further and what are some conversations we should have as this relationship gets more involved?

As of now, my parents have an idea that I have a girlfriend but have never pushed the topic. Also, they would prefer I marry a Punjabi, Jatt, Sikh girl from America who is well educated, etc etc. So I guess she meets all the criteria of being a Punjabi girl who is well educated and loving but falls short of the Jatti/Sikh aspect. Still, I know they would be accepting if I introduced her to them because they know there really isn't much they can do but accept my decision and trust that I am making a good decision.

Thanks in advance.
 

Harry Haller

Panga Master
SPNer
Jan 31, 2011
5,769
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HGNISji

There is no problem here, she sounds wonderful, you sound wonderful, talk to your parents, let them help you with the 'logistics', they sound enlightened enough to be appreciate your judgement, and you sound enlightened enough to make a good one,

Your post shows you both in a good light, there really is no problem here, your parents love you, I am sure they will support you, just be truthful and honest
 

Kamala

Banned
May 27, 2011
389
146
Canada.
I don't think your parents would approve, it also depends on what kind of a area her family decsends from. Even though Sikhism rejects the caste system, most SIkhs do follow it.. as in they wouldn't let their jatt boy marry a chamar girl or a cheer... no offense.
 

Gyani Jarnail Singh

Sawa lakh se EK larraoan
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I don't think your parents would approve, it also depends on what kind of a area her family decsends from. Even though Sikhism rejects the caste system, most SIkhs do follow it.. as in they wouldn't let their jatt boy marry a chamar girl or a cheer... no offense.
I think he said "Hindu"....not chamaar or cheer..whatever....how did you guess ?? is being "Hindu" automatically chmaar ?? Would a Chmaar Hindu be welcome in a Hindu mandir anyway ?? (she goes to amndir 4 times a year according to above post and shes also a ganostic meaning she doesnt beleive in all that mandir stuff at alll..so shes just about as much Hidnu a s he is Sikh..similar type. I think they will get along just fine and the parents too will accept her just as she is...she fits in nicely into their world...
 

Kamala

Banned
May 27, 2011
389
146
Canada.
I know she isn't a chamar, my point was that it is an example, you guys look at things to literally. I admit, I should have been more specific.
 

Gyani Jarnail Singh

Sawa lakh se EK larraoan
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Jul 4, 2004
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After the staged Vienna incident and subsequent "lightning strike fast" riots in Punjab ( which reek badly of pre - prepared pre-planned agenda becasue the perperators in Punjab knew of the vienna indient even before the police in vienna could do a preliminary investigation and went on a rampage to dammage PUBLIC PROPERTY and SIKH Buisnesses/shops/cars etc)..and subsequent U-Tube Video propoganda war of sorts to make the Jatts HATE the Chamaars..and thus Artificially CREATE a DIVIDE between the two peaceful communities in Punjab and POISON the atmosphere..its normal to get the "feelers up" when a LEAP is made from Hindu to Chamaar...things are LITERALLY TAKEN becasue thats whats it is...the Agenda to divide the chamaars form the jatts is still very much active. why pick on "chamaar girl" when the Hindus have a THOUSAND and one castes...(incidentally there are anti-chamaar videos on utube at a thousand to one than there are say anti-brahmin videos or anti-khatree videos..)....no offense meant or taken...
 

Kamala

Banned
May 27, 2011
389
146
Canada.
My point is, if your family is traditional, they wouldn't want a outsider to have maritial relations with you.
 

Luckysingh

Writer
SPNer
Dec 4, 2011
1,633
2,753
Vancouver
HGNISji

I agree with Harryji and Gyani Jarnailji.
With the religion aspects already discussed and concluded since you have considered collabarating well into the future.

I believe if you are truthful and honest about it all, your parents will accept and understand what is best for you and her.
Don't worry about how traditional they are if you feel that. Most of us like to hold on to the past traditions (sort of ' if it's not broken, then don't fix it' attitude). But we are always prepared for change with the times.

An important point to make clear is that you totally 110% understand their intentions and if they were to disagree- you would understand why.
Parents will consider your opinion and understand that you respect their feelings/wishes and are not being stubborn or doing your own 'marhji'.
You also need to emphasise and reassure them that you do love her, it's not a one off mistake and you have thought and planned well ahead into the future. Along with included them and their feelings in the whole picture.

Parents have their best interests for your future and need assurance that this decision WILL help fulfill those planned interests.
Most likely at first when told, you know they will NOT celebrate in joy.Instead they will go quiet and silent , maybe say something unpleasant (be prepared for this!!)

They WILL need this time to convince themselves, it won't be long until they see or take notice of marriages gone 'kaput' and unhappy marriages or even false marriages ( where a couple are staying together just for the sake of elders)

Once they have experienced some of these and other ranges of emotions, they will, trust me, begin to see your vision and see through your eyes.
In a nutshell, once you have proven you can see through their eyes and visualise their vision, sooner or not long after they can easily see and understand your vision.

I hope you go ahead and make the right decision, once you have convinced youself completely (by questioning & reassuring yourself) you will confidently convince them with ease.

All the best and Good luck

Waheguru
Lucky Singh
 
Last edited:

sanj007

SPNer
Dec 14, 2010
136
55
42
and believes in a God but doesn't find resonance with many Hindu beliefs (caste system and treatment of women).
oh dear,
1) These is no caste system in Hinduism, Do not forget one of prime points God resides in hearts of all beings as stated in Hinduism, and also saying JAI MATA JI, ,now ask yourself why would they say MATA, why?????? Shakti is in female form,

Marry who you yourself have come to realise meets an undertanding within yourself, makes you smile on the inside, as each individual human being is to be accpeted, and any difference rejected if used as a reason not to marry. Good luck
 

Luckysingh

Writer
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Dec 4, 2011
1,633
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Vancouver
Are you sure about there being no caste system in hinduism.
I have always been under the impression that the caste system is a core and fundamental belief in hinduism, after all the karma system is based on scoring high to get higher up the caste pyramid!!!!

Can you explain how the hindu karma works without any caste reference ?
 

sanj007

SPNer
Dec 14, 2010
136
55
42
Your impression is based on what , where is your scriptural evidence, but here let me help you gain some measure of understanding, as there is no higher nor lower:

have a good read, to learn truth and not impressions
http://agniveer.com/888/caste-system/

Let us see some verses:
http://www.paklinks.com/gs/religion-and-scripture/88527-vedas-hindu-scriptures-prohibit-casteism.html
Supporters of casteism oftenly quote slokas (IV.13) and (XVIII.41) of Gita to support four castes by birth. In sloka (IV.13) Lord Krishna says: “Chaturvarnyma mayaa sristam gunkarma vibhagsah” i.e. four orders of society created by Me according to their Guna (qualities/behaviour) and Karma (profession/work/efforts).

Lord Krishna does not say guna and karma of previous life. In (XVIII.41) Lord Krishna says “Brahmana Kshatriya visham sudranam cha paramtapa, karmani pravibhaktani svabhavaprabhavaigunaih.” It means people have been grouped into four classes according to their present life karma (profession/work) and svabhava (behaviour).

Had this division been based on birth, Lord Krishna would have naturally used “Janmani pravibhaktani” in (XVIII.41).

In (X.20) Lord Krishna says “ahamatama gudakesa sarvabhutaa sayasthitah” i.e. “Arjuna! I am the universal self seated in the hearts of all beings.” Here, Lord neither excludes sudra from “all beings” nor excludes Himself from being in hearts of sudra.

In (XVIII.61) Lord says “eshwarah sarvabhutaanaam hraddesearjuna tisthati” i.e. Arjuna! God abides in the heart of all living beings.” Again, sudras are not excluded.

In (XIV.4) Lord Krishna says “of all embodied beings Arjuna, prakrti or nature is the conceiving Mother, while I am the seed giving Father.” Thus, Lord Krishna says that he is as much Father of sudras as he is Father of any other Hindu.

In (XVI.18) Lord Krishna says: “Given over to egotism, brute force, arrogance, etc. they hate Me dwelling in their own bodies as well as those of others.”

Thus, Lord Krishna instructs that a Hindu must not hate bodies of others Hindus as He is there in bodies of all so Gita prohibits untouchability.
Lord Krishna also says :
In The Bhagawad Gita, sloka 20, Chapter 10, Lord Krishna says,

"I am the Self seated in the heart of all creatures. I am the beginning, the middle and the very end of all beings". All beings have, therefore to be treated alike.
In summary:

Thus, the central command of the 14 harmony richas and 10 profession not hereditary richas of Vedas is that all Hindus are totally equal by birth, of one bunch, share same water and food, worship together united in same temple, common are prayers, common purpose, common thoughts, united like spokes of a wheel, common oblation and friendly towards each others.

One becomes a warrior (Rajnya), Brahman (educated ones) or rishi, not by birth but by his efforts/training (karma) vide RV (X.125.5). No one is superior and no one is inferior by birth.
Reconciling points are required, basic principles need to form circle, unfortunately a number a number of people think they can pluck verses without reconciling nor understanding them
End gam for Hindu faith is Moksha, merging with god, but only if one leads a noble life, now would it make sense to discriminate as this does not reconcile to gaining Moksha,, basic questioning will realise you to truth, if open mind is available
MY CASTE: HUMAN AS PER HINDU SCRIPRTURES. MY FUNCTION IS SOMETHING ELSE GAINED BY MY TRAINING NOT MY BIRTH. Respect to all functions in society regardless of pay packets, dignity of labour to all functions, acceptanc eof all beings as god resides in all, this is not difficult
 

Ashoke

SPNer
May 23, 2011
8
15
Sikhism does not discriminate against color,creed race or belief. If there are Sikh individuals that do so - then I feel that they are going against Sikh maryada and do so not because they are Sikhs but because of their societal and social standing and personal fears. All humans are created equal and have the same JOT in them. How is it then people of different beliefs and even colour cannot intermarry when they express so much respect and understanding of each others beliefs
This narrow mindedness is one reason why Sikhs are seen to be such close knit and non progressive community, there is also some kind of fear to propagate their great religious beliefs.
I feel if HGNIS ' s family truly believes in the values of Sikhism as taught by our gurus then this union should feel blessed.
Both partners appear very intelligent and should be able to respect each others beliefs
and peacesignkaurwork out what is the best for their children.
 

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