Need Help and Guidance

[singh777]

Waheguru ji ka khalsa Waheguru ji ki Fateh.

I am a married amritdhari Singh. With Guru Maharaj's mehr took amrit in 2024.

Initial days I was able to follow amritvela but then got distracted.

One day I was scrolling through one of the social networking sites and stumbled upon this app which let's u talk to strangers without revealing anyone's identity. Curiously I installed it and started using.

I got connected to a woman with whom I started talking and had some adult conversations. I feel guilty about it alot. We never met.

I have never had physical relation outside marriage.

Do I need to get Pesh for this?

If so how should I go about it.

I am very ashamed and guilty for what I have done after taking Amrit.

Please guide and help.

Waheguru ji ka Khalsa Waheguru ji ki Fateh

 

[fellowsingh]

i dont know much but you need to reconnect with gurbani. dont be distracted, you need to save your soul.

 

[Dr. D. P. Singh]

Below is Gurmat-based guidance, grounded in Sri Guru Granth Sahib Ji, Sikh Rehat Maryada, and the spirit of compassion rather than fear.

First: Acknowledge the State of Your Heart
The very fact that you are ashamed, remorseful, and seeking guidance is itself a sign of the Guru’s kirpa. In Gurmat, the awakening of conscience is not failure; it is grace. Spiritual life is not about never slipping; it is about turning back immediately when we do.

Is This a Kurehit Requiring Pesh?
According to Sikh Rehat Maryada, the four Bajjar Kurehits that mandate pesh are: 1. Sexual relations outside marriage, 2. Cutting hair 3. Consuming intoxicants 4. Eating Kutha (ritually slaughtered meat)

What you described does not fall under a Bajjar Kurehit, because: (i) There was no physical relationship, (ii) There was no actual adultery, (iii) There was no ongoing secret relationship. So technically and institutionally, pesh is not mandatory.

But Gurmat Is Deeper Than Legal Categories
While not a kurehit, this was a lapse of Bibek (discernment) and a momentary surrender to Kaam (desire), which you yourself have already recognized. Guru Sahib repeatedly reminds us:

ਸਬਦਿ ਰਤੇ ਸੇ ਨਿਰਮਲੇ ਤਜਿ ਕਾਮ ਕ੍ਰੋਧੁ ਅਹੰਕਾਰੁ ॥
Those who are attuned to the Shabad are spotless and pure; they renounce sexual desire, anger, selfishness and conceit. (Guru Nanak Dev, SGGS, p. 58)

You are not uniquely fallen; you are human in a battlefield of the mind.

Should You Still Go for Pesh If You Feel Compelled?
Here is Gurmat balance: (i) You do NOT need pesh out of fear (ii) You MAY approach Panj Pyare voluntarily if your conscience feels restless.

In Sikhi: (i) Pesh is corrective, not punitive; (ii) Voluntary humility is honoured.

If you choose to go: (i) Go without dramatization, (ii) State facts simply, (iii) Accept guidance calmly. But do not treat pesh as self-punishment, that is, ego in reverse form.

What Gurmat Actually Asks of You Now (Most Important)
1. Immediate Inner Repair (Primary): (i) Do ardaas with complete honesty (ii) Speak plainly to Guru Sahib, no theatrics.

You may say in a prayer:
“Guru Sahib, I slipped. I am ashamed. Please steady my mind.”

Please remember that sincerity is accepted.

2. Restore Amritvela — Gently, Not Aggressively: Don’t try to “over-correct” suddenly.
Start with: (i) Japji Sahib daily, (ii) Even 10–15 minutes of Simran is enough initially.

Guru Ram Das Ji says:
“ਹਰਿ ਹਰਿ ਨਾਮੁ ਜਪਹੁ ਮਨ ਮੇਰੇ ॥”
(O my mind, simply remember the Name.)

3. Cut the Root, Not Just the Branch: (i) Delete the app. (ii) Reduce idle scrolling. (iii) Protect your mind before desire appears. This is Bibek, not repression.

4. Do NOT Sink Into Self-Loathing: Gurmat rejects despair.
ਨਾਨਕ ਸਾਹਿਬੁ ਸਦਾ ਦਇਆਲੁ ॥
O Nanak! Our Lord and Master is merciful forever. (M. 5, SGGS, p. 268)

Shame that leads to humility is good. Shame that paralyzes you is ego in disguise.

Regarding Your Marriage: Since there was no physical betrayal, Gurmat does not require confession to the spouse unless: (i) The behaviour continues, (ii) Emotional dependency develops. Your responsibility is to restore faithfulness in thought and attention, not create unnecessary turbulence.

Final Gurmat Truth for You: You have not fallen from Amrit. You are being trained by it. Amrit is not a medal; it is medicine.
“ਭੁਲਣ ਅੰਦਰਿ ਸਭੁ ਕੋ ਅਭੁਲੁ ਗੁਰੂ ਕਰਤਾਰੁ ॥”
(Everyone errs; only the Guru is perfect.)

Remain in Naam, humility, and discipline. Do not run from Guru; run towards Guru.

Please remember: You are not alone, Singh Ji. Guru Sahib has not turned away from you.

 

[singh777]

Below is Gurmat-based guidance, grounded in Sri Guru Granth Sahib Ji, Sikh Rehat Maryada, and the spirit of compassion rather than fear.

First: Acknowledge the State of Your Heart
The very fact that you are ashamed, remorseful, and seeking guidance is itself a sign of the Guru’s kirpa. In Gurmat, the awakening of conscience is not failure; it is grace. Spiritual life is not about never slipping—it is about turning back immediately when we do.

Is This a Kurehit Requiring Pesh?
According to Sikh Rehat Maryada, the four Bajjar Kurehits that mandate pesh are: 1. Sexual relations outside marriage, 2. Cutting hair 3. Consuming intoxicants 4. Eating Kutha (ritually slaughtered meat)

What you described does NOT fall under a Bajjar Kurehit, because: (i) There was no physical relationship, (ii) There was no actual adultery, (iii) There was no ongoing secret relationship. So technically and institutionally, pesh is NOT mandatory.

But Gurmat Is Deeper Than Legal Categories
While not a kurehit, this was a lapse of Bibek (discernment) and a momentary surrender to Kaam (desire), which you yourself have already recognized. Guru Sahib repeatedly reminds us:

ਸਬਦਿ ਰਤੇ ਸੇ ਨਿਰਮਲੇ ਤਜਿ ਕਾਮ ਕ੍ਰੋਧੁ ਅਹੰਕਾਰੁ ॥
Those who are attuned to the Shabad are spotless and pure; they renounce sexual desire, anger, selfishness and conceit. (Guru Nanak Dev, SGGS, p. 58)
You are not uniquely fallen; you are human in a battlefield of the mind.

Should You Still Go for Pesh If You Feel Compelled?
Here is Gurmat balance: (i) You do NOT need pesh out of fear (ii) You MAY approach Panj Pyare voluntarily if your conscience feels restless.
In Sikhi: (i) Pesh is corrective, not punitive; (ii) Voluntary humility is honoured.
If you choose to go: (i) Go without dramatization, (ii) State facts simply, (iii) Accept guidance calmly. But do not treat pesh as self-punishment, that is, ego in reverse form.

What Gurmat Actually Asks of You Now (Most Important)
1. Immediate Inner Repair (Primary): (i) Do ardaas with complete honesty (ii) Speak plainly to Guru Sahib, no theatrics. “Guru Sahib, I slipped. I am ashamed. Please steady my mind.”
That sincerity is already accepted.

2. Restore Amritvela—Gently, Not Aggressively: Don’t try to “over-correct” suddenly.
Start with: (i) Japji Sahib daily, (ii) Even 10–15 minutes of Simran is enough initially.
Guru Ram Das Ji says:
“ਹਰਿ ਹਰਿ ਨਾਮੁ ਜਪਹੁ ਮਨ ਮੇਰੇ ॥”
(O my mind, simply remember the Name.)

3. Cut the Root, Not Just the Branch: (i) Delete the app. (ii) Reduce idle scrolling. (iii) Protect your mind before desire appears. This is Bibek, not repression.

4. Do NOT Sink Into Self-Loathing: Gurmat rejects despair.
ਨਾਨਕ ਸਾਹਿਬੁ ਸਦਾ ਦਇਆਲੁ ॥
O Nanak! Our Lord and Master is merciful forever. (M. 5, SGGS, p. 268)

Shame that leads to humility is good. Shame that paralyzes you is ego in disguise.

Regarding Your Marriage (Important but Gentle Note): Since there was no physical betrayal, Gurmat does not require confession to the spouse unless: (i) The behaviour continues, (ii) Emotional dependency develops. Your responsibility is to restore faithfulness in thought and attention, not create unnecessary turbulence.

Final Gurmat Truth for You: You have not fallen from Amrit. You are being trained by it. Amrit is not a medal; it is medicine.
“ਭੁਲਣ ਅੰਦਰਿ ਸਭੁ ਕੋ ਅਭੁਲੁ ਗੁਰੂ ਕਰਤਾਰੁ ॥”
(Everyone errs; only the Guru is perfect.)
Remain in Naam, humility, and discipline. Do not run from Guru; run towards Guru.
Please remember: You are not alone, Singh Sahib. Guru Sahib has not turned away from you.

Waheguru ji

 

[604IAmMyBrothersKeeper]

Sadh sangat do the panj pyaare judge or no?

 

[Dr. D. P. Singh]

Sadh sangat do the panj pyaare judge or no?

Do Panj Pyāre judge?
No. They guide, discern, and collectively uphold Gurmat.

Do they hold Sikhs accountable?
Yes, but with compassion, humility, and the aim of spiritual healing, not condemnation.

Who is the ultimate judge in Sikhi?
Only Akal Purakh.
The Panj Pyāre are merely sevadars of the Guru’s hukam, not arbiters of souls.

 

[Warriorlight]

Waheguru ji ka khalsa Waheguru ji ki Fateh.

I am a married amritdhari Singh. With Guru Maharaj's mehr took amrit in 2024.

Initial days I was able to follow amritvela but then got distracted.

One day I was scrolling through one of the social networking sites and stumbled upon this app which let's u talk to strangers without revealing anyone's identity. Curiously I installed it and started using.

I got connected to a woman with whom I started talking and had some adult conversations. I feel guilty about it alot. We never met.

I have never had physical relation outside marriage.

Do I need to get Pesh for this?

If so how should I go about it.

I am very ashamed and guilty for what I have done after taking Amrit.

Please guide and help.

Waheguru ji ka Khalsa Waheguru ji ki Fateh

Might be a good idea to go Pesh Bhaji. In my humble opinion, I believe that things like these are cheating if you were having sexual conversations with another woman who you liked etc other than your wife.

We are supposed to see all humans as brothers, fathers, sons, daughters, mothers, sisters other than our spouses/ partner. This is really important as falling outside of this is falling in lust. The world has normalised cheating emotionally and physically- we are literally encouraged by movies and the media to cheat in these ways. But morality in this sense is so important and it's not fair on our partners who should be loved, respected and cherished also. If you don't want to be with your wife then perhaps be honest about that as divorce is an option but at least treat her with digity by not cheating emotionally or otherwise and being honest with her about what happened as honesty in marriage is important. Below is a great article on this:

KAAM- the sexual desire, lust.



The next enemy is the KAAM- the sexual desire, lust. As long as sexual activity and thoughts are limited to your spouse it is not considered to be spiritually damaging. However as soon as you step out of that boundary, then you have been overpowered by this big enemy of yours. This kind of a desire is very deadly and NAAM doesn’t work with it. Instead of seeing others as potential sex partners, see them as a sister, daughter a mother or brother, father and son.

par thria roop n paekhai naethr ||
(The saint is the one) whose eyes do not gaze upon the beauty of others’ wives​

SGGS 274​

akhee soothak vaekhanaa par thria par dhhan roop ||
The impurity of the eyes is to gaze upon the beauty of another man’s wife, and his wealth.

SGGS 472​

This one is not as hard to control, call every woman you meet or see as bhehn ji, mata ji, or beti. If you get a lousy feeling, a lustful feeling in your inside when you see some body else, then look at her feet, say SAT NAAM WAHEGURU FIVE TIMES, bow to her her and ask her for her forgiveness inside your heart. Accept your misdeed right away and you will be pardoned by the GOD. Slowly and slowly you will start to realize and feel the difference in your attitude, and your vision will change, you will start to realize they are your sisters, mothers and daughters.