- Jan 31, 2011
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Pure true love only exists without agenda, and as agenda is always present, even wishing to love and be loved is an agenda, true love, therefore cannot exist, whether it is for a person, or for god. To love God is meaningless, to love oneself is even more meaningless, both tickle the ego, both give one a warped lens to look at life through, the best one can hope for is to accept the rules of God, and the rules of life, and then die having played the game to the best of ones ability, to experience, to live, to climb like a rocket into the sky showering the world with your sparks, to dive into the abyss, into the dirt, mixed with your own tears, observers are irrelevant, live without shame, without judgement, and to remember, the closer one gets to living as a human being, the more one dies, and the more the game becomes real, the meaning of life is not love, nor possessions, the meaning of life is freedom, and the game is nothing more than bondage of the soul,
I have one very enduring memory of my time in 'love' , and that memory is not one of happiness or contentment, it is one of fear, something I have not felt in a long time, for when one does not love, one does not fear, one has nothing to lose, and when you have stared death in the eyes 16 times, even death does not bring fear, love, however, does bring fear, fear of loss, fear of death, fear of shame, fear of solitude, fear of loneliness, poverty, health, hunger, I spent the entire time in fear, I woke up in fear, I went to bed in fear, I attempted to align myself with the human race, and towards the end, was nothing more than a big hairy wolf in a badly fitting suit, attempting to be a man, full of fear, of shame, of self loathing, the consequences of wolves trying to live as men, by the values of men, by the rules of men, if it had gone on any longer it is very possible I would have given up the cold sweet embrace, and the burning hell of freedom to the soft warm embrace of love, the lukewarm dance of balance, never committing again to hell or heaven, just the constant fear and the mind numbing boredom of what passes for life these days, with 'love' as the payoff.
yeah, {censored} em
I have one very enduring memory of my time in 'love' , and that memory is not one of happiness or contentment, it is one of fear, something I have not felt in a long time, for when one does not love, one does not fear, one has nothing to lose, and when you have stared death in the eyes 16 times, even death does not bring fear, love, however, does bring fear, fear of loss, fear of death, fear of shame, fear of solitude, fear of loneliness, poverty, health, hunger, I spent the entire time in fear, I woke up in fear, I went to bed in fear, I attempted to align myself with the human race, and towards the end, was nothing more than a big hairy wolf in a badly fitting suit, attempting to be a man, full of fear, of shame, of self loathing, the consequences of wolves trying to live as men, by the values of men, by the rules of men, if it had gone on any longer it is very possible I would have given up the cold sweet embrace, and the burning hell of freedom to the soft warm embrace of love, the lukewarm dance of balance, never committing again to hell or heaven, just the constant fear and the mind numbing boredom of what passes for life these days, with 'love' as the payoff.
yeah, {censored} em
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