- Jan 31, 2011
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Friday the 22nd June, 6.52, I managed to see the fat fox again, we stared at each other for a while, I watched him rummage through the bins, every now and then he would grab something, and devour it ,after a while foraging and eating, he walked to the middle of the road, and proceeded to take a big shit, all the time holding my stare, look at me taking a shit, and I don't give a {censored}, about you, about the weather, about what was on TV last night, about love, about life, about shame, about desire, I don't give a {censored} about it all, he then trotted off.
I spent some time looking in the mirror when I got back, I was actually jealous of the fat fox, he had probably spent the night eating, shitting and {censored}ing, and now he was going to spend this warm sunny day curled up somewhere, fast asleep, until night came again. I don't feel envy much, but I envied him, I envied his freedom, his lack of concern about the {censored}ing world, about plastic beads, about pollution, about Trump.
I looked carefully at the mirror, there were tufts of fur poking out everywhere, I needed to go out today at a decent hour, to go the post office, normally this requires some preparation, fur has to be hidden, I have to say as little as possible, just smile, don't speak, can't give the game away, can't let them know, must pass myself off as a fully paid up member of the human race, just like everyone else does, today I cannot be bothered, I mean what would happen if I just tugged at that flap of skin just there, and pulled it, so I did, more fur, and I kept pulling, Can wolves love? I wonder, Can wolves get emotional? Can wolves give their heart? sure they must be able to do that, they just can't lie, and they just can't play games, the lenses came off the eyes, I expected dark soulless eyes, but no, they were warm, wolflike for sure, but warm, with a hint of gallows humour, but more importantly they were true, they were not idealistic eyes, hypocritical eyes, they were realistic and honest eyes,
A bit more tugging and after a while, the skin was gone, piled up on the floor, would I ever need it again, who knows, it ended up in a box, maybe I should burn it, but a box will do for the moment, so what have I lost? the ability to cheat, lie, to stroke my own ego, to drown in my own pride, to be something more than I am, yes, I have lost all those things, now we are stuck with what is, everything is as it should be
I spent some time looking in the mirror when I got back, I was actually jealous of the fat fox, he had probably spent the night eating, shitting and {censored}ing, and now he was going to spend this warm sunny day curled up somewhere, fast asleep, until night came again. I don't feel envy much, but I envied him, I envied his freedom, his lack of concern about the {censored}ing world, about plastic beads, about pollution, about Trump.
I looked carefully at the mirror, there were tufts of fur poking out everywhere, I needed to go out today at a decent hour, to go the post office, normally this requires some preparation, fur has to be hidden, I have to say as little as possible, just smile, don't speak, can't give the game away, can't let them know, must pass myself off as a fully paid up member of the human race, just like everyone else does, today I cannot be bothered, I mean what would happen if I just tugged at that flap of skin just there, and pulled it, so I did, more fur, and I kept pulling, Can wolves love? I wonder, Can wolves get emotional? Can wolves give their heart? sure they must be able to do that, they just can't lie, and they just can't play games, the lenses came off the eyes, I expected dark soulless eyes, but no, they were warm, wolflike for sure, but warm, with a hint of gallows humour, but more importantly they were true, they were not idealistic eyes, hypocritical eyes, they were realistic and honest eyes,
A bit more tugging and after a while, the skin was gone, piled up on the floor, would I ever need it again, who knows, it ended up in a box, maybe I should burn it, but a box will do for the moment, so what have I lost? the ability to cheat, lie, to stroke my own ego, to drown in my own pride, to be something more than I am, yes, I have lost all those things, now we are stuck with what is, everything is as it should be
