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Why did God give me a bad life then punish me for making it better?

Discussion in 'Sikh Youth' started by Sikhboy11, Nov 21, 2011.

  1. Sikhboy11

    Sikhboy11
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    Hi, I was born into a very poor family, I was born in a poor area of my city, My family then moved to a poorer part of the city where our house was robbed and now we been living on a council estate in another poor part of the city. My father is an massive alcoholic (typical of sikh men these days), and my mother struggles to raise me and 2 brothers. Basically i feel that everything i do to try make my family and my life better, I get punished for. I have sold drugs to earn money to support my family, I've robbed from cars and people to earn money to support my family but this is because where i've grown up, it is very poor! and this is the only way to survive, we cant get jobs cause the rep of the area, we are stereotyped as thugs, and the success rate of my high school was 23 percent, I feel I do everything for people, I lift the world for them yet they do nothing for me and my life stays hell, i feel yet god continues to punish me, I feel I was destined for this hell i live in, I feel love fears me no girl likes me more than a friend and some girls say I scare them because of the bandanna i wear ( dont know how to spell it in indian), I dont always pray but I stay true to god in my heart, I've broken rules such as cut my hair, drank, ate halal, ate beef (not knowing) but i accept these and admit i am not a good sikh but when you live in a society that wearing a bandanna and having long hair is a thing to laugh at, how can you be a sikh in this day and age - dont get me wrong i beat up any one who tries to mock sikhism. I just need someone to tell me that if god knows im suffering then why doesn't he help me, I thought god loved everyone?
     
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  3. Harry Haller

    Harry Haller United Kingdom
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    Sikhboy11ji,

    This is only a personal view...

    Life is mysterious and works in mysterious ways, you remind me a lot of me when I was younger, a reject from God. Like you I had a very abrahamic view of god, that if I was being good, he would reward me, and if I did bad, he would punish me, and as I felt I was very bad, I was constantly being punished, and there was very little I could do about it, I also felt that maybe in a previous life, I had been even more bad, so it was payback time.

    I will address this in an abrahamic fashion, as that may be easier for you to understand what I believe in.

    'God', and I use the term in a completely Abrahamic fashion, as this seems to be the God that you have accepted, has no interest in you my young friend, he has better things to do than dream up new and inventive ways to punish you, what you are suffering from is your own inner self fighting back from this punishing existance you are putting yourself through. I too have sold drugs, but I did not kid myself that I was doing it for my family, I think there is a certain element that you are 'bad' because life has hoisted it on you, you need to be a bit more honest than this, I sold drugs because I wanted to be bad, like you, I got a kick out of it, I liked associating with the lowlifes and scum, it made me feel big and important, also, I had failed at pretty much everything good, so I thought I would excel at something, even if it was bad, so I dabbled in things, got into a lifestyle, and like you, towards the end, felt I had no choice in the matter, but then the brain plays tricks with you, tells you that you HAVE to live like this, tells you this is all your worth, but that is not true.

    I have never robbed anyone, from a car or otherwise, but again, the road is familiar to me, you enjoy being bad my friend, and thats ok, if its all you know, but please don't try and convince yourself that its because you have no work, or because its the only way to put food on the table, accept you enjoy the lifestyle for one reason or another, and then try and focus and decide whether you wish to give it up.

    God knows your suffering, but he cannot help you, only you can help you, there is no magic formula or ritual that will rid you of these bad ways, you need to understand who you are, what you are all about, what makes you tick, what God did do, was provide you with a toolbox containing many many tools to make your life better, this is the SGGS, embrace Mool Mantra, find the english translation to it, and read it, it is not about ritual, or magic, it is about how to behave on a day to day basis, which, like a diet, if you stick to it, and follow it, you will find your life getting better. Yes, there are quick fixes, many a Sant or a Baba will happily take your money and promise you a solution, but these are crash diets, nothing changes, any relief will be temporary, be honest, be hardworking, make no enemies, have love for your fellow man, and creation,

    Unfortunately it is not very glamorous, and Snoop Doggy is unlikely to write a rap song about it, people will know you for reasons you may find alien, like you are a good friend, a good person, who is honest and hard working, so its probably going to your perception in the eyes of people, including people who are scared of you at the minute, but then its all down to which path you wish to take,

    good luck
     
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  4. Sikhboy11

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    I understand what your saying and it's good to hear I aint the only one who suffers, but I didn't sell drugs because I wanted to be bad, I sold them because my mother was working 3 jobs, she was having eviction letters every week, But I got out because the world didn't see it from my angle they just thought I was muscling in on their turf, I have never robbed or done anything criminal purely out of pleasure or for a character but I understand why you said it because I know a lot of people do it for them reasons. I suppose god has got better things to do than punish me your right, Maybe If I believe in myself, the world will believe in me. Its just hard to stay optimistic when your life's twisted. For a flower to grow for concrete would be beautiful same for me to raise from the gutter would be. I just feel at this moment of my life. I need hope
     
  5. Scarlet Pimpernel

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    Veera Try to help your family without stealing and selling drugs ,otherwise it is stealing and drugs that is supporting them and not you.
    Sikh's should not hurt anyone ,that is the highest order,what to eat hardly matters if you do that one.I hope things get better soon,
     
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  6. Harry Haller

    Harry Haller United Kingdom
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    Excellent, We get a bit closer to the problem, I am glad you gained no pleasure out of your 'bad' activities, so already you are a better man than I was,

    You sound young, you have plenty of time to avoid the life that is currently being planned for you by your own actions. You say maybe if I believe in myself, you must already believe in yourself to do the things you have done, I have managed to convince several drug dealers to give up, once I had convinced them that drugs were no different to any item that can be sold and bought, and that doing business and paying taxes, was no different to what they did already, apart from the fact that they were spreading good and not misery, which is what drugs do, they make you miserable, so you already have confidence, bravado, guts, intelligence, see these tools the almighty has provided you with, also, I detect a huge sense of what is wrong and right, and devotion to your mother and brothers, I think you do not realise what tools you are holding, you have some pretty good qualities there, you do not need to go down the road of being a young thug to get recognition.

    Well, I believe in you, I have read enough to know you are a better man than I was at your age, and if it worked out ok for me, it should work out better for you,

    That voice in your head, you know that voice, that you keep making deals with, that you promise to behave like a better person, that voice that will not shut up and nags at you every time you do something bad, well, its the voice of the Guru, in your head, looking out for you, make it your best friend, feed it, do what it wants you to do, live cleanly, honestly, instead of wanting to be a Thug, be a MAN, a proper real man, with honesty in your heart, and trust me, you will believe in yourself again, and the world will respect you for it,

    One thing you did not mention is fear, but I know it gnaws at your soul, fear of failure, fear of loss of liberty, loss of face, I can tell you, if you wish how to destroy this fear, so you will never fear again, TRUTH and HONESTY, will destroy any fear, every fear, just try it for a while, if I am wrong, fair enough, but its a small price just to see if I am ever so slightly right
     
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  7. Sikhboy11

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    Thank you harry haller, To make a friend out of a stranger is wonderful, Thank you for your support, Your right i am young and i can a lot! I can achieve or shall i say want to achieve, Thank you!
     
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  8. Ambarsaria

    Ambarsaria Canada
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    Sikhboy11 ji just one comment. You say,

    Veer hope springs from every positive thing you do. Start doing positive and start counting positive. What we also need to recognize at times is that our bad is not the worst there is. Let us look at the following,

    [​IMG]

    You are a great young man to ask for help and share honestly. So you have the beginnings of a great future if you start believing in what Harry veer said in terms of qualities or attributes that you already have. Many a stock brokers are discovered to have similar qualities but may be just shy of the total bad side of things like drugs.

    All the best and continue the dialog on your thoughts and report some positives and any areas for improvement.

    Sat Sri Akal.
     
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  9. Taranjeet singh

    Taranjeet singh India
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    Hi -sikhboy11 ji
    A winner horse does not know what is a 'win'.
    He runs fast when hit hard by the rider.
    When we are hit hard......Presume that God has hit us because he wants us to win.

    If you feet that you are hit , take it a gift from God as you should also win.It is the time to win.
     
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    #8 Taranjeet singh, Nov 21, 2011
    Last edited: Nov 21, 2011
  10. Navdeep88

    Navdeep88 Canada
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    Sikhboy11 Ji,

    I think perception is a big thing. Self-pity, although its kinda comforting at times... just hinders progress. From what is written about God, God is a helper... especially in situations where you are making effort to help others, not a punisher. God does love everyone... through whatever excuse, he sustains us... by some measure of food, shelter and love. Those are his gifts... But we also have a lot of free will. We can sit and lick our wounds... but that doesn't really get anywhere. At the end of the day it's about your own effort. You Choose what kind of life you want.
     
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  11. lionsingh

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    " I get punished for " "how can you be a sikh in this day and age" "tell me that if god knows im suffering then why doesn't he help me" "I feel I was destined for this hell i live in"..............."I lift the world for them yet they do nothing for me and my life stays hell"

    If you lift the world for anybody then God sees. If you do it for reward then that is NOT the reason why. God does not offer you hell !! If you do Seva at a Gurdwara ...you do not do it for some reward !!! You feed and clean others to lift them from your heart !!! NO BONUS points to get a better reincarnation or to go to Heaven by passing Go !!! You want material payback for pretending to be spiritual ??????

    I can see you are really hurt...we cant answer your pain but perhaps show you a different way to look at things.

    I notice you say "but I stay true to god in my heart" and question why your life is not so perfect...What I do know through say 2 men who were true to God ...Christ and Guru Tegh Bahadur... they did and were both killed !!!...Know many more men and mere mortals like us who stayed true to God and never won the lotto !!!!

    Basically what you are saying that your life is **** and if there is a God..she doesnt listen? You are poor ? Many of the Gurus had nothing but faith. I am bankrupt and on social !!! I DO NOT ROB !!! Christ was here to take your pain from you and didnt have a £, the Gurus didnt make a bank to spread their message, the Buddah became a prince of the world not his Imperial role ... etc etc etc.. Hey believing in a Lord from your heart isnt a very profitable business ;-)....The belief will enrich you enough if you allow it to.

    "some girls say I scare them because of the bandanna i wear" Yeah and some said to me I was brown then a rocker then a punk !!! ...UTTER GARBAGE that you think that is the excuse !!! Maybe they can see you for being yourself !!! Which is not so nice as you seem to blame the world. Women are not stupid and can see $hit coming their way. That is another issue you have to address as a person...or are you saying you cant get "laid" because you pretend to be a Sikh ??? ... UTTER CRAP !!!!!.... Women are beautiful and will love what is honest and real no matter how weak or ugly...

    Dont think God is stupid and she loves everyone. God gave you a FREE WILL to choose !!!!! Sure God wont be too upset if you get angry at her/him. God loves you 100% and you are too blind to see that !!! ... Hopw shw forgives me because I have one big list to go through ;-).

    Find peace.

    Choose Life and Not blame kid. You chose !!! peacesignkaur
     
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    #10 lionsingh, Dec 6, 2011
    Last edited: Dec 6, 2011
  12. Navdeep88

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    Dear SikhBoy11 Ji,

    This is something I'm learning the hard way... a relationship with God is not very different from other relationships in that there is effort needed to sustain and nurture it. If you ignore it, things don't feel right.

    Say you have a best friend... what good does it do to stay true to them in your heart? that's so distant. you would call them, you guys would hang out together, on each others birthday you would get each other a good present etc because that's how the bond cements and grows, by Action, not just intent. That relationship would require effort, and in return you receive companionship, trust etc.

    Even with our families, if you said you were true to your mom, but never said "thank you" or tell her that you love her, if you never helped out around the house... would good would it do to just be true to her in your heart if you completely ignored her otherwise? The relationship would be neglected and eventually fade.

    Our relationship with God is no different, God does love us, relentlessly... but to sustain the bond (for ourselves) we have to say "I love you" through prayer, we have to make effort through seva/service etc. *we also have to apologize when we make a mistake.* Simply being true to God in our hearts is survival mode... the relation becomes really strained if we dont put an effort into nurturing it. And its one of the most special relationships a person can have b/c its... so personal, eternal and we receive so much, often even without asking.

    Perhaps prayer will offer the hope you are looking for. We can help one another out, but we're just people, we don't know much, we can only see what's in front of us, our time, our understanding is limited.
     
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    #11 Navdeep88, Dec 18, 2011
    Last edited: Dec 18, 2011
  13. Ambarsaria

    Ambarsaria Canada
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    Sat Sri Akal Navdeep88. Sat Sri Akal to Sikhboy11 as well.

    So wonderfully stated in above post.

    Sat Sri Akal.
     
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  14. Kamala

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    Five Evils 1. Kam (Lust) 2. Krodh (Rage) 3. Lobh (Greed) 4. Moh (Attachment) 5. Ahankar (Ego)




    get rid of them all and your good for life. also PLEASE become vegetarian, i dont know whats so embarrasing of becoming vegetarian. im so vegetarian that i became vegan to because the guru ji said not to take stuff from animals who are hurt/in pain and all dairy products cause pain to animals especially the pavitar cow. im also 16 in canada but i dont cut my hair, but i do my eyebrows and am modern lol. also the reason why you have a stinky life is because you were bad in your last life and have to redeem yourself now. i dont think anyone has told you this but since i told you this now and you ignore it your getting a bigger paap than ever and it will be really bad because you may get reincarnated again (yes sikhs beleive that). also drinking liqour gives you the punishment of drinking lava in hell when you die (i said hell but its really narkha). look it up. do good in school to, all you have to do is listen to what the teacher says and do what is told LOL.
     
  15. Harry Haller

    Harry Haller United Kingdom
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    animatedkhanda1
     
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  16. Kamala

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    @Harry Reincarnation is true, it even says so, and for proof all the gurus were actually a reincarnation of Guru Nanak's spirit so he can fulfil his duties to make SIkhism even better. Also there is a afterlife, search Narkha or Saachkhand. :46:
     
  17. Harry Haller

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    Saachkhand is a state of mind one has, when one is tuned into the frequency of the Creator, it is not reincarnation, it is not a physical place, it is inside your head.

    There is no afterlife in Sikhi, nor any reincarnation, these are Vedic philosophies
     
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  18. Kamala

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    Reincarnation IS true though, theres even a picture showing YAMRAJ coming to take someone but Guru ji's son saves him from going to his afterlife.
     
  19. Harry Haller

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    even a picture? well, how stupid of me, If there is a picture then it must be true!

    13800038ji,

    there is no reincarnation in Sikhism, although I am talking about pure Sikhism, reading your posts I imagine you subscribe to the more interesting Vedic-Sikhism, although this is much more sexy than the plain boring pure strain. So if we are debating Vedic-Sikhism, then yes, you get reincarnation, a caste system, superstitions, miracles, rituals, exclusion, and, yes, pictures of Yamraj.

    However, this is a Sikh forum concentrating on pure Sikhi, We have to make do with no Caste system, Scepticism, Truth, Honesty, Inclusion and the chance to communicate with Creator not when your dead, but while your still alive

    I was like you once, please take the blinkers off and educate yourself a bit more about what is actual Sikhism, and what is not. There are plenty of articles both here and on the web that can show you what pure Sikhi is all about, you will be surprised, as I was, I hope you take the time to find out

    best wishes
     
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  20. Kamala

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    Lool thank you. But even my Granthy said that apparently if you are not good you get reincarnated into 840ooo sky animals and 840ooo sea creatures, and once you are done you get reincarnated as a mentally retarded or poor family.
     
  21. Scarlet Pimpernel

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    Kamala Devi

    I must admit I have the odd tipple,I'm now going to try to cut down though, perhaps the drinking lava in hell just helps you cool down lol
     

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