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Why are Sikh girls behaving bad when far from home/family?

Discussion in 'Relationships' started by dheerajg, Mar 6, 2010.

  1. dheerajg

    dheerajg
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    #1 dheerajg, Mar 6, 2010
    Last edited: Sep 2, 2010
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  3. spnadmin

    spnadmin United States
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    Re: Why are Sikh girls in Bangalore behaving bad?

    There is such a thing as the Law of Unintended Consequences. Anything you do can backfire in a way that you least suspect. They are not your family members. If they were related to you, then you could consider having a serious chat with the perpetrators. You can be a good listener to the wife, who probably needs a friend right now. But --My advice, stay out of it. More than you realize could happen -- even things you might regret later in life.


     
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  4. spnadmin

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    Re: Why are Sikh girls in Bangalore behaving bad?

    LOL - Thanks for changing the title!!!!!!!!!!! I much appreciate it.
     
  5. Tejwant Singh

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    Re: Why are Sikh girls in Bangalore behaving bad?

    Dheerajg,

    Guru Fateh.

    Let me try to understand what you are saying and I need your help in it. So, I may ask a few questions.

    As your name is Dheeraj, which means-Sehaj,Calm, Peace, Reasoning-, you are not acting in any of the qualities your name represent.

    First let us go with the title:
    Why are Sikh girls in Bangalore behaving bad?

    • What do you mean by that?
    • How many Sikh girls have you met that are behaving badly and in what manner?
    • Why bring religion into this. She could have been a Hindu, a Muslim, a Christian, a Jaini, a Buddhist, a Parsi etc. etc.?
    • Why this bias?

    You start your post:

    A Sikh colleague of mine is having an affair with an Hindu Telugu married guy.


    • Why isn’t it the other way around?
    • Why couldn’t you say that "a Hindu married Telugu man has lured an innocent Sikh girl to have an affair with him and is doing a bad thing by committing adultery and being unfaithful to his wife"?
    • Whose duty is not to have an affair, the person who is married or the innocent person who is being lured by the married one?

    From your post it seems, that the man did not care about his marriage vows and about his family and left his wife while enticing a single woman into his lecherous net irrespective of the victim’s religion and you are blaming the victim in all this?


    What point are you trying to make from your own moral scale?


    Would you go and write the same post in the forums of all the other religions if the girl belonged to any of them in this manner?

    Which forum would you write if the victim were a Hindu?

    So, I beg to differ with you. The Sikh girl is the victim in all this, not a villain the way you have painted her and tried to paint others of her religion with the plural in the title of your post which is a shame. It shows that it is you who is as immoral as your Hindu married Telegu friend. You have shown your moral values by defending an immoral lecher and accusing the real victim.

    Why didn’t you go to your Hindu married friend’s parents and tell them all this about their son committing adultery? I am sure they live closer than the victim’s parents who live in Chandigarh?

    Why didn’t you go to the wife’s parents and let them know how their son in law is committing adultery which is not the right thing to do?

    Why just blame the victim?

    Unless you come up with the true perspective about all the whole situation for your own sake, you are not trying to help anyone but rather trying your best to punish the victim.

    So, let’s help all of them, the wife who is a victim, the lover/mistress who got falsely lured in this net and the villain who can become a good husband and a father again and lastly yourself who should see things in a truthful manner.

    Hope to hear from you about all this soon.

    Regards

    Tejwant Singh
     
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  6. kds1980

    kds1980 India
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    Why do you care about that sikh girl? Do you think that any self respecting sikh guy will want to marry her
     
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  7. kds1980

    kds1980 India
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    How is sikh girl victim here? is she uneducated? is she forcibly taken by telugu guy.If a person know's whether another person is using her/him taking benefit either by physically or financially
    and still he want's to be with him/her then he/she is a big fool and I am sorry to say many time these so educated liberal women of any religion put themself in these situations and then when the guy dump them they cry of being victim ,victim
     
  8. Tejwant Singh

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    Kanwardeep Singh ji,

    Guru Fateh.

    I have no idea why this anger and rage. Please read my whole post so you can understand the reasoning behind it with calmness not with inner calamity. I do not know what you mean by " these so educated liberal women ".

    Should education make them less liberal- open minded?

    What is an educated non-liberal woman like in your mind?

    Education or lack of it has nothing to do with adultery. Victims come in all different forms. The fact is that the man is married one not the girl.

    Regards

    Tejwant Singh
     
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  9. dheerajg

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    Kanwardeep ji,

    How will the sikh guy know about this girl's behavior? She seems to be using the her distance from her home as an advantage. Family doesnt visit her and she goes home once in an year.
     
  10. kds1980

    kds1980 India
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    Well if the girl start her new marriage on the basis of a lie and pretend to be
    good girl then there is very good chance that one day her marriage will fall.
    Anyway you have written that she don't want to marry a turbaned bearded
    sikh guy so It is a blessing for turbaned guys that these type of girls will not marry them
     
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  11. kds1980

    kds1980 India
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    The girl very well know that He is married and still she is with her.There is no way we can say that she is a victim.The only victim in story is wife of that man.Earlier the society use to believe that fault always lies with women now
    people have started believing that fault is always with man and women are always victim no matter what they do.

    I just want to say that if a person goes to thugs despite knowing that those people are thugs and one day the thug's cheat him then the fault lies with the both and not with thugs only
     
  12. Tejwant Singh

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    Dheerajg,

    Guru Fateh.

    Thanks for the response.

    For me the girl is still a victim because a married man/woman should be held on higher moral grounds than the single ones irrespective of the gender.

    Secondly, this sexual revolution taking place in India mainly due to the call centers and the IT industry is very similar to the one that took place in the West in the 60’s and the 70’s.

    Gaining independence of not living with the parents, working away from home, not depending on the parents for the money, especially in India are the main causes of this.

    There is nothing wrong or right about this and they can not be judged in this manner either.

    Even Bollywood is promoting this kind of promiscuity through the movies. Before, even a kiss on the lips was a taboo. Now things go much faarther than that in the Indian movies which has been the foundation ground for the moral values in the Indian culture. Sex is exhibited and promoted shamelessly by the Bollywood.

    The compass of morality changes with these changes. It is the people who live in these circumstances should learn how to live with it and should be open and more adapting to the changes, till this cyclic era is over and after the experimentations of this kind of life style, some do draw back to their old values of morality where they wait for the person to get married to and then have sex.


    How long will that take? No one knows. Only time will tell.

    Things may get worse or shall I say more intense as far as sex before marriage is concerned in India, especially for the working independent girls till they become full circle in the mental and moral sphere of one’s life.

    This is part of life. You again mentioned Sikh girls and their pub lives as if Sikh girls were the majority in the IT industry and in Indian population, which is again incorrect on your part. Don’t girls from other religions in India where the majority is Hindu in the same pub circle? So, the fact is that there are more Hindu girls in this culture than girls from any other religion which you did not care to mention for the reasons only known to you.

    Telling the girl’s parents in Chandigarh and marrying her off would not bring any good to anyone. What happens if this man she is with now divorces his wife and gets married to her and they live happily ever after? Who knows?!!

    What is happening in my opinion is that these circumstances are forcing the Indian men, irrespective of their religion to change their mentality of marrying a virgin when they themselves are in the hunt to eradicate virginity themselves due to this new revolution.

    In other words,” Virginity lies between one’s ears, not between one’s legs”.

    Regards

    Tejwant Singh
     
  13. Tejwant Singh

    Tejwant Singh United States
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    Kanwardeep Singh ji,

    Guru Fateh.

    You write:

    Let me ask you a question, so in your opinion are all married men thugs?

    Tejwant Singh
     
  14. kds1980

    kds1980 India
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    Tejwant ji

    Nowhere I said all married men are thug's.Please first tell me how that girl is victim in your eye's if she know's that the man she is with is married?
     
  15. Tejwant Singh

    Tejwant Singh United States
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    Kanwardeep ji,

    Guru Fateh.

    Please read my response to Dheerajg to find your answer.

    Regards

    Tejwant Singh
     
  16. kds1980

    kds1980 India
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    Tejwant ji

    With due respect i have read and I don't agree with it.A Girl should be intelligent enough to choose to whom she should keep relation.If despite knowing that man is married or jerk and she still keep relationship with him
    then fault also lies with girl too..OK. for example this man just realises that what he is doing is wrong and goes back to his wife and then again this girl find's a jerk who uses her and then leave her .This type of cycle keep on going and she will become prey again and again unless she start making intelligent decision of choosing partner
     
  17. Tejwant Singh

    Tejwant Singh United States
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    Kanwardeep ji,

    Guru Fateh.

    Let's agree to disagree then.:)

    Tejwant Singh
     
  18. Navdeep88

    Navdeep88 Canada
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    dont think there's much you can do, other than support the wife.
    Especially, if no one is wanting to listen to the advice your giving. They're both adults, and aware of the decisions they make, and responsible for the consequences. What do you get when you put two cheats together? Trust? Happiness? I think they'll both get burned, you don't need to do anything. And hopefully, learn from it.

    There was something about buddhism that I heard... Someone asks, "what is the most appalling thing about human nature?" and the answer was "When someone thinks they're actually hurting someone else, the malice comes back onto them ten fold." maybe not right away, but it will.
     
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  19. kds1980

    kds1980 India
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    Rich people of India are most spoiled persons in India.Their parents just fulfill their all Demands from childhood and That's why they develop the mentality that whatever they want they can get it.Much of this so called westernised culture is followed by them
     
  20. kds1980

    kds1980 India
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    Here are your answers

    1) Its upto parents How strict they are if they are really strict and orthodox they could even disown her

    2 There is no ideal age of girl specified iof marriage in sikhism

    3 Many sikh girls in India are becoming westernised and getting influenced by bollywood ,western culture.

    Anyway I still don't understand why do you care about her so much.Just leave it to her and her family .Even if because of parentel pressure she marries a sikh guy do you think then the couple can live happily after that
     
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  21. rajneesh madhok

    rajneesh madhok India
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    Dear Dheerajg,
    Sometimes people that ask for advise do not really want it. Sometimes they just look for affirmatin for their actions. If you are truly looking for the advise honestly, Kindly provide information to the members about your contribution to save the marriage and to guide the girl. What are your contributions regarding resentment of wife and children. Why the husband take things so lightly.
    Whether you tried to know the reason behind such relations from the wife of that man It is a hard fact that when the guy knows that the doors are always open at his convenience then he will think to come back. But when the doors are being shut for the husband then he might have no other alternate. Whether the wife of that man has cordial relations with her husband.
    Hopefully, we have concentrated the theory of fault in man and the girl. There are chances that the fault may be at the end of the wife of that man. Consider that point as well.
    Then post your own opinion about the role of the wife of that man. Then only the members can guide you the next course of action.
    Rajneesh Madhok

     
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