Welcome to SPN

Register and Join the most happening forum of Sikh community & intellectuals from around the world.

Sign Up Now!

What I Could Learn From My 'colleagues From Hell'

Discussion in 'Hard Talk' started by Seeker2013, Aug 12, 2016.

  1. Seeker2013

    Seeker2013 India
    Expand Collapse
    Writer SPNer Contributor

    Joined:
    Aug 29, 2013
    Messages:
    397
    Likes Received:
    170
    What I considered a miraculous blessing from god , didn't apparently came with nice colleagues.
    Most of them are fine !

    however a few , and it started with one of those psychos , that has spoilt it for me and has left me with a bitter taste in my mouth not only towards people of this office but people of any future office I may join and people in general ! People are judgemental and mean .

    Anyways , I will not go into much detail about why they did what they did (verbal abuse , etc).
    They said they did it because they felt I was too introvert-ish and self-centered and wanted to "improve" me. My question is "Do you rectify faults in adults by outlandish insulting them in public ?"
    And that only made me more rebellious . I said "I won't improve. I am going to continue as nasty , naive and whatever about me that pisses you off"
    After all, if someone bullied you into being what they want you to be (even if thats good for you), and you become that, the bullies won , right?

    So I don't wanna give them the feel that they "improved" me.

    However , considering that I have had very little friends in my lifetime, I wonder what is it that prevents me from forming social bonds with people. And why is it so hard time for me to make few decent friends . You know the ones I can go out and watch the movies with, etc .

    My conclusions regarding people

    1) Bonding or friendship happens only with people who're like you , atleast on some points !
    Two jerks will make nice friends because they're nasty people. Nasty people like nasty people. Hence these 2 jerks are closest friends. Guys who're into cricket will easily bond with guys who play cricket too . And ofcourse most guys keep talking about girls all the time. This is what makes me uncomfortable and alienated. I feel I don't know how to play cricket or because I don't share same sexual interest, thats why I have a hard time making friends with guys.

    2) You have to take a stand if someone pulls you down
    If you don't , it won't be long before everyone can "see" you're the one they can beat. Very soon, before you even realize ! , you will be the butt of everyone's jokes and ofcourse they know they can get away with it because you won't do anything ! Even the most cheapest of people will pull you down !
    This is what happened in my job . This psycho made my life hell , and then a new guy joins in february and he's all silent and friendly until he sees I was made the buffoon ! Soon, this guy becomes a devil in its own and now he's the biggest of the enemies I have in my workplace.
    People will make inference about you from other people's behavior towards you and their inference decides how they treat you !


    3) How you respond is important !
    Don't respond in a way that they can leverage it against you. Don't show a middle finger to someone who harasses you. Middle finger hardly makes a difference . And infact in future if you wish to report them to workplace, police or whatever, atleast you would have a cleaner slate ! they can't then say "he showed me the middle finger too! so its equal"

    Well atleast thats much I did learn .

    I still have a hard time making friends . I don't even know how to . :(
     
    • Like Like x 2
  2. Loading...


  3. Harry Haller

    Harry Haller United Kingdom
    Expand Collapse

    Moderator

    Writer SPNer Contributor

    Joined:
    Jan 31, 2011
    Messages:
    5,120
    Likes Received:
    7,947
    I have not got any friends, I actually go out of my way to discourage people from forming friendships with me, sure it can get lonely, but I found that when I had friends, I was still lonely, but I was having to make an effort to be a common denominator, trouble is people like you and me are not common denominators, we think too much, and we live outside of the norm, surprisingly it is not your being gay that makes you outside of the norm, your sexuality actually has very very little to do with anything, if you were straight you would have the same problems, its you, the way you are, the way you think, your just a scared little kid trying to make his way through the world and trying to get things right, well here's news, I am 47 and I am still that scared little kid trying to make his way through the world!

    We have an innocence, and we are honest about who we are, we have no agenda, so unfortunately people will never understand us, and we will be branded stupid on account of this lack of agenda, this innocence, and honesty. I wear that stupid badge with pride.
     
    • Like Like x 1
  4. Sikhilove

    Sikhilove United Kingdom
    Expand Collapse
    Writer SPNer

    Joined:
    May 12, 2016
    Messages:
    189
    Likes Received:
    73
    A true friend of mine (they're rare) once told me that they know people who when they spoke to them once, they had like a hundred friends and the next time he spoke to them they had fallen out with basically all of them.

    The truth is that no one is really there for anyone else. We're here to learn to get along with everyone, but not be attached.

    Whether they like you or not, be nice and positive, if someone doesn't like you and mistreats you, send them love and be compassion because the fools don't know what they do. Pray that they learn the errors of their ways and stay focused on your own life.

    Two jerks will be friends because they have a similar psychology. People with similar psychologies usually Hang out together. Which is why Gurbani tells us to find good sangat.

    But if youre detached, you can sit with anyone and remain yourself. Stay true to yourself and all around you, that's the mark of a saint.


    But I agree with all of your points above.
    --- Double Post Merged, Oct 1, 2016, Original Post Date: Oct 1, 2016 ---
    Just be true to yourself :) people can be primitive. People buried by bulls*ht don't understand freedom of choice, they only know the gimmick of society.

    Enjoy your life and be happy.
     
    • Like Like x 1
  5. RD1

    RD1 Canada
    Expand Collapse
    Writer SPNer Contributor

    Joined:
    Sep 26, 2016
    Messages:
    138
    Likes Received:
    57
    We live in a society where exroversion is overvalued - being outgoing, being the social butterfly etc. Unfortunately, the introvert is not understood, or appreciated for their unique strengths and talents. One does not necessarily need a lot of friends - quality over quantiy. As you said all we can do is try and be content with ourselves, and show compassion to others. Of course if it is turning into harassment, then report if! Sometimes we have to in a gentle yet assertive manner speak up for outselves as well. Once the perpetrator realizes you will not simply take their crap, they may stop. Hope things improve for you!
     
    • Like Like x 2
  6. Seeker2013

    Seeker2013 India
    Expand Collapse
    Writer SPNer Contributor

    Joined:
    Aug 29, 2013
    Messages:
    397
    Likes Received:
    170
    I don't feel like I have the stomach to love the ones who hate me .
    I curse them ! I cursed him openly . I said "May you rot and die a painful death"
    That sorted him out for a while !

    This days not everyone is deserving of your kind nature . People who take you for granted are not the kind of people you should show mercy towards.
    Slap them with words . Hurt them if they hurt you . If you give people an inch, they grab a mile !
     
    • Like Like x 1
  7. Harry Haller

    Harry Haller United Kingdom
    Expand Collapse

    Moderator

    Writer SPNer Contributor

    Joined:
    Jan 31, 2011
    Messages:
    5,120
    Likes Received:
    7,947
    compassion and love only work with people that understand it, to anyone else, it is a clear admission of weakness, which can then be exploited, the problem is, one needs to use ones brain, rather than blindly envelope everyone in a sea of love.
     
    • Agree Agree x 1
  8. Seeker2013

    Seeker2013 India
    Expand Collapse
    Writer SPNer Contributor

    Joined:
    Aug 29, 2013
    Messages:
    397
    Likes Received:
    170
    Shouting at people with a loud voice will help with the difficult ones.
    See I am telling you KRODH is bad, but I guess some people really have to destroy all the sadhna you did in the last 6 months !
    One moment of anger , I wonder how much of charities it destroys, but thats the only thing that works with disgusting humans ! or maybe even that doesn't work, in which case, best is avoid them and severe all ties . Even waheguru must be afraid of such people lol.
    my colleagues for instance are from hell ! it just happened yesterday again with a severe heartburn for me .
     
  9. Harry Haller

    Harry Haller United Kingdom
    Expand Collapse

    Moderator

    Writer SPNer Contributor

    Joined:
    Jan 31, 2011
    Messages:
    5,120
    Likes Received:
    7,947
    I never shout at anyone, keep calm, and do not validate their opinions, it is not a question of disgusting humans, more uneducated and scared humans, people mock what they fear or do not understand, it is not your place to make them understand, just ignore them, easier said than done, but sarcasm and wit helps,
     
  10. Sikhilove

    Sikhilove United Kingdom
    Expand Collapse
    Writer SPNer

    Joined:
    May 12, 2016
    Messages:
    189
    Likes Received:
    73
    Social life and love - satnaam

    7. Controlling A Wandering Mind - satnaam

    Read these links, they should help. Your anger is maya. You're being fooled into thinking these people are not God dressed up.


    Recognise them for who they are, bow to his darshan, get stronger and stand up for yourself, report them to your managers or a higher up manager if your managers don't care. Write down every occasion that they have bullied you.

    Do this in action, Spiritually they are just God. God wants us to be stronger and detach from bullshit.
     
    • Like Like x 1
  11. RD1

    RD1 Canada
    Expand Collapse
    Writer SPNer Contributor

    Joined:
    Sep 26, 2016
    Messages:
    138
    Likes Received:
    57
    Living in an ego-less manner is so incredibly challenging. Especially when one is being mistreated by others.
     
    • Agree Agree x 1
  12. Harry Haller

    Harry Haller United Kingdom
    Expand Collapse

    Moderator

    Writer SPNer Contributor

    Joined:
    Jan 31, 2011
    Messages:
    5,120
    Likes Received:
    7,947
    If this is a Sikh website, I do not see much reference to the 10 Gurus, just Babaji, who is Babaji?
    --- Double Post Merged, Oct 2, 2016, Original Post Date: Oct 2, 2016 ---
    and pointless, it is not the ego that is the problem, it is when the ego takes over, but then of course, it is easier to reject ego than it is to learn how to live with it and harness it to advantage. Do you think Hari Singh Nalwa had an ego?
     
  13. RD1

    RD1 Canada
    Expand Collapse
    Writer SPNer Contributor

    Joined:
    Sep 26, 2016
    Messages:
    138
    Likes Received:
    57
    Yes, ego out of control, and out of one's awareness is the main issue. Ego is what creates "otherness" and causes us to see ourselves as completely separate from others, rather than connected - since we become hyper-focused on our own desires and pleasures. Once we start to see others as completely distinct from ourselves, that is when violence towards the "other" can manifest.
     
  14. Sikhilove

    Sikhilove United Kingdom
    Expand Collapse
    Writer SPNer

    Joined:
    May 12, 2016
    Messages:
    189
    Likes Received:
    73
    @RD1

    Yes but when we realise it's God himself dressed up beating us and teaching us lessons to remain lowest of the low, and to forgive our slanderers in unconditional love, but to get stronger, it's easy.

    You just have to completely change your psychology. Truth is simply an evolved psychology. Everyone's learning at different stages hence respect the stages your slanderers are at and accept that they're where and what God wants them to be in that moment. They may be a high level Bhagat in their next Janam if hukam calls for it.

    @Harry Haller

    Don't worry about Babaji on there, the Gyan and writings are brilliant, they're basically Gurbani broken down and explained.

    Don't dwell on visions or images either.
     
    • Like Like x 1
  15. RD1

    RD1 Canada
    Expand Collapse
    Writer SPNer Contributor

    Joined:
    Sep 26, 2016
    Messages:
    138
    Likes Received:
    57

    I appreciate and understand what you are saying.

    What I find difficult to understand is why does Sikhism then promote fighting against injustice and tyrants, when these people committing violence are just doing what God wants them to be doing?
     
    • Like Like x 1
    • Agree Agree x 1
  16. Harry Haller

    Harry Haller United Kingdom
    Expand Collapse

    Moderator

    Writer SPNer Contributor

    Joined:
    Jan 31, 2011
    Messages:
    5,120
    Likes Received:
    7,947
    I shall have a look then and report back
     
    • Like Like x 1
  17. Sikhilove

    Sikhilove United Kingdom
    Expand Collapse
    Writer SPNer

    Joined:
    May 12, 2016
    Messages:
    189
    Likes Received:
    73
    Who knows. All is Karam, we deserve everything that happens to us, but it's up to us how we react to it.

    Gurbani says pain is the remedy and pleasure is the disease for in pleasure we mostly forget truth.

    If u can remain in the advanced psychology of truth and chardi kala in both dukh and sukh then you've basically mastered truth and gone beyond duality.

    Life is a test, were meant to learn from it, not let it take us.
     
    • Like Like x 1
    • Agree Agree x 1
  18. Harry Haller

    Harry Haller United Kingdom
    Expand Collapse

    Moderator

    Writer SPNer Contributor

    Joined:
    Jan 31, 2011
    Messages:
    5,120
    Likes Received:
    7,947
    a baby with a heart defect deserves it?

    so a good Sikh should live a life of pain not pleasure?
    --- Double Post Merged, Oct 4, 2016, Original Post Date: Oct 4, 2016 ---
    Clearly most of your thoughts and opinions come from this website as I recognise key facets common to your posts and this site, this is not a Sikh site, and to maintain so is naive, this site is geared towards babaji, any reference to Babaji is above the 10 Gurus, an ardass is made to Babaji, not god, it is just another virtual Dera quite at odds with Sikhism, as in Sikhism, living Gurus stopped at the SGGS.

    Babaji is quite a central aspect of this website, how can one ignore that ?
    --- Double Post Merged, Oct 4, 2016 ---
    I read a bit more, the interpretation is quite detailed, I believe the SGGS does not talk of multiple lives, so the author of this site is extremely important to me as he believes in the opposite.

    Are you comfortable taking someone else's word in translation, do you not feel it would be better for you to take this journey on your own? To be honest, it is not so much a translation as a complete definitive explanation of the SGGS, which is fine, but it is his explanation, not yours, do you not feel the burning desire to find out for yourself?
     
    • Agree Agree x 1
  19. Sikhilove

    Sikhilove United Kingdom
    Expand Collapse
    Writer SPNer

    Joined:
    May 12, 2016
    Messages:
    189
    Likes Received:
    73
    Hi

    Yes the the the baby has a heart defect in the first place is karma. Without karam- There wouĺd be no dukh or sukh in l
    I read both Guru Granth Sahib Ji and Dasam Granth Ji before I found that website. When I found the website, I knew it taught truth. When I started applying the Gyan to my life, including the meditation and samadhi, i started to vibrate at such a high frequency.

    I said just read the Gyan, you don't have to follow the baba, they say follow the guru and the Guru is the Gyan.

    Nothing on that site is contrary to Gurbani, it's simply a breakdown and an explanation by people who had applied Gurbani to their lives and began to understand it more.

    Well agree to disagree on this if you like, but I stand firm by what I've said, the site is excellent.
     
  20. Harry Haller

    Harry Haller United Kingdom
    Expand Collapse

    Moderator

    Writer SPNer Contributor

    Joined:
    Jan 31, 2011
    Messages:
    5,120
    Likes Received:
    7,947
    It is unfair to hijack this thread, but you have thrown down the gauntlet, I happen to think the website borders on being anti-Sikh. I will start a new thread.
     
  21. Seeker2013

    Seeker2013 India
    Expand Collapse
    Writer SPNer Contributor

    Joined:
    Aug 29, 2013
    Messages:
    397
    Likes Received:
    170
    Harry ji,
    why can't the baby have earned the heart defect because of previous life's karma ?
    everything you do is akin to sowing a seed in karmic field , infact even a thought is sowing karmic seed.

    As long as you keep your atheistic views of sikhi (which btw are irony by itself because sikhism is totally opposite to atheism) , and you also don't believe in rebirth , like some other people on this forum.
    Well each to their own , but I say such beliefs are not supported by gurmat.

    Now, since the baby is born with manifestation of its previous karma , your karmic seed is your attitude towards the baby. If I keep blaming the baby "you deserve it LOL" , then thats my bad karma . But if I realize that baby is nothing but god's light and i help him , thats my good karma.
    The baby did his karma, your karma is how you react to it.

    sorry if my post offended you in any way.

    PS : like other indian religions, sikhism too has fundamental beliefs of rebirth, karma, atman(soul) /brahm (god) and devotional worship , and perhaps most importatnly realizing that you're god's light . Without this fundamental beliefs, there's no sikhi !
     

Share This Page