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What are the Duties of the Head of the Family?

Discussion in 'Parenting' started by Navjeet Singh Bajwa, Oct 23, 2011.

  1. Navjeet Singh Bajwa

    Navjeet Singh Bajwa
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    i'm a 21 year old boy living in NZ.
    My family is in Punjab and my dad is hospitalised and he is in serious condition.
    Waheguru may this never happen, but if my dad doesnt makes it through and leaves us alone in this world , i would become the head of my family. In this case, what would be my duties ?
    Im living here in New Zealand and my family is back home, it makes my life even more tough .
    Pray for my dad to get well soon .
    Waheguru ji ka khalsa, Waheguru ji ki fateh ..
     
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  3. prakash.s.bagga

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    Re: what are the duties of the head of the family ?

    Navjeet Singh Bajwa ji,
    I make an Ardaasi to Hari ji for early and speedy recovery ofyour Dad so that you can gradually undrstand the duties and takeover from your Dad.As a head of the family one has to play a very balanced role with all family members.
    May Hari ji bless you with the required maturity to be able to do that.
    Prakash.s.Bagga
     
  4. findingmyway

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    Re: What are the Duties of the Head of the Family ?

    Navjeet ji,
    I hope your dad gets well soon. However, wouldn't your mother be the responsible one in the family? The head of the family is an outdated concept IMHO. Each have their own role to play in a family and that is when families do well as all feel responsibility. Don't stress yourself out alone, speak to your family. At this time it is more important than ever that you feel like you are one unit and there for each other motherlylovekudihugmundahug:mundaviolin:
     
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  5. Harry Haller

    Harry Haller United Kingdom
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    Re: What are the Duties of the Head of the Family ?

    Navjeetji,

    If your father is in serious condition, you need to go home, now, not so much to take charge of the family, that is your mothers role, but to support her and the rest of your family through this tough time, No matter what you are doing in NZ, drop it and go home, support your mother, help your father, be practical, be pragmatic, Waheguru help you deal with this difficult situation
     
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  6. Navjeet Singh Bajwa

    Navjeet Singh Bajwa
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    Re: What are the Duties of the Head of the Family ?

    right now , im at Bangkok airport ,will reach home tomorrow morning .
    AKAL SAHAYE .
     
  7. prakash.s.bagga

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    Re: What are the Duties of the Head of the Family ?

    Harry Hallar ji,
    I am greatly impressed by your suggestion which Navjeet Singh Bajwa has taken an exeplary decision to go and tkae care of his Dad and family members.
    May Sati GuRu help him.
    Prakash.s.Bagga
     
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  8. BhagatSingh

    BhagatSingh Canada
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    Re: What are the Duties of the Head of the Family ?

    Navjeet Singh ji,
    I am not sure what the exact duties are but I can tell you the qualities you have to bring to the table. The head of the family posesses traditional masculine qualities. He is strong (intelligent as well), in control of himself and his environment, dominant (and takes the lead), decisive and protective. The head of the family takes responsibility for his hapiness and for the happiness of his family. He provides for his family.

    Picture Guru Gobind Singh ji and that's pretty much what the head of a family looks like.

    With your Dad in the hospital there is now a void which someone with those qualities must fill. This is a good opportunity for your to grow and mature. Go fill that void. Your mom's experience and wisdom will come in handy but ultimately as the head you must use it and lead the family.

    Meditation will come in handy. Learn some techniques so you can ground yourself in tough situations and be in control.
     
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  9. findingmyway

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    Re: What are the Duties of the Head of the Family ?

    Thats a very sexist post. I feel sorry for your future wife and daughters
     
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  10. spnadmin

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    Re: What are the Duties of the Head of the Family ?

    Navjeet ji

    Please accept my blessings and my prayers. Go with a strong spirit if you can and do not be afraid to feel all the emotions that will come. The tree that bends with the wind is the tree that survives the storm. You will have to learn your role as it unfolds for you. It will not be as it was for your father because you are not your father but an entirely different person. But with your mind open and your eyes and ears aware to your family's needs you will learn fast enough. Good judgment comes with making mistakes. Do not be afraid to make them. Only be afraid that you do not learn from them. My heart is full of hope and and confidence that you will become the person your family needs.
     
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  11. BhagatSingh

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    Re: What are the Duties of the Head of the Family ?

    lol

    Defining masculine qualities is not hatred or prejudice or gender stereotyping since both men and women posess them, hence it is not sexist either. Such qualities are required in any leader or "head".

    Jasleen ji, While reading my post, it was you who associated masculine qualities with only men (which would be gender stereotyping). Hence it makes your position sexist not mine.

    Then you begin personal attacks. Your reply also derails this thread to a discussion of sexism. This is not good coming from a mod.

    It is clear from your comment that you have missed the point of my post and have not understood Navjeet's situation, which is:
    Anyway, let's get back to Navjeet Singh ji's problem now.
     
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  12. Ambarsaria

    Ambarsaria Canada
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    Re: What are the Duties of the Head of the Family ?

    Brother ji, may you rise to be the man your father expected you to be for the family and mature into roles that await all one day.

    Head of the family is a brother to some when there is no brother, sister to some when no sister, mother to some when there is no mother, father to some when there is no father, etc. It is strength to handle in different family situations with diversity, compassion and leadership.

    All the best wishes for your dad, mom and your whole family.

    Sat Sri Akal.
     
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  13. Tejwant Singh

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    Re: What are the Duties of the Head of the Family ?

    Navjeet Singh ji,

    Guru Fateh.

    Sorry to know about your dad's condition and I am glad you are going back home. I have no idea whether you are working or going to school in NZ. I hope he recovers from his ailment.

    But why are we putting the horse before the cart? Your dad is still alive. He is in this world. Let's all focus first that he gets better. I have no idea why you are seeking advice and people are doling it out as if your dad were not alive.

    Go step by step. Be with your family and let's hope your dad fully recovers.

    Good luck and regards

    Tejwant Singh
     
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  14. Tejwant Singh

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    Re: What are the Duties of the Head of the Family ?

    Bhagat Singh ji,

    Guru Fateh.

    I totally disagree with you about your stance regarding the head of the family having masculine qualities. Sikhi is all about equality, not about machismo. A woman is not a second class citizen in the Sikhi household. Guru Nanak taught us that.

    In my parents' household, my Mum always looked after the rental properties, which included business rentals and house rentals, while my Dad looked after his other businesses in India. When my Dad passed away in 1985, she looked after everything till her last days. And she was one great lady.

    Tejwant Singh
     
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  15. Harry Haller

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    Gurfateh

    I agree that the issue here is the health of the father, but naturally we all worry when things like this happen, I would worry, if it were me, especially as the majority of sikh families like to be seen to be doing the right thing, tradition wise.

    I think I understand what you are asking, what do I do if dad leaves us?

    If such a sad event should take place, this is not the time to be filling voids and I do not think it is the best time to grow and mature, support your mother, she is now your mother and father, his spirit lives in her, respect her, listen to her, and support her as best you can, if you find her weakening, do not take over, do not fill the void, ensure that she plays her role as head of the family with your support and help.

    I hope your father recovers, and you do not have to go through this, but this is a time of great stress and worry, please try and forget the 'what should we do in the eyes of the community' and concentrate on getting your family unit strong and whole, regardless of the outcome
     
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  16. Scarlet Pimpernel

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    ਜਨਨਿ ਪਿਤਾ ਲੋਕ ਸੁਤ ਬਨਿਤਾ ਕੋਇ ਕਿਸ ਕੀ ਧਰਿਆ
    Mothers, fathers, friends, children and spouses-no one is the support of anyone else.

    The Head of our families is the Guru, he knows his duties well, our duty lies in listening to him.That will make us exactly like Muskeveers Bhagat Singh and Ambarsaria ji described, you will become a Lion, but you still have to rely on the Lioness to provide your dinner.A head whether it be your own or a families needs to be cool.

    Muskeveer Harry, Guru Gobind Singh Ji's life example shows us how to take responsibility at a young age, it teaches us that we have to come to a decision by ourselves and not rely on anyone else but God,and also how to face responsibilities head on,and if it be at a tender age, then so be it.As how can you expect to be a support to anyone else,if you yourself are as broken?
     
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    #15 Scarlet Pimpernel, Oct 25, 2011
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  17. Harry Haller

    Harry Haller United Kingdom
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    SPji,

    I think it is in very bad taste, personally, to be suggesting to a young man that he dwell on such matters at a time like this, this young mans place is with his family as a support mechanism to his mother,

    Maybe you are not aware of the dangers of much enlightenment at a young age, to me without life experience, you can be hugely enlightened, know all the right answers, but without being in situations where such enlightenment can be usefully applied, you run the risk of being as much use as a chocolate fire guard.

    I find a lot of your statements are not relevant in real world situations, they are idealistic and perfectionist, sikhism is not like that for me, we are talking about real world, real life situations, what we are talking about is life skills, and how to learn and put them into practice, the advice I would give to someone whose father was seriously ill, would not be run back and take overall responsibility, but rather act in way that Bhai Kanhaiya would have acted, compassion, duty, support, whereas there seem to be posts here that seem to be encouraging something other than that.

    Maybe its because I live in a non traditional house, I do all the cooking, my share of the cleaning, washing, scrubbing etc etc, there are no defined roles in my house, We all do what we can to make it work, and frankly, if I was ill, I would be horrified by some of the advice here if it were my stepson asking.With enough to worry about, I would now be worrying about my stepson fighting with my wife for control of the house, when in fact his role should be supporting the surviving or healthy parent.

    If the mother is anything like my wife, the last she is going to want to hear is that this young man intends to lead the family out of duty, with no knowledge of experience of either

    I hope our young friend is back home, and if you are reading this, I hope your father makes a good recovery, I have no doubt that if things worsen, this topic will be the last thing on your mind, you will be too busy with your own grief, concentrate on being strong for your mother, support her, be a rock for her, let her lean on you, but let her lead,

    We are all here for you in any way we can be, remember Waheguru, not as a magic genie, but as backbone for what you will need to find within yourself to give others
     
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  18. Tejwant Singh

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    Scarlet ji,

    Guru Fateh.

    Would you be kind enough to post the whole shabad with the literal translation and also express your own thoughts about it so we can all learn from it?

    It is also important to see the reference this verse is based on so one can grasp the true message of our Gurus. I am sure you know that RAHAO in each Shabad is the central idea of the message. Could you also please express your views on the RAHAO of this particular Shabad?

    One liners do injustice to this beautiful poetry in the SGGS, our only Guru. Our Gurus told us to use this spine tingling poetry as prose in our pragmatic way of our life so that goodness can be bred within. One can lose the true message through the one liners. Please do not forget to add the page number from SGGS.

    Thanks & regards

    Tejwant Singh
     
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    #17 Tejwant Singh, Oct 25, 2011
    Last edited by a moderator: Jan 5, 2016
  19. Scarlet Pimpernel

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    ਰਾਗੁ ਗੂਜਰੀ ਮਹਲਾ
    रागु गूजरी महला ५ ॥
    Rāg gūjrī mėhlā 5.
    Raag Goojaree, Fifth Mehl:
    ਕਾਹੇ ਰੇ ਮਨ ਚਿਤਵਹਿ ਉਦਮੁ ਜਾ ਆਹਰਿ ਹਰਿ ਜੀਉ ਪਰਿਆ
    काहे रे मन चितवहि उदमु जा आहरि हरि जीउ परिआ ॥
    Kāhe re man cẖiṯvahi uḏam jā āhar har jī▫o pari▫ā.
    Why, O mind, do you plot and plan, when the Dear Lord Himself provides for your care?
    ਸੈਲ ਪਥਰ ਮਹਿ ਜੰਤ ਉਪਾਏ ਤਾ ਕਾ ਰਿਜਕੁ ਆਗੈ ਕਰਿ ਧਰਿਆ ॥੧॥
    सैल पथर महि जंत उपाए ता का रिजकु आगै करि धरिआ ॥१॥
    Sail pathar mėh janṯ upā▫e ṯā kā rijak āgai kar ḏẖari▫ā. ||1||
    From rocks and stones He created living beings; He places their nourishment before them. ||1||
    ਮੇਰੇ ਮਾਧਉ ਜੀ ਸਤਸੰਗਤਿ ਮਿਲੇ ਸੁ ਤਰਿਆ
    मेरे माधउ जी सतसंगति मिले सु तरिआ ॥
    Mere māḏẖa▫o jī saṯsangaṯ mile so ṯari▫ā.
    O my Dear Lord of souls, one who joins the Sat Sangat, the True Congregation, is saved.
    ਗੁਰ ਪਰਸਾਦਿ ਪਰਮ ਪਦੁ ਪਾਇਆ ਸੂਕੇ ਕਾਸਟ ਹਰਿਆ ॥੧॥ ਰਹਾਉ
    गुर परसादि परम पदु पाइआ सूके कासट हरिआ ॥१॥ रहाउ ॥
    Gur parsāḏ param paḏ pā▫i▫ā sūke kāsat hari▫ā. ||1|| rahā▫o.
    By Guru's Grace, the supreme status is obtained, and the dry wood blossoms forth again in lush greenery. ||1||Pause||
    ਜਨਨਿ ਪਿਤਾ ਲੋਕ ਸੁਤ ਬਨਿਤਾ ਕੋਇ ਕਿਸ ਕੀ ਧਰਿਆ
    जननि पिता लोक सुत बनिता कोइ न किस की धरिआ ॥
    Janan piṯā lok suṯ baniṯā ko▫e na kis kī ḏẖari▫ā.
    Mothers, fathers, friends, children and spouses-no one is the support of anyone else.
    ਸਿਰਿ ਸਿਰਿ ਰਿਜਕੁ ਸੰਬਾਹੇ ਠਾਕੁਰੁ ਕਾਹੇ ਮਨ ਭਉ ਕਰਿਆ ॥੨॥
    सिरि सिरि रिजकु स्मबाहे ठाकुरु काहे मन भउ करिआ ॥२॥
    Sir sir rijak sambāhe ṯẖākur kāhe man bẖa▫o kari▫ā. ||2||
    For each and every person, our Lord and Master provides sustenance. Why are you so afraid, O mind? ||2||
    ਊਡੇ ਊਡਿ ਆਵੈ ਸੈ ਕੋਸਾ ਤਿਸੁ ਪਾਛੈ ਬਚਰੇ ਛਰਿਆ
    ऊडे ऊडि आवै सै कोसा तिसु पाछै बचरे छरिआ ॥
    Ūde ūd āvai sai kosā ṯis pācẖẖai bacẖre cẖẖari▫ā.
    The flamingoes fly hundreds of miles, leaving their young ones behind.
    ਤਿਨ ਕਵਣੁ ਖਲਾਵੈ ਕਵਣੁ ਚੁਗਾਵੈ ਮਨ ਮਹਿ ਸਿਮਰਨੁ ਕਰਿਆ ॥੩॥
    तिन कवणु खलावै कवणु चुगावै मन महि सिमरनु करिआ ॥३॥
    Ŧin kavaṇ kẖalāvai kavaṇ cẖugāvai man mėh simran kari▫ā. ||3||
    Who feeds them, and who teaches them to feed themselves? Have you ever thought of this in your mind? ||3||
    ਸਭਿ ਨਿਧਾਨ ਦਸ ਅਸਟ ਸਿਧਾਨ ਠਾਕੁਰ ਕਰ ਤਲ ਧਰਿਆ
    सभि निधान दस असट सिधान ठाकुर कर तल धरिआ ॥
    Sabẖ niḏẖān ḏas asat sidẖān ṯẖākur kar ṯal ḏẖari▫ā.
    All the nine treasures, and the eighteen supernatural powers are held by our Lord and Master in the Palm of His Hand.
    ਜਨ ਨਾਨਕ ਬਲਿ ਬਲਿ ਸਦ ਬਲਿ ਜਾਈਐ ਤੇਰਾ ਅੰਤੁ ਪਾਰਾਵਰਿਆ ॥੪॥੫॥
    जन नानक बलि बलि सद बलि जाईऐ तेरा अंतु न पारावरिआ ॥४॥५॥
    Jan Nānak bal bal saḏ bal jā▫ī▫ai ṯerā anṯ na parāvari▫ā. ||4||5||
    Servant Guru Nanak is devoted, dedicated, forever a sacrifice to You, Lord. Your Expanse has no limit, no boundary. ||4||5||

    Ang 10

    Veer Ji ,The pause comes before so ,I would interpret this exactly as it reads (it does not seem to be a metaphor.)I believe there is purity and truth in each word,I cannot give more importance to one line than another,I cannot advise him as I'm still wet behind the ears myself.
     
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  20. Tejwant Singh

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    Scarlet ji,

    Guru Fateh.

    Thanks for posting the whole Shabad. I was also expecting your own interpretation of the Shabad as had requested.

    As, I mentioned in my post earlier, RAHAO has the nectar of the whole Shabad.

    Does RAHAO convey the message that you were trying to pass on to Navjeet Singh Ji?

    Would you be kind enough to share your thoughts about the whole Shabad, especially the message in THE RAHAO verse? I would appreciate that.

    Thanks & regards

    Tejwant Singh
     
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  21. findingmyway

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    I am quite saddened at how this thread has turned.

    Bhagat Singh, your post made me very angry and I replied too quickly so perhaps I shouldn't have been as sharp as I was. Sorry if I got too personal. However, I suggest you go back and re-read your post as it was very sexist. The qualities you describe are NOT masculine but ARE LEADERSHIP qualities. Your whole description referred to HE and not a generic person. You may not have meant to be sexist but on a forum we can only rely on words typed and that is what your words screamed. I also don't understand why you dismissed the mother as a head of the family without even knowing her.

    My comment was not off topic as I think it is important for Navjeet ji not to get caught in male dominated Panjabi culture, which may put unnecessary mental pressure on him. I think it is important that his family support him and he supports the family mutually-father, mother, siblings and all. Illness is hard enough to deal with without the complications of expectations and culture.

    Navjeet ji, apologies for the digression. Hope you find the situation at home better than you expected.
     
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