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The Howling, The Drugs, The Dogs,

Harry Haller

Panga Master
SPNer
Jan 31, 2011
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Although the anti depressant has not had clearly enough time to work its way right through, two days without has made me nearly back to my old self, the difference now is, I have still stopped howling, what is howling? I cannot say, it is a combination of two addictions I just was never able to shake, I have a tick box of conquered addictions, but these two just would not go away, coming up to my 44th, I was desperate to be free, and I think the combination of my age, my heavy cold, and just for good measure a 10 day dose of happy tablets, seems to have worked, the howling is there, but I control it now, I feel much happier now that I am drug free, quiet moments of contemplation have helped, this forum has helped, my wife, seeing I was serious this time, has helped, even the renewed admiration in the eyes of my stepson has helped, I know I will hear the howling again, but I feel more disciplined than before, more in control, a lot of that I think is age, I am 6 years of 50, and the shock of yesterday has only confirmed I really must take life a bit more seriously.

Rory was checked out and found to be fine, he is quieter, although having said that, he still bullying the cat,

Sian however is in shock, I held her in bed as we talked, she said she did not think she would get over seeing Rorys lifeless body, it took her 4 or 5 mins to get the collar off, and Rory was fading with each second, in the end she was screaming with frustration and at watching the puppy lose his fight with life, whilst at the same time trying not to break Brans jaw, Bran was so good, he did not scream or move, he just let his mum do the best she could and lay still, to be honest, when I get home, most of the work had already been done, I did very very little, yet, when I overheard her telling her friend the events, she made me out to be the hero, all I did was drive home, yes, she said, but the thought that you were on your way drove me to keep going, she is a strange woman, not willing to take credit for anything.

Its been a long road to this point, there seems nothing left to conquer, I don't think there are any addictions left, the sun is shining, business is stable, all my family and animals are healthy, my heart is full of love, hopefully, no more tears!

James Blunt - No tears - YouTube
 

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