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General Struggling with Life

Discussion in 'Hard Talk' started by Enlighten Me, May 2, 2011.

  1. Enlighten Me

    Enlighten Me
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    I don't know where this goes but I feel as though I need to vent and get some stuff off my chest.

    All my life, well, most of it I've been dealing with depression and other issues...

    I'm 21 years old and I feel as though my mental issues are stopping me from being the person that I want.

    My parents separated when I was young, I was sexually abused when I was 8 by a family member... I had a bad childhood because I never got along with my mother and sibling, I spent most of my teenage years alone, isolated and in my bedroom, I was never allowed to have friends or mix with family.

    Things got worse when I turned 16 as within a few years my cousin, aunt, nani and dad all died. Death is something I cannot deal with it...

    I'm trying to move on with my life but at any tiny trigger I find it so easy to slip into my old routine of never leaving the house and comfort eating. I've tried counselling and that didn't help me... the next step would be taking anti-depressants, but that's something I don't want to do.

    I just want to be happy, be content with myself and my life... I have ambition and motivation but my depression overrides this.

    I guess the reason I've made this thread is just for some inspiration, advice, ways to deal with this... I won't be able to move on unless I let go of the past...

    I just don't want to spend the rest of my life mourning about the crap beginning I've had...

    I don't know.
     
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  3. spnadmin

    spnadmin United States
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    Englighten me ji

    All that you have written is very serious and none of it is to be dismissed, made light of, and the last thing you need are lectures.

    You are describing a life sequence of very heavy problems, that started when you were far too young to have the emotional and mental strength and endurance to cope or make sense of things. Childhood is a time when a person should feel that family is a safe place. That did not befall you. Depression from all accounts of clinical psychology is a logical result. I am not at all surprised by what you report.

    So now here you are wondering what to do next. I encourage you to re-think your decision about anti-depressants. Great strides have been made. They do not necessarily lead to addictions nor do they have to dull your mind and senses. Your doctor should be able to try one at a time, until you get some relief.

    You are here at what is mostly a religious forum. So I think you are seeking a spiritual insight or more that will help you. What may help are some of our threads in which Sri Guru Granth Sahib Ji talks about Akaal as the support of all. Why not start to read these threads, or a page of Sri Guru Granth Sahib Ji each day.

    Another may be that those forum members, and I know they are here, who have been greatly depressed and have found help in the Sikh religion, make contact with you. One of the ways to find your way out of this is just talking about it with people who have been there and have themselves made it through to hope.

    Please beware of anyone who tries to persuade you to follow them, follow their spiritual formulas, through blogs, poojas or allegiance to babas and gurus. That will be a disaster.

    I want to close with this. Make every effort to balance your life. Even mild exercise, fresh air, wholesome food, good music, activity (cooking, trips to museums) that does not overwhelm you, and contact with friends lighten the mind. Don't over do it. Don't adopt a compulsive way of life. These aspects of living will let a little fresh air in. Stay in touch. Hope has not abandoned you.
     
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  4. spnadmin

    spnadmin United States
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    This is why I believe in you. This is why you will make it

     
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  5. Enlighten Me

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    spnadmin,

    thank you for your reply and I guess I wrote all that because I was feeling very down. I will take your advice and Sikhi is something I dip in and out of, but I will continue with my research and I will also try leading a more healthy lifestyle which hopefully will improve my general mood.

    I really do appreciate your response and I guess you've given me the extra push I needed to sort my life out.
     
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  6. a.mother

    a.mother Canada
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    Enlighten me ji, 1st of all this very good step to that you have shared all with us. What I suggest to you go to the doctor, I think you may need medication Those anti-depressions are not for life some times in few months you are completely off from it, but that 'll help you (I did it once). And second thing if you are a sikh go to gurudwara and listen to kirtan that'll help you sure.You are just 21,you have to go long way. and visit here at SPN may be you 'll find something interesting.
     
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  7. Enlighten Me

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    Hello a.mother,

    I've been contemplating going on anti-depressants for a long time now and the reason I don't want to go on them is because I feel that instead of dealing with the cause of my depression and the root of my problems I will just be covering with the medication. I'm not sure, but I think if sharing my problems and dealing will them head on will not work I will re-consider medication.

    I'm feeling so much better today... I guess we all suffer from our down days.

    I guess I'd just like to thank you guys for reading through my rants.

    xx
     
  8. spnadmin

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    Englighten me ji Apologies because you have spoken to a.mother ji. And a.mother ji forgive me for replying.

    The anti-depressants will not interfere with "dealing with the cause of depression." This is a common misunderstanding. The opposite is true. They will settle the chemistry of your brain. That in turn will make it more likely that you can focus on your deepest issues without crippling brain fatigue that comes with depression.

    It is the brain fatigue that gets in the way. There are 2 kinds of depression. Hard-wired (you are born with it because of genetic factors). Clinical or functional (situations in life become so overwhelming that a person cannot cope.) In both cases the chemistry of the brain is affected. In a clinical depression, repeated memories, and the emotions that come with them, affect the balance of chemicals in the brain. This balance is needed for the brain to think, focus, relax, weigh and evaluate information. These chemicals are called neurotransmitters.

    The balance of neurotransmitters also makes it possible for the brain to take a break and get rest. I hope I am making sense. Lack of balance can even affect sleep patterns. Too much sleep is bad. Too little sleep is also bad.

    You need restful sleep that takes you into what are called REM cycles for the brain to be truly rested.

    Without the critical chemical balance, the brain takes your mind into endless cycles of thought, emotion, worry, hopelessness and despair, and becomes even more fatigued. This is a vicious cycle. So the medication today are designed to balance neurotransmitters. Instead of dulling your senses, they make it possible for you to reflect and change. They have opened up a new world of hope for people. You will be able to concentrate, meditate, exercise, and make the best use of therapy.
     
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  9. Enlighten Me

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    Oh right, thanks for clearing that up.
     
  10. findingmyway

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    Enlighten Me ji,
    Have you thought about CBT? Cognitive behaviour therapy is scientifically proven to help depression and I think it is much better than counselling. Rather than talking about what has happened it focusses on the underlying issues, feelings, reactions and how to deal with them. CBT is conducted by qualified professionals.

    You may also find this thread helpful http://www.sikhphilosophy.net/general-discussion/34092-advise-please-dealing-with-hurdles.html

    Best wishes. Gurfateh.
     
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  11. BhagatSingh

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    I could go on but you get the point, meditation is very helpful with depression... those are first two papers that show up in 'Scholar' search for "meditation and depression". You may read them and other papers there. Many papers will lay out the steps for meditation. Alternatively, you could find a Guru (spiritual guide) who will help you.
    I am sure there will be cognitive behavioural therapy papers there too. You could practice this side by side with meditation.
     
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  12. spnadmin

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    Forum members,

    The thread "Help Me," from the beginning has needed a watchful eye. Whenever someone asks for help, and that person is suffering from emotional and mental stress, a thread like this invites many well-meaning suggestions. We give advice, but we are not licensed therapists or doctors. So a lot can go wrong.

    The maxim "Do no harm" can't be enforced.

    There is always the risk that advice will be misunderstood or will backfire. There is also the risk that a very personal and painful problem is morphed during discussion into an intellectual exercise. Then that can make things seem that the pain is less real, or should be viewed as less serious, than it actually is.

    Please understand the vulnerability of those who suffer from depression. Take it seriously. So what I am saying is this: support is an act of friendship; trying to change someone's way of thinking about mind, body and reality is practicing therapy without a license.
     
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  13. findingmyway

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    I would just like to clarify that a Guru is not the appropriate person for Mindfulness Meditation. Meditation with a religious slant can certainly help but only if the person feels open enough for it. Sometimes depression can interfere with the process of being able to connect with bani. If not then using gurbani is a fantastic way forward. Mindfulness meditation is a specific type of meditation tailored specifically for depression. Sessions are run by qualified professionals. In the UK you will find many of these sessions, many for free, by counselling services up and down the country-services in the NHS, workplaces, universities, private practices and depression help groups.

    Depression is a serious condition with a physiological basis. Please get professional help just like you would do for any other medical condition.
     
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  14. davinderdhanjal

    davinderdhanjal United Kingdom
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    Enlighten Me Ji,
    Just by coming on to the forum you have it in you to help yourself.
    Just consider and discuss how you ended up here out of the number of possible options open to one. That takes some doing when you are down in the dumps.
    Do you like pets, gardening or art?- you may find great reward in these activities and sense of achievement.
    Find any interest that gives a sense of achievement - try offering help to other on the forum where you think subject may help or they think like you - you will be well rewarded.

    As already mentioned above take examples from SSGS or sakhis.
    Just remember all the people on the forum are with you consider them your family- so smile!
     
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  15. spnadmin

    spnadmin United States
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    You know just one or two good buddies here on the forum where an Internet connection can be made is a great source of strength and learning .... it makes the future warm. This is not the same as connecting to people in real time/real space. And it is not better nor worse. But different and worth the effort.
     

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