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Sikh Marriage & Relationship

Discussion in 'Love & Marriage' started by peace357, Jul 16, 2008.

  1. peace357

    peace357
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    Sat Sri Akal...

    I am thankful in advance for all the help I will receive on this topic.

    Question:
    I am a Sikh (Mona) man, who has accepted a Muslim woman to be my wife. We both are true to Sikhi and follow the beliefs and most importantly, accept all as equal. We both share common paths & viewpoints, match personalities, social standings, and our religious beliefs. We plan to raise our children as proud Sikhs, so that is not a concern.

    As a true Sikh, I have accepted her for who she is and she has chosen to practice and involve herself with Sikhi as well as maintain her Islamic beliefs. We registered our legal marriage (recorder's office) to be accepted as a married couple.

    My family has accepted her and are allowing us Anand Karaj to fulfill our wishes of a religious marriage with the blessings of Guru Nanak Ji. Although her family has accepted me, they are requesting that both Nikaah and Anand Karaj be performed to fulfill wishes of both families. This is understandable by my parents and myself.

    Her family is requesting the Nikaah take place in their hometown, Lahore and the anand Karaj be held in India. My family is somewhat uncomfortable in visiting Pakistan for various/obvious reasons (this has been communicated to the girl's side of the family). Due to the fact that most of her family resides near Lahore, the marriage idea in USA is not ideal from her father's perspectives. The issue has been delayed due to this and I seek help/suggestions from you.

    My parents are willing for an Anand Karaj in USA, but without her parents, I am not sure how this will take place. In addition, both of our families seem not to mention this topic unless we bring it up and the topic somehow gets left idle. We both wish and in my opinion, deserve the blessings of our individual religions but are at a loss as to what we should do at this point. We truly desire a Sikhi lifestyle and want the blessings of Guru Nanak Ji before we further ourselves in our lives.

    Can we hold the Anand Karaj at the gurudwara with just my parents and family?

    Further, if concerns between families postpones our marriage, can we be involved in Anand Karaj by ourselves in a gurudwara? Please understand that we are not requesting a religious marriage for the sake of embellished atmosphere or for jewellery/gifts, rather to remain true to Sikhi and further our lives.

    Thank you for all your help.

    Wahe guru ji ka khalsa, wahe guru ji ki fateh.
     
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  3. kds1980

    kds1980 India
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    Its surprising but will they find any maulavi who will perform nikaah of muslim woman with non muslim boy in Pakistan.Also are these types of marriage's legal in pakistan? as islam forbids marrying of muslim woman with non muslim man
     
  4. pk70

    pk70
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    peace357 ji

    Let me say first, very seldom such situations turn into favorable ones as in your case. congratulations. Here is just my views as you have asked
    Please get married as both of you want to right here in U.S.A, ask for the blessings of parents as per your plan; drop the idea of doing it in India or Pakistan, later on you can visit as husband and wife if you wish so. It is your life, the rest are there for the love they have for you, their emotional wish cannot not be necessarily a good contribution to both of your life. Due respect is for sure.
    Please weigh all options and choose the more simple and free from complications.
     
  5. peace357

    peace357
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    Sat Sri Akal...

    We believe that her family plans to arrange a Nikaah in a manner that it is unknown whether I am a muslim or a non-muslim. In other words, they would represent me as a muslim (or accepting it) in order for the Nikaah to take place.

    Since they are not clear on this topic and request our visit to Lahore, my family is hesistant to go there. My family will not even allow us to visit Pakistan.

    Due to the complexities involved with Nikaah (family & religion) and with understanding between us that our future will involve following of the Sikhi, how can both of us proceed with Anand Karaj, given the circumstances and situation as described in my previous post? I am discouraged in a sense to approach my parents with this topic again.

    Please give suggestions...

     
  6. spnadmin

    spnadmin United States
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    peace ji

    Forgive me if I seem on the dumb side here. But a question with maybe a solution. It sounds as if her family approves of you. So why not arrange a trip -- her immediate family travels outside of Pakistan and you marry in a different country? Could they be persuaded to do this? Would your family also agree to this? Can her father be convinced to lighten up? The marriage would of course not be a big event. Something quiet and modest without extended family from either side. It might work, but everyone would have to compromise a little on either side.
     
  7. peace357

    peace357
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    Aad Ji...
    My family had extended an idea to her family where both ceremonies (Nikaah and Anand Karaj) be held in India to fulfill wishes of both families and allow us the blessings.

    Sadly, her family did not agree to this. They are requesting that it be done in Pakistan for the sake of their family & friends. They are willing to travel to India with few immediate relatives for Anand Karaj, but only after Nikaah is done in Lahore. Her family feels as if the Nikaah will only be recognized within their family/friends if done in Lahore. She has talked to them in regards to this issue, but its more of an insistency and my family does not have a good feeling about this insistency of theirs.

    My family agreed to both ceremonies in USA, then accepted the idea to go to India (as per her family), but they are not comfortable to visit Pakistan and I can understand this.

    Would Anand Karaj in a gurudwara in the USA be possible with just my family and few close relatives? What would need to be done to fulfill the girl's side of the ceremony in the Anand Karaj, if her family does not become a part of this?

    Thank you for all your help...



     
  8. pk70

    pk70
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    Would Anand Karaj in a gurudwara in the USA be possible with just my family and few close relatives? What would need to be done to fulfill the girl's side of the ceremony in the Anand Karaj, if her family does not become a part of this?

    Thank you for all your help...

    Of course, very much possible peace357 Ji, however, most important thing in this situation is happiness of your partner. By the way, your parents concerns are very genuine; they seem to be very open minded people, when such people show concern, never ignore them. Rest is on you.
     
  9. spnadmin

    spnadmin United States
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    peace357 ji

    I was afraid that would be the answer and hope you can work this out some way. Do not feel you are alone. All over this planet the pressure of family norms and the opinions of family and friends overwhelm a couple who wish to marry -- in every religion. There are understandable reasons for this. A marriage is as much a statement to society as it is a religious and spiritual occasion. It should not be so strenuous. But a wedding can become literally painful for the bride and groom and the events surrounding the ceremony are often crazed. Relatives come up with crazy ideas and the bride and groom get lost in the equation.
     
  10. peace357

    peace357
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    The happiness for both of us lies in a religious event that would offer us proper blessings in our future endeavors. She would very much want her family's presence at such an event, but if they are not willing or have conditions that we can't fulfill, we are at a loss as to what we can do to aid this issue.

    Should we let go of the idea of a religious ceremony all together? We both do not want to do this and feel that due to our families, we are not able to be blessed. We certainly desire the blessings of Guru Nanak Ji on our marriage.

    We both love our parents very much and would never ignore them. In my case, I am proud that my parents raised me the way they did, to hold equal values for all and to be open minded like them. I pray to Guru Nanak Ji that I have an oppurtunity to receive their blessings in our marriage ceremony and to share our family moments in the near future.
     
  11. Archived_Member16

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    The Sikh Rehit Maryada, ( The code of Sikh conduct and Conventions), Chapter XI, Article XVIII, Sub Section (k) states:

    " (k) Persons professing faiths other than the Sikh faith cannot be joined in wedlock by the Anand Karaj ceremony"

    source: http://www.sgpc.net/rehat_maryada/section_four_chap_eleven.html

    In light of the above I strongly urge you both to discuss this matter personally with the Management of a Sikh Temple, and the Management of a Muslim Mosque, since a similiar restriction may apply to the girl.

    You might have to consider a "Civil Court Marriage" instead !

    I suggest to you that for the sake of getting married one (a true Sikh) should not disguise his/her religion. I am not here to judge you or your girlfriend in any way. It is your future & your life, and I wish you both the best in life.

    I do not 'feel' comfortable for you going to Pakistan for marriage purposes !
     
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  12. Rajbinder35

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    I am sorry to be the one write this but you are not going to please your family or her family. You should both decide ultimately what is important to you and advise both families of your intentions, and request their blessings. I cannot imagine how difficult this must be and I wish you both the best of luck.
     
  13. Astroboy

    Astroboy Malaysia
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    ਨਾਮ ਤੇਰੇ ਕੀ ਜੋਤਿ ਲਗਾਈ (Previously namjap)
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    Man is a knot into which relationships are tied.
    ~Antoine de Saint-Exupéry, Flight to Arras, 1942,
    translated from French by Lewis Galantière

    Shared joy is a double joy; shared sorrow is half a sorrow. ~Swedish Proverb

    Remember, we all stumble, every one of us. That's why it's a comfort to go hand in hand. ~Emily Kimbrough
     
  14. Canuck Singh

    Canuck Singh
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    Such polite answers and opinions have already been provided, however, one stuck out more than the others.

    That is the legal and political issues that may be involved. You may benefit from examining the law of Lahore to determine whether it is possible for you to go ahead with this, and what arrangements/guarantees are there that you will be protected as to your true identity.

    Realize that your being there under the pretence of another faith means that you are beginning your marriage having lied to the authorities, marriage person's, and perhaps some of her family. Lahore is not far from Punjab, both ceremonies could easily be completed there and you would be less likely to fall privy to the dictatorial laws there. If possible, as was in the old days there is no reason you can not be married at home.

    All the best as to the outcome...
     

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