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Religion and Haircut Issue...

Discussion in 'Questions and Answers' started by Aahil Singh, Jul 12, 2015.

  1. Aahil Singh

    Aahil Singh
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    Hi all, I have read a lot of cases and the answers to the same question I have asked but here my situation is way different and complex from the rest. I'll explain little here which might seem a lot or maybe it is....but preferably I would like if someone interested could personally inbox and we can talk as friends...(my email is: <please PM for email>) I don't know what I have done in live wrong but I see my life overly filled with on going strikes of stress and pain when one should stay happy and enjoy life the least if not most.. My childhood have basically been a mess which I see getting worst over time. Getting a haircut is just a one main issues to basically start my life to view my figure under my preference to deal with other problems set for me. I will focus on the issue of getting a haircut in this email and likewise I mentioned, feel free to inbox me on my email and we can talk in person. And So yea:

    At the moment I’m a teenager in the age of 17, I'm from originally from Punjab India and live here in Australia now. I'll start from the beginning of time(as in 4 me obviously):

    My childhood was alright….i wont say perfect but fine. In Punjab, I was brought up in a pure specialist sikh family. Where everyone cared about relevant sikh stuff and sikh stuff only. As an everyday routine my grandmother used to wake up early in the morning (around 5) to go the temple, to help etc…and read the ‘Path’ there and also at home once she gets back. It was the same in evening- and has been continue to this day as it is still practiced. It was mainly her that practiced Sikhism the most as she was/is the second eldest in the family, my grandfather was nothing less, but due to age factors he cant walk much nd on the other hand my grandma used to walk to the temple in our village without any sort of shoes- everyday, in any weather or condition. I was a kid then so I didn’t have any stable emotions etc but interest was always high and would drive me in particular directions for amusement and for certain believes. I respect my grandparents a lot, more then my actual parents and have always listened to each word said seriously and took it as the although sometimes I would have douts going around my head on the sikh stories they had told me. Now since I’m growing up, I have been developing my own options based on accurate reasonable reasoning to support my point instead of randomly saying anything. So likewise I was saying my both grandparents have especially taught me about Sikhism throughout my childhood and obviously expect me to follow it. We had no one who showcased anything from any other religion within our entire family, everyone was sikh and never said a word about any other religions. In Punjab I used to live in a very small village so everything cycled, so there were no changes…everything just flowed day to day. Same as going to gurudwara everyday, which was expected of me, however I would also go to mandar (hindu temple) whenever I got the opportunity after going to the gurudwara or at some other time with friends. It wasn’t like: I felt that I need to go or I should go to mander everyday or its my duty to- I was a kid so nothing like that..it was just my preference. I always looked forward to going to mander compare to gurudwara. (Hinduism/Sikhism were the only religions around in the village. I don’t know if I believed in god then or if it was just a blur. But I can definitely say that I started to take in account god as real without any daouts since the middle of grade 10. (now im in grade 11) From the beginning of time I had always been interested in Hinduism, especially /lord Krishna/ more then anything .(I’ll explain in detail below). So as there was no one in my family to teach me about any hindu staff, it was always an Mistry, but also a mistry which I didn’t really care much about solving as I was only a kid. I had always looked forward and tried to get involved in any hindu festivals including jagrate, janmashtami, dasara etc… Although as a kid I didn’t have much knowledge on what they were etc but still had full interest in getting involved in this sort for fun and excitement. My family did kinda noticed my view on Hinduism and as a result my grandparents especially had kindly in kid way explained me to focus on Sikhism, but still since I was only a kid…no one really cared and I would get away with it mostly. Likewise with nearly any family, there r usually some relatives which do practices another religion compare to yours. This was the case for me as well, we had few relatives which would have jagrate’s etc and I would always go. I was taught few lines of ‘path’ and as an expectation I would repeat those words everyday, but never knew the meaning (I don’t remember any lines now tho). I still remember trying my best to be able to stay for the whole of janmashtami, but it never want in my favour. Janmashatami is an festival of krishna’s birth and it would stay active till 1pm at least if not the whole night. I always wanted to participate in that for the full time but it would never work out, like every year, as a kid I would forcefully ask my grandma to take me to the mander and she would but only till 8pm the furest(under the purpose of me going to sleep etc). So I never got the chance to be in the whole of the ceremony, even till today. This is just because I was considered as a kid in the whole time I was in india and therefor the above method would keep repeating. And here in Australia I never been to any mander as there aren’t any gurudwara’s or mander’s within the town. But it’s not depressing, as temples are attached to religion and I don't focus on religion. I’ll talk about this later on below. By the way none of the men from our family ever stepped in a mader or participated in any other religion stuff which is not within Sikhism, this includes my father, grandfather, Chachu..etc Also another fact of my childhood is that my parents did slightly trimmed my hair when I was a kid but this was only because it was too long and the weight of it…as I couldn’t handle. Although my grandparents never found out about this. Not entirely sure but I think I have thought once if not more about me being mona(a person with a haircut) while I was in india. Now above was just an short overview of my Childhood in india. Time continued to the point when I landed in australia. Things functioned the way they spoused to and life continued. It was grade 10 when I had my first aim/focus in getting a haircut desperately and I was sure about…its this which is being continued onto today and hopefully not into anymore of future. So this was basically the timeline. I’ll talk about my points on religion now before I move into hair case.

    So Likewise I said Hinduism has always been a highlight but I never understood it, infect I didn't even really used to care about god or took it any serious. Change in view on god came in grade 10. When the knowledge just came to me with the source of twinkling hints making me explore in religion and now I know more then enough and also clear idea of my faith/believes and religion.


    I see religion as a man-made system to fool people, to create division within society, to create conflict, basically its just their to create class as an separation- nothing less compare to going back in medieval time. Religion isn’t bad, but there is just not much of a huge point- it offers fear for some/hope for others… Like earlier I stated that I believe in god not religion.

    This is the theory;
    For example, it’s like having cookies in a jar. Obviously cookies is the main element and jar doesn’t really have much of a point. Like there are cookies in the jar but the jar is not the cookies. To reach the cookie it requires u to explore the jar to be able to open it and reach the cookies to gain the main element. And if u were to give a cookie to someone else, then y would u carry the jar to increase unnecessary weight for the person carrying....
    Similarly, it the same with the religion, but in this case, cookies is the god and jar is religion. Therefor religion is not god, there is god in religion. To reach god why would u carry unnecessary weight of traditions within religion. To get clear understanding wouldn’t u have to separate unwanted part to reach the core.
    I had heard a smiler example somewhere which I cant remember at the moment.
    It’s kinda clear that there is only one god right, so if u know that then y would u reject looking at other religions and try to view a wall in between……

    Before we're Hindu, Muslim, Sikh etc, we are all normal humans with the same values. And teachings from the creator/God have been put out to be followed by humans to live life the right way to maintain peace and avoidess of violence on earth.

    Religions I see as a tradition, a culture created by society. I'm not against religion as it does contain god's teachings but religion does have a lot of negative/uneassesery parts. This includes singling out as a particular class by the 'ELEMENT' such as: not wearing certain colours, covering some part(s) of the body, wearing certain cloths only, carrying some equipment around as essential, having certain sequel, praying at a certain time, not mentioning or thinking about other religions, strictly not going to another religions temple, not having any relation with a non-same religion person as well as million other changes in lifestyle because of religion leading to causing separation in society. By looking at above I'm not pointing at any certain religion, those elements I gathered by generally viewing overall of religions. I think it's elements as above which pictures religion, indicating it from other religion as the only purpose of those elements. God would want us to live the right way without committing sins etc....and the above elements seem unnecessary with no point what soever....it's just there as an on going trodition within a system to flash out the name of the religion and not God. To explain this, I see region as a class/cast......created originally by a particular class/cast and titled it a particular religion.
    I do know that every religion contains all different casts/classes within and in a religion everyone is viewed equally as every religion is against singling out but have u ever thought about as in the whole of the world.

    What I mean by that is: that within a particular religion everyone is displayed equally without mentions of one's class/cast (within one religion, for example in Islam: they say 'all Muslims are brothers and sisters', the key word to notice in that is 'Muslims') so what I was saying is that cast/class isn't considered with in a religion but doesn't religion it self becomes a cast/class itself when individual religion faces other religions.
    U might find the above point confusing but it's kinda difficult to explain it.....I might get back to this if I get the chance later.

    Anywayz, It’s kinda clear that there is only one god right, and every religion teaches to life the right way, it guides humans to walk in the correct direction, it states the difference between right and wrong, it helps humans to make suitable decisions and so basically every religion has the same objective of one living the correct way in the present life/ and has the seekhs presented in a different way with the elements I've mentioned earlier on. And so therefor there is no such thing as one religion being better then the other or one being wrong compare to others.
    It's mainly about the elements around it- in other words the unessery packaging around God, taking us back to the 'cookies and the jar' example.
    I'm not against religion as some of those elements being formed as part culture now, can be comforting and rather enjoyable like festivals with in religions.....with the fact of everyone getting to gather as one. But still....and I am not against people meditating or praying.....it's the unnecessary rules, separation created by religion which I go against reasonably.

    God gives freedom, un-ties u from everything, gives u the right to decided on ur own actions (weather its right or wrong- what u do comes back anyway( bad=punishment))
    On the other hand religion, religion ties u to a system, deletes the amount* of freedom- creates expectations, forces u to follow what region says (although most of the things religion tells u to follow r right as they do come from god but there is lot of unnecessary particle stuff within religion (elements) which has no point but waste of time and crated with lacks understanding), religion then basically becomes a on going law for a individual family to be continued from generation to generation. The fact that one might be practicing current religion only because they were born in that religion and family and so becomes part of the cycle...in which some just practice it because they are expected to and follow without full understanding on all the reason on what they r following, they just do it cause that's how it has been...........This cycle repeats and gets followed up and every new child born becomes part of it like I did. In this cycle some forget that they r the centre of their world, its what one does which leads to its result, not what others say..and its up to u to do whatever u want….weather to listen to people or not in this cycle of attachment of religion and its tradition etc…people don’t get the chance to explore, to experiment to find god to them selfs, where there’s no 1 but u and where u have 1 on 1 relationship with god…but instead, because its seen unusual for a person to even look at a different religion compare to its own....and so this takes us to the cast/class representation of religion.

    It's like bing titled to a responsibility of keeping that religion status with all the values required and there's usually no mention of God as the word religion overlappes..With all this people don’t get a chance and therefor just go with flow....

    I believe in God and living the correct way but do not highlight religion. I don't care much about religion but do participate in variety of religion practices as It can be exciting and have become part of Indian/Pakistani culture. With my understanding on God, I consider my self as part of each and every religion, I acknowledge all and view them equally with full respect. ~|I am Sikh, also Muslim, as well as Hindu, and Buddhist, and the rest...|~ If I'm not either of them, then I'm nothing. In other words I'm everything or I'm nothing. Region doesn't effect me but I still keep my interest for it.
    If I'm in Gurudwara- I will be Sikh boy, if I'm in a mosque- I'll be known as Muslim, and if in a mander- I will be Hindu....etc.
    I believe I can pray anywhere, I don't specifically have to go to a certain religion temple....it's nice when u r in a temple but it's not a big deal. All temple are branches of God so it doesn't affect which 1 u go to....in my childhood I mention I liked going to mander with friends....but this doesn't mean I dislike others, putting interest on side...I would still go to every religion temple now and then to experience all representations. I'm not big on religion, I'm normal human being with a normal lifestyle and pray twice a day. Since I stated that I consider my self part of every religion> this does not mean, I have loads to keep up with or I have to know everything about every religion or I have to practice very religion every time - its nothing like that…..I mention the name of main profit* of each religion in my pray and do star Krishna and his words within each pray.
    I commonly go with teachings of Lord Krishna and his divine words in the Bhagwat Gita and that doesn’t mean anything against any other religion as every religion text displays the same meaning, including in: guru granth sahib ji, quran, gita etc.. That also doesn’t mean I only look at Krishna related metiral* only….my interest drives me in variety of directions and therefor when I ever I get the chance I do go and look in detail in other quran etc. and gather all the knowledge to include in my pray.
    Wish of getting a haircut has always been in my pray for a year now I think..
    If I was to place religions in order, according to how much I know about each: this would be it: (most knowledge to the least knowledge being the last)
    ,-, Hinduism,-, Islam,-, Krishna Consciousness,-, Sikhism,-,

    I know there are a lot other religions in world but above are the main I view.

    My points on Sikhism: before I say anything bout it, I just want to say that Sikhism is a beautiful peaceful reason full of bravery, and I do honestly love it as I have been grown up with it....I always was a Sikh and always will be....don't care what people say or what that u can't be a Sikh without a turban. Anywayz as u seen, Sikhism is the 4th in my knowledge level. Legit, I know nearly nothing about Sikhism, people who aren't Sikh know a lot more then I do. And also I see Sikhism a clear combination of Islam and Hinduism...formed to calm/delete the conflict between Muslims and Hindus....as it was required at the time. There is lot of evidence supporting that such as: Sikh text includes a lot of Sanserkit and Arabic words, and if u just look at the elements within Sikhism- most if not all do match with Islam/Hinduism with a twist. I'm not saying Sikhism is wrong or anything like that....I will talk little more about my points regarding Sikhism in the haircut section....

    Now little about my family before moving into the haircut section. My father is the pain of my life, hate him so much, never ever talk to him unless he asks me something and I have to forcefully answer, I just stay away from him and try to not get involved in anything which includes him- don’t accept him as my father…he doesn’t like me either tho- its got nothing to do with hair/religion- there’s a whole different story around it. Anywayz mum- I understand that the older male in the family is considered to be dominant according to the Indian culture but this isn’t like 1994, it is 21 century now and so my father being the prime minster of the house, my mum just goes with what he says without complains and don’t mind it eather, she thinks what ever he decides for us is properly right as he is our father. So u can kinda imagine how it's like when the person u hate is taking ur decisions. Both sides of my parents r pure sikh, especially my fathers side. So everyone in our family keeps their hair. My father, mum do path everyday and expects me do it as well...mainly my father....he is so high on religion..., I can't even walk in the house with a uncovered head etc..can't eat without head covered...he's just so backward and overly stric...cause of my most problems in life is him...
    So I have talked bout my childhood, religion, god, my believes and now I’ll just explain the current situation and then y I want to get a haircut.

    As longer its getting the more obsessed I am of getting to get a haircut as soon as possible but have no I idea how its gonna happen. Currently I do shave and trim a little hair at the back and close to the ears so that they fit in the turban and not stick out- I don't do this openly in front of my parents....and do keep the shaving equipment away from my parents view. My parents do have noticed, and have told me to stop in several methods....plus giving me wearing around kicking me out....once they did put in practice that action but that was under a different issue and later was managed back by the police. But now I will be 18 soon and they do have the right to kick me out when I turn 18. It's really descent type of situation, a puzzle where some pieces r already missing. When I look freshly shaved, and my mum notices....she continues going on about....'r u Muslim/Hindu or something'- saying it in Punjabi in a bad way u know. As if being a Muslim /Hindu is a crime without acknowledging that it is just a religion nothing less a different representation of Sikhism. Just a fact that: my parents do not know about my faith/believe and my point of view on religion/God. And my grandparents do not no about me shaving/trimming.
    It is said that Sikhism is a religion which states a human to believe in some religion...no matter which religion it is....to just have faith through a religion and not be forced.
    I do know that at that time...kings wore a turban.....and it's like a crowd....and with reasons as such the 10 guru made it a law for a Sikh. (When I was going through the explanations of other guy's question on haircut on yahoo....I read a thing about guru 1 stating a different point compare to guru 10- in relevant to haircut)
    Change is another name of life, everything changes other then God it self. And when time changes, it effects a lot of stuff around it. And it we that have to adjust/change to suit that change.
    Cuting something is a cause of better growth and in some cases cutting something becomes essential. We cut the lawn, we cut the trees, the branches, the nails, food and a lot of other stuff. Then what's up with the hair___?
    And I don't think look should decide faith but faith should decide look.

    I am big on fashion, and the cloths I wear, the products I use and how I look....and this haircut issue blocks all that..

    Such a small thing as getting a haircut is major issue for me. It basically has become a dream for me. Its my first aim/goal to get a haircut to just start my life basically, to be free. Most people know me at school in my grade and they all respect me and its very rarely that I would get teased or get asked million questions about the head piece. Its just I don’t feel free with wearing it on and I’m not that sort of person who likes to be different. I’m like a little kid who likes to walk with people of the same sort, im not that strong kinda guy who can look different out of society as an only individual as a attraction for people to stear, I don’t like answering question by my own. I don’t like to alone by myself, I like to get mixed in and I just don’t feel free with that thing. I mean no disrespect to the religion and nor do I dislike the religion. But im so not that type of guy who would prefer a thing on the head, it so doesn’t suit me as I am quite skinny. I don’t roar and stand up with a high voice in a serious way like a sikh is identified as. And with the turban on anyone can describe me as a sikh when i do view other religions as equal, I’m not and nor do I want to be specialist in Sikhism. There’s just million reason y I don’t want to wear that. Dm gut ta hai mere. I guess after understanding of what I believe in anyone would say u don’t need to wear it. Theres just lot to say in this that I’ll never finish….

    I think I have touched on every branch of the issue…any questions pls ask and preferable email-me, likewise I mentioned above: (my email is: <Please PM for email>). Like, I don’t even know how to even get started…as in how to even get the topic out in front of them,

    And pls don’t suggest calmly sit down with ur mum/dad and talk about it or show them this and have a conversation with them, because I don’t know what this is…..this all just doesn’t happen here or work..rather weird….i don’t know what sitting down and calming looks like, because never seen it happen at my house before…I really am stuck!!!!

    And im sure there are a lot of errors a in spelling and leaving out words etc, im sorry I did typed it fast and haven’t proof read it, but I hope u get message cross.

    Ishna's note: Ji, I removed your email address from public view for the sake of your privacy and security. People can contact you here via PM and you can give them your email address if you want to. Thank you
     
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  3. Ishna

    Ishna
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    Aahil Ji

    Welcome to SPN. That's quite a first post! I hope you are enjoying your life here in Australia :)

    You are obviously an intelligent, deep thinker. Which is why I was surprised toward the end of your post to read that you're into fashion, and that you can't look trendy in a dastaar. Are you kidding?? Take a look:

    [​IMG] [​IMG]

    [​IMG]

    You gotta do some Google searches for Singh fashion, bro. Omg! *picks her jaw up off the floor* ;)

    A well groomed Sikh, with neat turban and smart clothes not only looks very trendy, he has by default an air of authority. Women find that very enticing, and men respect it. Look into how you can incorporate your dastar into your fashion look and I think you can probably rock it. :)

    Meanwhile, living with your parents, you wrote:

    Actually, they will have the right to kick you out, and they will have the right to not take you back in. If they kick you out before you turn 18, they can get in trouble for not taking you back in. Once you're 18 however, you're on your own. You may want to keep this in mind.

    My advice is purely practical - after all, this is the reality of the situation. If you want to cut your hair, and it will annoy your parents too much, then do everything in your power to become self-sufficient and then leave. Then you can do what you want. Until then, it is in your best interests to keep the peace with your parents. Know that, for the sake of a simple hair cut, you may be making life harder for yourself. Stay with your parents, they will provide for you, study a degree, save for a house, move out when you're ready. By that time you will probably have the life experience to put your hair and turban into proper perspective, or not, but it will be your choice.

    We all have to compromise when we live with our parents. They all make us do (or not do) things against what we want. And while we are dependent on them, we have to comply. At the very least, they are providing for us, we owe them our respect. It's the least you can do while you live with them.

    I speak from experience, because I did something that caused my parents to kick me out when I was 19. I was studying and working a low-paying job. My mum found out what I had done, and said 'give me your house keys and get out'. So I had to pack my stuff into my car and drive away. That was hard, and frightening. To make ends meet I got into debt. I had to cut my studies short to get better work. It has impacted my entire life, and damaged the relationship I have with my mother forever. Now, I am 30, and it still pains me. Why, oh why, was I so impatient?

    Please don't make the same mistake.

    I agree with what you've said about religion. I urge you to learn about Sikh philosophy. It genuinely is one of the best philosophies for life, and I've researched a few, as you have. Religion is bogus, but living life intelligently upon a solid philosophical foundation is key.

    I hope this helps.
     
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  4. Aahil Singh

    Aahil Singh
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    Thanks alot for reading it through and replying bro…highly appreciate it and bro there is no such thing as enjoyment with the head piece, no matter where I am. I do respect and understand that u can obvious look stunning with it on but still elements as such just don’t fit under my category comfortably. Your response is very straight forward and I acknowledge it 100%...but for me it’s not practical to put that under practice. I have given it time worth over 16years to understand and be practical with it to enjoy life but as a result I just see it as if it’s just not for me…& there’s no point in wearing anything if you’re not proud of it. I do get thing around parents…& have thought about it but still…I have waited enough and I don’t want to cut my hair, when it’s too late or when then there’s point in doing it….by then I’ll properly be used to it and have an identity which would be wired to change out of.. I already have lost lot years and don’t want to keep continuing…but then still hve no idea how to end this with parents being in the way. . . .
     
  5. Harry Haller

    Harry Haller United Kingdom
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    you care what other people think, don't be surprised if when you cut you hair, after the initial buzz, things end up exactly as they are now

    by the way, she is a sis not a bro!
     
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  6. Ishna

    Ishna
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    Aahil Ji

    I'm sorry to hear that you turban is not a positive part of your identity. I am very sad to hear you consider the time spent with it has amounted to lost years.

    I don't have much else to add, really. If you want to ruin the relationship you have with your parents at this point in time, it is up to you. I can only emphasize that it really isn't worth it, and that patience is a true virtue.

    Weight up the pros and cons, and you'll have a purely rational decision. If the cons outweigh the pros, then you'll have based your decision on poor reasoning or emotion, and that is seldom a good idea.

    What part of wearing a turban makes you 'not proud'? You would only be proud of it if you understand what it represents and take pride in that. What does turban wearing represent, to you?
     
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  7. Inderjeet Kaur

    Inderjeet Kaur
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    A thought or two.

    Especially at your age, decisions are often made from emotion rather than reason. This is OK. Just realise you will be called upon to accept the consequences as an adult.

    Second, as long as you live in your parents' home, especially if they are providing for your material needs, they get to call the shots, no matter your age. This isn't totally fair, but that's how it is: The Golden Rule: Who has the gold makes the rules.

    Third, a big consequence of breaking their rules is that you will be on your own, especially after you come of age. This is difficult, but can be very positive. Enjoy your freedom.

    Turban and hair. You don't like the turban. Here's a revolutionary idea: if you are determined to ditch the turban, OK, do it. Keep the hair. Keep them neat and clean and combed, though.:cleverkudi:
     
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  8. Brother Onam

    Brother Onam United States
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    Sat Sri Akal, Aahil ji,
    You're a thoughtful young guy; at 17 I was a big knucklehead, so hold onto that and build on that.
    Aahil ji, you say you are a Sikh and will be Sikh for life. There are certain properties that go with being a Singh. A Singh will always be strong, independent, fearless, bold and dyed in the colour of Naam. You come across as a great fellow, but there are things you've said that betray that impression. You say you don't look correct in a turban as you're too skinny, you say you like to disappear in the crowd, that you like to fit in with the look of those around you, and that you're fashionable and looks-conscious.
    Young brother, a Singh is led by the hukam of Waheguru; a manmukh is governed by vanity and false ego.
    If you do indeed see yourself as a lifelong Sikh, please realize how powerful and admirable it is to proudly stand out in a crowd, boldly exhibiting the kakkars, unfazed by strange gazes or odd questions. Believe me, as you get older you'll realize how weak and transient 'acceptance' by society is. The one who confidently stands apart from the crowd will be the recipient of much more valid admiration.
    Please see in yourself the fortunate one who was blessed to inherit such a noble and admirable culture and doctrine, and if you embrace Har Har and His panth with gladness you will liberate many others along with yourself. There is no higher duty or joy than bringing others to liberation in Har-consciousness.

    ਉਤਮ ਸਲੋਕ ਸਾਧ ਕੇ ਬਚਨ

    The most sublime hymns are the Words of the Holy.

    ਅਮੁਲੀਕ ਲਾਲ ਏਹਿ ਰਤਨ

    These are priceless rubies and gems.

    ਸੁਨਤ ਕਮਾਵਤ ਹੋਤ ਉਧਾਰ

    One who listens and acts on them is saved.

    ਆਪਿ ਤਰੈ ਲੋਕਹ ਨਿਸਤਾਰ

    He himself swims across, and saves others as well.

    SGGS pg. 295
     
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  9. Aahil Singh

    Aahil Singh
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    First of all I’m sorry…didn’t notice Ishna was a female> sorry about that..and thanks for correcting me…

    I do agree to ur point that things will eventually be the same, but likewise I stated….at least I can look the way I want and be comfortable with it without spending time on my long hair and turban…
     
  10. Aahil Singh

    Aahil Singh
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    I’m sorry, I think I sentenced it wrong…..i’m not against turban and I respect the people which still practice this trodion with full faith…..but I just believe that this sort of elements r just not for me….i don’t want to be tired to a system9i have explained it above).

    With the parent thing….from childhood the relationship with my parents have always been soft ESPECIALLY with my father…..and regarding my mother> It’s different when my father is around and better when he’s not…..etc- although obviously I wouldn’t want to any negative effects on the relationship- but If they gonna take a simple case of hair cut to a major deal then that’s not up to me…I really don’t know…although I am 101% certain of wanting to get a haircut!!

    I have mentioned above in beginning; y turban does not suit me, some more to add to that would be, I don’t feel comfortable/free, cover’s half of the fourhead which also I don’t like as because of it that covered part of skin is lighter in colour and looks weird when I take the turban off- and lot other factors as well…

    I think my faith should form my look, not look forming my faith.

    So yea…..and we will be going to india in the Christmas holidays for a wedding and I REALLY hope that I have it all done by then…I want to without a turban there….

    I believe that Indian culture thing of, people not doing what they want only because of the consideration of what other’s will thing in society- is really wrong__and my parents take in account that factor every time…4 god sake!!
     
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  11. Aahil Singh

    Aahil Singh
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    SSA ji, and thank u for taking ur time to read through and for the reasonable suggestion, supported with variety of sources….highly appreciate it…

    Just a note: there were lot of Punjabi terms u used which I didn’t fully understand…but that’s okay..i think I got the message cross…

    But the thing is, I believe I had enough experience and now just want a break and be out of this….if feel I need to wear a turban after I had a haircut then I would fix that mistake but for now I would really want to get a haircut with reasons, fact I mentioned above…and it’s the method through which I could get a haircut is what im not sure about.

    I do pay my respects to the turban but cant picture myself in it….idk
     
  12. Aahil Singh

    Aahil Singh
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    Thanks for ur helpful thoughts ji…greatly respect that….but I have to say ur thoughts very serious and straight forward and scary to think regarding it…

    I don't even know how my parents are going to react upon this, infect I don't even know how bring the topic up infront of them...so it's kinda hard for me to assume the consequences..but do know that much...that its not gonna as normal at all..and possibly a drama around the issue....
    I do really really want to get a haircut asap so im done and over with but...
    I have heard in some cases that it gets normal after some period but again don’t know how its gonna be all like...
     
  13. ActsOfGod

    ActsOfGod
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    It all depends on your individual situation. However, you can't really expect your family to be all smiles and greet you with open arms when you come home after getting a haircut. So, be prepared for some level of strife. Depending on the family dynamics, this may be a little or it may be a lot.

    Sure, you can always decide to keep your hair and turban later on. Lot's of people do it. However, there are some things that cannot be undone. Like the married guy who sleeps with another woman. He may spend the rest of his life atoning for that mistake, but the fact remains that he cheated on his wife with another woman.

    Yes, it can be a real hassle. But when you think that this body you're inhabiting is perishable, and won't last long, and won't go with you after you die, then a little tan on the forehead seems like the least of your problems.

    Yes, it should. Very astute. So the question becomes, what is your faith?

    If it's not in Sikhi, and not in Guru Sahib, then you're right, what reason do you have to keep the long hair and don the turban?

    Rather than trying to convince you to cut or not cut your hair, perhaps a better question would be: what is your faith? What do you believe in?

    Then the real journey can begin.

    [AoG]
     
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  14. Tejwant Singh

    Tejwant Singh United States
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    Aahil ji,

    Guru Fateh.

    I understand your frustrations. I also thought many a times at your age, even earlier how I would look with short hair and without my turban as my other Sikh friends did not only think but took that step. It was in London, in 1970 when I moved to the UK with my late brother and his wife who were already living there. I went to school and worked with my brother in fashion business.

    This thought as you are thinking is normal. I belong to a very devout Sikh family in India but that was not the case in the UK. My brother was Sikh by osmosis as I was. I looked like a Sikh without Sikhi, the latter came much later, rather a lot later.I will not bore you with my story but one thing I would like to say is that in the 70's the racism was more common in the UK. In fact, my brother was spat at. All my Sikh friends who cut their hair felt even worse because people started calling them Pakis which is a slur till today. Somehow, I never felt my turban as a burden but to the contrary. I never felt racism in the UK, nor anywhere else. I was the only turbaned Sikh who went to the best private clubs in Mayfair and at many other places where the desis would not even think of going. It opened many doors for a lad like me then and is still opening doors today and I am 61 now. I have a 20 year old son today who has been a national debate champion, twice in Middle and High Schools. He will be a junior in college this coming autumn. He was a only 3 year old patka wearing young Sikh lad when we moved to Henderson/Las Vegas in 1998. Today, he is a dastaar wearing Sikh. Please do not think he was ever forced to. When he was bullied in the middle school and was called Osama, you know what he did? Rather than coming home crying, he studied Islam for 1 year without his parents' knowledge to find out why he was being called Osama.

    He has more Sikhi in him than I will ever have.I will give you one example. The Sunday before last we were invited to a local mosque as the part of the interfaith to break the fast. He asked me before going if I would eat Halal meat and I said yes.I asked him the same and he said he did not know. We all ate there which include my wife and my daughter, Jaskeerat except Trimaan. He got a subway sandwich on our way home.

    In a nutshell, what I am trying to say is if we do not change our inner look, the outer look will always bother us more than it will others.

    So, whatever you do in life, do it for yourself. But be warned, if your inner look (insecurity) does not change, nothing will make you feel secure from the outside.

    Good luck in whatever you do but I would urge you to listen to your fellow Aussie, Ishna and what she said about Sikh philosophy, not as a religion.

    Take care.

    Tejwant Singh
     
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    #13 Tejwant Singh, Jul 21, 2015
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  15. Tejwant Singh

    Tejwant Singh United States
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    Aahil, here is a very interesting video for you from your fellow Aussie.

     
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  16. Aahil Singh

    Aahil Singh
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    Tejwant g thanks lot and honestly ur words r very heart touching, presented that home feel..take my hat off for that…thank u for stopping by and sharing ur thoughts. The quote towards the end regarding inner/outer look- I found awesome as, very interesting and practical way to explain- something which I’ve learnt.

    There is nothing new for me to mention, but as a summary: staring from my faith, I believe in one god (not the individual god within single religion), I don’t tie myself to any religion or it’s commands or what it expects under the form of its member. I just try to be practical and do what seems right with insure reasoning on daily bases, this involves not hurting an individual physically/emotionally, being respectful, getting work done- but since I am still a teenager- not every aspect is under serious management or fully controlled…..i do play around, joke around, sometimes not have the required studies/work completed on time and do make mistakes and try to learn from them and simply just try to be good normal human being without any specialist elements. I don’t take religion as major feature or as a centre point of life and don’t bother around it much. And so therefor religion doesn’t play an essential role in my faith at all, I consider myself as part of none of the religions if not all of them- depending on the situation and don’t practice to weight them against one and another. Although do take Hinduism as a highlight as my actions are based of words of Lord Krishna. I would get in involved in any religion practices, not because I need to or am expected to but to just join in and learn and have fun without forming an attachment. That’s just how I feel about my faith, stating that I’m not a specialist Sikh, I only am just a grain not the entire object- same as in all regions. Now about the haircut: I don’t want to attached to any elements from any religion, I would wear an elements such as this casually according to how I feel…this includes stuff like: kara, turban, tilak, Mauli/Kalava, chain, scuff. Eg I might well wear the turban when I go to the Sikh temple but wouldn’t prefer to be stapled to…Most of the reasons why I don’t want to wear it are already mentioned above. And it is not because the infuse of others on me, I myself want to do it for myself- no one is telling me to.

    It’s not like I don’t want to listen anyone and not infused or heal my decision of getting a haircut..noting of that sort, I do take in account every word said around the issue and do try to learn and gain some advice from it. It is true that I am certain about getting a haircut and no one have yet moved me from the decision as I feel my faith beliefs are heavier compare to traditions/culture regarding a system & I’m happy with that but still in a search for a solution, a method to be able to get a haircut........i might find this a mistake in future but not as concerned, not because im careless or anything but I picture a very low probability of this happening in future. If it does happen- I would happily admit my mistake and try to recover and repair the mistake but for now I would like to live practically based on my standards.

    I did watch the video, in beginning sir it seemed like a Telstra video lolz, but still I found it based around business and high representation of Sikhs working in high qualified jobs….idk if the was the aim regarding…

    Anywayz but sir I did find the words ur wrote, exciting and interesting to read with key lessons formed by well experience….thank you for that. I’m sure ur kinds r very to have u as their father.

    Just an optional question, I thought ur son practiced pure Sikhism…I’ve got mixed up on the point around halal, does this mean ur fine with him eating meat and that this doesn’t bother u?

    I’ll leave it till here 4 now…nd once again Thank You Uncle.
     
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  17. Tejwant Singh

    Tejwant Singh United States
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    Aahil ji,

    Guru Fateh.

    You write:

    You can get the answers from this thread about your question above. No, there is no prohibition in SGGS as far eating meat is concerned.

    http://www.sikhphilosophy.net/threads/fools-who-wrangle-over-flesh.8828/

    And here is the general idea of what Sikhi is in a PowerPoint presentation given by me to HLS- Homeland Security.

    http://www.sikhphilosophy.net/threa...ion-by-tejwant-singh-malik.44889/#post-201714

    I hope the above helps. If you have any more questions, we are all here for you.

    Regards

    Tejwant Singh
     
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  18. Crush

    Crush
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    You have to honor your mother and father.
     
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  19. ActsOfGod

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    Then change your life and actions to be based on the words of Lord Krishna.

    It's ok if you don't want to be a Sikh and adhere to the Sikh code of conduct. You can be visit all the various religious temples, etc. as per your wish. That is fine. But if you will take this path, then please don't don any of the Sikh artifacts. Please take off the kara, turban, etc. and leave them behind. The last thing that Sikhs want is more confusion about who they are and what they stand for.

    As far as visiting Gurudwara, everyone is welcome regardless of what their beliefs are. So you will still be able to attend Gurudwara even after you cut your hair, etc. Putting on a turban is not a requirement to enter the Gurudwara. If you've already decided to cut your hair and remove the turban, there is no sense in putting on the turban on certain days or when visiting Gurudwara. Just go as you are.

    [AoG]
     
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  20. ActsOfGod

    ActsOfGod
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    So what you're saying is that you just want to flirt and date without making a commitment. That may be ok for now, but remember that in the long run, the girl will expect her man to eventually propose to marry her, and then they can settle down and begin their life together. Until you make a real commitment from your heart, there cannot be love.

    It's not important what others think, it's important what you think. Why place the burden of moving you from your decision on other people? Make a decision and stick to it. This is a forum on Sikhi, so naturally people here will be more inclined towards Sikhi. So many people come here and post the same thing about wanting to cut their hair, as if they somehow expect people to convince them otherwise, or to give them permission to do so. What really matters is what's going on inside your head and heart. Take some responsibility and make a decision. Don't put it all on the sangat.

    If you want the sangats answer, they will always say "No! Don't do it!" Because they value the gift from Guru Sahib. But you have to have eyes to see. This is no easy task.

    As far as hair & turban being a tradition/culture and part of a system. It is not. The 5 K's are an integral part of Sikhi. It is the Hukam from Guru Sahib that we keep our unshorn kesh. A Sikh loves Guru Sahib and follows Hukam. We accept Guru's wisdom ("Gurmat") as enlightened wisdom, and we make efforts to follow it instead of our own, severely limited mat ("Manmat"). This has nothing to do with tradition or culture, or fads or fashion which comes and goes.

    [AoG]
     
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  21. Harry Haller

    Harry Haller United Kingdom
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    what if your father was Hitler?
     
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