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need urgent advice.......

Discussion in 'Love & Marriage' started by waheguruhelpme, May 27, 2012.

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  1. waheguruhelpme

    waheguruhelpme
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    Waheguru ji ka khalsa!Waheguru ji ki fateh!

    B'coz u all r GurSikh I wanna ask u smth the person to whom I am gng to marry ask frm me my nude pics.
    Mrg nu 4-5 months aur bache hai....I believe him & also he had convinced me to show my nude pics & videos as according to him it will make the relation stronger as a hubby-wife relation is 1st for sex.

    I had showed him pics and videos. But now my self-esteem is not allowing me to do that, so I had talked with him that I am feeling that it is Manmat but he is not satisfied with my talk. I also said him that only 4-5 months are left so plz wait have patience. But according to him he will suffer alot if this will happen.
    But what should I do now? I am feeling mental torture. Feeling that this is Manmat. But according to him Sikhi rules doesn't come in personal life.

    I am very worried. I can't show him pics/videos more b'coz my self-esteem is not allowing me. Also I am unable to break the relation as I had already showed him my pics......

    DO HELP ME......I REALLY NEED ADVICE......POSITIVE WORDS,.....
    WAT SHOULD I DO?
    I m feeling that I can't go back & I can't go forward b4 mrg. Do advice wat to do in this condition?
    Since we r gng to marry but b4 mrg this things are manmat?

    He is saying me to break the relation if u can't show pics/videos.........
    He is saying u have showed me ur pics then u fought, then again I convinced u then again u showed eda kini var ho chuka, I think ur pshyco jo meri gal tavahnu smjha ni aha rahi aur jo tusi kar chuke hun ahapni life banao pics dekhande raho aur mera toha oh sare hak miluga sadi mrg vi hogi, nahi toha zida ik girl da divource ho janda aur oh rondi rehandi ahakela oda ronde raho sari life. I will not marry u.

    He said"hun jo kar hi chuke ho ode toha kyu picha hatha rahe, picha hathan nal nukasan hi hou tavada. Tusi dikha vi chuka aur hun dikhao ga taha mrg hougi nahi toha nahi"
     
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  3. waheguruhelpme

    waheguruhelpme
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    I am hurted b'coz he forced me alot to do all this stuffs...smetimes he said i m dng suicide......smetimes other reason.........smtimes emotionally........
    Now as I said no to him.......he wanna break relation.......so mean

    I accepted him b'coz he was quite religious & a amritdhari. I accepted him to get a religious life. But now I had founded that he is just weak in the matter of sex.
     
  4. Scarlet Pimpernel

    Scarlet Pimpernel
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    Sister,If he is an Amritdhari I'm the Arch Bishop of Canterbury,please ask him if his future brother in law asked for his sisters picture would he allow her to send it?
     
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    #3 Scarlet Pimpernel, May 28, 2012
    Last edited: May 28, 2012
  5. TigerStyleZ

    TigerStyleZ
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    @Scarlet Pimpernel

    Sadly this can happen - Amritdharis are persons like others... there nothing special and nothing better.. we are equal to all. Anyway - everwhere on the world are blakc sheeps. Most "Sants" and babas are as well black sheeps.


    I am just wondering what Navdeep88 wrote - that she deleted it.

    I guess I am too young to help you - sorry, have no experience with this kinds of things
     
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    #4 TigerStyleZ, May 28, 2012
    Last edited: May 28, 2012
  6. Kanwaljit Singh

    Kanwaljit Singh India
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    First of all, what he is asking for is TOTALLY WRONG without doubt! And there is no second thing to say!

    Anyway very less time is left in your marriage! Relationship will become stronger by talking and understanding each other, not forcing things. A matter of concern for you, if those media files are still on your phone or laptop or email account, some one can 'accidentally' access it! Better get rid of that stuff!

    (On a lighter note, I deleted pics of 1 year old me in my birthday suit from my old photos collection!)

    If you are not feeling right about something, be strong that you will not let yourself do it. If he is still insisting, tell him then the whole ceremony of anand Karaj will not get the respect it deserves! There is no Guru's approval yet!

    Tell him that for him it is just doing something one day before. But for you it is compromising your relationship with Guru.

    Your marriage would still be completed within Anand Karaj only. You will always be a Sikh of Guru. Ask him to stop taking this life as his personal asset and dedicate it to Guru where it belongs!

    He can't break the relation, what would he say to his parents? If he talks about breaking relation, you can ask him the same. And if he does break the relation, you can TELL his parents the REAL reason! I bet he will be scared of doing anything such!

    Keep calm and stay strong. You accepted his wish once. And now you know it is bad. If that is all he is interested in you, he is a bad match! I am sure he will get over it in some time. The only problem is that you have acceded once, so he thinks he will be successful again. Now a NO means a NO (just like a NO for dowry all the time!).

    He will blackmail you with this you-got-convinced, now-you-fight argument. OR that I will divorce you before marriage. But you let him do what he wants. Just see how low he can get. If he does, it is SURELY better to stay away from such a marriage. What will be will be.

    Once a mistake is a mistake. Twice is a crime. If he says again that he will not marry you, warn him that you will complain to his parents, the whole local sangat, his friends and even to police (saying he made false promises to you!). It is not easy to back out when the family is involved.

    So please don't feel weak! He is just blackmailing you! Keep your self respect ji!

    Waheguru ji ka KHalsa
    Waheguru ji ki Fateh
     
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  7. TigerStyleZ

    TigerStyleZ
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    Kanwalit Singh ji , very nice advice! What i wrote was totally ******** I guess -
     
  8. Astroboy

    Astroboy Malaysia
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    ਨਾਮ ਤੇਰੇ ਕੀ ਜੋਤਿ ਲਗਾਈ (Previously namjap)
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    He is either a maniac or you're just too desperate to marry him.
     
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  9. Luckysingh

    Luckysingh Canada
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    In all honesty, if here were to be marrying my sister, I would personally visit him and set him straight, if not a few punches to wake him up would do the trick.
    Although, I do normally leave violence as a last resort, but in a personal case like this, he needs it, straight 'kassaund' in the nostrils.
     
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  10. Kanwaljit Singh

    Kanwaljit Singh India
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    If you want, one of us or Gyani ji or Ambarsaria ji can call him and set him straight!
     
  11. Gyani Jarnail Singh

    Gyani Jarnail Singh Malaysia
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    Actually THIS is the SECOND Case right here on SPN. The frist case was also an "amrtidharee" and he used his amritdhareeism to coax this innocent girl to undress in front of the web cam...and wanted to go "further" and thretened blackmail if she refused to give him what he wanted and fast !!
    Fortunately that Girl wrote me fast and following my advice broke off all contact with the pervert immediately. She was so scared for a year or so and is now studying hard and began living successfully and tension free life.She has put this sad episode in her past..and is looking forward to a bright future which would have been HELL if she ahd succumbed to the weirdo amritdharee...

    Just like so many women are falling for the saintly Babas and frauds...so are many THUGGHS flaunting their "amrtidharee" credentials to trap young sikh girls..BEWARE IOS..THUGGHS come in all shapes and colours...they are Babas sants amritdharees..and whatever else...CAVEAT EMPEROR applies...USE YOUR BRAINS please.

    On a side note" This morning our local granthi who came to me to learn how to operate a laptop and using the internet, asked me to speak to the local gurdwara secretary to get help in extending the Gurdwara Office Broadband line up to their rooms..the UNEDUCATED "hon.secretary"..told me..Na Na Gyani ji..eh kee hoyah..tuhannu pata ni internet te kinna gandh hai... I old him..if you allow the granthis to access the internet they can read so many gurbani teekas, books, kirtan etc and pass on that knowledge to the sangat..NO NO..they will watch Blue videos he emphasised..??? we cannot allow that...

    So thats that..we are at such a stage..where we dont trust our Granthis...who do we trust ?? yet we entertain Babas like that pehova wallah dhadri wallah etc to TELL US what to DO and PAY them handsomely too !! we must teach our KIDS to use their OWN BRAINS.
     
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  12. Harry Haller

    Harry Haller United Kingdom
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    Bhenji,

    Sorry to hear about what is happening, this should be a happy time for you, not a sad time.

    Better to see people for what they are now, then have to put up with a lifetime of it,.

    You have been lucky enough to see inside this mans heart, and all it contains is filth, use this information wisely Bhenji, find another who will treat you as his equal, rather than threaten you so you will be his sexual plaything
     
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  13. Gyani Jarnail Singh

    Gyani Jarnail Singh Malaysia
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    yes and this cheapskate wannabe amritdharee ( I bet he wears a 3ft high dumalla, and carries three steel maalas..5kg karras and a huge chandtorra as well..BEWARE !!) will dump you as soon as he finds another to Sex-ploit !!..i recall another such went into a samadhee doing loud Chandi da paath and various dg banis in an attempt to frighten his bride to be..he told he will be COMING into her bedroom any time to claim what belongs to him...she called me..and I told her IF he can come to her house via Chandi di Vaar then I am the POPE in vatican !!..and I will issue her a certificate to heaven..ha ha..THAT got her attention...finally the maniac went overseas..Canada:) i beleive...from where he tried the Chandi Travel via Gmail..and Failed as well...still trying astral travel i presume...hope to meet him one day (his bride to be... is happily married)...too bad for him....MY ADVICE- STOP ALL CONTACT IMMEDIATELY and tell your parents the TRUTH.
    You will find a good one....if He wills it...dont panic..its not the end of the world....:)
     
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  14. Harry Haller

    Harry Haller United Kingdom
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    On a practical note, you hold all the cards at the minute Bhenji, there is no need for you to fear anything, you are the victim here.

    Do not let this primitive ape control the situation, take the reigns and take charge of this right now. Gyaniji is right, you must tell your parents everything, you are a Singhni, do not be intimidated or frightened, you have had a clear look into the future regarding the brains of this man, don't ignore it
     
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  15. Randip Singh

    Randip Singh
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    Unfortunately Kaam is a big problem in our community and being an Amritdhari does not make someone immune.

    From a self esteem point of view, I body build and physically have a good build, but do not go around flaunting myself because I feel as if I am:

    1) Cheapening myself
    2) Allowing my egotism to take over (as I can show other people look how great I am).
    3) An element of Kaam may crop in (i.e. I may get a kick out of teasing the opposite sex)

    Bearing these 3 things in mind I try not to do things that make me uncomfortable. If I were you I would remind your husband to be that he is supposed to be a Gursikh.

    Also, don't feel bad, you are doing what you think feels right for the person you will spend the rest of your life with. I would suggest, politely say that you don't feel comfortable with it and tell him to wait.
     
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  16. arshi

    arshi United Kingdom
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    I am not sure how to address you as I am probably old enough to be your father and perhaps even a grandfather, but you are certainly a daughter of our Sikh fraternity.

    I am not going to offer you any further advice as you have already received some excellent words of wisdom from the good folk here at SPN. All I wish to do is to add my name to the list of these upright individuals who uphold and support decent values and pray that you can come to terms with your predicament.

    You have my blessing and good wishes.<?"urn:<img src=" />

    Rajinder Singh ‘Arshi’
     
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    #15 arshi, May 28, 2012
    Last edited by a moderator: Feb 10, 2015
  17. linzer

    linzer Mexico
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    I was raised in I'm sure is a much more liberal environment and I find what he asks apalling.
    Consider yourself luck to find this out before you marry this guy.
    Definetely talk with you parents before proceeding with anything.
     
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  18. waheguruhelpme

    waheguruhelpme
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    Thanks to all & thanx to Rajinder Singh ‘Arshi’ ji for ur blessings
     
  19. waheguruhelpme

    waheguruhelpme
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  20. Gyani Jarnail Singh

    Gyani Jarnail Singh Malaysia
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    I have replied to your PM. Take care jios..
     
  21. chazSingh

    chazSingh Ireland
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    Satnaam Penji,

    As all of the sangat members have stated, if you're getting a deep inner feeling to not send any more pictures, then do not do it.

    in your body, you have the 'mind' and the 'soul'. Your mind is asking thousands of questions "what shall i do, what will happen etc etc etc" but the deep feeling you are getting is coming from your soul. please follow this feeling.

    Do not feel depressed or upset. These are tests for both you and your future partner.
    He is having problems controlling his desire and ego. They are overcoming him. But deep inside him is also the light of Guru Ji and maybe you can be string and be the person who will blow away the dirty fog so that his Light can shine through. You will be doing the most beautiful Seva.

    Keep strong. At night before you go to sleep, close you eyes and do ardaas Guru to come into your heart and show you how to best deal with this situation and then do as much simran as you can. It will help you relax and stay calm also.

    Remember all Worldly relationships are false and temporary, the only true lasting relationship is with GuruJi/God.


    God bless you.
     
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