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General Need Of Serious Help - I Want to Die

Discussion in 'Hard Talk' started by hssingh1990, Nov 13, 2012.

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  1. hssingh1990

    hssingh1990
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    Dear sangat,

    I have discussed this with a friend but he also told me to get opinions from other people as well; so I guess I'm here.

    I am in need of serious help I don't know what to do anymore - I live with no hope for anything as I know hope is pointless as it only leaves me more depressed than before when none of my hopes come true. I'm not satisfied with my life; actually I'm not satisfied with any thing or part of my life hence that's why I want to die. My favorite part of my day is when I go to sleep as it is similar to death but it doesn't last for too long as I have to wake up again and experience this world.

    I've tried to give back to the community by doing seva etc but I don't care if it makes other people happy as I don't get happy from doing it.

    I don't like being alive people say look at other people from poor countries that they don't have anything but I can't relate to them but I tend to believe that I rather just die of starvation because at least this torture will be over soon. I don't know why God keeps me alive it's like he is a torturer keeping me alive so he can keep torturing me everyday. I do ardaas everyday that god please kill me I don't want to experience this world anymore. God is actually worse than a torturer he keeps you healthy by giving you some food and shelter (so keeping me alive) so he can torture me even more.

    He is the one who caused this suffering I also feel that I'm praying to him to stop it as well, which I don't think he will because why would he? He is the one who started it. It's like saying to the India to give justice to the sikhs for the 1984 attacks but why would they?! Why would the torturer stop torturing for no apparent reason!!!???

    What can I do to get out of this mentality? So far I have been accepting every day as it comes but even though I have no choice to accept life but I feel seriously depressed every moment of my day.
     
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  3. Harry Haller

    Harry Haller United Kingdom
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    hssinghji

    I am sorry to read of your troubles, let us deal with one point at a time.

    Other than hoping for death, do you have any other hopes? Do you wish to find love, maybe raise children, drive a nice car, live in a nice house? I note you are young, and you sound pretty depressed. Depression taints your view of the world, what you are seeing at present is not what exists.


    What would it take to be satisfied with your life, be honest with yourself, in my view, it would be better to start from a foundation of knowing that something satisfies you, rather than having a deathwish. Would more money help? a girlfriend? Do you suffer from guilt? Do you feel isolated or alone?

    Your world can be anything you wish it to be, if you want your world to be all about sex, drugs, booze, it can be, and thats fine if that makes you happy. If you want your world to be in a loving marriage raising kids, it can be that too, it is in your control. Rather than expediting death, look at the possibility of improving your life.

    then stop doing it, stop doing anything that does not make you happy. There is a time for seva and this is not it, what you require is seva from others, you sound like your in a bad place, but it does not have to last forever, I guarantee you the sun will shine again.

    I had a similar relationship with God, I hated him, I hated him for keeping me alive too, I called him all the names under the sun for sitting there on his cloud, whilst slaves like me did all his work for him. I was in a dark place just like you, and at around the same age as you.

    There are others on this forum that can advise you on what you should eat that may assist you, on spiritual matters, on physical matters, all these aspects should be looked at and changes must be made.

    From a mental point of view, you need to see your doctor, request some professional counselling, but you must be honest with people, and between us all, we may be able to help. What I will say is that once you are out of this, nothing will touch you, you have seen the blackness, and once you leave it behind, you will be stronger, fitter, happier.

    Ask yourself what is the reason behind this depression, you sound like one of lifes special people, but what is the issue that tortures you?

    If you can answer these questions honestly, maybe we can, through writing, help you feel a bit better, if you wish to PM me, feel free, dont give up, keep fighting, accept that your mental state is not complete and do not think too much about death, just try and make tommorow a bit better, and we can take baby steps together to try and sort this out.

    Love, Harry
     
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  4. Annie

    Annie
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    HSSingh ji, Im glad you are reaching out for help. Listen to Harry ji. He is very wise. I want to add these things...

    Sometimes hormones or medical problems can affect the way people think. Please go see a doctor, to find out if there might be a medical cause for your depression.

    Do you believe in reincarnation? If you die now, wont it be a waste of all the time you have spent and things you have learned in this life? Why put yourself in a position to have to start over?

    One more thing. If you look hard enough, you can find something positive in almost any situation. Maybe what you are experiencing now will teach you to understand people, appreciate things, be creative or whatever in the future.
     
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  5. hssingh1990

    hssingh1990
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    Thank you for your reply,

    Well I hope that whatever I aimed for I get but if I look into my past events I’ve never achieved what I’ve wanted – I always receive less or something completely different than what I aimed for. Now when I look back at what I had aimed for the question arises that if I could go back in time with the knowledge of knowing what I would of got in return for my efforts; would I aim for those same goals again? The answer is no I wouldn’t even bother making those aims if I knew I would get less than my aims and would never be content with what I got.

    When I look into the past I mean my last 10 years (anything before that I was too young to formulate any proper goals) I haven’t achieved anything worthwhile. So what’s the point living without any purpose?

    Financially in terms of what I am studying I don’t like it at all and don’t know why I’m even doing it – don’t know what else to do. I did try other things but I failed in all of them. If I aimed to live in a nice house or have a nice car I would very very likely end up with a bicycle or bus pass. If I had my eyes set on a nice house I’m positive I’ll end up with a single room in a bed and breakfast.

    You may think this is negative thinking but for the last 7 years I’ve been trying so hard to achieve my goals but I can’t! this wishful thinking has caused the pain to start of with. I don’t want any for aims or hopes as I know I can never achieve them so why live at all? I rather just die one thing I love is sleep.


    Spiritually I spent so long (so many years) doing path, simran, following rehat (I even took amrit!!!) and when I realised what the aim was I found out that the aim was always already achieved. Since the ego is always striving for stuff it gained NOTHING! So I wasted so much time for something that I would never be happy with in terms from an individual perspective.

    In terms of relationships I have no friends let alone finding love and raising children. Currently I’m at university and out of thousands and thousands of people I can’t even make a single friend it makes me really sad when I see others laughing with their friends . But I’m happy for them because I know at least they are happy and not in the same situation as me.


    I can write what I want but it only makes me sad as I know I will never get it. I rather not hope anymore the only thing I like is sleep right now.

    Of course I would like to do the job I want, have a friend/s and a girlfriend that I could marry one day and not be alone. But I’ve been striving for these goals literally all my life but I can’t get any of them. I don’t feel guilty though just depressed, alone and hopeless.

    I wish what you wrote above was true because it isn’t for me I’ve been trying so hard to achieve what I want… I wish I did have some control if not total control.

    Since I feel I’m in bondage and have no control over what happens therefore I blame God because he is the one who is doing this to me. I really don’t think anything would ever get better. I’ve been having this wishful thinking for years but really everyday has been the same – years have passed away and I’m always suffering. I give up now I don’t have any more energy left in me…
    I don’t have the finances to afford a psychotherapist but I don’t understand how it’ll help but I’m thinking about some sort of anti-depressant medication that can knock me out of my senses for long periods of time.

    I really appreciate the time you have taken out to reply to me and thanks for helping :)
     
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  6. hssingh1990

    hssingh1990
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    Yep Harry has been very helpful. I will book an appointment with the doctor to see if what I am feeling and thinking is because of my hormones; thank you for this helpful suggestion.

    I'm not too sure about reincarnation but I really hope I don't have to come back again and in fact anyone else has to come back again and suffer the way I have.

    I am trying hard to be positive but I don't know why I can't.
     
  7. Harry Haller

    Harry Haller United Kingdom
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    Brother

    You are not alone, I felt exactly the same way as you at your age. I was convinced I would never get married, and would never be happy, let us deal with your points one by one.

    If you are setting a goal to have an apple, it helps to find an apple tree. It is of no use setting such a goal, and then looking for orange trees, sometimes we make things happen to prove to ourself how useless we really are. Hah, I knew I would not be able to find an apple in an orange tree, we say, this just proves everything I knew. Not only setting goals, but having realistic ways to reach them is also important.

    Contentment is equally important, I am as content driving round in an old Renault as I am in driving round in a Mercedes. Contentment does not mean being content with rubbish, contentment means seeing the bigger picture, I sense you have given up on life because God has not assisted you or granted you the things you wished for. I do not blame you for thinking this, there are some that say God exists to be prayed to and to be asked for things, go to any Gurdwara and hear the ardass, it is full of the most pointless requests. If you have prayed and done all the right things, and no benefit has been had, and it has been promised by some elder, then I am not surprised you feel the way you do.

    If your purpose is to set goals and achieve them, then yes, your life is without purpose, but try living for a while, just living, take a walk outside, the weather is beautiful, the sun is shining, find a park and watch the wildlife, feed the ducks, marvel at Creation and how wonderful it all is, forget yourself for a while,

    Then stop, if you do not like doing it, why are you doing it? Go find something that you enjoy, you will probably find it easier to do and be better at it! At 22 you know little about failure, I am 43, and in some eyes I have been a failure all my life, addictions to Gambling, drinking, drugs, 2 bankruptcies, 2 aborted children, the list goes on, I am hardly prime material, but I did learn one thing, stop trying to be something that others want you to be, all you can be is yourself, and if you can truly understand who you are, what you are about, and what makes you happy and content, then you are a winner not a failure.

    The love of sleep is a sure fire sign of depression, please tell me what your goals are, maybe myself and others here can assist in reaching them, no one knows who you are, so you have nothing to lose.

    I hold a strange opinion that all the simran and path in the world is pointless, that is my own opinion, but there are others here that can guide you as to how simran and path can help, I will leave them to explore this avenue. If you are doing simran and path to ask for things, that is one thing, if you are doing it to express your joy to Creator, that is another.

    You can still have stuff and be Amritdhari, the tenth Master always dressed well and carried out pursuits that made him happy, hunting, etc. Being Amritdhari does not mean you turn into some sort of saint with nothing, it means that you have an understanding that you cannot hang your happiness on it. You cannot base who you are on it. After my first bankruptcy, I quickly realised that the money defined me, the car defined me, the house defined me, without all those things I was nothing.

    I also have no friends, but that is out of choice, you must understand there is an air about you, you are depressive, but if we can change that over a period of time, people will warm to you, you will no longer smell of isolation, your smell will change, your attitude will change, and you will attract people like flies. We just need some time to find the problem and resolve it.

    You have given up, that is sad, very sad, you need to find your fire again, your confidence, your spirit. I also felt like this at one time, it ended up with me sitting in car full of exhaust fumes giggling like a child. All I wanted to do was sleep, the thought of being asleep forever was very attractive, I was happy to be doing what I did. Unfortunately I was discovered, what followed was 16 years of putting everything right again before the sun shone for me. Please do not make the same mistake, you are damaging yourself hugely with your current line of thinking, do not do the same as me, create a mess so bad you have to sleep forever, and then find yourself having to deal with something that you thought would be someone elses problem. If you can apply yourself to this problem, the sun could be out for you in a year, maybe even six months, do something stupid and you could pay the price a lot longer, like I had to.

    OK, I am not sure this is the official Sikh line, but this what I firmly believe in, God could not care less what you do, he is not looking down at you wagging his finger or smiling, he has given you life, and given you the rules of life, he has given you a template on how to live, the rest is up to you. He is not doing anything to you, or the world, I am sure he is pleased when you excel yourself, when you act within Hukam, within the divine order that he himself has set up, but if you do not, there is no retribution, but his Creation does have a habit of catching up with you. I do not believe anti depressants will help, they may just numb you, but your doctor can refer you for counselling. I think you are suffering from putting all your eggs in the basket of God, and then feeling in pain as none have hatched. Stop asking God for help and start listening to God, he is in your head, telling you what to do, just open your mind, listen, and act.

    You are suffering from what we all suffer from, but in an extreme form. Your confidence is at an all time low, your faith is gone, you believe all you are good for now is the scrapheap. For a while forget your goals, concentrate on eating well, getting lots of fresh air, walks, and decide what it is you want to do with your life, change courses to something you enjoy, plan your life, if you wish my help in any of this, I would be only too pleased to assist. We are all here for you, We cannot have a young brother suffering like this, just dump everything that you feel on this thread and you will have a plethora of advice and offers of help.

    Love, Harry
     
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    #6 Harry Haller, Nov 13, 2012
    Last edited: Nov 13, 2012
  8. SaintSoldier1699

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    Dear HSSINGH,

    Sorry to hear of your situation, I'm no expert but would recommend the following;

    I know you said you aim for a goal in the past and failed etc, how have you planned the goal? I know personally I have always been terrible at understanding what a goal is and how to set objective to actually acheive it.

    I think in personal life we can utilise a lot of business knowledge. Every company sets a mission, which is made up of goals and then plan objectives to achieve, to obtain the goal and then mission, you get the picture.

    Each objective needs a time frame, plan of action, and what to do if you get problems. This way you key and eye on each objective and see whats keeping it on track or causing problems.

    An example of using this method for one of your problems; lets take the no friends at university situation. So, the mission is to gain a social circle of good friends who will be a positive influence on you and be part of your life.
    Goal is to make friends. Objectives in order to get friends could be some of the following;

    * University - just being sociable (i'm not saying you are not) but just dont miss an opportunity to speak to someone, this is probably the biggest way to get more friends - sounds simple but sometimes we get caught up in our ways of not speaking to others. Just starting idle chit chat etc is an art in itself and developing the conversation.
    * Join clubs, ie something you enjoy writing, debating, sports, technology, politics etc
    * Gurdwara - here should be an easy opportunity to do the same as above but Sikh related groups
    * Online friends (facebook, LinkedIn etc) - ok so I'm not saying go talk to anyone, but places like SPN are available to tap into peoples advice, opinions etc
    * Get feedback from others, lecturers, cousins, family, on how you come across, speech, appearance, manerism's, etc we can all improve these

    As you can see a lot of the times our unhapiness comes from things we wanted, but just didn't work out the way it should have. But in most scenarios we dont plan how we want to acheive the goals and just get dissapointed and blame someone else like God.

    Try analysing yourself, you will find that you have a purpose here otherwise you wouldn't have been here. For me I know I have a purpose not a world changing presence but in my own family I know I make a difference, in my circle of friends I am valued on etc these are real reasons to be happy about life!

    So, go on a journey of self discovery and be the best you can be.
     
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  9. BhagatSingh

    BhagatSingh Canada
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    Veera
    You are suffering from serious depression. I suggest you go seek professional help from a psychiatrist or a therapist. Medication will help but it's a short-term treatment. Seeing a cognitive-behavioural therapist will help make long term changes in neurology which will prevent relapse.

    Depression is a serious mental condition. Make an appointment as soon as possible.

    http://www.getselfhelp.co.uk/
     
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  10. Luckysingh

    Luckysingh Canada
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    You must must must go and see a psychiatrist, psychologist, social worker or counseller.
    See anyone of these and they can further direct you in the right direction.

    There is a perfectly valid diagnosis for your condition and this can be diagnosed by the correct person.
    The getself help details mentioned by Bhagatji is a unique source for you to to approach and I would recommend this.

    You don't have to see your family GP, in case you are shy or feel uncomfortable, but it can help in to getting a faster referral.
    I know how the NHS works in UK and sometimes it can be a wait before you get the appropriate therapy and treatment. That's why I recommend that you approach the medical professionals as soon as possible, so whoever you can get to first whether it's your family GP or any of the above professionals.

    We hope to speak to you soon once you feel better and are on your route of therapy.
     
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  11. linzer

    linzer Mexico
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    Sorry to hear about you situation. At your age I was somewhat depressed as well. You don't mention if you exercise or not. When I started lifting weights, riding bike and measuring the changes in my own body I got a sense of accomplishment. Try doing things without setting goals . Try doing something you've never done before just to see if you like it.
    Here's a little wisdom from Ella Fitzgerald.
    When I was a kid about half past three
    My ma said "Daughter, come here to me"
    Said things may come, and things may go
    But this is one thing you ought to know...

    Oh 't ain't what you do it's the way that you do
    it
    'T ain't what you do it's the way that you do it

    'T ain't what you do it's the way that you do it

    That's what gets results

    'T ain't what you do it's the time that you do it

    'T ain't what you do it's the time that you do it

    'T ain't what you do it's the time that you do it

    That's what gets results

    You can try hard
    Don't mean a thing
    Take it easy, greasy
    Then your jive will swing

    Oh 't ain't what you do it's the place that you
    do it
    'T ain't what you do it's the time that you do it

    'T ain't what you do it's the way that you do it

    That's what gets results

    You've learned your ABC's
    You've learned your DFG's
    But this is something you don't learn in school
    So get your hip boots on
    And then you'll carry on
    But remember if you're tryin' too hard
    It don't mean a thing
    Take it easy
    Hope this makes you smile.:happymunda:
     
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  12. Parma

    Parma United Kingdom
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    Seek professional help, but at the low points do naam simran, in the moment of the deep sleep absorb your thoughts in the naam, Waheguru! Maybe it can help bring focus once you can focus on god the focus may shift from your depression and maybe you will be more aware of the peace and natural beauty around you and how just thinking about it all can take a whole day! Helps you get your mind off your problems. Hope this helps
     
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